[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[John Trape]

Hello everyone,

I have these three narration scripts that I have recorded for my forthcoming coaching session and would very much appreciate any and all feedback.

Voice for the City of Toronto
You know that term “We’re all in this together?” Well, it’s true.
While some of us might be working in government and others not, we’re actually all in the same boat. You see, we’re citizens as well.
We all want the same thing. A city that works for everyone. As fast and efficient and as relevant as can be. Thriving, accessible, and inclusive.

Recycling
I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused. You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now! Recycling is important because it helps keep the Earth clean, especially from trash made of plastic.

Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video
This Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video is filled with plenty of breathtaking scenes. But more important, it’s loaded with all the information you need for planning a trip to Alaska. Like when to go, what to wear, and what to see. So if you’ve got Alaska on your mind, you’re going to love this video. Let’s begin with snow sports. This is definitely the place. For cross-country and down-hill skiing. For snowboarding, tobogganing, and even ice fishing.

Thank you,

John

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[Shmuel]

Hi John,
Thanks for uploading these. A few comments, and it’s only my opinion, just a fellow VO student (albeit with acting experience):
Your diction is clear, and I don’t hear any breathing.
No hard P’s or S’s. You know how to record, and you’ve got the right equipment, that can be heard right off the bat. The quality of the recording is top notch.
You have a pleasant, mellifluous voice.

In each of the samples, I would give it more energy and more interest. Some strategic pauses might help, but ask your coach. Mine said that a commercial is like a shark – it’s got to keep moving or it will die. But I felt all the pieces were in one continuation, and was lacking some vocal “movement” or something like that.
With Toronto, I missed you feeling like you are encouraging someone to row with you in the boat, or some such. We are a team, we can do it! Something like that.
Recycling: I didn’t quite get that you relate to the planet like it’s a treasured pet, or a best friend. I need to feel that you really like the planet. And heck, so should all of us, right? Consider adding a very slight edge (pardon the pun) to the word “plastic” as if it’s poison. Dont’ go overboard with it, though.
Alaska: I was missing that you are truly awed by these breathtaking scenes. Note that “Alaska on your mind” is a take off on the song “Georgia on My Mind”, it would be nice to hear some sort of vocal hint that it’s similar. I would like to hear the LOVE you have of this really cool video that you are going to show us.
Wishing you success !
Shmuel Goldstein

[John Trape]

Hi Shmuel,

Thank you very much indeed for your extremely constructive, thoughtful, and encouraging feedback. I greatly appreciate the time you took to do that. And, of course, your observations and advice are precisely what I need.

Respectfully,

John

[Akingsley19]

Hello Everyone,

I recorded the Advil script from the Edge Studio Library for practice. Any feedback is welcome! And any tips as well! I admittedly ran out of breath halfway through, but I felt like this was one of my better takes.

Thanks!

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[CYeschenko]

Nice work- there are moments of this that really work, like the way you emphasized “the day after exercise.” For the rest I would keep working to build your breath support and as you continue working on scripts, the flow of your read will get smoother. Something that may help is focusing on a clear image of a person you are relating the info to- that way it will sound more natural/have fewer micropauses and will connect with the audience better as well. Keep it up!

[monibr16]

Hello everyone,
Here’s another practice run for my coaching sessions. I’m in my closet haha but all other feedback is welcome, thank you!

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[monibr16]

Hello everyone,
Here’s another practice run for my coaching sessions. I’m in my closet haha but all other feedback is welcome, thank you!
Monique

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[artyom123]

Would love feedback on my emotional connection to this script. Thanks all!

Script:
After clicking the button, you will be redirected to a landing page. A pop-up will appear that reads “We are processing your registration and creating your digital experience.”

A Successful Registration notification will appear. Select Sign In to complete the registration process.

You will then be directed to the landing page. Select continue.

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[acbattag]

Hi Artyom!
First and I am sure I have said this before, your voice is great. I love the deep resonance that you have. If you were looking for an emotional connection on this- I got bit more of a robotic vibe on the first sentence. I think it is specially when you are saying “page” and reads” that you are really drawing those words out so it feels a bit forced and more robotic. I would recommend trying to smooth that out just a bit. You are extremely clear and appropriately crisp throughout the rest of the read though!

[sarahtranchina]

Hey everybody! I’m new here; just started my VO Commercial training and am recording from my home studio. I would love to hear your feedback on the quality of both the read and the audio. Let me know what you think, thanks! (Accidentally uploaded the same audio file twice, sorry!)

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by sarahtranchina.
• This reply was modified 4 years ago by sarahtranchina.

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[Shmuel]

ohmygawd, gimme some of that almond milk! You can sell snow to an Eskimo!
I heard the S’s and P’s a bit to much “breathy”.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Shmuel.

[sarahtranchina]

Hey Shmuel! Thanks for the feedback! Will definitely pay closer attention to S’s and P’s, I agree with you!

[acbattag]

Great work Sarah!

