Continuing to focus on my homework for a Commercial demo and appreciate all feedback.
Thanks, Chas
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Great voice. I’m realizing how difficult it is to critique others being so new myself. But looking at #5 and #6 from the class notes I can only pick out a few things. I would agree with Kevin about overemphasizing. And maybe Branding, making more of the product name.
Chas, really nice work! I agree with the positive comments from Mary and Darlene. I just think that you overemphasized words throughout the read which would cause balancing problems in the engineering room. In particular in the beginning: It’s a part of my life. So I. Go easier on those words. Otherwise, great job!
Hi Chas, really nice! I like the depth and richness of your voice – it sounds very well-suited for this one. Good energy and pacing on this one. Well done!
Hi folks. Another practice script. Would appreciate feedback on any and all aspects. Thanks! Toque
Intact Insurance script:
Business owners know that success requires commitment and passion.
Unfortunately, passion and commitment can’t prevent accidents. A single liability
claim could put you out of business. Protect your business against costly
lawsuits with Liability Insurance from Intact.
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Toque.
I think it could go either way. Maybe a bit more serious tone would work better but lighter seems ok too. The company name was a bit lost at the end. I think some of the pronunciations were not as clear. Great voice, each time I listen to others I realize I have a lot of work to do.
“Unfortunately” came off a little energetic and perky whereas I think it should be a little slower and more serious.
Recording and vocal tone sound pretty good.
Based one some earlier feedback I rewrote and re-recorded my audio in -3db. These are 2 different scripts for a custom corporate narration audition script. Director notes are “compelling an uplifting”. Thank you in advanced for the feedback. – Vincent
Nice, very nice. In the second read at about 9 seconds it seemed like it sped up “benefits are not a one size fits all”. Hard to make or talk about COVID-19 in an “uplifting” way. The tone sounded decent. I would have a hard time not reading this with anger and tears right now…. Ok, thats just me, or is it?
Hi Vincent, good reads! I like the tone of your voice and the pacing for both scripts, but I would not describe them as “compelling and uplifting”; you might try to vary up the tone throughout, and emphasize parts of it even more. This seems like a script in which you are trying to convey empathy towards your listeners, and you want them to know that you really understand how they feel in the world that is changing. Good work!
Hi Vincent. I would say your audio quality and volume sound good to my ear. They’re good reads. The only aspect I might suggest tweaking is the “tone”, which felt a bit flat. What emotion are you thinking and trying to convey? This is where the direction of “compelling and uplifting” come in. Hope this helps. Toque
When I first listened I didn’t hear anything odd about “found”, second time, after reading the reviews I thought I did. Then the third listen I didn’t. My ears were playing games with me. But, Wow, Awesome. Ever think of doing voiceovers for a living Touzet? I’m packing my bags (in my mind) right now and heading to Fla. I wish. It’s -2 here, up from -17 last night.
Love this!!! I especially like your enphasis on CONserve.
A nit-pick … At 0:16 there is something strange about your pronunciation of the word “found”. It might sound like you said, “frowned it.”
Great job!
Thanks for giving this a listen. Since the word prior to CONserve was PREserve, I felt like a little emphasis was due there on CON…trying to be careful not to overdo it. I listened to the “found” at 0:16 a few times… I’m not hearing an issue there but might be able to make the diction a little crisper. Without getting totally slosh-mouthed (<-technical term) , seems like you have to loosen the diction a little on a very laid back spot. Thanks again for taking the time to listen and comment.
Hi Touzet, really nice! I could picture myself hearing this on the radio as I was driving to Florida. Great laid back vibe and feel and production too – very good!
If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer…..
Here’s an easy game to play.
Here’s an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash!
You can’t say this? What a shame, sir!
We’ll find you another game, sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a s***e,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to ram your rom.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
2021 Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
When you have a two inch lift…
When you have Goodyear Duratrack tires…
When you have Rancho shocks…and an integrated dual exhaust…
When you have all that…
The last thing you’ll need…is a road…
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss…
Ready to off-road…right from the factory.
Chevy….find new roads…
Hey Bil-Bo, excellent for both reads! I love the versatility in your voice and the very different feel for both of the reads – these sound like they could have easily been 2 different people! That’s great that you can do both so well. Good production too. Good job!
