Feedback Forum
- This topic has 10,053 replies, 728 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by
.
-
Topic
-
Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
-
Replies
-
Hello all! Here is a recording (on my phone) for any and all feedback. Working with lead-ins to help get in the mood and make it sound more believable and conversational, less like I’m reading. Let me know if it hits the mark. Thank you!
Mary
American Cancer Society
It’s tough to quit smoking. Just ask any of the 50 million Americans who continue to puff away, even though they know the toll it takes on health and longevity. When it comes to breaking this lethal habit, the most effective tool is willpower. The American Cancer Society now offers a free video for those smokers who feel they can’t quit alone. Call the AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY today, at 1-800-575-2424
-
Hi Mary. That was a good lead in line. To help more with making it conversational, some things to consider. Who are you talking to? Is this a friend or loved one? Is this a smoker? Or perhaps the wife of a smoker worried for the health of her husband. How do you feel towards this persons? Be specific. Have a picture in mind. Talk to that person. Bill provided an awesome read below, but don’t just mimic him. He took a point of view. Find your point of view. I could feel the compassion trying to work its way through. Find a way to make it real for you. I hope this helps.
-
Hi Mary! I think bumping up the pace in areas will help it sound more conversational, rather than a bit methodical. Maybe practice by speaking these lines to your dog, or pretend that the audience is a teenager. That will take some of the stiffness out. I think your best line is definitely: When it comes to breaking this lethal habit, the most effective tool is willpower. That one sounds natural! Hope that helps! 🙂
-
-
Hi, Mary. I think this would be more conversational and connected if you didn’t emphasize certain words quite so much. The words you stress you really hit too hard, in my opinion. Try “lifting” the pitch slightly on those words and I think you’ll have a even better read. I’ve attached a clip of me trying to demonstrate this idea. Hope it helps. Bill A.
-
-
-
-
-
Last one! This is a script for an into to paragliding:
Working towards your first pilot rating will be an exciting (and memorable) part of your journey into free flight. Everything is new and even the smallest flights will be immense accomplishments. If you’re listening to this, you’ve probably dreamed the dream and are ready to get started.
-
-
Me again! Here’s another script, kid’s narration for my upcoming demo:
Why is food important? Well, it tastes good, and it’s fun to eat, but it also gives us energy! That means it helps our bodies move and work, so we can grow, play, dance, run, study, and think.
-
-
Hi KBridges, great work! The only critique I would give is for the 2 sets of lists to be differentiated a bit more to help them stand out. The first list could build up from the first to last item – “it tastes good, and it’s fun to eat, but it also gives us energy!” The second list of 5 items (grow, play, dance, run, study, and think) almost all had the same tone except for think. It’s good, just a touch more variation would make it even better. Good job!
Mary
-
-
Hello again! Here’s another script, this one is more for kids E-learning:
These words have something in common: Can’t, won’t, don’t….. They are contraction words! In today’s lesson we will learn about contractions and work with a few examples.
What Is a Contraction?
Imagine blowing up a balloon and watching it expand. It gets bigger and bigger. Now if we let the air out, it shrinks, or contracts. To contract means to get smaller.
-
-
Hello VO pros!
Here’s a script I’m working on for my upcoming demo. It’s an E-learning piece. Shortened for the demo. Thank you for your ears and critiques!
Breathing correctly is a big part of singing, and you undoubtedly have inhales and exhales along with your actual singing in any vocal recording. Depending on your stylistic decisions,you may need to reduce, remove, or sometimes even add breaths to make your vocal part work in the context of a song.
-
-
Hi folks. This is a practice before I record my first commercial demo. All tips welcome! I nabbed the script from a real ad….
An Everypaw pet insurance policy would be great for this little rascal. For extra peace of mind when he gets up to mischief. And fancies himself as a bit of a daredevil. Head to everypaw.com for an instant quote.