I agree with Monibr16 that I do hear some echo in the room, but your mic sounds awesome with your voice! I would also recommend slowing down just a bit. It feels as if you were rushing a bit during the last third of the read. Best of luck to you on your journey!

-Amber

[sarahtranchina]

Hey Amber, thanks for the great feedback! I am going to look into the echo, might have to add some more foam. Will also work on slowing down!

[monibr16]

Great read! Mic sounds awesome. But I do hear a little echo in some areas. Overall great!

[sarahtranchina]

Thanks for the feedback, monibr16. I’ll look into this!

[artyom123]

great emotion and smile through the read. I would suggest elongating some main words and taking a few structured pauses. keep up the good work

[sarahtranchina]

Thank you, Artyom123! It was my first stab at editing and I agree with you; I took too much space out in post.

[CYeschenko]

Working on some more assorted copy! Any comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!

Tesla Camera App

The touchscreen is your control panel for accessing functions, features and apps in your Tesla. The camera allows you to display what the high-definition rear view camera sees at any time when in Reverse. Guidelines appear and move with the steering wheel to show your trajectory. Always be sure to check your surroundings and to use your mirrors. The camera is an aid and should not be relied upon for rear view. If you are in need of additional assistance, you can reach Tesla support at eight-four-four two-four-eight-three-seven-five-two.

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[artyom123]

great read and articulation with great mini pauses and pitch variation. I would suggest something that I struggle with right now is more of an emotional connection to the text. Pretending you are very interested in the material and what are the stakes of you delivering this information to someone? WHY do they need to know this? Keep it up!

[artyom123]

Would love feedback on my read, my character and connection to script. Thanks all!

“Let’s face it. Planning for disruption is the new ‘business as usual’.

And the businesses that will thrive are the ones taking an integrated approach to getting the most value from weather data.

Leading companies are employing advanced analytics and intelligent workflows to better predict how weather will impact their assets, employees and customers.

Industries you might not expect are quickly pivoting from “blaming the weather” to harnessing it.”

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[Jim Grant]

You’ve got really solid voice work, your annunciation is crisp and you really take care with each word. You provide a good pitch range which gives it variance, but I think its missing an emotional range. I would read that first line a little more conversational, it came off a little robotic for what looks like the read trying to “level with” its audience.

also upon a second listen, “Workflows” sounded off but otherwise your annunciation is quite good.

[jamcjon]

In this training, we’ll explore our Crisis Management program, its structure, and how it works to protect Synopsys by effectively identifying and responding to incidents that pose a threat.Let’s start by taking a closer look at Crisis Management.

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[Jim Grant]

great voice, great pause at the end and change of direction into a good call to action. echoing the rushing, use those commas as pauses for mood/tone shifts.

[Robert Broussard]

That was good but just a little rushed overall.

[tomnunes]

What a great voice. It commands your attention. Overall, a very nice read. Clear delivery with a good pace. A couple of items you could work on. The first first word was rushed. Almost sounded “n’THIS training.” Give more emphasis/time to “In”. In “how it works to protect Synopsys”, I would make “protect” the important word. Nice work!

[SacScotty]

Hello All:

Here is a little vignette on Ellis Island. Please provide feedback on all aspects of this attempt. Thanks!!! Scott

Ellis Island may not appear large on a map, but it is an unparalleled destination in United States history.
From 1892 to 1954, over twelve million immigrants entered the United States through this portal ; a small island in New York Harbor. Ellis Island is located in the upper bay, just off the New Jersey coast, within the shadow of the Statue of Liberty. Through the years, this gateway to the new world was enlarged from its original 3.3 acres to 27.5 acres by landfill –supposedly obtained from the ballast of ships, excess earth from the construction of the New York City subway system and elsewhere. Ellis Island is now a poetic symbol of the American Dream.

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[aylinsings]

Hi –

I really enjoy the tone of your voice. That being said, I think that it was a nice read, but be careful of those plosives. Especially whenever you make a ‘p’ sound. A pop screen on your mic will do wonders for that! Also, really work on enunciating every word like ‘New Jersey.’ Great work!!

Aylin

[tomnunes]

Hi, Scott. I love the storytelling quality of your voice. A wise, kind, and avuncular sound. Perfect for these kind of narrations. Some comments on the read. I think you can slow down the first line. It felt very rushed. Take your time. You’re introducing us to the story with this interesting contrast. There’s quite a bit of up-speak on “landfill”. Like you were reading live for the first time and you were shocked by the word. I believe the phrasing should be thought of as: “Ellis Island was enlarged by landfill, excess earth from construction of the New York City subway system, and elsewhere.” with “supposedly obtained from the ballast of ships” as an aside. Thanks for sharing

[SacScotty]

Hello Tom: Sorry for such a late response. I will not be surprised if you don’t see this. But,I did want to thank you for this feedback. The comments on pace and ‘speak-up’ were insightful and most helpful.

Kind Regards,
Scott

[Author]

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