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This topic was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
This topic was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by David Goldberg.
Hello everyone! Just a practice training script, any and all feedback is appreciated. Thanks!
Sadly, too many times people with back and neck pain get a prescription of disability when they go to the doctor. “Don’t play tennis. Don’t play golf. Don’t go fishing.” While a day of rest may be okay right after an injury, the best therapy for back pain is movement. In fact, too much rest can make muscles and tendons less flexible – and more prone to future recurrent strain and back pain. Fact: You need a 20 minute walk to counter the effects of three hours of lying down. How would you know this? You’d learn that and more by reading our free 16-page Back to Life Journal. The Journal provides tips for those with back pain on how to get back to tennis, back to golf, or back to biking. Download your copy of the Back to Life Journal at NorthJerseySpineGroup.com.
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by JohnFinn. Reason: edit to add script
Hi John, very nice! Very good clarity and nice variation of tone throughout. I like how no-nonsense and informative the read was. A tiny little critique is that I did not hear any pause after “…and tendons less flexible -“, which would emphasize that more rest may not be a good thing. Other than that, it sounded really good! Keep it up!
Any/all feedback is welcome!! Right now, I am just working on my technique. Please ignore any recording software issues.
Script: The Library of Congress was established by an act of Congress in 1800 when President John Adams signed a bill providing for the transfer of the seat of government from Philadelphia to the new capital city of Washington. It was housed in the new Capitol until August 1814, when invading British troops set fire to the Capitol Building, burning and pillaging the contents of the small library. Within a month, retired President Thomas Jefferson offered his personal library as a replacement. Jefferson had spent 50 years accumulating books and his library was considered to be one of the finest in the United States.
Hi Kevin, Good work! I like the pacing, clarity and varied emphasis on key words throughout the script. It is informative and pleasant. Good job on this!
Hi there Kevin! I like your tone and warmth as you narrate I think you would be great for something like eLearning because of your upbeat and friendly sound. I agree with Mitch. The issue with the “act” word is that you are using a glottal stop. This is when your throat completely closes at the back where your “glottis” is, and then you have a harsh onset of the next word – particularly when it begins with a vowel. I used to get tripped up on “a” words all the time. Work on smoothing out your read by eliminating glottal stops. Nice work though 🙂 Hope this tip is helpful!
Sounds great, Kevin! Love the tempo and the upbeat narration. One thing that stood out as a correction would perhaps be the overemphasis of the word “act”.
Here is one of my last uploads before I record my commercial demo reel! Let me know what you think (I finally created a DIY VO booth in my closet so there isn’t any awful echo or reverb on my reads! Here are the scripts for the 3 products:
Sandals Resorts – Somewhere in the Caribbean, there are 5-star luxury resorts where it’s all-inclusive, all the time. Sandals, where love is all you need. Because everything else is included. Call 1-800-Sandals.
Honey Bunches of Oats – It’s amazing! I never thought one cereal would make my whole family stay for breakfast. HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS. There’s never been a cereal like it. With big corn flakes and crunchy bunches of oats. Finally … a cereal my whole family loves.
Ziploc – Only Ziploc brand bags have a unique interlocking zipper to lock in freshness in a way no other bag can. When it comes out this fresh, you know it went in a Ziploc bag. Ziploc. We’ve got a lock on freshness.
Hi Hulykulani! Good job on these 3 scripts – good pacing and energy for all of them, and good emphasis on key words.
On Script 2 the tone raised at the end of the sentence as if a question instead of a period on “With big corn flakes and crunchy bunches of oats.” Minor thing. Good job here!
Hello all! Here is a recording for any and all feedback. Working on lead-ins to help with getting into the proper mood and sounding concerned but conversational on this one. Let me know if those points were hit, or any other feedback. Thank you!
