Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi all! Posting another practice script. Appreciate any feedback on all aspects. Also, does this sort of job suit my voice? What do you think my voice might be best suited for? Don’t be shy…I have thick skin 🙂 Toque
Mondavi Script (Backdrop – Video of family sharing old photos and reminiscing, while drinking wine):
Life is measured in moments. Make the most of them. Woodbridge, by Robert Mondavi –
Making moments worth sharing for over 30 years.
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I like the way you lower your speaking volume and get close to the mic. This adds an intimacy to your delivery that works well with this script. Nice job! Bill A.
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Hi Toque, really nice! I like the warmth and smoothness of your voice – I think it sounds really good for this one. I agree that Woodbridge by Robert Mondavi could be emphasied a little more, like as the peak in the performance to let the listener know that even though people and hanging around quietly drinking wine, you want them to know what type of wine, so they too can share this type of experience. Well done!
Mary
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You definitely have a fitting voice for this script and I do think you hit good wards and had the right tone. However, I think you’re pausing a lot and that makes it sound choppy. Also, I the phrase: “Woodridge, by Robert Mondavi” sounds a tad bland. If they’re the client, you need to sound like your praising them. Hope this helps.
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Hi all, thanks so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it! Just working on my technique right now, thanks.
Script:
This is the story of a small planet in space called Earth.
Today it has mighty oceans; scorched deserts; and frozen wildernesses.
It supports a multitude of diverse creatures, and is home to more than 6 billion people and their technological civilization.
But how did all this come about? Where do we come from?-
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I love that you sound genuinely interested in the topic! It sounds like a narration, perhaps for middle schoolers?
That said, I bet you’re one of those folks whose natural joy comes through (guilty here!) so I don’t think you need to work so hard at it.
When doing narrations about something I can visualize, I like to imagine I’m painting a picture as I go. It slows me down because I picture the brush strokes. I think you can speak the lines a little slower, and space them out further to give time for the visuals, and viewer reflection.
You got this!
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Your voice and enunciation are well performed. Although, I think your tone is sarcastic and that doesn’t fit this script in my opinion. Also, you sound as if you’re trying to excite an auditorium of children and I’m not sure that’s the target audience. Also, I can tell you recorded the script at different intervals and that makes it sound choppy, you should make sure the script flows. Keep up the good work, I think you’re on the right track.
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Hi Kevin. From a technical aspect the volume is a tad loud, which distorts the read. Not sure if it’s your volume settings, you’re too close to the mic, or maybe a combination of both? Also, in terms of editing, there was some noticeable transition between segments that sound like they were recorded at separate times. For example the transition at 0:09 to 0:10, I felt was noticeably at a different volume. Keep at it! Toque
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Hi everyone! I took a short break to get new equipment set up (yeah!) Let me know what you think – is the tone right for the script? I was trying for conversational, and somewhat humorous towards the end. This is my first time recording with the Rode NT1-A mic and Scarlett 2i2 interface, not sure how loud or soft it is coming across. Thanks for any and all feedback!
Michelob
Send over a beer that’s less likely to get sent back. 100 % imported hops give Michelob Light a remarkable smooth, satisfying taste. So if it ever does get sent back, at least you’ll know it wasn’t the beer. Michelob Light makes any occasion seem special.-
Hi Mary. Out of curiosity, I went back and listened to one of your older posts to compare. Feels to me like the new mic somewhat deepens and mellows your voice. The Rode sounds like a good choice for you! Toque
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Hi, Mary.
Regarding your set-up, you have set the microphone gain too high on your interface causing the audio to clip/distort. The halo light indicator on the input k**b should never turn red and only occasionally turn yellow while you are speaking. Super important to set your record level correctly so you don’t clip the audio.
Regarding the performance, I think a softer, conversational delivery with maybe a flirtatious tone makes sense. This appears to be a scene where the listener is buying a drink for someone they’d like to meet at a bar/club. Perhaps you’re the person sitting right next to them, offering this advice. Just a thought about a different way to perform this script.
Congrats on your new gear. Solid choices. Looking forward to hearing more of your work!
Bill A.
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Thanks for the feedback Bill! The issue I’m having so far is that I can see that the halo light is green when I start, but because of how I have my room set up for soundproofing (portable isolation booth) I can’t see the light while I record. I will probably need to rearrange some things for sure. I’m trying to get the levels between -12 and -9 db but I definitely do not want the distortion, so I will have to work on that. A softer tone sounds good for this one, I agree with you. I felt like I was somewhat yelling into the mic to get the levels to hit at least -12 (it was lower on the playback). Anyway, more practice is clearly needed. Thanks for the suggestions!
