Feedback Forum
- This topic has 10,060 replies, 730 voices, and was last updated 4 days, 18 hours ago by
Holly Hoyt.
-
CreatorTopic
-
August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
-
This topic was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by
David Goldberg.
-
This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by
David Goldberg.
-
This topic was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
-
This topic was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
-
This topic was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
-
This topic was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
-
This topic was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by
-
CreatorTopic
-
AuthorReplies
-
February 26, 2021 at 5:17 pm #63862
jasjol71
ParticipantHello, everyone! I’m Jason. Working on a narration demo. These are from a couple of scripts I sourced. One is a mindfulness/meditation script (not my forte, since I have never meditated!), and the other is an audio guide for a Frank Lloyd Wright house. I look forward to your suggestions, and thanks in advance!
Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 26, 2021 at 6:15 pm #63876
Chris Bookless
ParticipantGood job. I’d say both pieces could be slowed down; don’t rush. For the first one you want the listener to take the time to follow your instructions. For the second you want the listener to be able to take in what they’re looking at.
Also on the meditation track breathe with the listener.
“Feel yourself breathing in” (slow breath in) “and feel your self breathing out” (slow breath out) -
February 26, 2021 at 5:20 pm #63866
acbattag
ParticipantJasjol71 –
WOW – YES on the meditation! I’m IN! I’d definitely listen to you and actually got relaxed listening to the demo. Honestly I don’t have a lot of great feedback for you on either except on the technical piece in editing – you sound a bit echoed in your room and can hear breaths along the way. Honestly, wish I could give you more – GREAT job!Amber
-
February 26, 2021 at 5:23 pm #63870
jasjol71
ParticipantThanks, Amber. I appreciate that. I should have mentioned I don’t have a decent studio setup yet! Just recording on a USB mic from my office on campus. Thanks for pointing out how important that is. I can definitely hear the breaths too… oops! Thanks again!
-
-
-
February 26, 2021 at 4:14 pm #63852
Michelle
ParticipantGood evening! I look forward to the feedback!
Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 27, 2021 at 2:12 pm #63908
rogue1
ParticipantHi Michelle! Really lively, effortless, energetic read! If I had any nit-picks it would be to echo acbattag’s comment that you might want to snip the top and tail of your record so we don’t hear the incidental clicks and bumps your mic is picking up. Well done!
-
February 26, 2021 at 5:17 pm #63865
acbattag
ParticipantHi Michelle!
I really like your energy as well – I could actually see this (and a person on camera saying this). Are you working on editing as well? I noticed in the intro you had some clicks and I can hear your breaths on occasion. If you aren’t editing yet, this is really great raw. When you say “there’s a world in here..” the inflection is really similar to the prior phrase. I would try changing that up a bit for some variety. I love the “great indoors” – really love how you did that part.
Have fun!
-Amber -
February 26, 2021 at 4:46 pm #63856
jasjol71
ParticipantMichelle, I liked the energy and the inflections in your voice!
-
-
February 26, 2021 at 4:02 pm #63850
Akingsley19
ParticipantHello Everyone!
Thank you for the advice from my last post. I really tried to shift my focus to being less robotic and stilted. Still a ways to go on that front. Any advice or feedback is welcome!Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 27, 2021 at 4:50 pm #63913
CYeschenko
ParticipantOverall good read- I think it is your frequency of breaths that add the micro-pauses that break it up? The more you work at it the more natural it will be though and the more connected the read will become. Keep it up!
-
February 27, 2021 at 2:08 pm #63906
rogue1
ParticipantHello! Very nice work, definitely feel your enthusiasm for the product! I still hear that almost halting, tentative quality to your read that others have mentioned. It seems as if you might be emphasizing the start and stop of each word or phrase rather than letting it all flow together a bit more naturally. While listening, I also got a definite “Richard Lewis” vibe—a style which opens you up to some really interesting and wonderful applications! You’ve got the craft down, just continue to relax your read and lean into making it more of a casual conversation with the listener (who is really hankering for some fresh-baked bread!) Keep up the great work!
-
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:20 pm #63837
Toque
ParticipantHi all. Practising a couple of possible short scripts for my commercial demo. Honest feedback on any and all aspects will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Toque
Script 1 – Old Tomorrow Brewers – “At ‘Old Tomorrow’ brewers, our ‘Double-Up’ Coffee Milk Stout takes a deliciously dark stout and tempers it with cream and coffee flavours. It’s like a beer latte that awakens your senses.
Script 2 – RBC – “From simple saving questions to big financial decisions, we’re here to help. RBC Investments – Get more when you invest with RBC.”
Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 26, 2021 at 4:30 pm #63854
chas82
ParticipantToque – nice job on these. As John said, the different tones you used made the reads distinctly different end equally interesting.
I’ll make two minor observations.
Script 1 – I hear a micro pause and a bit of uptalk on “Brewers” following the first “Old Tomorrow” which tended to separate the components of the brand name. I also hear just a little uptalk at end of first sentence when you say “flavors”.Script 2 – I think you nailed this one.
Good luck with your demo.
