Feedback Forum

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  • #15468
    David Goldberg
    Edge Studio Staff

    Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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  • #63893
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hi everyone! Feeling in a guitar mood for some reason tonight. Here are a couple of recordings for any and all feedback. Thank you in advance!

    Mary

    Guild Guitars
    When you’ve played a guitar for years, every scratch, ding, and worn-down fret means something. The places you’ve been, the songs you’ve sung, the people you’ve shared your music with. That’s what a Guild is all about. Made to be played. Guild Guitars.

    Sheryl Crow
    Long before she was a roots rock sensation, Sheryl Crow honed her skills by singing backup for Don Henley and Michael Jackson and jamming with other L.A.-based musicians in the Tuesday Night Music Club. But by the time her catchy single “All I Wanna Do” stormed the radio and earned her three Grammys in ’94, it was clear she’d make it as a solo singer/songwriter.

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    • #63918
      jasjol71
      Participant

      Your voice is really nice to listen to. Nothing to add, but I agree with Toque’s comments. Maybe just add a bit of emotion. I have listened to some of your other uploads. I think you have a ton of natural talent.

      • #63938
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Jasjo171! That is really nice of you to say. I tend to struggle with emotion a bit, so it’s something I need to work on. Thanks!

        Mary

    • #63911
      Toque
      Participant

      Great conversational reads again Mary. On the guitar piece, I would try to add some more emotion to it…like the guitar, and the memories of places and songs it has brought you to, are something that you absolutely love and cherish.

      • #63937
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Toque! I’m glad it is coming across as more conversational. More emotion for Guild guitars is fitting; it is all about remembering what it took to get there. Thanks again!

        Mary

    • #63902
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hi Mary! As always, a very inviting quality to your voice and performance—the music accompaniment you chose compliments those qualities very well. A few comments:

      GUILD GUITARS: I would suggest perhaps slowing down a touch on the pace of your read. There’s a real “take your time” romance being described here with the rich history of the fret, rushing this tale seems counterintuitive to the mood. Let your read caress the script a bit more.

      SHERYL CROW: Super nit-pick: Love that you improv-ed a lead-in (great way to ramp up quickly, I do it all the time) though you might want to snip it if you’re aiming to be adhere to the script.

      As always, great work and a pair of rich reads. Well done!

      • #63936
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi Rogue1, thanks for the feedback! Yes that makes sense to slow down Guild Guitars a bit – the script is describing something that happens over time that takes years to perfect, maybe like an aged whiskey type vibe, good tip. On the lead-ins I have been leaving them in but now that I know how to cut them out I will start doing that. Thanks again!

        Mary

  • #63877
    Chris Bookless
    Participant

    Hello, all. Attached are homework assignments from coaching. I look forward to your feedback and thanks in advance!

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    • #63903
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hi Chris, Both excellent reads. Very crisp, clear, and natural-sounding to the ear. There’s an authoritative resonance to both that is trustworthy without being overbearing (and the fact that you made the “legalese” of the first script inviting and easily digestible is especially impressive). As a bit of constructive criticism, I agree with Tom that the first line of the “conflict of interest” script is a touch muddy compared to the clarity of the balance of the script. Well done!

    • #63892
      tomnunes
      Participant

      Chris, these are both great. And a very nice contrast between the two. For the “conflict of interest” read, you sounded very helpful without falling in the trap of becoming “bossy” or “a know-it-all”. The beginning words were a bit unclear to me and seemed to run together. You may want to make them clearer. And the Metropolis Superman Museum was really nice. I wanted to her more. Nothing technical to note. The words were clear here. Well done.

  • #63871
    chas82
    Participant

    Hi everyone – beautiful blue skies and bright sunny day here – what a recipe for mood improvement!
    Here’s scripts from different genres, Commercial and Narration. I recently finished my Narration demo and the Commercial is scheduled in 3 weeks. Trying to find shorter, punchier commercial scripts while not neglecting “what’s in the can”.

    Thanks in advance for the feedback.

    Chas

    Somewhere in the Caribbean, there are 5-star luxury resorts where it’s all-inclusive, all the time. Sandals, where love is all you need. Because everything else is included. Call 1-800-Sandals.

    Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows. A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.

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    • #63904
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hi Chas! You have a lovely instrument, very rich and resonant. Your reads are also quite polished and accomplished. As you have the craft down cold, I would agree with aylinsings and Chris Bookings that you might now try to inject a bit more emotion into the scripts. Both subjects seem to beg a “sense of wonder” that you might try dialing up in subsequent takes. Well done! Keep up the great work!

    • #63885
      aylinsings
      Participant

      Great job Chas! You have such a wonderful voice.

      I have nothing to say about the Planet Earth one. I thought it was engaging and it sounded like you really enjoyed what you were talking about.

