Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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(If this double posted, I apologize…it doesn’t look like my first attempt was successful.)
Doing some narration practice, working on pacing and diction (making sure my “ands” and “tos” are pronounced without being over-enunciated), and as always, on tone. I put the VO over some video of me rolling with a white belt pre-COVID, in case you would like to see a little Brazilian jiu jitsu as well, hence the YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/G575XrpcgDw
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Hi there, I tried posting this last night but it didn’t work, sorry if this is a duplicate! This is a longer read than I normally post. I was trying to not overthink it and was working a bit on my cold reading skills. Please let me know if I sound conversational and spontaneous and if I’m missing the mark please let me know how. I appreciate your constructive criticism!
BabyBallot:
Welcome to BabyBallot, the fun and interactive new way to find the best name for your baby. BabyBallot replaces those boring baby name books and stuffy research websites with a simple, and social way to find the best name.. and win prizes in the process!
In under 2 min you can choose your favorite baby names and invite friends and family to vote via Facebook and Twitter. Whether you’re into Hawaiian names, traditional names, or what’s popular right now, we’ve got you covered with the best collection of names anywhere.
Here’s how it works.
Create your BabyBallot and select your favorite names. Then, invite friends and family to vote via email, twitter, or directly from facebook. Loved ones from all over the globe can now be involved in this fun, and important, decision. When friends arrive to your BabyBallot, they can send you comments, suggest additional names, and finally cast their votes!
And by casting their votes, they can win you great baby prizes like strollers, cribs and other baby products. The BabyBallot with the most votes each week wins!-
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I think it’s a good read, but I’m not sure if I’m getting conversational and spontaneous from it. It doesn’t sound like you’re talking to a specific person, more that you’re speaking to an audience. I think that the list that begins “whether you’re into…” has a lot of potential to really sound conversational.
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Hi everyone! Here is a script for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think! Thanks for taking the time to listen.
Mary
Cabi clothing
Can clothes really change your life? We believe they can.
How many mornings do you find yourself taking way too long to answer this simple question: “What do I wear today?” Cue the hanger flinging, the self-doubt, the belief that none of this even looks good on me. We’ve been there, and it’s time for a change. Because when we feel great, we step into the world more fully our unique selves. And that’s life-changing.-
Mary good effort. It does sound more like your reading. Try to make more conversational talking to a friend.
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Hi Mary…couple of notes from the first listen:
– it feels “read” as opposed to feeling natural. How are you connecting this to the listener? Who do you envision that you are speaking to? This will help with getting out of the “read” zone and into the conversational zone that most clients are looking for right now
– the “b” in “believe” is really lost…not sure if that’s just from the recording, or the enunciation
– The penultimate sentence is really rushed, especially in comparison with the rest of the read (I do this sometimes as well)
– There’s a glottal stop after “that’s” in the tag…try to keep the phrase moving without that pause there -
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First crack at a public service announcement. Was the tone right?
Script –
For the 27 million Americans who can’t read, competing in today’s marketplace is nearly impossible. You can help fight illiteracy by reading to a child. And by giving a child a book. Brought to you by The Coors Foundation for Family Literacy.-
Hello, Sarah! Beautiful read—-very crisp, clear, and inviting to the ear. Also, a unique choice on your tone as one might expect a rather dire expression, but your read is very hopeful without losing any of the gravitas of the message. My one (minor) note would be to perhaps pause a bit longer before you hit the “Brought to you by…” section as I feel it’s more of a coda and not part of the main message. Well done!
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Hello good people! I am posting a few more narration takes with different tones. As always, I appreciate any feedback you all have.
All the best,
John
Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video
This Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video is filled with plenty of breathtaking scenes. But more important, it’s loaded with all the information you need for planning a trip to Alaska. Like when to go, what to wear, and what to see. So if you’ve got Alaska on your mind, you’re going to love this video. Let’s begin with snow sports. This is definitely the place. For cross-country and down-hill skiing. For snow boarding, tobogganing, and even ice fishing.Training Video
At the back of the machine, a basket is catching the finished product as its ejected. That final product will pass through visual, leak and resistance quality control inspections. The final product is loaded onto pallets and delivered to the Assembly Department for attachment to the battery can.Nero – Intro
He was a perverse cross-dressing exhibitionist who had an incestuous relationship with his mother and married his step sister. He murdered members of his own family in fits of jealous rage. His cruelty, violence, and grotesque appetite for self-indulgence brought the Roman empire to the brink of financial and political ruin. And he viscously persecuted the christians. They would remember him as the ultimate embodiment of evil … the anti-christ.-
1) I could definitely here the smile in the first one, which is good. Maybe connect with the material a little more to ground it some?