Chas
-
February 26, 2021 at 1:13 pm #63844
John Trape
ParticipantHi Toque,
I very much enjoyed listening to both scripts and appreciating the difference in tone that you applied to each one. Both readings made me feel that you were fully connected with, respectively, Old Tomorrow Brewers and RBC and, therefore, that you had visualized both scripts – a technique that my coach is impressing on me.
Regards,
John
-
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:04 am #63807
mkell755
ParticipantHi all! Here is a script for any and all feedback. Working with lead-ins to set the tone and also on sounding conversational and authentic. Let me know what you think. Thank you!
Mary
Aetna/US Healthcare
No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.
Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 26, 2021 at 4:53 pm #63858
jasjol71
ParticipantReally enjoyed this read. Your tone is reassuring, which is what I sure the client would want. Sounded very professional to me!
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:58 pm #63841
John Trape
ParticipantHi Mary,
Well, that sounds authentic and conversational to me! I felt that your lead-in worked perfectly. Actually, choosing the appropriate lead-in probably requires the same level of attention as interpretation of the script.
Regards,
John
-
February 26, 2021 at 11:26 am #63819
Toque
ParticipantGreat job Mary! Your audio quality sounds good to my ears, and your read has gotten much more conversational. Keep up the good work! Toque
-
February 26, 2021 at 8:57 pm #63890
mkell755
ParticipantThanks for the feedback Toque! I’m glad the sound quality is improving and that it sounds more conversational, appreciate it!
Mary
-
February 26, 2021 at 4:40 pm #63855
chas82
ParticipantMary
I think you were starting to use lead ins within the last few weeks and I remember how it made an immediate BIG difference getting you into the script.I think you’ve gotten even better. The pace and flow was very good and appropriate for this type of message and you definitely achieved your goals of conversational and authentic. And, great choice of music for this topic. Well done ! Chas
-
February 26, 2021 at 9:00 pm #63891
mkell755
ParticipantHi Chas, thanks for the feedback! Yeah for lead-ins! Simple and so easy to chop off later as needed. I’m glad it is sounding authentic and conversational, that is good to hear. I’m also really enjoying pairing music with a specific script, that is really fun as well. Thanks again!
Mary
-
-
-
-
February 25, 2021 at 11:45 pm #63803
Maci Roberts
ParticipantHello All,
Would love feedback on both of these scripts I worked on. Thanks so much!
Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 26, 2021 at 11:32 am #63822
Toque
ParticipantHi Maci. I echo Mary’s comments. Overall, both quite good reads. The one suggestion I have about the first script is in regards to clearly enunciating the client’s name at the end. I couldn’t quite tell if it was Bench-Mate, Bench-Made, Binge-Made/Mate? Toque
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:08 am #63809
mkell755
ParticipantHi Maci, excellent! I really like your nice warm tone and emotion that you conveyed in both scripts! The first script was really encouraging and painted a picture of a family getting together. The second script was really good as well, and really chilling to think about the story behind it. Very well done!
Mary
-
February 27, 2021 at 10:42 pm #63930
Maci Roberts
ParticipantThank you for the feedback really helpful I will definitely keep that in mind!
-
-
-
February 25, 2021 at 9:40 pm #63801
artyom123
ParticipantScript:
Welcome to Longevity by Design. A podcast for individuals looking to experience a longer, healthier life. In each episode, Dr. Gil Blander joins a co-host and an industry expert to explore the journey of personalized health. The show helps you access science-based information, unpack complicated concepts and learn about what’s on the cutting edge. Tune into Longevity by Design and see how to add years onto your life…and life onto your years.
Looking for feedback on connection to text. Much Appreciated!
Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 26, 2021 at 12:29 pm #63840
Toque
ParticipantYou’ve got a great voice Artyom! I agree with the comments from Mary and Macy. Feels to me like you might need to add a bit more emotion to the read in places, as though the podcast and the things to be discussed in it, are things you’re really interested in and excited to hear about – so you help get the audience excited and interested as well. Toque.
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:13 am #63810
mkell755
ParticipantHi Artyom123! Very nice! I like the nice tone and calmness in your voice, very good for a podcast vibe, and I think you connected well with the script. I think “science-based” could be enunciated a little clearer; those 2 words ran together a bit for me. I also think you could have just a micro pause more after “…on the cutting edge.” to help end the phrase and that long descriptive sentence. Really good work!
Mary
-
February 25, 2021 at 11:57 pm #63806
Maci Roberts
ParticipantHi!
I loved the delivery of your last line, you put a nice emphasis on years and made it sound very genuine. At the beginning I felt that your read was disconncted from the text, I would try smiling when you deliver the lines, that always helps me. I also think it would help to vary the pacing throughout the read so that it doesn’t sound like one big monologue. Hope this helps!
-
-
February 25, 2021 at 5:33 pm #63787
chas82
ParticipantHi All – Here’s two more Commercial practice scripts as I work toward preparing for my demo next month. I chose the Sesame Place script because I wanted expand into more upbeat, family-focused reads. The AMEX script is going back to where I perceive my strengths to be. All constructive criticism welcomed. Chas
Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi™! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Place® theme park!
