Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by .
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Hey there! I’m looking for feedback on my delivery. I’m still not set up properly with regard to acoustics. These two short bits are for my coaching session this week. Thank you so much in advance–you won’t hurt my feelings.
Script 1: Come to D***y Hands Garden Center for all your gardening needs. We carry hundreds of trees, perennials, garden art, accessories, and more! Visit us at Sycamore Square or on the web at dirtyhandsgardencenter.com. And remember: “Compost, because a rind is a terrible thing to waste.”
Script 2: Wondering if you should get tested for colorectal cancer? Of cancers affecting both men and women, it’s the second leading cancer killer in the US. It doesn’t always cause symptoms, especially early on. So, don’t wait. If you’re 50 or older, it’s time. Go to cdc.gov/cancer/colorectal to find out more about colorectal cancer screening.-
Hey Mitch! I definitely enjoyed your delivery for Script 1. From the beginning I saw a salesperson waving me in with a smile on their face, especially with how you said, “Come to D***y Hands Garden Center…” One thing I would recommend is differentiating your list in the beginning to add some color and draw their interest in. Nevertheless, Script 1 was great!
On Script 2, I could hear you aiming for a sincere tone at 0:13 and I like how you carried that through the thought, creating a sense of urgency.
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Mitch, first off thanks for the critique on my tomorrow read. I think I edited it out too much with without leaving some thoughtful pauses but anyway to your work! If I were you coach I would say I’d like you to connect more to the script as in telling someone about the garden center and then sarcastically mentioning the compost which is a turn in the script and would help finish it. The cancer read you probably just need to get more sympathetic you’re talking about a deadly cancer and begging someone to get screened for it right? Keep it up and thanks for sharing your work!
Oh and by the way I’ll try to put up something to shoot an example of a PSA the cancer read you did. -
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Hi Mitch – great voice! Love the varied pitch throughout script 1 – but I think the pause was a tad too long between ‘garden art’ and ‘accessories’. Agree with Sarah regarding script 2 – your voice is very suited to this genre. It comes across as trust worthy and persuasive 🙂
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Hey Mitch! Great work on these! You have a nice energy and tone! I would work on finding personalization in Script 1 when you get to the listing of items so that it remains clear and focused and keeps our attention focused. In Script 2 I like your delivery. I can easily hear you in the PSA space. As another option I would try practicing it as if you were letting your best friend know about screening to see how that would add a different nuance. Pleasure to listen!
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Thank you Sarah! Good call on talking to a friend…I actually prefaced it with, “Hey Steve,…” then went into the reading. I find it difficult to tell my good friend about the screening in those words–I’d say it totally differently! 🙂 So that’s my challenge; to adapt in that way, talking to a friend or loved one using somebody else’s words. I’ll keep working on it! Thanks for the thoughts on the list, too; I’ll punch those items out differently. Great feedback.
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Hi all. Computer crashed last week, so waiting ’til the new one comes in next week. Meanwhile, am practicing using the AVR app on my iphone, so please focus feedback on style, approach to script, execution, is this type of script good for me, etc. Thank you! T.
SCRIPT – Staples work life:
Is work really good? Because it kind of looks bad. Good
doesn’t make you check your personality at the door.
Good wants you to bring it to work. Good is hustling
hard. Not because you have to, but because you’re
happy to.
Start living the good work life. Staples.-
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Hey, Toque! First of all you have an awesome vocal quality. I would maybe play around with pacing. I think your introductory pace on the first two lines was great and added to the comedy of it, but maybe pick up your pace as you go through the reasons why good is good. Not a terrible lot, but just ever so slightly so that we have a beginning thought and an arc that takes you to Staples being the good life. Thanks for sharing!
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Great read, Toque! Your voice is ideal for this spot. One thing I noticed that perhaps you could work on is the short, quick breaths I can hear between some words, like before the first word of each of the last four sentences (not including “Staples.”). My favorite part is your tone in the first two sentences–got my attention! Good stuff.
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Hi everyone!
Just some coaching homework practice scripts. Apologize for any background noise. New student. Don’t have my home studio stuff yet. Thanks!!!!
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Hi everyone – I have attached some recordings that I did for homework this week (all selected from the script library)…. would appreciate any and all feedback please. I realize my acoustics are not great but hopefully that will be resolved soon.
Thank you
Rita-
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Hi Rita! Great work! I agree with Caryn, I do hear some mouth sounds throughout… I have heard that having a slice or two of apple before recording helps with this. I would also work on your peripheral eye scanning ahead, especially with long narration copy. For example there were certain spots where I can hear the end of a sentence coming and the trail off that is associated with that when we read to ourselves, so scanning ahead might help your brain to keep the drive going through the end of sentences. Great work I can’t wait to hear more!
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Hi Rita! I love the first and the third readings! Pitch and tone are nicely varied in the first script; I agree that the tempo could be slowed just a bit. I think that you’ll like the third script reading even more when your acoustics are resolved! With regard to the first reading, at 0:15, you mention Joseph Haydn. Perhaps it’s a different pronunciation in England, but I typically hear it pronounced “Hi-din”, as opposed to “Hay-din”. Let me know if I’m mistaken!–I’ll gladly retract! 🙂 Love your voice!
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Hi everyone,
This is my first homework assignment. I would love to hear your feedback on the quality of my read and my neutral English. My studio is not fully set up yet, so the acoustics might not be great. Thanks for your help!
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Hello All,
This is my first assignment upload and editing experience in a while. Please, let me know your thoughts. Thank you!
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Joseph! I love the warmth of your voice!! In the first recording, the pace was good for the first half, but after :18 it seemed just the slightest bit choppy at the pauses. If that is smoothed over a bit, this is an ideal reading. The way the word “software” is spoken at :17 is veritably award-winning. In the second reading, the line “It is…for the moment…unique.” sounds a bit robotic (:17). Feel free to let your smooth voice run through that more naturally. Can’t wait to hear more!
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Good morning, Joseph,
I very much enjoyed listening to your two recordings. I found myself relaxing as you spoke and never felt that I was being rushed. Indeed, your pace, diction, and enunciation, backed up by the warmth in your voice, made the recordings sound natural, sincere, and personal.
Thank you for sharing,
John
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Rich, this is amazing! Your warm, deep, rich tones are outstanding. You have a completely unique voice, but, and I hope this isn’t taken wrong, I was reminded of William Shatner for a very brief moment doing his talk-singing…perhaps it was the accompanying music? Anyway, that is meant to be a compliment. But again, I love this reading!
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Further practice! Any comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!
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