[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[sarahtranchina]

Working on longer form copy. Would love any and all feedback. Thanks!

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[waninick]

Hi Sarah,

Vocalizing groupings of items is an art form in itself.
And this script has lots of lists, even some that are nested.

Teach you the cure for writer’s block
the recipe for lobster ravioli
beef wellington
How to lead a company
train your dog
pick a paint color
a perfect song
a new career

Using pitch, inflection, and pacing can make the group members more obvious.

I say all that to say that in at least one place, an element is separated from the
rest of its list. ‘Pick a paint color’ seems to be haning on its own, leaving
‘a perfect song’ with no linkage or context. Were you to transition into ‘a perfect
song’ the way you transition into ‘a new career’, the entire group comes together
under the group ‘pick’.

Full disclosure: I am not a director. But a good one would help you understand
how to use pitch and pacing and tempo to make these kinds of lists of lists
coherent and engaging at the same time. (OMT, be mindful of your P’s…!)
You have an absolutely wonderful, clear, articulate voice. And I look forward
very much to hearing more from you.

TimG

[mkell755]

Hi Sarah, very nice! You have a nice light voice that is friendly and easy to listen to. I would suggest trying it with a bit more excitement and enthusiasm, like you are telling a friend about this really cool great new thing that she really needs to know about!! It sounds nice but not persuasive enough. Good job on this!

Mary

[SuperLuke]

I think it was a good performance, Sarah. You have a great voice. It sounded more like a cold read. But I think you are trying to advertise Masterclass, right? If so, maybe try to sound more upbeat, the “wow” factor, “all the amazing things you can achieve once you click here to sign up now”.

[artyom123]

I love your clarity and humble sounding voice that is kind welcoming. I think this read need more of an amazement factor tailored with a solution. Pretend telling someone that you just came across an amazing new discovery and proceed with the read.

[eglover177]

Ok I have taken three shots at this and this is what i settled for any critism is appreciated

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[artyom123]

I think it sounds great in the low register, very authoritative. What can be added is to make it more conversational. try a lead in… like your trying to help a friend get over a hurdle and you have the perfect solution which is Advil. I hope this helps

[sarahtranchina]

Hey eglover! Wow wow wow what a voice! I agree with Shmuel that it just felt a little trippy over some words. You may deal with this from time to time because you have that beautiful lower register where it’s sometimes more work to pump those words out clearly so I’d definitely slow down the pace a touch to get them all. You’re awesome!

[Shmuel]

Hi eg, right at the beginning, I thought I was listening to a national radio ad. Very good. One tweak i would consider, from sec. 18 to about 22 you sound slightly like you are rushing it, and kind of tripping over the words. The effect is very slight, and I think I only hear it because I was listening very closely. YMMV.

[SuperLuke]

You have a great voice in the performance. Maybe sound more relaxed, like you just took an advil that cured your headache, and you might try to sound hurt at first and cured on cue after taking the pill. You sounded super fast towards the end too, which made my attention drift. But all in all, I liked the radio guy type commercial I was hearing

[jmtarleton]

Hello everyone, here’s a little more commercial homework. Please share any feedback you may have!

Many many thanks,

John

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[artyom123]

great work – diction and clarity. for practice, try reading in a very conversational tone

[sarahtranchina]

Hey John! So I had an issue with this as well which is why I’m now hyper focused on it… you have a bit of an echo on all three clips. I played around a bit and found that laying a towel over top of my desk (where my set up is) while I record eats up some of that extra space. Hope this helps!

[eglover177]

jmtarleton your last copy sounds gret its the 1st 2 that sound rather flat

[burdahgirl]

Thanks for any feedback!

Habitat For Humanity
Script:
Every 7 minutes around the world, Habitat for Humanity serves a family in need of decent housing. Affordable housing solutions might differ from place to place, but to the families who dream of them, help build them and eventually inhabit them, they all add up to just one thing. Home.

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[artyom123]

I agree, very clear articulation and pleasant smooth voice. What this could use more of is a deep emotional connection like your empathizing with someone.

[sarahtranchina]

Hey burdahgirl! You have a nice crisp and clear voice. Your mic sounds great as well. I thought this was really lovely, you emphasized important words that kept us following along, and made smart choices. Awesome!

[eglover177]

Burdahgirl I see your takin this very seriously great sound and clarity

[Robert Broussard]

That was really good. Your voice is very easy to listen to. Tone and pacing were very good. I do agree with MDmcghee about the last part but overall very good read!!

[Mdmcghee34]

very warm and inviting; great tone for this script; I would suggest a little more pausing before saying “they all add up to just one thing. Home.”

