Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi all. Tried posting this earlier, but then didn’t see it on the list, so I hope I’m not posting this twice. Because of my background, as part of my commercial demo, I’d like to add some sample(s) of reads for municipal governments, economic development agencies, etc. So this practice script is a snippet of an Ec. Dev. promo for the City of Kingston, Ontario. Your honest feedback on anything is very much appreciated! Toque.
City of Kingston Economic Development promo script:
Our residents benefit from a superior quality of life and are proud to share it.
Located on the coast of scenic Lake Ontario and nicknamed “The Limestone City”
for the beautiful buildings that line our vibrant downtown streets, Kingston is a place
where history and innovation truly thrive. -
Audition Feedback:
Client Brief: read in an American accent. In a tone that is down-to-earth, approachable, fun, professional and exciting
Two takes…not sure about which one, or maybe submitting both.
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Brian – I liked the second better as well. The first was good but I thought the second ticked all the boxes the direction called for to a greater degree. If I had to find one small change to suggest, the pause after “successfully launched” seemed a tad too long and impacted the very nice flow and tempo that is contained throughout. Good luck with this – Chas
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Hi Brian. Both reads are good!I liked the second one a bit better, I think because of some of the pacing, especially early on. Toque
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Hi everyone! Here is a short little recording for any and all feedback. I’m working on lead-ins to help me get into the feel of the scripts and sounding conversational. Let me know if it hits the mark. Thanks!
Mary
Michelob Ultra
If this is your idea of redeeming miles, this is your beer. 2.6 grams of carbs and 95 calories. Michelob Ultra. Lose the carbs. Not the taste.-
Hi Mary…there’s a lot of words that are being lost here as you speed by them or blur them into the next word. You need to make sure that all of the words are clear without over-enunciating them. Also, think about what words are important in each phrase: for instance, in “this is your beer”, you hit really h*****n “this” but blur the rest of the phrase together.
For the last two lines, you reverse it and really enunciate, and it feels very read, not conversational.
It will really help your reads if you understand who you are speaking to (as in, is this one of your friends? Where are having this conversation? Why are you having this conversation?). It will help you connect with the script and make the words flow more naturally, while still emphasizing the important parts.
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Hi Brian, thanks for the feedback. In an effort to be conversational and not speaking too slowly as if talking with a friend who bikes, the clarity was lost, so I will work on that. This was meant to be a casual read to a friend, but like you say sounded a little too rehearsed / unnatural at the end. I have been picturing who I’m talking to when I record (as per my coach) but still have work to do on that end. Thanks again!
Mary
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Hey guys here’s a small real estate quick-read with some ukulele…so if i sound bad at least you have some nice strumming to listen to… let me know what you think
Thanks
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Hello, everyone! Another home record…trying for a conversational quality with a bit of humor. All comments welcome–thanks for taking the time to listen!
7-11
“So it’s 2AM on a Tuesday…and you are starving. Nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cupboard, not even a stray chip in the sofa cushions. You think about cooking and then you remember the 3-alarm fire you started the last time you even looked at the oven. But then you remember, 7-11. There’s gotta be one right near you. And they have everything from mouth-watering burgers to spicy tacos to crispy pizza all piping hot and ready to go. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Oh thank heaven, for 7-11.”
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I like your tone…this could be a really good read for you.
Things got very rushed right after the laugh (which was a nice touch)…slow it down, let it breathe! And be more specific with why you are saying these words. With a little tweaking, this could be something on a demo for you.
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Hi Rogue1! Great job! I like this script a lot for you. It sounds very conversational and I could hear the infused humor 🙂
I liked the varied emphasis on certain phrases like “…and you are starving.” and the last sentence. I think you could try a little more variation of tone in the lists “nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cupboard, not even a stray chip in the sofa” – these three things had a very similar tone. The same critique applies to the second list “…mouth-watering burgers to spicy tacos to crispy pizza…” Just my opinion on the lists, and I’m being picky. Overall really good reads!
Mary-
Hi Mary! Thanks, again, for the great input! I’m all for being picky 🙂 and certainly appreciate your taking the time to listen in and help me improve!
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Hello! This is my first post so be kind! I’m just doing some practicing and looking for some honest feedback. I’ve pulled this Lego commercial from the script library. Appreciate any feedback.
“My child has quite an imagination. His teachers say that some day he’ll be doing great things. Right now, he’s already an architect, a designer, an engineer … I think he’s a creative genius … and thanks to Legos, the creative building toy, there’s just no limit to what he can do, LEGOS … the creative diversion that helps develop a child’s potential.”
Thanks,
Amber-
Hi Amber! Welcome to the forum!
I really like your voice! Very warm and friendly, and your pacing and enunciation for this script was spot on. I agree too that you can “gush” a bit more about YOUR child and how special he is. It might sound like you are oozing too much enthusiasm in your head, but try it and see how it feels as a performance. It has been my experience that really emphasizing something like that can and will be interpreted as more excitement about the script. Really good job on this!
Mary
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Hi Amber! Congratulations on your first post! Folks are very kind here, so I know you’ll feel welcome.
You performed a really lovely read–very clear, warm, and inviting. You also do a good job in sounding conversational and “real” (as opposed to sounding like you’re reading a script). My one suggestion would to be lean into that conversational aspect even more and further push the persona that you’re a mom excited by the talents of your child. For example, the segment where you talk about how “he’s already an architect, a designer, an engineer…” sounds a touch like you’re reading a list instead of building in excitement as to what your creative child has already achieved through LEGO bricks.
Hope you find that helpful–keep up the awesome work!
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Hello Everyone,
I have two narration scripts for which I would very much appreciate any feedback.
