Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello everyone!
I was instructed by the talented Art Bruder to share my takes on three example scripts I found in the edge library. The first one is a nutritious breakfast cereal ad, the second one is a history channel documentary, and the third one is an educational explainer video. Hit me hard with the feedback!
I had a particularly hard time with the second script, I can’t quite pinpoint why. I’m sure you all can give me feedback on it though!
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Hi Dante! Love your voice! So nice, deep and rich. Great clarity, pacing and emphasis on the appropriate words in all of them
Script 1: This sounded really good for you, good energy and decisive-sounding. Good smile in your voice.
Script 2: This sounded like you were trying to be more serious than your natural tone (not sure if that’s true, just what I’m hearing), and because of that did not seem as authentic to me. It had some variation in tone, but could use maybe a little more?
Script 3: This was good! It sounded believable and helpful. Also good smile and decisive tone. Good work!Mary
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Helllooo! Here is a little in-store announcement script I put together for Costco Wholesale, specifically for Costco Grocery. It took me a little while to get what I was going for. Apologies if I sound nasally; nothing I can do at the moment. Let me know what you think. All feedback is welcome and appreciated! Thanks!
Kathy
Costco Grocery
Hey, Costco customers, are you looking for something incredible to serve at your holiday dinner party? Head over to Costco Grocery for beautifully prepared steaks, imported cheeses, fresh lobster, and buttery caviar!
And, don’t forget dessert! Costco bakers can help you pair the perfect sweet with a lovely bottle of wine!
(P.S. Make sure you pick up cookies for Santa. You don’t want to get on his naughty list…)
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Kathy,
You definitely have the voice for in-store announcements! Great job. My only suggestion would be to not pause too long between sentences, keep the same tempo throughout. Also, for the last sentence (ex: Ps…) I suggest keeping this sentence at the same volume level as the rest of the announcement. I understand why you read it the way you did, but for an in-store announcement I don’t know if the “whisper/secret” strategy works. I hope this makes sense! Keep up the good work.
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Hi Kathy! This was good. It may be a regional pronunciation difference, but I noticed that you said “caviar” with an accented last syllable, but I have only ever heard it accented on the first syllable, not a big deal but I had not heard it that way before (nor do I eat a lot of caviar :))
On the “And, don’t forget dessert!” it sounded a little monotone, and not like an exclamation point, but more like a period. I did not hear a pause after “and,” this might help punch up that line. That sentence feels like it should be emphasized like you did with “…bottle of wine!”. On the last line, the “…cookies for Santa” seemed a little monotone as well; I think you could try more emphasis on “naughty”. just my opinion so it does not just fade off in thought and pitch. Good job!!!
Mary
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Hi Mary! Hmmm. Maybe caviar is different regionally? https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/caviar
I actually intended to deliver those sentences you mentioned with a more monotone sound, especially the “P.S.” line. I pretty much ignored my own punctuation, lol. I read the copy two ways, and this version sounded better. Maybe it was me.
Thanks again for the feedback. I always appreciate it!
Kathy
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Hi Kathy! You are right, I think there are words that are pronounced differently depending on where you live, caviar is probably one of those words! lol. I think I’m over-sensitive to reading any lines monotone so when I hear it my ears perk up as something to never do, but that may only apply to how I’m reading things. So much to learn! 🙂
Mary
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Good job! The only comment I have is I heard a lot of echo and background noise in your read. Not sure if this was music you were adding to the read or not? Also, it doesn’t sound like your recording space is sound proof. I suggest finding a small space in your home that has a lot of soft materials to absorb your sound. I literally record in my tiny closet haha! Keep up the good work.
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Hi Juliees! Good energy throughout the read! I can tell you have a smile in your delivery, sounds nice for this genre. Good job!
Mary
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This was a good read, sabpierotti! Good luck!
I agree with Mary about the overall performance of the read. My comments are on the audio/technical end.
I heard a “static” sound between the first and second sentence. It was faint, but I could hear it with my headphones. And the plosive around the :11 mark was a little overpowering compared to the rest of the read. Nothing that a little editing can’t fix.
Looking forward to hearing more!