We are helping put instruments back in the hands of kids. Why? Studies indicate kids who learn music excel at reading, science and math. But Budget cuts are eliminating music programs. So, join blue from American Express to help put music back in the hands of kids!
Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
March 2, 2021 at 8:24 pm #64080
TimDKietzman
ParticipantYour voice is magnificent for the second one. You sound serious, formal, and business-like, which I’m sure is what the client would be looking for. The first one was good too, lively and inviting, although I think when you performed the list, it sounded as if you were losing interest… Lists need to be read as statements while still sounding invested. Both takes were great all in all, good luck.
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:53 am #63814
chas82
ParticipantThanks Mary. I appreciate the feedback
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:16 am #63811
mkell755
ParticipantHi Chas, good work! I liked both of these for you. The first one had a nice playful vibe and energy to it, and the second one had a good call to action feel to it. Very good!
Mary
-
-
February 25, 2021 at 3:17 pm #63775
Akingsley19
ParticipantHello Everyone,
I kind of kept pushing off doing this, but I’m happy to finally put stuff out here on this forum. I did a made-up banking commercial for this one.Attachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 26, 2021 at 4:51 pm #63857
jasjol71
ParticipantI like your voice. I agree with some of the earlier comments about it sounding a bit choppy, but I thought it got more and more natural as it progressed. One small thing about making it sound more natural/conversational: maybe make “we are” the contraction “we’re” — might help smooth it out!
-
February 26, 2021 at 2:01 pm #63845
John Trape
ParticipantHi Akingsley,
I really enjoyed your read. As I listened to your recording, I found myself following the narrator into the bank while everyday banking was going on all around. Picking up on Mary’s feedback above, actually imagining myself inside a branch of that bank would make it much easier for me to really bring out the natural, conversational tone that I might want.
Thank you for sharing your reading.
Regards,
John
-
February 26, 2021 at 12:19 am #63813
mkell755
ParticipantHi Akingsley! Nice work. This sounded a little disconnected / choppy to me, and with some longer pauses between phrases and after commas than needed. You might try it again and still emphasize key words like you were doing, just try to make it flow a little smoother, like how you tell a friend about it, more relaxed. I hope that makes sense. Keep it up!
Mary
-
February 25, 2021 at 8:41 pm #63797
artyom123
ParticipantI agree with the others, another thing I heard is some jaw tension. Practice once with over exaggerating how much you lower your jaw when reading, then find a happy medium. I hope that helps.
-
February 25, 2021 at 3:26 pm #63778
aylinsings
ParticipantHi. I like this material! I think you need to focus more on building the story aspect of it. You had the beginning, but started losing me in the middle. It was just a bit low energy and a little rehearsed. Try to make that part sound a bit more conversational and bright. At the end of the day, you want us to bank there. Great first take though!
-
February 25, 2021 at 4:02 pm #63779
SuperLuke
ParticipantI agree. I listened to this twice. You started out on an okay note, then it sounded more like you were trying to read us the copy rather than perform it as a commercial. I think if you perform the commercial with more energy, speed, and enthusiasm, this could become a better performance that will grip and hold your listener’s attention.
hope this was helpful
-SL
-
-
-
February 25, 2021 at 1:47 pm #63767
aylinsings
ParticipantHi All,
These clips were my homework from this week. I am working on Commercials. Thank you in advanced for any feedback!
Best,
AylinAttachments:
You must be logged in to view attached files.-
February 26, 2021 at 4:58 pm #63860
chas82
ParticipantAylin
You have a great voice for this genre! I thought you did a very good job achieving conversational and authentic, especially in the Dryer and the Crest scripts.Tempo and pitch were also good throughout although the Johnsons script sounded a bit choppy to me. (e.g., .04 – routine, .07 – like a team, .12 – lotions, .17 – you). However, without seeing the script, I couldn’t tell which pauses were due to punctuation – it helps if you include a copy of the script in your submission.
Nice work!
Chas
-
February 26, 2021 at 7:29 pm #63883
aylinsings
ParticipantThank you so much for the feedback, Chas! I will totally take that into consideration when I do this one again!
Aylin
-
-
February 26, 2021 at 2:34 pm #63847
John Trape
ParticipantHi Aylin,
Well, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your reads and appreciating the personal touch that you gave to each one. I felt that you genuinely believed in the value of each of the products that you were promoting. Further, you enunciate so clearly. Having said that, I did feel that the ‘t’ sound was slightly suppressed in “it” (“the best in it” 0.08 secs); “White” (“with Crest 3D White 0.09 secs); and “Crest” (“Crest. Healthy, beautiful,… 0.14 secs) in the third recording, but maybe that is me just being picky and not knowing what I am talking about.
Thank you again for sharing.
Regards,
John
-
February 26, 2021 at 7:31 pm #63884
aylinsings
ParticipantJohn, thank you so much for your feedback! I definitely need to work on those T’s. Now that i’m listening to it again, I think you may be right!
-
-
February 25, 2021 at 4:12 pm #63781
SuperLuke
ParticipantHi Aylin,
All three reads were well performed. I feel like you can do much better by making the 3 commercials sound more different from each other.
-
-
AuthorReplies
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.