Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello! I’m Paula Lee and working on a homework assignment! I am looking for feedback. How’s my diction? Working on pace – how is it? Anything you may find helpful, please feel free to share. Your feedback is much appreciated! Thank you.
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Hi Paula..! Seems your pace still needs some work. in the first clip, I would explore adding just a little lift (not really a pause) after ‘Tiffany’, and again before “in this episode…” I think that would tamp down the rushed feel. Also, a short drop in pitch on the last part of ‘Tiffany’ will separate that word from the following phrase. The first name is a first and last name, but Tiffany is just the first name, and the following phrase sounds like it could be a last name, until you realize that ‘with a’ isn’t a name. If you slow things down a bit, feel the flow of the copy, let the inflections and pacing group the words into complete thoughts, it will sound more like a story being told in real time, and not something being read.
The second clip has a lot of the same things. At the end, there is a list that, as you present it, is two things she loves: “entertaining her potted plants”, and “relaxation.” I am going out on a limb here, and say that there are probably three things: “entertaining”, “her potted plants”, and “relaxation”. Find a way to use inflexation and pace to create some room for each one without chopping it up.
As for diction, I would say…pretty good…!! Nice and clean!! Not much in the way of glottal stops, as you flow easily into the words that begin with vowels. I think you have a great voice, and am looking forward to hearing your progress. Your environment is a bit echoy, so feel free to step up to the mic a bit, so you can reduce your gain. That way the room won’t be quite as noticeable until you have a chance to treat it.
All in all a nice job. Again, looking forward to hearing your progress.
–TimG
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Hi everyone!
First time on the forum. I’ve uploaded the homework from my first coaching session with Art Bruder. It was supposed to be uploaded last week — but life…
Here’s the script:
Great Frame Up
Clark had always wanted to see Candy and Jake hang. And now, framing them would be easy. The fun-loving couple was just begging to be framed.
Clark headed straight for The Great Frame Up, the totally unique picture framing shop with a better system, a professional commitment, and an emphasis on fun and satisfaction. Tonight, Candy and Jake would hang… and he’d enjoy doing it… thanks to THE GREAT FRAME UP!
I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Thanks!
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Hi Daniel..! First off: Oh G*d what a voice..!
Now that that’s out of the way….
For this interpretation, it seems a good read. I think all the inflection points are there, and the pace was pretty good. The first time through, “Candy and Jake hang” was a little hard to hear, but after that, it all sounded good.
As for the interpretation, the concepts of ‘framing’ and ‘hanging’ are kind of nefarious and sinister. I would try something that would use that, especially for the first and last parts. You would also be able to hold that concept in the middle section by envisioning Clark as using The Great Frame Up as an unwitting conspirator to further his ends. The script reads like 30 seconds of a western novel. I would love to hear what you could do with that.
Good work, though! For a first post, it’s clear you have been working on your craft already. Can’t wait to hear more.
–TimG
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Hello all. First time on the forum. I am starting my commercial journey and I am looking for some creative feedback only. Thank you for taking time to listen and critique!
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Hey Eric! One thing that my coach always reminds me to focus on is the 3 W’s (Who are you talking to? Where are you? and Why are you telling them this?) These can really help when it comes to sounding conversational. On the Rocket Money script I would be mindful of micro pauses. Little tiny pauses that we decided to insert but aren’t actually in the script. Thank you for sharing your work! : )
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Your read of the Lego script was very nice! Great energy, nice pace, you were a mom and you sold me on Legos!
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Hi, everyone! I’ve uploaded two commercial practice reads that I’d really appreciate some feedback on! Thanks so very much!
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Hi everyone. I am looking to get feedback on my first two narration script readings. How is my pace? Do I sound conversational? All feedback is greatly appreciated.
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Hello everyone. First time posting. Two practice scripts. Any feedback appreciated.
Starbucks About Us Page
Every day, we go to work hoping to do two things: share great coffee with our friends and help make the world a little better. It was true when the first Starbucks opened in 1971, and it’s just as true today.
Back then, the company was a single store in Seattle’s historic Pike Place Market. From just a narrow storefront, Starbucks offered some of the world’s finest fresh-roasted whole bean coffees. The name, inspired by Moby Dick, evoked the romance of the high seas and the seafaring tradition of the early coffee traders.Ancient Alien Theory
According to ancient alien theorists, extraterrestrials with superior knowledge of science and engineering landed on Earth thousands of years ago, sharing their expertise with early civilizations and forever changing the course of human history. But how did this concept develop, and is there any evidence to support it?
Ancient alien theory grew out of the centuries-old idea that life exists on other planets, and that humans and extraterrestrials have crossed paths before. The theme of human-alien interaction was t****t into the spotlight in the 1960s, driven by a wave of UFO sightings and popular films like 2001: A Space Odyssey. The space program played no small part in this as well: If mankind could travel to other planets, why couldn’t extraterrestrials visit Earth?
In 1968, the Swiss author Erich von Däniken published Chariots of the Gods?, which became an immediate bestseller. In it, he put forth his hypothesis that, thousands of years ago, space travelers from other planets visited Earth, where they taught humans about technology and influenced ancient religions.-
Hi Scott, both are very clear with great pronunciation. I would like to recommend slowing down a bit on each.
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Hello everyone! Looking for feedback on these 2 commercial (conversational) VOs as VO training homework. Thanks in advance.
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