Feedback Forum
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micpri53.
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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CreatorTopic
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AuthorReplies
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March 24, 2021 at 6:36 pm #65018
SuperLuke
ParticipantI wanted to practice Slating and narrating a book, “Setting a Trap for G*d”. Please feel free to leave feedback. I’ll include the text here:
The Word for prayer in Aramaic is “slotha”. It comes from the root word “sla”, which literally means “to trap” or to “set a trap”. Thus, Prayer in its initial sense implies “setting your mind like a trap so that you may catch the thoughts of G*d”-in other words, “to trap the inner guidance and impulses that come from your inner spiritual source.”
Prayer also means “a state of mind in which we still all personal thoughts and make no attempt to project anything outwardly”. It is an “alert state of total sensitivity and attentiveness.”Attachments:
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March 24, 2021 at 5:14 pm #65016
monibr16
ParticipantHello everyone,
Looking for feedback on my commercial practice. Lead ins, and everything, also if the mic sounds “too hot”. Thank you!Attachments:
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March 24, 2021 at 6:42 pm #65020
SuperLuke
ParticipantYou do a great job with the enthusiasm in your voice, advertising Six flags! At the end, I think there could be more enthusiasm in the word “yes”.
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March 25, 2021 at 12:38 am #65040
monibr16
ParticipantThank you Luke!
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March 25, 2021 at 7:03 pm #65386
timmurphy306
ParticipantLoved listening to this! Enthusiasm, pacing, and the emphasis on the right phrases, like “…paint the cat” were superb. I didn’t notice anything “hot” about your mic. If I had to nitpick, I would agree with SuperLuke that maybe a little more emphasis on the last “YES!” would really end things on a high note. Great work!
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March 23, 2021 at 11:11 pm #64988
mkell755
ParticipantHi everyone! Looking for any and all feedback to this script. Working on getting the sound levels right, and sounding conversational. I did this one awhile back and hopefully this one is improved. Let me know what you think. Thank you!
Mary
Sears Carpets
OH! Welcome to my commercial. I just want to tell you about what a great experience I had buying new carpet from Sears. Well, I went to Sears and found that DuPont no-stain carpets were on sale through Saturday. They also offered free installation guaranteed. If you want one of America’s premiere carpet brands, just go to Sears. It’s DuPont Stainless in hundreds of colors and textures, on sale through Saturday, at Sears.Attachments:
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March 26, 2021 at 7:51 pm #65563
Eliz_10
ParticipantHello Mkell755,
I put this in the wrong place the other day so you may not have seen it.
Enjoyed listening to your Sears carpet commercial. Your tone of voice and delivery are very smooth and soothing to the ear. I think you emphasized all the right words and gave a convincing reason to shop at Sears.Keep up the good work.
Elizabeth-
March 29, 2021 at 11:40 pm #65691
mkell755
ParticipantThanks for the feedback Elizabeth! I saw your feedback, and thank you! Working to sound more conversational and convincing, so thank you for that! Thanks again for takign the time to write your comments twice – they don’t always post to the right place 🙂
Mary
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March 24, 2021 at 6:44 pm #65021
SuperLuke
ParticipantIt’s a good performance. And I think you can improve on the performance so that you sound at your best
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March 23, 2021 at 11:49 pm #64990
Robert Broussard
ParticipantMary,
I think your loudness of recording is about right. Your read was easy to listen to and conversational. Good Job. I miss having sears here in WF.
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March 23, 2021 at 10:24 pm #64983
JohnFinn
ParticipantHello- practice reads here, any feedback and suggestion are welcome. All reads are from the Edge Studio script library. Thank you!
Attachments:
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March 24, 2021 at 11:32 pm #65035
mkell755
ParticipantHi John, good reads! I really like the tone of your voice and it seems very well suited for these genres.
Script 1: Good tone and pace. There were parts that sounded like you were reading vs. performing such as “…across the Golden Gate bridge” , otherwise really nice and informative.
Script 2: Great tone and delivery for this type of medical script.
Script 3: Good variation in your tone for the subject
Good job! Keep it up.Mary
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March 23, 2021 at 7:49 pm #64976
artyom123
ParticipantHello all, still working on my emotion connection – story telling. Would love feedback on my read of this script:
One of the biggest threats to my company’s operations was the way we managed risk. Our risk management system was spread over multiple platforms, which caused a lot of information gaps and siloed data and communications among our teams. Then Risk and Compliance came in. By relying on their expertise, our risk management system became an asset instead of a source of complexity.
