Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello! I’m looking for feedback on this practice take. I’m aiming for a young audience, e learning style.
“These words have something in common. Can’t, won’t, don’t….. They are contraction words! In today’s lesson we will learn about contractions and work with a few examples.
What Is a Contraction?
Imagine blowing up a balloon and watching it expand. It gets bigger and bigger. Now if we let the air out, it shrinks, or contracts. To contract means to get smaller.
In writing, you can use a contraction to combine two words together and make a shorter word. In other words, the contraction shrinks the two words. So a contraction is just a word that’s a shortened form of two words put together.
For example, when the words can and not are put together, the contraction word can’t is formed. The apostrophe is the small punctuation mark that takes the place of the letters we’ve removed. In the case of can’t, the apostrophe replaces the ‘n’ and the ‘o’ of not.”
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Hi Kbridges, good read! It sounded very appropriate for elearning to a young audience. I liked the pace and tone throughout. Your voice has a calm and friendly tone to it. I would say that the first “don’t” sounded more like “don’t?” as your voice raised at the end like a question (uptalk). I do this a lot and it is a hard habit to break. Overall very good!
Mary
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Hello all! I have 3 more scripts I’d like constructive feedback on. The first one is a documentary, the second one is a restaurant ad, and the third one is a Ziploc commercial.
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Hi Dante!
Here’s my feedback:
Documentary: You sound epic. Great job! My coach has been working with me on transitions, and I think it may help vary the copy if you picture different transitions when you talk about different things. When shifting from a global perspective to the cosmic perspective, for example. I also think you could move through the list of global environments a bit more fluidly. Lastly, just make sure you say “men and women” not “woman”. I think its very clear and overall good 🙂
Freshii: Great energy! I’d just differentiate the two bowls more, since they have such different flavors. Picture how they’d taste and look different 🙂
Ziploc: Really I think this is spot on. Great energy flow. Each sentence has its own vibe, and it ends really strong. Nice!
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Hi All – Looking to bring a little more happy emotion to my Commercial practice script selections while not re-recording fifty times. My goal with this one is to be an excited doggo in 3 takes or less. All feedback welcomed. Thanks
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Hi Chas, Really great read! I enjoy the warm quality of your voice and the sincerity of your performance. Strangely enough, I co-wrote this script for a pitch, so it’s fun to hear it performed by other actors! I’ll echo others’ thoughts in that you might definitely channel more of your inner “excited dog” into your read. Frontline makes it so that your canine friends can safely “Live off the Leash” in reckless abandon, so definitely try a few takes where you tear into the read like it’s a brand new pair of your master’s slippers. 🙂
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Hi Chas! I like the energy and enthusiasm here, good job! Definitely happy-sounding 🙂 I agree with Toque that as an alternate take, maybe a fun character voice could be used for the first part of the script as the dog speaking. Think of a happy-go-lucky dog just being a really happy goofy dog, maybe even throw in some panting after “best day ever!” It sounds upbeat and good as is, so this is just a suggestion. My coach tells me often that it is easier to dial it down vs. dial it up, so I totally understand not wanting to sound too over the top. Good work!
Mary
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I can certainly hear the happy emotion in there Chas. Good work!
On a separate note, listening to and thinking about your script got me thinking about all the different ways a dog (or any animal) character could be played, such as: 1) with our own voice (as you have done); 2) With a voice that “sounds like a dog” (think Scooby Doo or Muttley); 3) With a voice that embodies the animal’s character traits moreso than “sounding” like the animal (think Foghorn Leghorn)…I’m sure there are many more options. Thanks for getting me thinking! Toque
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Hello all! Here is a recording for any and all feedback. Working on sounding conversational and authentic. Let me know what you think. Thanks!