      Sandals, on the other hand, didn’t sound like you enjoyed it as much. Make sure to really envision that nice beautiful beach. It is an adults only resort so don’t be afraid to sound a little more ‘flirty’ lol. That is what is missing. Otherwise, it is a great take!

      Aylin

      • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by aylinsings.
    • #63874
      Chris Bookless
      Participant

      Hi, Chas! You’ve got a great voice! Your levels sound good as far as I can tell but I hear some room reflection. Also a bump around the 6 sec point. You sound like you understand the material but it sounds like you’re reading it. You seem to fall into a rhythm. Forget the punctuation. Focus on how you want the listener to respond. Really picture that beautiful imagery and let it move you! You can get it!

  • #63867
    acbattag
    Participant

    Happy Friday! I’m considering this for my demo and would love your critic. Trying to determine which I like better… Appreciate any feedback you have!

    “It’s happening more often, and it’s not surprising. People are seeking out new places, trying new things. And discovering the best part is often hidden in the the journey along the way. Find yourself , in the Mazda CX30.”

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    • #63920
      jasjol71
      Participant

      I listened to both, and agree that they are both very similar… I think Chris gave a great suggestion (letting someone in on a secret). Or maybe just a hint of seduction in the delivery…? Very nice voice, btw.

      • #64095
        acbattag
        Participant

        Thank you so much! I tried as a “secret” and it sounds way better!

    • #63905
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hello! Excellent reads! Both are crisp, clear, and polished. One thing I might suggest is injecting a bit of emotion into your performance to make it a touch more conversational and a touch less like a script read (which is something I struggle with all the time). “…the best part is often hidden in the journey along the way. Find yourself in the Mazda CX30” are quite aspirational ideas, and as you’re selling the transformative experience that is driving a Mazda, that might be a meaty place to play up the energy/emotion. Really accomplished work! Great job!

    • #63875
      Chris Bookless
      Participant

      Hey there! I think they’re fine but to be honest I don’t think they sound very different. As far as your interpretation it’s almost there. I think you’re just missing a little something. Try it as though you’re letting someone in on a secret.

      There’s a hum in the background. Maybe an AC or furnace? Also, I can hear the room a bit.

      • #63882
        acbattag
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Chris!

  • #63862
    jasjol71
    Participant

    Hello, everyone! I’m Jason. Working on a narration demo. These are from a couple of scripts I sourced. One is a mindfulness/meditation script (not my forte, since I have never meditated!), and the other is an audio guide for a Frank Lloyd Wright house. I look forward to your suggestions, and thanks in advance!

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    • #63876
      Chris Bookless
      Participant

      Good job. I’d say both pieces could be slowed down; don’t rush. For the first one you want the listener to take the time to follow your instructions. For the second you want the listener to be able to take in what they’re looking at.

      Also on the meditation track breathe with the listener.
      “Feel yourself breathing in” (slow breath in) “and feel your self breathing out” (slow breath out)

      • #63914
        jasjol71
        Participant

        Great advice, Chris. I appreciate that! Thanks for listening!

    • #63866
      acbattag
      Participant

      Jasjol71 –
      WOW – YES on the meditation! I’m IN! I’d definitely listen to you and actually got relaxed listening to the demo. Honestly I don’t have a lot of great feedback for you on either except on the technical piece in editing – you sound a bit echoed in your room and can hear breaths along the way. Honestly, wish I could give you more – GREAT job!

      Amber

      • #63870
        jasjol71
        Participant

        Thanks, Amber. I appreciate that. I should have mentioned I don’t have a decent studio setup yet! Just recording on a USB mic from my office on campus. Thanks for pointing out how important that is. I can definitely hear the breaths too… oops! Thanks again!

  • #63852
    Michelle
    Participant

    Good evening! I look forward to the feedback!

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    • #63908
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hi Michelle! Really lively, effortless, energetic read! If I had any nit-picks it would be to echo acbattag’s comment that you might want to snip the top and tail of your record so we don’t hear the incidental clicks and bumps your mic is picking up. Well done!

    • #63865
      acbattag
      Participant

      Hi Michelle!
      I really like your energy as well – I could actually see this (and a person on camera saying this). Are you working on editing as well? I noticed in the intro you had some clicks and I can hear your breaths on occasion. If you aren’t editing yet, this is really great raw. When you say “there’s a world in here..” the inflection is really similar to the prior phrase. I would try changing that up a bit for some variety. I love the “great indoors” – really love how you did that part.
      Have fun!
      -Amber

    • #63856
      jasjol71
      Participant

      Michelle, I liked the energy and the inflections in your voice!

  • #63850
    Akingsley19
    Participant

    Hello Everyone!
    Thank you for the advice from my last post. I really tried to shift my focus to being less robotic and stilted. Still a ways to go on that front. Any advice or feedback is welcome!