-
Hi Sarah, good read! The energy was really great and it was very friendly. I agree that the first 2 words “An Everypaw” ran together, I would suggest really emphasizing “Everypaw” here because it’s a weird unusual word to begin with, and you want the listener to know what you are talking about pretty quickly. You can then emphasize “Everypaw” again at the end of the script to make it stand out and understand what the product / service is that you are talking about. Very good!
Mary
-
Hello!
Good read! I like the energy and the variation in tone. I think “an Everypaw” ran together so it sounds like “aneverypaw”. I also think you could think of commas instead of periods between these phrases, since they seem like incomplete sentences. “An Everypaw… policy would be great… for extra peace of mind…,and fancies himself a daredevil”. It’s all part of the same thought although there are different ideas here. Just remember to keep them flowing into each other 🙂
-
-
-
Steve. Your read was great for the vibe of this company, which seems like a cool young company. Really nice! You definitely connected with the fun. I agree with the comments on the choppiness. I’m wondering if there is some gating going on with your equipment where perhaps the lower frequencies are being dropped? A couple of interpretation thoughts. Make the distinction clearer that the listener is not an “employee”, they are family. And consider ‘not too formal’ as a qualification of the word “formally” said earlier. So maybe more emphasis on ‘too’. Nice read!
-
-
-
Steve, this is really awesome. You have a very natural and friendly voice for this genre. I am impressed.
My only feedback is “but not too formal because that’s just not our style” starting at 0:09. It seems choppy with breaks between each word. I think smoothing it out would sound more relaxed and consistent with the rest of your performance. Keep in mind, I am a beginner VO actor, and this is just my impression.
Very nice job!
-
-
-
I think your read was “not too formal” and quite conversational. You sound relaxed and friendly. Only the “complimentary cake you have in front of you” seemed a bit disconnected. You could try gesturing as you say that line as though you’re pointing out the imaginary cake. Otherwise, good quality sound and a strong performance. Thanks for sharing.
-
-
FAIRY 1: HEY, IT’S US. THE BEN & JERRY’S FREEZER FAIRIES.
THAT’S RIGHT. BEN & JERRY’S FREEZER FAIRIES. SOME PEOPLE
DON’T BELIEVE IN FREEZER FAIRIES. DOESN’T BOTHER US. WE
KNOW WE’RE HERE.
FAIRY 2: HERE’S HOW IT WORKS. DO SOMETHING
GOOD IN THE WORLD AND BANG. WE STICK A PINT
OR TWO OF BEN & JERRY’S IN YOUR FREEZER WHEN NO ONE IS
LOOKING.
FAIRY 1: DO SOMETHING BAD AND BOOM! NO BEN &
JERRY’S. PLUS WE STICK SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD IN YOUR
FREEZER LIKE FROZEN CLAMS.
FAIRY 2: WE AIN’T NO LIGHTWEIGHT FAIRIES THAT TAP
DANCE ON MOONBEAMS AND STUFF!
FAIRY 1: YEAH, WE WORK FOR A LIVING.
FAIRY 2: JUST LIKE YOU GUYS.
FAIRY 1: OKAY, SETTLE DOWN GUYS. US FREEZER FAIRIES
CAN BE SENSITIVE TOO.
FAIRY 2: SO WHERE WERE WE?
FAIRY 1: LET’S REVIEW. DO SOMETHING GOOD….
FAIRY 2: WE SNEAK SOME BEN & JERRY’S INTO YOUR FREEZER.
MAYBE SOME CHERRY GARCIA.
FAIRY 1: OR SOME CHUNKY MONKEY. DO SOMETHING BAD….
FAIRY 2: AND NO BEN & JERRY’S IN YOUR FREEZER!
FAIRY 1: PLUS WE MESS WITH YOUR HEAD A LITTLE BIT.
FAIRY 2: OK, TILL NEXT TIME. WE WISH YOU A FREEZER FULL OF
LOVE AND SURPRISES.
FAIRY 1: BE GOOD OUT THERE.
