Feedback Forum

Viewing 3,171 reply threads
  • Author
    Replies
  • #63867
    acbattag
    Participant

    Happy Friday! I’m considering this for my demo and would love your critic. Trying to determine which I like better… Appreciate any feedback you have!

    “It’s happening more often, and it’s not surprising. People are seeking out new places, trying new things. And discovering the best part is often hidden in the the journey along the way. Find yourself , in the Mazda CX30.”

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63920
      jasjol71
      Participant

      I listened to both, and agree that they are both very similar… I think Chris gave a great suggestion (letting someone in on a secret). Or maybe just a hint of seduction in the delivery…? Very nice voice, btw.

      • #64095
        acbattag
        Participant

        Thank you so much! I tried as a “secret” and it sounds way better!

    • #63905
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hello! Excellent reads! Both are crisp, clear, and polished. One thing I might suggest is injecting a bit of emotion into your performance to make it a touch more conversational and a touch less like a script read (which is something I struggle with all the time). “…the best part is often hidden in the journey along the way. Find yourself in the Mazda CX30” are quite aspirational ideas, and as you’re selling the transformative experience that is driving a Mazda, that might be a meaty place to play up the energy/emotion. Really accomplished work! Great job!

    • #63875
      Chris Bookless
      Participant

      Hey there! I think they’re fine but to be honest I don’t think they sound very different. As far as your interpretation it’s almost there. I think you’re just missing a little something. Try it as though you’re letting someone in on a secret.

      There’s a hum in the background. Maybe an AC or furnace? Also, I can hear the room a bit.

      • #63882
        acbattag
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Chris!

  • #63862
    jasjol71
    Participant

    Hello, everyone! I’m Jason. Working on a narration demo. These are from a couple of scripts I sourced. One is a mindfulness/meditation script (not my forte, since I have never meditated!), and the other is an audio guide for a Frank Lloyd Wright house. I look forward to your suggestions, and thanks in advance!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63876
      Chris Bookless
      Participant

      Good job. I’d say both pieces could be slowed down; don’t rush. For the first one you want the listener to take the time to follow your instructions. For the second you want the listener to be able to take in what they’re looking at.

      Also on the meditation track breathe with the listener.
      “Feel yourself breathing in” (slow breath in) “and feel your self breathing out” (slow breath out)

      • #63914
        jasjol71
        Participant

        Great advice, Chris. I appreciate that! Thanks for listening!

    • #63866
      acbattag
      Participant

      Jasjol71 –
      WOW – YES on the meditation! I’m IN! I’d definitely listen to you and actually got relaxed listening to the demo. Honestly I don’t have a lot of great feedback for you on either except on the technical piece in editing – you sound a bit echoed in your room and can hear breaths along the way. Honestly, wish I could give you more – GREAT job!

      Amber

      • #63870
        jasjol71
        Participant

        Thanks, Amber. I appreciate that. I should have mentioned I don’t have a decent studio setup yet! Just recording on a USB mic from my office on campus. Thanks for pointing out how important that is. I can definitely hear the breaths too… oops! Thanks again!

  • #63852
    Michelle
    Participant

    Good evening! I look forward to the feedback!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63908
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hi Michelle! Really lively, effortless, energetic read! If I had any nit-picks it would be to echo acbattag’s comment that you might want to snip the top and tail of your record so we don’t hear the incidental clicks and bumps your mic is picking up. Well done!

    • #63865
      acbattag
      Participant

      Hi Michelle!
      I really like your energy as well – I could actually see this (and a person on camera saying this). Are you working on editing as well? I noticed in the intro you had some clicks and I can hear your breaths on occasion. If you aren’t editing yet, this is really great raw. When you say “there’s a world in here..” the inflection is really similar to the prior phrase. I would try changing that up a bit for some variety. I love the “great indoors” – really love how you did that part.
      Have fun!
      -Amber

    • #63856
      jasjol71
      Participant

      Michelle, I liked the energy and the inflections in your voice!

  • #63850
    Akingsley19
    Participant

    Hello Everyone!
    Thank you for the advice from my last post. I really tried to shift my focus to being less robotic and stilted. Still a ways to go on that front. Any advice or feedback is welcome!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63913
      CYeschenko
      Participant

      Overall good read- I think it is your frequency of breaths that add the micro-pauses that break it up? The more you work at it the more natural it will be though and the more connected the read will become. Keep it up!

