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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi Danvasq4030,
I have just a few comments on each of your entries. I really like the warm tone of your voice and pacing. I think you could convey more incredulousness in the first half (before the comma) of the first line of Motel 6. There is a small noise just before the word “save” in the second sentence. In the American Cancer Society commercial, could you dampen down the “th” sound at the end of the word “health”? Since adjectives our are friend and add color to a line, you might want to emphasize, a bit more, the word “lethal” in the second sentence. In the Wall Street Journal piece, there is a small noise at the beginning of the second sentence that begins with “To .” The word information in the third sentence that begins “The journal gives me all the business information…..” the word “information” is sort of fuzzy in the middle. Also, that sentence sounds kind of flat. Since the paper is so important to the character speaking, it probably should be given more emphasis. The only other issue is that there seems to be a little too much space between sentences. I really only heard this on the Wall Street Journal demo.
Good job,
Elizabeth -
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First, very nice, rich tone to your voice.
Performance wise, two things stand out to me:
1) Respect the punctuation. The “albeit misconceived” clause kind of lives right on top and bulldozes over the commas that feel like they should be there, and there’s a few other times where it feels like that happens and the message starts to get muddied for me. Give the script room to breathe and tell a story.
2) It felt like the same emotional note throughout, no real changes in the overall inflection or emotion. Find the beats in the story, and make the changes in tone to reflect that. You have a very rich voice that will match well with a luxury brand, now it’s just about connecting with the material.Who are you coaching with, if I may ask?
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Nice copy, Jbach! I second everything Brian has said here, and I would add that I understand the challenge of typing out copy that you hear directly from a commercial. I’m not sure if that’s how you had gotten this copy, but whenever I find copy this way I notice that I add ellipses and punctuation marks based on what the VO Actor has done and then at risk of it being a direct copy I try and go back and write in as complete a sentence as possible to take their emotional read and their choices back out of it. Again, not sure if this applies to you but if so I hear ya and maybe that will help!
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Here is my first upload, please tell me what you think. It’s a PSA about pool safety, here is the text:
POOL SAFETY
Sometimes there’s no do over
Somethings you can’t rewind
That’s when an extra safety step can mean the difference between a close call
And a call to 911
Simple steps save lives
Learn more at PoolSafely dot gov(edit)
Ooof. Just saw that the WAV file was uploaded so you have to download it. How do I upload like the rest of you, so all you have to do is listen to it?
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Hey Everyone! I’m back at it again with some more VO HW, working towards my first commercial demo! If anyone has any comments and suggestions I would greatly appreciate! And tips and tricks too would be awesome! Hope everyone out there is staying safe!!
Motel 6 Do-Over
I’ve just been hearing about this trendy new hairstyle called a man bun. I mean what’s next the hee hive? Well Motel 6 recently got a new updo of sorts too with renovations nationwide and even with our fresh modern look you’ll still find rooms at the lowest price of any national chain so you can save up enough money to get yourself a haircut or maybe a hat.
We’ll leave the light on for you, at Motel6American Cancer Society
It’s tough to quit smoking. Just ask any of the 50 million Americans who continue to puff away, even though they know the toll it takes on health and longevity. When it comes to breaking this lethal habit, the most effective tool is willpower. The American Cancer Society now offers a free video for those smokers who feel they can’t quit alone. Call the AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY today, at 1-800-123-4567
Wall Street Journal
Between my breakfast and the Wall Street Journal, I get all my daily requirements. To start my day, I need a good balanced breakfast. But, to start my business day, I need my copy of the Wall Street Journal. The Journal gives me all the business information and background I need. So, every morning I read the Wall Street Journal. That way, when I get my daily business information, I’m sure to get a full serving!
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Hi. Nice work. On the first one, I’m wondering how you feel about the man bun. Since its the first thing you what happens just before you say that? Do you have lead in?
On the second one, I’d play with being even more conversational than you already are. Who is the one person you’re talking to?
On the third, the first line seems slightly rushed. I’d emphasize breakfast and Wall Street Journal more. Again, what’s happening before your first line?
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Hey Dante! Yes yes yes that voice of yours is fabulous! I would double check your gain level because I found the volume was loud on all three… also I think you’ve got the announcer style down pat. I would play with your second copy, the Excedrin, and try it in a more casual friend to friend conversational style. Just to play and to give yourself a little more variety in the style of read. The announcer style worked well for the type of spot the first and third would be. Great job!
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You’ve got a great voice. All three reads, though, were essentially the same tone/emotion (let’s hear some range, I know you have it) and all three felt “announcery”, as opposed to the more conversational tone that casting directors are looking for right now. Reel in the energy (the tone in these would be perfect for a sports commercial) and let’s hear what you can do. Looking forward to hearing more!
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Hi Dante. Great voice. On the first one it flows nicely. I hear a hint of maybe a New York accent on the word exercise. Thats not a bad thing of course. It just seemed slightly different from the overall neutral accent you were using. The second one: perfect. Wouldn’t touch it. The third seems to get a little clunky on “athletes, stars and trainers”. Like it was edited with “stars and trainers” added after. At any rate that part seems like it could flow a little more, give each one their moment in the spotlight so to speak.
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Here’s another script. What do you think of my tone? Did I achieve my goal of sounding confident, genteel, and excited?
Jonny Craig
For a common sense approach to weight loss, call Jonny Craig. Our new carb option lets you eat out. You can even eat pasta and potatoes. Join now and lose 20 pounds plus the cost of food. Call 1-800-51-Jonny. -
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