2) Same note as above, not sure I heard much of a difference between the first two in terms of tone, and I’m not sure I got who you were speaking to. Adding that will really take these to the next level. -
Hi John! Really nice reads!! I listened to the training one and the nero one.
Training video feedback – you have a really nice smooth delivery with no awkward pauses, and your treatment of vowels coming off of consonants is really great – no glottal stops! I learned from this read. I’m trying to be extremely conscious of glottal stops.
The Nero one – It sounded like it would work well in a documentary form. Listening to it without visuals I felt the pace was a little slow and carefully paced, but that is probably because I’m listening to it and on screen there would obviously be visuals and your pace allows time for information to sink in so take that for whatever it is worth. There was the word ‘appetite’ that lost the T on the end.Really great work John!
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Trying to get myself out of the box but now of course just feel like I’m screaming at the microphone. Help! This is alarmingly close to how I converse with my friends, but probably not what my coach wants when she says to be conversational. Any and all critique is welcome. THANKS!
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!
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Hello, burdahgirl. You had me at “Salsa Frrrrrresca”. No sense of screaming whatsoever, just a light, buoyant read that is as enticing as the fare you’re describing. Definitely flows naturally without any tell-tale “I’m reading off a script” woodenness. Great work!
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Howdy! You’re off to a great start with the first sentence, it’s very inviting and the inflection is good. It goes a little flat when you get to “Tex Mex”, I would jazz it up so it matches with the fun you added to “Salsa Fresca”. I understand where you’re coming from trying to sound conversational while selling something. Great job!
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Hey guys I do voice impressions I’ve been working on Peter griffin so I’m gonna show a vid of me doing him let me know what I need to work on and if it’s good at all thanks!
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Hi Jordan. Sounds like Quahog’s favorite citizen to me (though your video didn’t load for me–only the audio). My only note is that you might be a bit crisper on a few of the lines. “Oh, they let me off…” and “…search for the newspapers in the backyard…” seem a little muddy to my ear. Otherwise, keep up the great work!
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Another practice sample from the Edge library. This time I’m taking a stab at doing 3 different kinds of read for the same script. In #1 I was shooting for kind of an authoritative-but-friendly neighbour vibe. In # 2 I tried to make it a little mischievous, almost like I’ve been taunting the kids. In #3, I tried it with an “exasperated” spin. How’d I do? Honest feedback and suggestions welcome on all aspects of the recordings. Thanks all! Toque
Script:
Kids hate the word “no”. As in no you can’t stay up late, no you can’t have more ice cream and no, you may not paint the cat. No, no NO! Well isn’t it time for a “yes”? We think so. Six Flags Great Adventure. Yes!
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Hey Toque! Great work on this. here are my thoughts:
take 1: There was a glottal stop here: “Kids hate (full closure of the throat = glottal stop) the word,” so if you smooth that out by not closing the back of the throat and reading it as one fluid statement – that’s money.
take 2: I think that the word “no” should be the main word you emphasize here as it is the main point of the read.
Take 3: I like this one the best. I think you had some great energy you kind of reminded me of Jim Gaffigan here – you could use him as a soundalike in your marketing.Overall great energy and a great read for you. You sound like a dad of young kids who are driving him up the wall which is great for you (and thus also reminds me of Jim Gaffigan)
Really delightful reads and great to hear the variety! You are inspiring me to post more than 1 version as I struggle with coming up with multiple was to say something 🙂
Katelyn
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Hello, everyone! Another home record (just me and my Snowball) taking a crack at another read. All comments welcome–thank you for taking the time to listen!
BOOKING.COM
We all dream about our next vacation. Living in the warm glow of what could be, we plan, and scroll, and binge, and while some of us stop there, others turn those dreams into action. The “bookers”, the “do-ers”, the “hit that confirmation button and let’s go-ers”. Bookers are the ones out there living it, feeling it, breathing it. These are the people that say “Today’s the day, Poughkeepsie!” Because Bookers know that the perfect place to stay is right there for the booking. Be a “booker” at booking.com
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Hi Rogue1, very nice! Your voice sounds really warm, natural and friendly for this ad. I liked the variation in tone and emphasis / attitude once you got to the items in quotes. Great work!
Mary
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It’s a great read – I love the s***k in the “bookers” attitude, it really jumps out at me in a great way. I agree with Toque that some more variation would help liven up the first half. Good job!
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Hey Rogue. Audio quality sounds good. I might suggest adding some variation in intonation to the “lists” in the read (ex. “we plan, and scroll, and binge…) Otherwise it sounded very good! Toque
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Breyer’s Vienetta
Breyer’s has created a spectacular ice cream dessert called Vienetta. But, despite its delicious premium ice cream, and its irresistible crisp, chocolatey layers — Vienetta will leave you with one small problem … VIENETTA FROM BREYER’S … one slice is never enough.
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