    • #63906
      rogue1
      Participant

      Hello! Very nice work, definitely feel your enthusiasm for the product! I still hear that almost halting, tentative quality to your read that others have mentioned. It seems as if you might be emphasizing the start and stop of each word or phrase rather than letting it all flow together a bit more naturally. While listening, I also got a definite “Richard Lewis” vibe—a style which opens you up to some really interesting and wonderful applications! You’ve got the craft down, just continue to relax your read and lean into making it more of a casual conversation with the listener (who is really hankering for some fresh-baked bread!) Keep up the great work!

  • #63837
    Toque
    Participant

    Hi all. Practising a couple of possible short scripts for my commercial demo. Honest feedback on any and all aspects will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Toque

    Script 1 – Old Tomorrow Brewers – “At ‘Old Tomorrow’ brewers, our ‘Double-Up’ Coffee Milk Stout takes a deliciously dark stout and tempers it with cream and coffee flavours. It’s like a beer latte that awakens your senses.

    Script 2 – RBC – “From simple saving questions to big financial decisions, we’re here to help. RBC Investments – Get more when you invest with RBC.”

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63854
      chas82
      Participant

      Toque – nice job on these. As John said, the different tones you used made the reads distinctly different end equally interesting.

      I’ll make two minor observations.
      Script 1 – I hear a micro pause and a bit of uptalk on “Brewers” following the first “Old Tomorrow” which tended to separate the components of the brand name. I also hear just a little uptalk at end of first sentence when you say “flavors”.

      Script 2 – I think you nailed this one.

      Good luck with your demo.

      Chas

      • #63909
        Toque
        Participant

        Thanks so much for the feedback John & Chas! I really appreciate it.

    • #63844
      John Trape
      Participant

      Hi Toque,

      I very much enjoyed listening to both scripts and appreciating the difference in tone that you applied to each one. Both readings made me feel that you were fully connected with, respectively, Old Tomorrow Brewers and RBC and, therefore, that you had visualized both scripts – a technique that my coach is impressing on me.

      Regards,

      John

  • #63807
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hi all! Here is a script for any and all feedback. Working with lead-ins to set the tone and also on sounding conversational and authentic. Let me know what you think. Thank you!

    Mary

    Aetna/US Healthcare

    No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63858
      jasjol71
      Participant

      Really enjoyed this read. Your tone is reassuring, which is what I sure the client would want. Sounded very professional to me!

      • #63888
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Jasjol71! Reassuring is good, I’m glad it sounds that way. Thank you!

        Mary

    • #63841
      John Trape
      Participant

      Hi Mary,

      Well, that sounds authentic and conversational to me! I felt that your lead-in worked perfectly. Actually, choosing the appropriate lead-in probably requires the same level of attention as interpretation of the script.

      Regards,

      John

      • #63889
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi John, thanks for the feedback! Lead-ins are making a difference to me – feel like it helps prep my brain get ready to perform the read. Thanks again!

        Mary

    • #63819
      Toque
      Participant

      Great job Mary! Your audio quality sounds good to my ears, and your read has gotten much more conversational. Keep up the good work! Toque

      • #63890
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Toque! I’m glad the sound quality is improving and that it sounds more conversational, appreciate it!

        Mary

      • #63855
        chas82
        Participant

        Mary
        I think you were starting to use lead ins within the last few weeks and I remember how it made an immediate BIG difference getting you into the script.

        I think you’ve gotten even better. The pace and flow was very good and appropriate for this type of message and you definitely achieved your goals of conversational and authentic. And, great choice of music for this topic. Well done ! Chas

        • #63891
          mkell755
          Participant

          Hi Chas, thanks for the feedback! Yeah for lead-ins! Simple and so easy to chop off later as needed. I’m glad it is sounding authentic and conversational, that is good to hear. I’m also really enjoying pairing music with a specific script, that is really fun as well. Thanks again!

          Mary

  • #63803
    Maci Roberts
    Participant

    Hello All,

    Would love feedback on both of these scripts I worked on. Thanks so much!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63822
      Toque
      Participant

      Hi Maci. I echo Mary’s comments. Overall, both quite good reads. The one suggestion I have about the first script is in regards to clearly enunciating the client’s name at the end. I couldn’t quite tell if it was Bench-Mate, Bench-Made, Binge-Made/Mate? Toque

    • #63809
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Maci, excellent! I really like your nice warm tone and emotion that you conveyed in both scripts! The first script was really encouraging and painted a picture of a family getting together. The second script was really good as well, and really chilling to think about the story behind it. Very well done!

      Mary

      • #63930
        Maci Roberts
        Participant

        Thank you for the feedback really helpful I will definitely keep that in mind!

