[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.

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[Daniel McClintock]

Hi everyone!

First time on the forum. I’ve uploaded the homework from my first coaching session with Art Bruder. It was supposed to be uploaded last week — but life…

Here’s the script:

Great Frame Up

Clark had always wanted to see Candy and Jake hang. And now, framing them would be easy. The fun-loving couple was just begging to be framed.

Clark headed straight for The Great Frame Up, the totally unique picture framing shop with a better system, a professional commitment, and an emphasis on fun and satisfaction. Tonight, Candy and Jake would hang… and he’d enjoy doing it… thanks to THE GREAT FRAME UP!

I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Thanks!

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[waninick]

Hi Daniel..! First off: Oh G*d what a voice..!

Now that that’s out of the way….

For this interpretation, it seems a good read. I think all the inflection points are there, and the pace was pretty good. The first time through, “Candy and Jake hang” was a little hard to hear, but after that, it all sounded good.

As for the interpretation, the concepts of ‘framing’ and ‘hanging’ are kind of nefarious and sinister. I would try something that would use that, especially for the first and last parts. You would also be able to hold that concept in the middle section by envisioning Clark as using The Great Frame Up as an unwitting conspirator to further his ends. The script reads like 30 seconds of a western novel. I would love to hear what you could do with that.

Good work, though! For a first post, it’s clear you have been working on your craft already. Can’t wait to hear more.

–TimG

[Eric]

Hello all. First time on the forum. I am starting my commercial journey and I am looking for some creative feedback only. Thank you for taking time to listen and critique!

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[Jahna Bobolia]

Hey Eric! One thing that my coach always reminds me to focus on is the 3 W’s (Who are you talking to? Where are you? and Why are you telling them this?) These can really help when it comes to sounding conversational. On the Rocket Money script I would be mindful of micro pauses. Little tiny pauses that we decided to insert but aren’t actually in the script. Thank you for sharing your work! : )

[Jahna Bobolia]

Hi Everyone! Looking for creative feedback on these two reads for my coaching sessions. Thank you!!

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[debbyc]

Your read of the Lego script was very nice! Great energy, nice pace, you were a mom and you sold me on Legos!

[Jahna Bobolia]

Thank you for the feedback!

[Artist7]

Hi, everyone! I’ve uploaded two commercial practice reads that I’d really appreciate some feedback on! Thanks so very much!

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[alayne_chappell]

Hi! I really liked the energy on the Orajel read. It felt like you were enthusiastic about the product and I liked how you emphasized the “Orajel” at the end.

[dschneider411]

Hello there! Feedback welcome on these two commercial scripts. My studio setup was not available when I recorded these, and the audio quality reflects that, but I welcome your thoughts on the reads themselves. Thank you!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by dschneider411.

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[alayne_chappell]

I really liked your tone and choice of word emphasis on the Lexus read. You may try a slightly faster pace; it feels conversational but a bit slow toward the end. Good luck!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by alayne_chappell.

[Jahna Bobolia]

Hi! I think for the Butterball commercial I might play with different ways to deliver the word Thanksgrilling.

[debbyc]

Hi everyone. I am looking to get feedback on my first two narration script readings. How is my pace? Do I sound conversational? All feedback is greatly appreciated.

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[Jahna Bobolia]

Your diction was quite clear!

[debbyc]

Hi everyone. I am looking to get feedback on my first two narration script readings. How is my pace? Do I sound conversational? All feedback is greatly appreciated.

[ScottCarr]

Hello everyone. First time posting. Two practice scripts. Any feedback appreciated.

Starbucks About Us Page
Every day, we go to work hoping to do two things: share great coffee with our friends and help make the world a little better. It was true when the first Starbucks opened in 1971, and it’s just as true today.
Back then, the company was a single store in Seattle’s historic Pike Place Market. From just a narrow storefront, Starbucks offered some of the world’s finest fresh-roasted whole bean coffees. The name, inspired by Moby Dick, evoked the romance of the high seas and the seafaring tradition of the early coffee traders.

Ancient Alien Theory
According to ancient alien theorists, extraterrestrials with superior knowledge of science and engineering landed on Earth thousands of years ago, sharing their expertise with early civilizations and forever changing the course of human history. But how did this concept develop, and is there any evidence to support it?
Ancient alien theory grew out of the centuries-old idea that life exists on other planets, and that humans and extraterrestrials have crossed paths before. The theme of human-alien interaction was t****t into the spotlight in the 1960s, driven by a wave of UFO sightings and popular films like 2001: A Space Odyssey. The space program played no small part in this as well: If mankind could travel to other planets, why couldn’t extraterrestrials visit Earth?
In 1968, the Swiss author Erich von Däniken published Chariots of the Gods?, which became an immediate bestseller. In it, he put forth his hypothesis that, thousands of years ago, space travelers from other planets visited Earth, where they taught humans about technology and influenced ancient religions.

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[debbyc]

Hi Scott, both are very clear with great pronunciation. I would like to recommend slowing down a bit on each.

[ScottCarr]

Thank you very much for your feedback. Much appreciated!

[DicksonVO]

Hello everyone! Looking for feedback on these 2 commercial (conversational) VOs as VO training homework. Thanks in advance.

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[debbyc]

Hey there! I thought both were good reads. Very nice, kept my attention.

[DicksonVO]

Thanks!

[Jahna Bobolia]

Hello! Feedback appreciated! Looking specifically for creative feedback rather than technical feedback.

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[ScottCarr]

Hi Jahna. I liked your reads very much! Sounded quite natural to me, not like you were just reading a script. I also thought your pacing was good.

[Jahna Bobolia]

Thank you for your feedback!

[Author]

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