Attachments:
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March 24, 2021 at 11:36 pm #65036
mkell755
ParticipantHi Artyom, good read! I like the tone and clarity of your voice. It did seem a bit fast overall, you might try tiny micropauses at the end of sentences to let the listener catch up to what you are telling them. Good job!
Mary
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March 24, 2021 at 1:04 pm #65002
JohnFinn
ParticipantHello- besides the missing phrase, a nice job getting emotion added in there with higher and lower pitched words/phrases. Keep an eye on pace, some phrases were faster than others. Nice job overall!
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March 23, 2021 at 7:57 pm #64978
artyom123
Participantjust realized I might have missed a phrase, still looking for feedback =)
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March 23, 2021 at 7:00 pm #64970
sarahtranchina
ParticipantWorking on longer form copy. Would love any and all feedback. Thanks!
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March 26, 2021 at 1:38 pm #65544
waninick
ParticipantHi Sarah,
Vocalizing groupings of items is an art form in itself.
And this script has lots of lists, even some that are nested.Teach you the cure for writer’s block
the recipe for lobster ravioli
beef wellington
How to lead a company
train your dog
pick a paint color
a perfect song
a new careerUsing pitch, inflection, and pacing can make the group members more obvious.
I say all that to say that in at least one place, an element is separated from the
rest of its list. ‘Pick a paint color’ seems to be haning on its own, leaving
‘a perfect song’ with no linkage or context. Were you to transition into ‘a perfect
song’ the way you transition into ‘a new career’, the entire group comes together
under the group ‘pick’.Full disclosure: I am not a director. But a good one would help you understand
how to use pitch and pacing and tempo to make these kinds of lists of lists
coherent and engaging at the same time. (OMT, be mindful of your P’s…!)
You have an absolutely wonderful, clear, articulate voice. And I look forward
very much to hearing more from you.TimG
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March 24, 2021 at 11:40 pm #65037
mkell755
ParticipantHi Sarah, very nice! You have a nice light voice that is friendly and easy to listen to. I would suggest trying it with a bit more excitement and enthusiasm, like you are telling a friend about this really cool great new thing that she really needs to know about!! It sounds nice but not persuasive enough. Good job on this!
Mary
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March 24, 2021 at 6:52 pm #65022
SuperLuke
ParticipantI think it was a good performance, Sarah. You have a great voice. It sounded more like a cold read. But I think you are trying to advertise Masterclass, right? If so, maybe try to sound more upbeat, the “wow” factor, “all the amazing things you can achieve once you click here to sign up now”.
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March 23, 2021 at 8:00 pm #64979
artyom123
ParticipantI love your clarity and humble sounding voice that is kind welcoming. I think this read need more of an amazement factor tailored with a solution. Pretend telling someone that you just came across an amazing new discovery and proceed with the read.
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March 23, 2021 at 5:29 pm #64963
eglover177
ParticipantOk I have taken three shots at this and this is what i settled for any critism is appreciated
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March 23, 2021 at 8:04 pm #64980
artyom123
ParticipantI think it sounds great in the low register, very authoritative. What can be added is to make it more conversational. try a lead in… like your trying to help a friend get over a hurdle and you have the perfect solution which is Advil. I hope this helps
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March 23, 2021 at 7:14 pm #64975
sarahtranchina
ParticipantHey eglover! Wow wow wow what a voice! I agree with Shmuel that it just felt a little trippy over some words. You may deal with this from time to time because you have that beautiful lower register where it’s sometimes more work to pump those words out clearly so I’d definitely slow down the pace a touch to get them all. You’re awesome!
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March 23, 2021 at 5:51 pm #64967
Shmuel
ParticipantHi eg, right at the beginning, I thought I was listening to a national radio ad. Very good. One tweak i would consider, from sec. 18 to about 22 you sound slightly like you are rushing it, and kind of tripping over the words. The effect is very slight, and I think I only hear it because I was listening very closely. YMMV.