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    • #63913
      CYeschenko
      Participant

      Overall good read- I think it is your frequency of breaths that add the micro-pauses that break it up? The more you work at it the more natural it will be though and the more connected the read will become. Keep it up!

    • #63906
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hello! Very nice work, definitely feel your enthusiasm for the product! I still hear that almost halting, tentative quality to your read that others have mentioned. It seems as if you might be emphasizing the start and stop of each word or phrase rather than letting it all flow together a bit more naturally. While listening, I also got a definite “Richard Lewis” vibe—a style which opens you up to some really interesting and wonderful applications! You’ve got the craft down, just continue to relax your read and lean into making it more of a casual conversation with the listener (who is really hankering for some fresh-baked bread!) Keep up the great work!

  • #63837
    Toque
    Participant

    Hi all. Practising a couple of possible short scripts for my commercial demo. Honest feedback on any and all aspects will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Toque

    Script 1 – Old Tomorrow Brewers – “At ‘Old Tomorrow’ brewers, our ‘Double-Up’ Coffee Milk Stout takes a deliciously dark stout and tempers it with cream and coffee flavours. It’s like a beer latte that awakens your senses.

    Script 2 – RBC – “From simple saving questions to big financial decisions, we’re here to help. RBC Investments – Get more when you invest with RBC.”

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    • #63854
      chas82
      Participant

      Toque – nice job on these. As John said, the different tones you used made the reads distinctly different end equally interesting.

      I’ll make two minor observations.
      Script 1 – I hear a micro pause and a bit of uptalk on “Brewers” following the first “Old Tomorrow” which tended to separate the components of the brand name. I also hear just a little uptalk at end of first sentence when you say “flavors”.

      Script 2 – I think you nailed this one.

      Good luck with your demo.

      Chas

      • #63909
        Toque
        Participant

        Thanks so much for the feedback John & Chas! I really appreciate it.

    • #63844
      John Trape
      Participant

      Hi Toque,

      I very much enjoyed listening to both scripts and appreciating the difference in tone that you applied to each one. Both readings made me feel that you were fully connected with, respectively, Old Tomorrow Brewers and RBC and, therefore, that you had visualized both scripts – a technique that my coach is impressing on me.

      Regards,

      John

  • #63807
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hi all! Here is a script for any and all feedback. Working with lead-ins to set the tone and also on sounding conversational and authentic. Let me know what you think. Thank you!

    Mary

    Aetna/US Healthcare

    No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.

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    • #63858
      jasjol71
      Participant

      Really enjoyed this read. Your tone is reassuring, which is what I sure the client would want. Sounded very professional to me!

      • #63888
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Jasjol71! Reassuring is good, I’m glad it sounds that way. Thank you!

        Mary

    • #63841
      John Trape
      Participant

      Hi Mary,

      Well, that sounds authentic and conversational to me! I felt that your lead-in worked perfectly. Actually, choosing the appropriate lead-in probably requires the same level of attention as interpretation of the script.

      Regards,

      John

      • #63889
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi John, thanks for the feedback! Lead-ins are making a difference to me – feel like it helps prep my brain get ready to perform the read. Thanks again!

        Mary

    • #63819
      Toque
      Participant

      Great job Mary! Your audio quality sounds good to my ears, and your read has gotten much more conversational. Keep up the good work! Toque

      • #63890
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Toque! I’m glad the sound quality is improving and that it sounds more conversational, appreciate it!

        Mary

      • #63855
        chas82
        Participant

        Mary
        I think you were starting to use lead ins within the last few weeks and I remember how it made an immediate BIG difference getting you into the script.

        I think you’ve gotten even better. The pace and flow was very good and appropriate for this type of message and you definitely achieved your goals of conversational and authentic. And, great choice of music for this topic. Well done ! Chas

        • #63891
          mkell755
          Participant

          Hi Chas, thanks for the feedback! Yeah for lead-ins! Simple and so easy to chop off later as needed. I’m glad it is sounding authentic and conversational, that is good to hear. I’m also really enjoying pairing music with a specific script, that is really fun as well. Thanks again!

          Mary

  • #63803
    Maci Roberts
    Participant

    Hello All,

    Would love feedback on both of these scripts I worked on. Thanks so much!

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    • #63822
      Toque
      Participant

      Hi Maci. I echo Mary’s comments. Overall, both quite good reads. The one suggestion I have about the first script is in regards to clearly enunciating the client’s name at the end. I couldn’t quite tell if it was Bench-Mate, Bench-Made, Binge-Made/Mate? Toque

    • #63809
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Maci, excellent! I really like your nice warm tone and emotion that you conveyed in both scripts! The first script was really encouraging and painted a picture of a family getting together. The second script was really good as well, and really chilling to think about the story behind it. Very well done!

      Mary

      • #63930
        Maci Roberts
        Participant

        Thank you for the feedback really helpful I will definitely keep that in mind!

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