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein was a genius, and one of the greatest physicists of all time. His famous Theories of Relativity, which describe the relationship between mass and energy, and between space and time, were published in 1905 and 1916. Einstein was born of Jewish parents in Ulm, Germany. He spent many years in Switzerland, becoming a Swiss citizen in 1901, and gaining his Doctor of Philosophy degree in 1905 from Zurich University. It was while employed as a patent clerk in Berne that he published his first Theory of Relativity. This contained his famous equation: E=mc2, which explains the relationship between mass and energy.
30-Second Financial Sales Training Video Voice Over Script Sample
Okay, now we need to dive into what it looks like to start our ‘slow-trickle’ of products to the potential client.
Once that trust is formed, then we can start a slow passing along of custom reports, data and recommendations that are tailored to the potential client, always ensuring they’re being educated and equipped with new info along the way.
We want to give the savvy entrepreneurs that are looking to bank with us so much insight, that they can’t see how they’d take on this venture without us.
Thank you,
John
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Hi John! Very good reads! Your voice is very warm and the pacing and tone is excellent for both.
Script 1: I heard a pause after 1905, both times. Without the comma, you could instead read right through it, both places for more continuity and clarity of the thought.
Script 2: The word “being” sounds smushed to me, like “ben”, not a big deal and part of this may be your accent. I’m also hearing a pause after “…looking to bank with us” but there is not comma there that would suggest a pause.
Both reads were really well done! Keep up the good work!Mary
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Hi Mary,
Thank you very much for your feedback and encouragement! Yes, you are quite right about the pauses and the squishing of words. Art zeroed in on this tendency straightaway. I really have to watch this.
Thank you again,
John
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Really nice job, John. I like the first one, it’s very clear and your tone is good for a biography style. The pace is on the slow side, which works if it’s going to be a TV documentary (I was picturing it paired with visuals), but could be considered too slow if this script is meant for something else like an audiobook, for example. It’s hard to interpret when we just pull a script from the library with no context of how it’s going to be used. The second script is really good, too. It feels like your tone gets a bit more conversational as you read through it. Nice job on both!
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Hi Alexis,
I really appreciate your feedback. Yes, I wondered a little about the pacing in script one before I pressed ‘send’, and when I listened to it again, I could see what you meant were it to have been intended as part of an audiobook. Script two and the conversational tone – yes, I have a tendency to be too serious when I read, and I know that I have to concentrate much more on placing myself in the scene, as it were. I tried that with script two, and I feel that it is beginning to work.
Thank you again,
John
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Hi everyone! Here is a script for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think! Thanks,
Mary
Walmart Instacart
We know you’ve got your hands full at home, so Instacart is here to help make shopping a little easier. With retail partners like Walmart, you can get all you need from household items to fresh produce, and a shopper will safely deliver them, contact-free, in as little as 2 hours! Because between teaching, cooking and parenting, you could use one less job to do. Go to instacart.com or download the app to save ten dollars on your order from Walmart using the code WALTAP20.-
Hi Mary! Another lovely, clear, and inviting read–I definitely feel the “nice neighbor down the street” vibe effortlessly emanating from your performance. I would second Alexis’ suggestion of continuing to massage your performance to make it sound even more natural and conversational. (This is something I work to hone myself). Keep up the great work!
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Hi Mary!
Really enjoyed your read and the pace of it! One recommendation I have is that some of your sentences prior to the commas can sound a bit like a question. For instance this line “With retail partners like Walmart…” your pitch is down-up… and perhaps making it more of a confident statement – some pitch and tone on both syllables for Walmart, may make it feel more powerful. Really enjoy listening to your voice!
-Amber -
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Hi Mary,
Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your reading of this script. A particular strong point for me was the way in which you differentiated the items “…teaching, cooking and parenting”. That sentence just sounded so natural.
Thank you,
John
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Hi Mary, I like your pace for this read, and you have good clarity in what you’re saying. For a different take I would suggest maybe having a little more friendly energy and smile, as if you were my friend or neighbor and you use this service all the time and you’re excited to tell me why it’s been so helpful to you. Best, Alexis
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Hey Everyone. Here are a couple of narration scripts. I am looking for better clarity and speed control. Feedback appreciated.
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Hi Adebenedicts! Both recordings were really quiet on my end, I had to turn it to the max (100) and it was still very quiet and hard to hear completely. For the first script, it sounded pretty monotone to me, I realize it is a narration, but it did not have a lot of variation in tone. The second sounded much better to me – you sounded more authentic and invested in the script as told to others. Pacing was good for both scripts. Keep it up!
Mary
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Hello again! I’d appreciate some feedback on this paragliding script.
“Working towards your first pilot rating will be an exciting (and memorable) part of your journey into free flight. Everything is new and even the smallest flights will be immense accomplishments. If you’re listening to this, you’ve probably dreamed the dream and are ready to get started.
After choosing an instructor/school you would like to learn from, talk with your instructor to see when is the best time and day to begin your adventures into free-flight. The most important items you’ll need to bring are sturdy ankle supporting boots that you can also run in, and water. Whether you choose to fly a hang glider or a paraglider you’ll begin with learning vocabulary important for the training and flying process. This new vocabulary will help you and your instructor over the coming weeks, months, and years. Your first days, depending on weather, are usually focused on ground handling the glider.”
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Hi Kbridges! Very nice! I like the tone of your voice and you have a nice warm, calm approach that is good for this genre. You might try preforming the first 3 sentences of the script with a little more energy – that’s the part where you are REALLY excited about teaching someone how to paraglide! Just more enthusiasm in general. After the first part of the script, it then settles down a little into the teaching part, and your tone there seemed appropriate. Good job!
Mary
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