Hey everyone. I’ve been mainly uploading commercials so I wanted to see how I did with an Audiobook script. Does my performance keep you hooked? Does my reading wind up dry anywhere? Do I have a good recording environment? Any comments are appreciated.
To Build a Fire
He worked slowly and carefully, keenly aware of his danger. Gradually, as the flame grew stronger, he increased the size of the twigs with which he fed it. He squatted in the snow, pulling the twigs out from their entanglement in the brush and feeding directly to the flame. He knew there must be no failure. When it is seventy- five below zero, a man must not fail in his first attempt to build a fire–that is, if his feet are wet. If his feet are dry, and he fails, he can run along the trail for half a mile and restore his circulation. But the circulation of wet and freezing feet cannot be restored by running when it is seventy-five below. No matter how fast he runs, the wet feet will freeze the harder.
great work, it kept me engaged and interested. my only suggestion would be that throughout the text you went little fast. I would love to hear little .2 second pauses after some words.
Katelyn, I like your tone, energy and the enthusiasm you bring to this read. There is not much I would do differently. Youre articulation is also really good. Great Job!
This is the first time I’ve done a commercial for an Airline company. I wanted to work on performing a list and this script seemed like a great one to practice with. How’s my performance? In particular, my diversification of the list? Is my recording setup still working? Any suggestions are appreciated.
Legend Airlines
We’re not a four-star restaurant, but we do serve peppercorn-crusted beef tenderloin in a rich port sauce. We’re not a furniture store, but we do offer an impressive collection of leather recliners. We’re not a luxury hotel, but we do provide valet parking. We’re not an Internet Service Provider, but we do guarantee immediate Internet access. We’re not a movie theater complex, but we do have 56 screens with surround sound. …We’re not what you think….We’re Legend Airlines
Great take! I think you do a good job changing up the list. I do think that it lacks just bit on energy. It is a lot of repetition so just make sure your energy is there to keep us interested until the end.
very nice read, great articulation and emotion. each phrase had its own character. what if you add a story telling element to this read and see where that takes you.
I did a 2nd take on the Venice script. I naturally speak fast so I am trying to work on my pacing and enunciation. Please I welcome any feedback. Thank you for listening.
Venice has more than a thousand years of history behind it, but no one has ever seen it in exactly the same light or colors. Each hour, each minute, it changes its apparel of water and clouds, dazzling light and reflections. Venice…an ever-lasting, and ever-changing vacation.
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Elvie.
Hi Elvie,
Nice. I thought the pacing was improved from the first read. There is emphasis now on the things which make Venice unique. Your words are clear. Liked “each hour, each minute.” Keep it up!
Dawn
Elvie, your voice and tone are a perfect match for this piece of copy. I think you can take more time with your pacing, you don’t need to rush it. Imagine you are seeing all these images in your mind. Really good job!
Ed
Hi! I really liked this read I feel like you’re almost right on the money. The first line was a little mumbled however “it wasn’t a good time at work to go away”. I had to replay that part and listen closely. So if you could just make sure your pronunciation is clear here (especially as this is the first line) – you’re golden! Nice work.
Hi EP,
Felt as if you were speaking just to me. Like we are sitting at a table having a cup of coffee. You are remembering how you now see the value of taking time off. Don’t feel like you are selling. It’s a meaningful memory. Something which stood out to me was the very slight pause between “travelers” and “find”. Would have felt more natural to flow into one another. Just the thing I need to work on too.
Dawn
Dawn, thank you for your comments. wow! it really helps to get the feedback from others. It seems very challengidng at times to hear for myself what I am “voicing” really sounds like. Yes, I am still working on pausing at the wrong moment.
Hi Adrian, If you didn’t notice your recording is only coming thru on the left channel most likely you need to record in mono on your software because the interface usually records left channel leaving the right channel for an instrument. Other wise your voice is very smooth and realistic so I would try not to rush your reads like in the second read. The last recording was really nice and explanatory and flowed with all the right inflections except the last word “strong” should have an even or downward inflection, good luck!
Very nice read. Every word was crystal clear. Great job with that. I can certainly hear the enthusiasm in your voice. A couple of things you could try to make it sound even more like you’re talking to your friend. First, try to connect phrases together more. There are a lot of pauses that can be shortened or removed entirely (I’m especially guilty myself of adding the unnecessary dramatic pause. 🙂 ) At one point there’s a pause followed by a very emphasized “AND”. It feels to me those two phrases are connected. It’s back to the “Confidence and free shipping” rationale that starts it all. Try it with no pauses (except at periods but keep those short) and see how that feels to you. Another thing to try is: what did your friend just ask or say to you to make you say “Confidence and free shipping”? What are those words responding to? Connect that with your enthusiasm and I think you’ll nail this. (no Home Depot pun intended)
Hi Tom,
ThanK you very much for your feedback. I appreciate your attention to the pauses. It is frustrating to me that I continue to do that. I will work on speaking with better flow. Pausing only at the periods. Thanks to for taking me back to the place of what my friend has just said to which I am responding.
Again, thanks so much.
Dawn
Here’s just a few commercial reads I’m practicing with:
FRESHII
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!
SESAME PLACE
Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi™! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Place® theme park!
JOHNNY WALKER BLUE
The familiar Square bottle. The Label at an angle of precisely 24 degrees. The iconic sketch of a striding Edwardian Dandy. Red, Black, Green, Gold. And now, the grandest of them all. The Blue Label. Johnnie Walker. Keep Walking.
Our farmers know, the best juice stays true to the fruit.
New Farmer’s Pick by Welch’s. One hundred per cent juice, with more of the fruit! Like our own concord grapes, ripe mangoes and the plumpest black berries. With nothing artificial for fresh picked taste. New Farmer’s Pick by Welch’s. Family Farmer Owned.
A.G. EDWARDS 30 SEC. RADIO
IN A WORLD OF NEW, HIGHER TAX BRACKETS, YOUR INVESTMENT BROKER CAN
BE A VALUABLE SOURCE FOR INVESTMENT IDEAS THAT CAN HELP YOU REDUCE
TAXES. IT’S ALL PART OF THE COMPLETE SERVICE AG EDWARDS IS COMMITTED
TO OFFERING. NOT ONLY THIS YEAR, BUT EVERY YEAR. THE TIME TO START
NEXT YEAR’S TAX PLANNING IS NOW. AND YOUR AG EDWARDS INVESTMENTBROKER CAN HELP WITH AN UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR PARTICULAR NEEDS. WHY NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT EXPERTISE BY CALLING AG EDWARDS?
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Bil-Bo.
Hi Bil-Bo,
Your unique voice and accent are used well in both pieces. Good pacing in both. The Welch’s is good at a bit slower take. You sound as if you may work at the orchard. The second you pick up the pace, which is appropriate for the content. The friendly, neighbor like quality of your voice lessens the intimidation factor for a financial service. There are people who are nervous about contacting a financial company. You make them sound approachable. Nice, smooth deliveries.
Dawn