[Bil-Bo]

Del Monte

My granddad built this farm way back in the late 1800s. He had a policy of producing only the finest quality fruits and vegetables. That’s why people began to know and enjoy the name Del Monte. … Well, today, the farm is mine — and ya’ know, I still carry on the proud tradition of only the finest fruits and vegetables. DEL MONTE — only the finest.

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[Jorjecat09]

Excellent read! Felt easy going with the right amount of energy without over doing it. Your tone of voice feels like a great big comfortable sweater. Fantastic job!

[sarahtranchina]

Hey Bil-Bo. Well this is just excellent from top to bottom. I also hear the static throughout which is the only thing. Remove that and you’re selling a LOT of Del Monte product 🙂

[Dante M.]

Good read with nice pacing, but more importantly, there’s some fizz going on every time you speak and unfortunately it’s relatively noticeable. Hopefully you can fix that.

[Robert Broussard]

Awesome job Bil-Bo!!

[eglover177]

Bill BO WOW THE 1st three words did it for me….You are definitely valuable Great read

[burdahgirl]

Oh man, it’s so good! I now have an understanding of what my coach is always saying about creating connection – you nailed it!

[Mdmcghee34]

what a great read. cool and relaxing and makes me want to eat some fruits and vegetables. Sound caring and proud to own the Del monte farm. great tone for the script.

[Chad4674]

Hi Bil-BO!
Great read! Very relaxed and tone was consistent throughout the read.

[Jbach]

This one is a political spot. Its not my worldview; just challenging myself. Any feedback would be welcome.

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[Mdmcghee34]

Good read. I suggest maybe a little more passion or energy could be heard for the candidate and for the state Kentucky and to really hit those money words: our Kentucky values….strong…fight..Rand Paul..destroy our liberty…spend too much

[burdahgirl]

Hi Jbach! I think it’s a good read, really clear and good pacing. I would suggest playing around with a little more pitch variance in there to keep it from being too stagnant? I hope that’s helpful!

[sarahtranchina]

Hey everyone! So I have had one of those days where I’ve tried to get some tracks down and everything is just… meh. You know what I mean? But as an exercise I know there will be days when you have to send in copy when you’re just not going to be clicking in like you normally would. So I’d love your feedback as if you DIDN’T know this disclaimer I’ve given you, and would also love to know if you’ve also had days like mine and if you have any great tips and tricks to “snap out of it!” Thanks so much 🙂

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[Jbach]

Great read. Seemed very believable and not overselling it.

[Robert Broussard]

Sarah, your read was good. The pace and tone was good. The energy at the end could have been a little higher, but all in all a good job.

[Robert Broussard]

Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks
Dodge Trucks

Dodge trucks. Fifty foot hairy tarantulas? Alien Armies? No, our competitors fear only one thing- the most powerful line of trucks- including Dakota, Durango and Ram Heavy Duty.
Two words to other trucks. Nighty, night. For info, visit dodge.com or call 800-4A-DODGE.
They have starring roles in other trucks’ nightmares. Dodge. Grab life by the horns.

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[Sherry Newell]

Hi everyone!
I’m new to this and working on homework for narration. The first one is talking to kids. I’m still working on getting a studio set up, so this is just recorded on my phone for now. Any and all feedback welcome! Thanks for listening 🙂

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[sarahtranchina]

Hey, Sherry! First of all I think you have a lovely voice; you sound super cheerful and confident. My one note would be that your phrasing had the tendency to be choppy in the first and third clips. Think of/practice with your copy as if you would tell this to a friend or loved one, and how there would be a more fluid line between the beginning and end of a thought or sentence and see how that feels. The second clip about Emilia Earhart I hear far less than the clip about recycling and about adrenaline. Awesome stuff!

[Sherry Newell]

Thank you so much for listening and giving feedback! I will definitely work on it.

[Robert Broussard]

Sherry,
I think you did a good job so far. It sounded good for being on your phone. Keep it up.

[Sherry Newell]

Thanks!

[Rob Morse]

This is a repeat of a script I uploaded and didn’t receive any comments on, which is feedback in itself.
Please let me know if this is better, and what I could do to improve.
Thanks!
Rob

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[sarahtranchina]

Hey, Rob! I thought this was great! Great pacing, tone, and clear to understand. My only note is that you had a down inflection when you mentioned the brand name Waterpick, which didn’t quite give it the oompf that it needed there. Otherwise totally awesome!

[Official81]

Very nice! Clean and clear words, your studio sounds really nice and quiet no echos or reverb. And you did a wonderful job sounding conversational. Nice Job!

[Author]

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