Mary
Psoriasis
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Hi Mary! This is a great script for your voice. The overall tone is definitively concerned, and if this were the actual commercial it would be completely believable! If I’m listening as though you are talking conversationally directly to me, it still seems a bit stiff (‘If you have plaque psoriasis and are experiencing a flare’). But I think the issue is the copy, not the delivery. Know what I mean? A conversation to a friend would be, “Hey, if you’re having a psoriasis flare, you should really go see your dermatologist.” So, it’s not that you don’t sound conversational; it’s that the script is clunky. Good lead in (short and quick and germane)!
Hi Mitch, thanks for the feedback! I agree about some of the script being stiff, and I like your suggestion about rewriting parts of it to make it more of a conversation you would actually have with a friend or maybe a relative that you don’t see often enough to know if they are taking care of themselves or not. It’s fun to do lead-ins; it has really helped me to hone in on the specific intended audience. Thanks again!
Hi everyone,
This is my first post in the forum. I am a beginner and am in the Edge Studio program. All feedback is welcome.
Script:
Aetna/US Healthcare
No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by kevinwiland.
I like your tone, pacing and clarity. You did a good job of emphasizing the product / brand and the energy level was good. It sounded nice and conversational. Good job!
Hi everyone! Just doing another quick read for you all. Any feedback is appreciated!
Carnation Breakfast Essentials
Kids can change minds. They can even change the world around us. Packed with protein plus 21 vitamins and minerals, we nourish them with Carnation Breakfast Essentials. Because today could change everything.
Hi Svenbot, good read! I heard a tiny pause after “…we nourish them” and also after “Because today” where there was no comma. It might flow better and make more sense if those pauses were removed in my opinion. I liked the emphasis on “Carnation Breakfast Essentials”. Overall very good! I am being picky.
Hello irvj, Wow, amazing base and resonance to your voice–I feel it in my sternum like a base drum! Wonderful, relaxed read–very promotional without once feeling “announcer-y”. Keep up the amazing work!
I loved your read, the tone of your voice is very calm and relaxing. It made me pay attention to what you were saying because you were so sure of yourself. I thought the ending sentence “tap the banner to learn more” could have been sped up a tad, but otherwise it was perfect for me. Great Job!
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Maci Roberts.
Hi Irvj – wow, very nice! Your voice is so nice, deep, warm and so pleasant! Your voice is really well-suited for this genre. Emphasizing and slowing down over “skip through until you find” would help the listener understand why the featured product “Premium” will be such an upgrade to what they have now. Very good job!
Nice read! I think your voice is perfect for this ad. I would slow down just a tad when you say, “Skip through until you find”, so that the words don’t roll into each other if that makes sense.
Hi Mitch, Welcome and congratulations on your first demo post! I like the quality of your read very much, has a nice conversational ease to it that lends itself well to the client. On a technical note, you might dial your music levels back a bit as I feel your read is fighting to be heard over it (I second Lexi’s comment that you sound a bit removed from the mic). All in all, easy fixes! Keep up the great work!
Thank you, Rogue1! Yes, I’ve brought my voice closer to the mic and it is making a difference in quality. Now need to soundproof my area! Thanks for your comments.
Good job! I liked the energy, clarity and pacing. “Turn the trip you have to take…” sounded like “Turn the trip ya have to take..”; not sure if the “ya” was intentional, but just a small note to consider. Otherwise very good! Your voice sounds good for this genre. Keep it up!
Unintentional! I didn’t even notice it; thanks for pointing it out. I wonder if it would sound more choppy with “you”. I’ll give it a try. Thanks Mary!
I completely understand. It sounds more natural to say “the trip ya have to take” vs/ “you have to take”, definitely. I get the criticism that I say “ta” instead of “to” and “fer” instead of “for”, and it’s difficult to say in some scripts! Someone here posted a while back that they substitute 2 for to, and 4 for for in the scripts as they read them as a reminder, and I have started doing that too; really draws your focus to those tiny pesky connector words as you are performing the script! 🙂
Mitch this was awesome! The read and music were on point. Your vocal audio sounds like you are in a small empty space, maybe a little far away. Not sure if that could be edited out or not. Other than that this was amazing!
