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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi everyone – beautiful blue skies and bright sunny day here – what a recipe for mood improvement!
Here’s scripts from different genres, Commercial and Narration. I recently finished my Narration demo and the Commercial is scheduled in 3 weeks. Trying to find shorter, punchier commercial scripts while not neglecting “what’s in the can”.Thanks in advance for the feedback.
Chas
Somewhere in the Caribbean, there are 5-star luxury resorts where it’s all-inclusive, all the time. Sandals, where love is all you need. Because everything else is included. Call 1-800-Sandals.
Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows. A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.
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Hi Chas! You have a lovely instrument, very rich and resonant. Your reads are also quite polished and accomplished. As you have the craft down cold, I would agree with aylinsings and Chris Bookings that you might now try to inject a bit more emotion into the scripts. Both subjects seem to beg a “sense of wonder” that you might try dialing up in subsequent takes. Well done! Keep up the great work!
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Great job Chas! You have such a wonderful voice.
I have nothing to say about the Planet Earth one. I thought it was engaging and it sounded like you really enjoyed what you were talking about.
Sandals, on the other hand, didn’t sound like you enjoyed it as much. Make sure to really envision that nice beautiful beach. It is an adults only resort so don’t be afraid to sound a little more ‘flirty’ lol. That is what is missing. Otherwise, it is a great take!
Aylin
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Hi, Chas! You’ve got a great voice! Your levels sound good as far as I can tell but I hear some room reflection. Also a bump around the 6 sec point. You sound like you understand the material but it sounds like you’re reading it. You seem to fall into a rhythm. Forget the punctuation. Focus on how you want the listener to respond. Really picture that beautiful imagery and let it move you! You can get it!
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Happy Friday! I’m considering this for my demo and would love your critic. Trying to determine which I like better… Appreciate any feedback you have!
“It’s happening more often, and it’s not surprising. People are seeking out new places, trying new things. And discovering the best part is often hidden in the the journey along the way. Find yourself , in the Mazda CX30.”
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I listened to both, and agree that they are both very similar… I think Chris gave a great suggestion (letting someone in on a secret). Or maybe just a hint of seduction in the delivery…? Very nice voice, btw.
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Hello! Excellent reads! Both are crisp, clear, and polished. One thing I might suggest is injecting a bit of emotion into your performance to make it a touch more conversational and a touch less like a script read (which is something I struggle with all the time). “…the best part is often hidden in the journey along the way. Find yourself in the Mazda CX30” are quite aspirational ideas, and as you’re selling the transformative experience that is driving a Mazda, that might be a meaty place to play up the energy/emotion. Really accomplished work! Great job!
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Hey there! I think they’re fine but to be honest I don’t think they sound very different. As far as your interpretation it’s almost there. I think you’re just missing a little something. Try it as though you’re letting someone in on a secret.
There’s a hum in the background. Maybe an AC or furnace? Also, I can hear the room a bit.
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Hello, everyone! I’m Jason. Working on a narration demo. These are from a couple of scripts I sourced. One is a mindfulness/meditation script (not my forte, since I have never meditated!), and the other is an audio guide for a Frank Lloyd Wright house. I look forward to your suggestions, and thanks in advance!
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Good job. I’d say both pieces could be slowed down; don’t rush. For the first one you want the listener to take the time to follow your instructions. For the second you want the listener to be able to take in what they’re looking at.
Also on the meditation track breathe with the listener.
“Feel yourself breathing in” (slow breath in) “and feel your self breathing out” (slow breath out) -
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Jasjol71 –
WOW – YES on the meditation! I’m IN! I’d definitely listen to you and actually got relaxed listening to the demo. Honestly I don’t have a lot of great feedback for you on either except on the technical piece in editing – you sound a bit echoed in your room and can hear breaths along the way. Honestly, wish I could give you more – GREAT job!Amber
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Hi Michelle!
I really like your energy as well – I could actually see this (and a person on camera saying this). Are you working on editing as well? I noticed in the intro you had some clicks and I can hear your breaths on occasion. If you aren’t editing yet, this is really great raw. When you say “there’s a world in here..” the inflection is really similar to the prior phrase. I would try changing that up a bit for some variety. I love the “great indoors” – really love how you did that part.
Have fun!
-Amber -
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Hello Everyone!
Thank you for the advice from my last post. I really tried to shift my focus to being less robotic and stilted. Still a ways to go on that front. Any advice or feedback is welcome!-
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Hello! Very nice work, definitely feel your enthusiasm for the product! I still hear that almost halting, tentative quality to your read that others have mentioned. It seems as if you might be emphasizing the start and stop of each word or phrase rather than letting it all flow together a bit more naturally. While listening, I also got a definite “Richard Lewis” vibe—a style which opens you up to some really interesting and wonderful applications! You’ve got the craft down, just continue to relax your read and lean into making it more of a casual conversation with the listener (who is really hankering for some fresh-baked bread!) Keep up the great work!