Tongue twister to truck commercial now that’s a good range Nice work Bill! Hey have you tried Ray the Firefly sounds like it might be up your alley I recorded it sometime back but not sure if I want to post it.
Hey Rich
Thanks for listening. I had to come back ’cause apparently there’s no place else for us hams to go. Not familiar with “Ray The Firefly”. Post yours so I can hear what ole Ray is up to.
BillH
This is day two of my self prescribed exercise – read the same script imagining talking to three distinctly different people. Recorded on my phone, so apologies for the less than ideal quality. I’m really trying to just focus on this one aspect for a few rounds to try to understand it better and perform it better.
Thanks for any insight!
“If you‘re in the dark about where to ski, let us shed some light on the subject. High in Virginia‘
s Blue Ridge Mountains, discover what‘s been called the Mid-Atlantic‘s finest overall
ski experience. Wintergreen offers 10 slopes, five lifts, and an extensive snow-making
system. Not to mention luxurious accommodations, an indoor spa, and a nationally recognized
children‘s program. For more information, call 1-800-ski-green. That‘s 1-800-skigreen.
Wintergreen and Virginia … the perfect combination!”
2,1 then 3 for me. I can definitely hear the three different audiences. But when I think of Skiing, well first I think of falling and breaking my legs if I tried, anyway #2 fits the fun and excitement, but I also see the couples getaway in #1. Great job, awesome voice.
Nice Job! #2 is your most engaging read. I don’t know who you were picturing, but it worked!
If you wanted to further work on the piece I’d dissect it a bit looking for the transition points in the script.
The first line stands alone. Nicely done.
Then, beginning at the second, you get into the big enticing reason to go there, so I’d milk it a bit. It *is* the finest!
You did a good job describing the amenities and I like how you ended it!
Hi Burdahgirl, good job! I liked 2 the best, then 3, then 1. 1 definitely felt a little more intimate, and 2 was the most direct but still conversational and with plenty of variation. I like this exercise, great idea! Good job on these.
I liked best in this order 2,3 1. 2 seemed to flow with the conversation the best. When you list the spa, children’s program etc, try to hit certain words a little better to emphasize a little better. Other than that a very good effort and interesting twist on reads.
Interesting practice exercise. I tried listening to just the first line in each recording to see if I could guess the imagined listener and here’s what I came up with: 1) romantic partner 2) casual friend or young person 3) older adult. So, not sure it matters that I guessed right but good that I hear clear differences. I really enjoyed moments from each take and think that smile in your voice is especially engaging. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
Bill – that is amazing! The first one was my husband. Second was a friend and her husband from work. The third was actually my stepdaughter but I can see why you would think older adult. Thanks for commenting and helping me out! 🤗
Hi Tori
I like your voice and I suggest that a little more energy throughout, choosing some key words for a little more emphasis and sharpening some selected pronunciations would help both scripts. I’ll limit this just to Aruba.
Aruba – the first two words sounded a little slurred. I didn’t hear the “t” in “It” and the second syllable in “tropical” was almost inaudible. The list in 0:06 – 0.12 contain a few words that would paint a more attractive picture if they were emphasized, e.g., everything, romantic, exciting adventures, whole family. I also think “you have found it“ needs to stand out more because I think this is the heart of the message and the answer to the big question “If you are looking for ……”. Lastly, at the end, I heard “you will love whaa Aruba offers”; the hard consonant “t” went missing.
Just some minor, easy to fix tweaks. Keep up the good work.
Chas
O*G, Gerber baby all day every day, that was great! I’d love to hear that level of energy, in an appropriate way, in the Aruba script too. Great work!!
More Homework! This is written to be a :60, so there will be lots of visuals to fill in. I do see these “pharma” auditions from time to time, so feedback would be wonderful.
I agree with burdakgirl — great performance. If I were producing this, I would ask for a couple small changes (e.g. less inflection on “that are exaggerated) but you do such a nice job with pacing and phrasing overall. You sound like a trusted friend. Also, I might add a high-pass filter to your recording as the low end is a bit rumbly, in my opinion. Thanks for sharing! Bill A.