Thanks Lexi–you are WAY too kind! I probably need to be closer to my microphone. I have a decent one with a pop filter, but no real “studio” per se. Baby steps! 🙂
Hello Mitch I actually built a PVC studio with moving blankets for sound dampening and it works well check out the Show off your studio forum I posted a picture of it. It was very cost effective for me and I can always upgrade later. Great luck to you!
Hello All! It’s Lexi and I am currently en route to recrding my Commercial Demo which I am super excited about!! Whoo hoo! So please let me know how I sound here in this PSA from our script library. Audio Chain used PCV Booth w/ moving blankets, NT-1 A w/ pop filter, PC, DAW Audacity, Scarlett 2i2 Interface. I also did some very minor edits on the original audio (Noise profile>Noise reduction>normalize) Audacity default settings are what i used to reduce the noise and normalize this audio.
Scripting
Whether you’re young or old, male or female, single or with a family – this video is for and about you. That’s because Social Security has programs that affect everybody. This presentation was prepared by the Social Security Administration and tells you what you need to know about Social Security while still working and what you need to know when it’s your turn to collect benefits. It also provides an overview of Medicare and Supplemental Security Income benefits.
Hi Lexi, great job! I really like your deep, clear and richly-textured voice. It sounds warm and reassuring and this is a great genre for you. I’m not fully set up in my studio, but I heard a breath taken at the very beginning and again before “This presentation…”, perhaps those could be edited out. I agree with Kevin about your pronunciation of Social in that it could be a little crisper / clearer each time it is said. Otherwise really good job!
Hello Mary! And always thank you for your feedback! I am currently in the infancy stages of editing and will be taking Audacity 101 this evening. Lol I’m sure I will be able to produce better sound quality afterwards. Really excited about all this, so thank you again please keep me on point!
Hello Lexi! I am a beginner, so please take my feedback with a grain of salt. =)
I really like the warmth to your voice. My favorite part was, “this video is for and about you.” It really drew me in the way you emphasized “you.”
I was a little bothered by your pronunciation of “Social”. It sounds like “Soh-sul” instead of “Soh-sh-ul”, with an “sh” sound.
Otherwise, nice job!
Hello Kevin! And welcome fellow beginner! I too am in my beginnings, but THANK YOU for your feedback! I greatly appreciate every response that I get from an newbie or a more advanced artist. I believe the ‘sh’ is the sibilant as IRVJ informed me of. And I think that can be edited out. I will keep working with everyone’s help here! Thank you!
Good job! I like the read, pace and tone were on point. You might have to play with the Audacity settings a bit, sounded as if you were speaking into a can and there was also a bit of sibilance, (which I struggle with). You also might want to remove some breaths either manually or via a noise gate. The read was good, just need to tweak your settings. Keep it up!
Hiya IRVJ! Thanks so much for your guidance I will definitely check into sibilance and ways to correct that. I am taking the Audacity 101 this evening so I hope to have a better understanding of calibrating Audacity and my interface for the best audio. Thank you so much! Note taken.
THank you Mitch! I wasn’t sure if I should have recorded this in a faster tempo or not. And I will definately keep in mind that lowering my pitch can be helpful.
Hello all! Here is a recording for any and all feedback. Working on lead-ins and attempting to sound casual and conversational. Let me know what you think. Thanks!
Mary
Balance Bar
Running for a train…or training for a run…
Find your Balance. Every delicious Balance Bar gives you the perfect 40-30-30 ratio of carbs, protein, and dietary fat……for energy that lasts. Balance Bar. Have you found your Balance?
Hello Mary I love this read you did a wonderful job sounding casual and conversational! I would have liked the tmpo to be a hair faster just to make it sound even more conversational.