  • #63801
    artyom123
    Participant

    Script:

    Welcome to Longevity by Design. A podcast for individuals looking to experience a longer, healthier life. In each episode, Dr. Gil Blander joins a co-host and an industry expert to explore the journey of personalized health. The show helps you access science-based information, unpack complicated concepts and learn about what’s on the cutting edge. Tune into Longevity by Design and see how to add years onto your life…and life onto your years.

    Looking for feedback on connection to text. Much Appreciated!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63840
      Toque
      Participant

      You’ve got a great voice Artyom! I agree with the comments from Mary and Macy. Feels to me like you might need to add a bit more emotion to the read in places, as though the podcast and the things to be discussed in it, are things you’re really interested in and excited to hear about – so you help get the audience excited and interested as well. Toque.

    • #63810
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Artyom123! Very nice! I like the nice tone and calmness in your voice, very good for a podcast vibe, and I think you connected well with the script. I think “science-based” could be enunciated a little clearer; those 2 words ran together a bit for me. I also think you could have just a micro pause more after “…on the cutting edge.” to help end the phrase and that long descriptive sentence. Really good work!

      Mary

    • #63806
      Maci Roberts
      Participant

      Hi!

      I loved the delivery of your last line, you put a nice emphasis on years and made it sound very genuine. At the beginning I felt that your read was disconncted from the text, I would try smiling when you deliver the lines, that always helps me. I also think it would help to vary the pacing throughout the read so that it doesn’t sound like one big monologue. Hope this helps!

  • #63787
    chas82
    Participant

    Hi All – Here’s two more Commercial practice scripts as I work toward preparing for my demo next month. I chose the Sesame Place script because I wanted expand into more upbeat, family-focused reads. The AMEX script is going back to where I perceive my strengths to be. All constructive criticism welcomed. Chas

    Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi™! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Place® theme park!

    We are helping put instruments back in the hands of kids. Why? Studies indicate kids who learn music excel at reading, science and math. But Budget cuts are eliminating music programs. So, join blue from American Express to help put music back in the hands of kids!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #64080
      TimDKietzman
      Participant

      Your voice is magnificent for the second one. You sound serious, formal, and business-like, which I’m sure is what the client would be looking for. The first one was good too, lively and inviting, although I think when you performed the list, it sounded as if you were losing interest… Lists need to be read as statements while still sounding invested. Both takes were great all in all, good luck.

    • #63814
      chas82
      Participant

      Thanks Mary. I appreciate the feedback

    • #63811
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Chas, good work! I liked both of these for you. The first one had a nice playful vibe and energy to it, and the second one had a good call to action feel to it. Very good!

      Mary

  • #63775
    Akingsley19
    Participant

    Hello Everyone,
    I kind of kept pushing off doing this, but I’m happy to finally put stuff out here on this forum. I did a made-up banking commercial for this one.

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #63857
      jasjol71
      Participant

      I like your voice. I agree with some of the earlier comments about it sounding a bit choppy, but I thought it got more and more natural as it progressed. One small thing about making it sound more natural/conversational: maybe make “we are” the contraction “we’re” — might help smooth it out!

    • #63845
      John Trape
      Participant

      Hi Akingsley,

      I really enjoyed your read. As I listened to your recording, I found myself following the narrator into the bank while everyday banking was going on all around. Picking up on Mary’s feedback above, actually imagining myself inside a branch of that bank would make it much easier for me to really bring out the natural, conversational tone that I might want.

      Thank you for sharing your reading.

      Regards,

      John

    • #63813
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Akingsley! Nice work. This sounded a little disconnected / choppy to me, and with some longer pauses between phrases and after commas than needed. You might try it again and still emphasize key words like you were doing, just try to make it flow a little smoother, like how you tell a friend about it, more relaxed. I hope that makes sense. Keep it up!

      Mary

    • #63797
      artyom123
      Participant

      I agree with the others, another thing I heard is some jaw tension. Practice once with over exaggerating how much you lower your jaw when reading, then find a happy medium. I hope that helps.

    • #63778
      aylinsings
      Participant

      Hi. I like this material! I think you need to focus more on building the story aspect of it. You had the beginning, but started losing me in the middle. It was just a bit low energy and a little rehearsed. Try to make that part sound a bit more conversational and bright. At the end of the day, you want us to bank there. Great first take though!

      • #63779
        SuperLuke
        Participant

        I agree. I listened to this twice. You started out on an okay note, then it sounded more like you were trying to read us the copy rather than perform it as a commercial. I think if you perform the commercial with more energy, speed, and enthusiasm, this could become a better performance that will grip and hold your listener’s attention.
        hope this was helpful
        -SL

Viewing 3,171 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.