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Hi all. Practising a couple of possible short scripts for my commercial demo. Honest feedback on any and all aspects will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Toque
Script 1 – Old Tomorrow Brewers – “At ‘Old Tomorrow’ brewers, our ‘Double-Up’ Coffee Milk Stout takes a deliciously dark stout and tempers it with cream and coffee flavours. It’s like a beer latte that awakens your senses.
Script 2 – RBC – “From simple saving questions to big financial decisions, we’re here to help. RBC Investments – Get more when you invest with RBC.”
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Toque – nice job on these. As John said, the different tones you used made the reads distinctly different end equally interesting.
I’ll make two minor observations.
Script 1 – I hear a micro pause and a bit of uptalk on “Brewers” following the first “Old Tomorrow” which tended to separate the components of the brand name. I also hear just a little uptalk at end of first sentence when you say “flavors”.Script 2 – I think you nailed this one.
Good luck with your demo.
Chas
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Hi Toque,
I very much enjoyed listening to both scripts and appreciating the difference in tone that you applied to each one. Both readings made me feel that you were fully connected with, respectively, Old Tomorrow Brewers and RBC and, therefore, that you had visualized both scripts – a technique that my coach is impressing on me.
Regards,
John
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Hi all! Here is a script for any and all feedback. Working with lead-ins to set the tone and also on sounding conversational and authentic. Let me know what you think. Thank you!
Mary
Aetna/US Healthcare
No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.
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Really enjoyed this read. Your tone is reassuring, which is what I sure the client would want. Sounded very professional to me!
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Hi Mary,
Well, that sounds authentic and conversational to me! I felt that your lead-in worked perfectly. Actually, choosing the appropriate lead-in probably requires the same level of attention as interpretation of the script.
Regards,
John
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Great job Mary! Your audio quality sounds good to my ears, and your read has gotten much more conversational. Keep up the good work! Toque
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Mary
I think you were starting to use lead ins within the last few weeks and I remember how it made an immediate BIG difference getting you into the script.I think you’ve gotten even better. The pace and flow was very good and appropriate for this type of message and you definitely achieved your goals of conversational and authentic. And, great choice of music for this topic. Well done ! Chas
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Hi Maci, excellent! I really like your nice warm tone and emotion that you conveyed in both scripts! The first script was really encouraging and painted a picture of a family getting together. The second script was really good as well, and really chilling to think about the story behind it. Very well done!
Mary
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Script:
Welcome to Longevity by Design. A podcast for individuals looking to experience a longer, healthier life. In each episode, Dr. Gil Blander joins a co-host and an industry expert to explore the journey of personalized health. The show helps you access science-based information, unpack complicated concepts and learn about what’s on the cutting edge. Tune into Longevity by Design and see how to add years onto your life…and life onto your years.
Looking for feedback on connection to text. Much Appreciated!
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You’ve got a great voice Artyom! I agree with the comments from Mary and Macy. Feels to me like you might need to add a bit more emotion to the read in places, as though the podcast and the things to be discussed in it, are things you’re really interested in and excited to hear about – so you help get the audience excited and interested as well. Toque.
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Hi Artyom123! Very nice! I like the nice tone and calmness in your voice, very good for a podcast vibe, and I think you connected well with the script. I think “science-based” could be enunciated a little clearer; those 2 words ran together a bit for me. I also think you could have just a micro pause more after “…on the cutting edge.” to help end the phrase and that long descriptive sentence. Really good work!
Mary
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Hi!
I loved the delivery of your last line, you put a nice emphasis on years and made it sound very genuine. At the beginning I felt that your read was disconncted from the text, I would try smiling when you deliver the lines, that always helps me. I also think it would help to vary the pacing throughout the read so that it doesn’t sound like one big monologue. Hope this helps!
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Hi All – Here’s two more Commercial practice scripts as I work toward preparing for my demo next month. I chose the Sesame Place script because I wanted expand into more upbeat, family-focused reads. The AMEX script is going back to where I perceive my strengths to be. All constructive criticism welcomed. Chas
Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi™! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Place® theme park!
We are helping put instruments back in the hands of kids. Why? Studies indicate kids who learn music excel at reading, science and math. But Budget cuts are eliminating music programs. So, join blue from American Express to help put music back in the hands of kids!
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Your voice is magnificent for the second one. You sound serious, formal, and business-like, which I’m sure is what the client would be looking for. The first one was good too, lively and inviting, although I think when you performed the list, it sounded as if you were losing interest… Lists need to be read as statements while still sounding invested. Both takes were great all in all, good luck.
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