FAIRY 2: OR ELSE!-
-
-
-
-
Good job with this performance, Bil-bo. It was very entertaining for me. I imagined a tv or radio show as I listened to it. Good job incorporating music into your performance too. Did you perform both characters? If so, that was very good. Nice recording quality too.
-
-
-
BEN & JERRY’S 2 VOICE RADIO 60 SEC
FAIRY 1: HEY, IT’S US. THE BEN & JERRY’S FREEZER FAIRIES.
THAT’S RIGHT. BEN & JERRY’S FREEZER FAIRIES. SOME PEOPLE
DON’T BELIEVE IN FREEZER FAIRIES. DOESN’T BOTHER US. WE
KNOW WE’RE HERE.
FAIRY 2: HERE’S HOW IT WORKS. DO SOMETHING
GOOD IN THE WORLD AND BANG. WE STICK A PINT
OR TWO OF BEN & JERRY’S IN YOUR FREEZER WHEN NO ONE IS
LOOKING.
FAIRY 1: DO SOMETHING BAD AND BOOM! NO BEN &
JERRY’S. PLUS WE STICK SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD IN YOUR
FREEZER LIKE FROZEN CLAMS.
FAIRY 2: WE AIN’T NO LIGHTWEIGHT FAIRIES THAT TAP
DANCE ON MOONBEAMS AND STUFF!
FAIRY 1: YEAH, WE WORK FOR A LIVING.
FAIRY 2: JUST LIKE YOU GUYS.
FAIRY 1: OKAY, SETTLE DOWN GUYS. US FREEZER FAIRIES
CAN BE SENSITIVE TOO.
FAIRY 2: SO WHERE WERE WE?
FAIRY 1: LET’S REVIEW. DO SOMETHING GOOD….
FAIRY 2: WE SNEAK SOME BEN & JERRY’S INTO YOUR FREEZER.
MAYBE SOME CHERRY GARCIA.
FAIRY 1: OR SOME CHUNKY MONKEY. DO SOMETHING BAD….
FAIRY 2: AND NO BEN & JERRY’S IN YOUR FREEZER!
FAIRY 1: PLUS WE MESS WITH YOUR HEAD A LITTLE BIT.
FAIRY 2: OK, TILL NEXT TIME. WE WISH YOU A FREEZER FULL OF
LOVE AND SURPRISES.
FAIRY 1: BE GOOD OUT THERE.
FAIRY 2: OR ELSE!Beringer Wine
Some might choose a lecture or a documentary film to tell the story of 125 years of winemaking. We prefer a glass. At Beringer, we are proud to be the only winery ever to win Wine Spectator’s “Number-1 Wine of the Year” for both a cabernet and a chardonnay. But our greatest achievement lies in knowing that everything we’ve learned is yours to enjoy – each time you pour a glass of our wine. Beringer…All we are in every bottle.-
-
Hi Bil-Bo.
This is really well done. Your delivery of the script is excellent. Your voice fits the part really well. Again, good job working in the music background, especially the timing with the music concluding right as you conclude. I’d be curious to know how you did that. Did you just time your delivery and then find a track of the same length? Only suggestion might be to lower the level of the music a little relative to the volume of your voice. Excellent! Looking forward to hearing more!
-
-
-
-
Hi! Daniel here. This is my first time posting. Looking for feedback. Thank you.
American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.-
Hi Daniel, welcome to the forum!
This was great – you have such a super low voice that is very unique! I liked this read, but you might try for a little more variation in tone as you hit certain words and phrases. Your natural tendency is possibly more monotone(?) This is really good, I want to hear more!
Mary
-
Your deep voice and serious tone give this script the gravitas it calls for, but you could be a touch warmer. After all, this character is in a business where recognition is always important. He has to show some people skills while appreciating the security of his personal info. with American Express. You need to be a bit more of a satisfied customer and a bit less the guy in charge of security. Good recording quality. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
-
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