Kathy
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Hi Sabpierotti! Nice read! I like the clarity, tone and pacing, and with pauses in the right places to help the listener get the message. Good job!
Mary
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Hi Sabpierotti! Nice job. You sounded very authentic and invested in the script. You have a nice warm tone which is good for this genre. Great!
Mary
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Working on sounding more informative than happy, and more natural and spontaneous. Any feedback is appreciated! Trying to find where I fit naturally with narration and I love history and travel.
Travelogue: Egypt has always been a land of mystery and magic.
A land different from all others, difficult to understand, apart and alien, yet strangely fascinating.
It was the most self-contained of all the countries of the ancient world;
it lived its own life, practiced its own religion, and made up its own government with hardly any outside interference either from or upon other civilizations.-
Hi K – Overall, I liked how you used pitch variation to add variety and I also thought your fluidity was nice throughout. And I totally agree with the other comments about having a connection to the topic as you do in this case makes the read easier and more natural rather than “just reading a script”. I think your connection is a large part of what made it appealing. I also thought the second half of your read was the best because it sounded more natural and conversational than the first due to you picking up the tempo. Just to give you a sense of the difference, you read the first half at just under 2 words/second and the second half at 2.7 words/second. The second half sounded like I imagine you sound when having a conversation with a friend. Nice work on this.
Chas
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Hi Katelyn!
This was a good read. Nice job on varying your pitch with the lists! I agree, perhaps try slowing down just a tad, and see how it sounds.
There is a lot to explore with narration, I agree. It is true, anything that you find interesting, or love to do, seems to be easier in connecting to a copy. Your voice would fit this niche within narration nicely.
Keep it up!
Kathy
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Hi Katelyn! This was good. It felt a tiny bit rushed to me between sentences but overall was very clear and flowed really well. Your voice is naturally friendly and happy-sounding and that’s a good thing! I think you can be friendly and informative, and it actually helps the read too if you are interested in the topic, which you appear to be. Keep it up!
Mary
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Some commercial practice – thanks for your help!
This is a happy belly. This is too. And so is this. At Happy Family, we’re on mission to keep them that way. It’s why our delicious organic yogurt is made without any added sweeteners, because that adorable belly is sweet enough already. Introducing Happy Baby and Happy Tot whole milk yogurt with probiotics. Because happy starts on the inside.
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Very nice read! I really liked your sweet warm tone and your voice definitely fits the copy. Perhaps could flow a little bit better from sentence to sentence. I struggle with this myself. I stop between phrases to breathe and then I edit it shorter later but sometimes not short enough. That is really my only thought listening to it. I think you did great!
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Any comments are welcome!
History Channel
If you lived before our time, who would you be?
Would you fight your brother for the rights of another? Who would you be?
Would you find new dreams or create wonders?
What if you could choose from a 1,000 yesterdays; a 1,000 lives, when the past was today and the new took your breath away.
Who would you be? What would you feel? How would you live? Who would you love?
Remembering every generation before us;
Remembering for generations to come.
The History Channel. Where the past comes alive. -
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Hi AdeB! I like your tone and emphasis on the words, and getting into character was good. For the second script I would agree with other comments about the speed of the read, you could possibly slow down a bit and really phase each sentence as one complete thought before moving on. I think that would help it feel like you were talking and not reading. I hope that helps, keep it up!
Mary
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Hello all! Looking for any and all feedback (recorded on my phone). Working on sounding trustworthy for this one. Let me know what you think. (oops, missed the word “with” in the first sentence – ug). Thanks!
Mary
United Bank and Trust
Ten years ago, you could walk into your bank and people called you by your first name. You’d sit down with someone you’d been working with for years, and you’d get the help you needed … and it was personal … one on one … you know what I mean. But now in most banks, you’re just a number … and unless you’re a big customer with a fat account, don’t look for any favors. Thank heaven there’s UNITED BANK AND TRUST, doing business the old-fashioned way.-
You have a nice smooth voice and easy delivery. I think it might help you to have more “skin in the game” – really believing and picturing the things that you’re saying so that you sound invested without overselling.
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Mary, that was really good. The more you are varying your tones and hitting words of importance the better you are getting!! I like it.
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