Mary
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Just a practice script from the Edge Library. Thanks for any feedback on this read!
Purina One Brand 2
Purina One Special Formula For Cats is made with real chicken. Good news for your cat. Great news for your canary. For a complete adult diet for your cat and the real chicken he wants, give him Purina One Special Formula. Your canary will thank you for it. Purina One. Second to none.
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Hi Ed, good read! You sounded friendly, warm and approachable. Good pacing and energy and it hooked me right from the beginning with “This is Henry!”
Mary
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Great realistic delivery on this PSA! I assume you’ll fade or edit out the breaths in lieu of some light background music, sounds very connected to me and good luck with your demo.
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I liked the performance. Although I was hearing background noise/static distracting me as a listener. It’s something you might want to eliminate, in case it was your set up or if it’s just my headphone plug in.
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Hi I am working on a couple of scripts for a commercial demo. Would appreciate your comments.
Thank you. Ed-
You’re doing great. I love your tone, volume, and pitches, but the tempo sounds choppy. I can tell you’re breathing and it sounds like your pausing in the middle of the sentence. It’s important to make sure the read flows and save pauses for commas, periods, etc.
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Hi Ed, good job! I liked your hushed tone which felt emotionally connected and sensitive to the topic discussed. Good job!
Mary
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Sorry I think I replied to the wrong recording this one was the one I meant to reply to. The one above about home Depot seems good as well in a natural conversational style although you may want to change tone or get a little more enthusiastic for the ending hope that helps!
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Hi, Michelle.
I like the way you contrasted the first two lines and, especially, how you delivered “…your immune system is” with a slight smile. You pause a bit too long between “is” and “with” which breaks the flow of this sentence. It does make the product name stand out but I found it slightly jarring. Nice job on the closing line and not dropping off on “immune system strong.” Very pleasant voice! I could hear a couple plosives, which you will want to eliminate through mic technique and maybe a pop filter. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
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Hello,
Thought I’d loosen up a bit tonight and bring more inflection with a light-hearted piece. That shirt rustle is a good reminder to wear “quiet” clothes when recording. Thanks for any feedback… Bill A.
My child has quite an imagination. His teachers say that some day he’ll be doing great things. Right now, he’s already an architect, a designer, an engineer … I think he’s a creative genius … and thanks to Legos, the creative building toy, there’s just no limit to what he can do, LEGOS … the creative diversion that helps develop a child’s potential.
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I haven’t been here in a while, but I’m glad to be back. Nice job! I like your light hearted, matter of fact tone and I enjoyed the way you told the story. One thought is that you might try taking this to an even lighter note by leaning into a little bit of spirited boasting about your creative genius child. 🙂 Just another approach to consider. Nicely done!
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Hey, Barb. Thank you for the encouraging feedback. I agree with your suggestion and think I’ll have a go at that later today. Welcome back to the forum. I first discovered this community back in 2010 and have always enjoyed coming back. Where are you on your VO journey? Regards, Bill A.
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Very nice conversational and enthusiastic tone to this Bill! If you want any critique I would say there are 3 slurred words in there which maybe were done on purpose, I know because I have done the same thing with lists. It’s like a stutter where you extend a word to sound as though your thinking as you speak, it actually creates more realism; “a designer” and “I think” are two I noticed but maybe it was on purpose, enjoyed that though along with my grandson who is a Leggo enthusiast!
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sounds very good mostly, I did notice a little hesitation in turning the script tone more positive when you talk about Aetna partnering, maybe you want a enthusiastic change there?
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Hello everybody, I’m practicing some more commercial scripts, as I have my demo coming up this week. Please provide feedback on performance and recording quality. Thanks.
Honest Tea
Open a bottle of Honest Tea and discover and honest world. Filled with real brewed organic tea leaves and delicious organic honey. Or, you could just take a look at the label. Honest Tea. Refreshingly honest.
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Good performance altogether. But then I re-listened to the beginning again. When you say “Open a bottle of Honest Tea and discover an honest world”, the “H” in ‘honest’ sounded rushed. Almost like you were saying “Onest, more with an ‘O’ sound, without the h. But it was a good performance altogether.
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