Mary
Motel 6 Do-over
I’ve just been hearing about this trendy new hairstyle called a man bun. I mean what’s next – the beehive? Well, Motel 6 recently got a new updo of sorts too, with renovations nationwide, and even with our fresh modern look, you’ll still find rooms at the lowest price of any national chain, so you can save up enough money to get yourself a haircut or maybe a hat. We’ll leave the light on for you, at Motel6.com
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Hi Mary. Great read. Very clear and well articulated. I particularly liked the first two sentences, which i felt sounded more conversational than the following sentences (about renovations and new modern look), which felt a bit more like it was being read. Keep up the good work! Toque
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Mary
I liked where you’re headed with this. I think the first two sentences were done well. You established an approach that’s a little quirky and also set a nice anchor for the finish that also contain references to hats/hairstyle.The third sentence seemed to be a little flat to me in spots. There are some key words and phrases that reinforce the underlying message that could be more emphasized (new updo, renovations nationwide, any national chain). I also think the uptalk used for “fresh modern look” de-emphasizes the point of the message – just emphasize fresh and modern. I liked how you ended; “hearing” the smile in your delivery helped me relate to the message.
I think you were challenged by a very poor job of copywriting. The third sentence, beginning with “Well”, is far too long and choppy and contains four separate and distinct topics, most deserving sentences but separated by just commas. It sounded like the last comma got you a little bit, making the brief pause sound more like a period at the end of a sentence.
All that being said, overall, it was pretty good and this is why we all practice.
Chas-
Thanks for the feedback Chas! The script seemed to call for quirky, so I’m glad it came across that way. I struggled with the third sentence a little – it was so long, so I was working to to make it flow a little better and varying the tone every which way to help with that. Thanks for all the detailed comments, very helpful!
Mary
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Hi Mary,
I certainly found your read conversational, authentic, and personal. In particular, your opening two sentences and your concluding sentence.
This is such a valuable time for me as I learn how you and others are interpreting scripts, choosing tone, and targeting pitch.
Thank you,
John
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Hi John, thanks for the feedback! I’m glad it came across as conversational and authentic. The first 2 sentences sounded like something I would actually say to a friend. If I did this again I may add some periods in the third sentence. It goes on and on but would be clearer in meaning and easier to perform if broken up a bit. I hear from my coach all the time how we should be picturing / targeting a very specific person for the scripts. Sometimes that is easy to do, and sometimes not. Thanks again!
Mary
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And a second one! 🙂 This is a corporate onboarding narration for my upcoming demo as well. I think this is not my best work but it’s getting late lol! I am going for conversational, friendly, encouraging. Hope to be hitting this mark. Thank you! Also – there are quite a few plosives at the start of this – any tips for dealing with plosives?
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Great read overall Katelyn! Good catch by Chas on the to/ta pronunciation. I struggle with that a lot too, not just for words like “to”, but also the word “for” (saying “fer” instead). One thing I’ve found that helps is to write those words on your script as “2” and “4” rather than “to” and “for”. Toque.
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Katelynn
You nailed your three goals of conversational, friendly and encouraging! You made the topic engaging with your tempo and pitch, it went smoothly from end-to-end because of your choices of timing for the commas and I think you chose the correct words to emphasize. One little nit pick – I heard “to” pronounced as “ta” in both places where it occurs. Overall, a very nice job!
Chas -
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Good day everyone. Here is a piece for my narration demo I’m working on with my coach. This is a corporate explainer narration piece. I’m going for friendly, but this is still really important. I hope it sounds conversational. Let me know if it hits the mark. Thank youssss
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Hi all, Looking for any feedback on performance and sound quality. Thanks! Alexis
It’s amazing! I never thought one cereal would make my whole family stay for breakfast. HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS. There’s never been a cereal like it. With big corn flakes and crunchy bunches of oats. Finally … a cereal my whole family loves.
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Alexis
That was a great read! Excellent tempo, very nice variation in pitch and volume throughout, definitely was natural and conversational and your choice of which words to emphasize was spot on. I may have heard a small breath after the 4th and the 5th sentences but it could be my equipment. Well done!
Chas
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Here’s a “before and after” of the same travel script, with the after intended to incorporate forum feedback I found very helpful. Primary objective was to bring more emotion to the phrases that paint the word pictures of the tropical setting, between 14 seconds and 21 seconds. Thanks in advance for all input.
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Nice job! I think you accomplished your goal of adding some emotion and bringing the scene of the tropical vacation to life. One small note is that in both reads, I was hearing “lush, green palms” as sounding a bit fast, almost like it was one word. I think you could slow down when describing those. But otherwise everything sounded great!
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Hi Everyone, I hope you’re all safe and well. I’m working on some demos with David Goldberg. This is my commercial demo which is going up on my website at http://www.jonmccomb.com
Let me know what you think! Cheers!!
Jon
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