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March 24, 2021 at 6:57 pm #65023
SuperLuke
ParticipantYou have a great voice in the performance. Maybe sound more relaxed, like you just took an advil that cured your headache, and you might try to sound hurt at first and cured on cue after taking the pill. You sounded super fast towards the end too, which made my attention drift. But all in all, I liked the radio guy type commercial I was hearing
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March 23, 2021 at 5:04 pm #64956
jmtarleton
ParticipantHello everyone, here’s a little more commercial homework. Please share any feedback you may have!
Many many thanks,
John
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March 23, 2021 at 8:07 pm #64981
artyom123
Participantgreat work – diction and clarity. for practice, try reading in a very conversational tone
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March 23, 2021 at 7:11 pm #64974
sarahtranchina
ParticipantHey John! So I had an issue with this as well which is why I’m now hyper focused on it… you have a bit of an echo on all three clips. I played around a bit and found that laying a towel over top of my desk (where my set up is) while I record eats up some of that extra space. Hope this helps!
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March 23, 2021 at 5:13 pm #64960
eglover177
Participantjmtarleton your last copy sounds gret its the 1st 2 that sound rather flat
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March 23, 2021 at 1:51 pm #64938
burdahgirl
ParticipantThanks for any feedback!
Habitat For Humanity
Script:
Every 7 minutes around the world, Habitat for Humanity serves a family in need of decent housing. Affordable housing solutions might differ from place to place, but to the families who dream of them, help build them and eventually inhabit them, they all add up to just one thing. Home.Attachments:
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March 23, 2021 at 8:09 pm #64982
artyom123
ParticipantI agree, very clear articulation and pleasant smooth voice. What this could use more of is a deep emotional connection like your empathizing with someone.
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March 23, 2021 at 7:07 pm #64973
sarahtranchina
ParticipantHey burdahgirl! You have a nice crisp and clear voice. Your mic sounds great as well. I thought this was really lovely, you emphasized important words that kept us following along, and made smart choices. Awesome!
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March 23, 2021 at 5:16 pm #64961
eglover177
ParticipantBurdahgirl I see your takin this very seriously great sound and clarity
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March 23, 2021 at 2:36 pm #64948
Robert Broussard
ParticipantThat was really good. Your voice is very easy to listen to. Tone and pacing were very good. I do agree with MDmcghee about the last part but overall very good read!!
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March 23, 2021 at 2:10 pm #64946
Mdmcghee34
Participantvery warm and inviting; great tone for this script; I would suggest a little more pausing before saying “they all add up to just one thing. Home.”
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March 23, 2021 at 7:22 am #64917
Bil-Bo
ParticipantDel Monte
My granddad built this farm way back in the late 1800s. He had a policy of producing only the finest quality fruits and vegetables. That’s why people began to know and enjoy the name Del Monte. … Well, today, the farm is mine — and ya’ know, I still carry on the proud tradition of only the finest fruits and vegetables. DEL MONTE — only the finest.
Attachments:
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March 29, 2021 at 10:21 pm #65685
Jorjecat09
ParticipantExcellent read! Felt easy going with the right amount of energy without over doing it. Your tone of voice feels like a great big comfortable sweater. Fantastic job!
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March 23, 2021 at 7:03 pm #64972
sarahtranchina
ParticipantHey Bil-Bo. Well this is just excellent from top to bottom. I also hear the static throughout which is the only thing. Remove that and you’re selling a LOT of Del Monte product 🙂
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March 23, 2021 at 6:45 pm #64969
Dante M.
ParticipantGood read with nice pacing, but more importantly, there’s some fizz going on every time you speak and unfortunately it’s relatively noticeable. Hopefully you can fix that.
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March 23, 2021 at 2:38 pm #64949
Robert Broussard
ParticipantAwesome job Bil-Bo!!
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March 23, 2021 at 5:19 pm #64962
eglover177
ParticipantBill BO WOW THE 1st three words did it for me….You are definitely valuable Great read
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March 23, 2021 at 1:52 pm #64940
burdahgirl
ParticipantOh man, it’s so good! I now have an understanding of what my coach is always saying about creating connection – you nailed it!
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March 23, 2021 at 1:50 pm #64937
Mdmcghee34
Participantwhat a great read. cool and relaxing and makes me want to eat some fruits and vegetables. Sound caring and proud to own the Del monte farm. great tone for the script.
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March 23, 2021 at 9:56 am #64922
Chad4674
ParticipantHi Bil-BO!
Great read! Very relaxed and tone was consistent throughout the read.
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