[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by David Goldberg.
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• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[mkell755]

Hi everyone! Here is a script for any and all feedback. Working on sounding relaxed, conversational, and adding some background audio. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

Mary

Miller Genuine Draft
There’s a secret society, where the night is eternal, the music is essential, and the party is non-stop. You could be the newest member. The Miller Genuine Draft music jet tour. Four parties, four cities, one unforgettable trip. Peel the label, enter the code at mgd.com and prepare for take-off.

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[monibr16]

I was jamming from the beginnigng Mary! Great song choice paired with your voice. You also kept the energy up through out, and ended on a high note. Well done

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Monibr16! I’ve been having fun selecting music that fits the vibe I was going for, so thank you! Glad the energy sounded good – that has been a struggle in the past for me. Thank you!

Mary

[Akingsley19]

Hi Mary!

You definitely got the relaxed aspect in there and the background music was a nice touch! You sounded really clear and sounded great, but I definitely feel like a big smile while doing an up beat read like this would make it even better. The happiness and interest felt a little forced. All the best!

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback AKingsley! I’m glad it is sounding relaxed, yes a bigger smile while reading would help this one. I was trying to imagine winning this trip and it really does sound like something I would like to do, so I was trying to convey that. Thanks!

Mary

[SuperLuke]

I wanted to practice Slating and narrating a book, “Setting a Trap for G*d”. Please feel free to leave feedback. I’ll include the text here:

The Word for prayer in Aramaic is “slotha”. It comes from the root word “sla”, which literally means “to trap” or to “set a trap”. Thus, Prayer in its initial sense implies “setting your mind like a trap so that you may catch the thoughts of G*d”-in other words, “to trap the inner guidance and impulses that come from your inner spiritual source.”
Prayer also means “a state of mind in which we still all personal thoughts and make no attempt to project anything outwardly”. It is an “alert state of total sensitivity and attentiveness.”

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[monibr16]

Great energy Luke. I would just say slow donw a big with transitioning sentences. You smushed a few of the starting words together, like “in other words”. But besides that the pacing was great for a educational read!

[SuperLuke]

thank you for your comment

[monibr16]

Hello everyone,
Looking for feedback on my commercial practice. Lead ins, and everything, also if the mic sounds “too hot”. Thank you!

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[SuperLuke]

You do a great job with the enthusiasm in your voice, advertising Six flags! At the end, I think there could be more enthusiasm in the word “yes”.

[monibr16]

Thank you Luke!

[timmurphy306]

Loved listening to this! Enthusiasm, pacing, and the emphasis on the right phrases, like “…paint the cat” were superb. I didn’t notice anything “hot” about your mic. If I had to nitpick, I would agree with SuperLuke that maybe a little more emphasis on the last “YES!” would really end things on a high note. Great work!

[mkell755]

Hi everyone! Looking for any and all feedback to this script. Working on getting the sound levels right, and sounding conversational. I did this one awhile back and hopefully this one is improved. Let me know what you think. Thank you!

Mary

Sears Carpets
OH! Welcome to my commercial. I just want to tell you about what a great experience I had buying new carpet from Sears. Well, I went to Sears and found that DuPont no-stain carpets were on sale through Saturday. They also offered free installation guaranteed. If you want one of America’s premiere carpet brands, just go to Sears. It’s DuPont Stainless in hundreds of colors and textures, on sale through Saturday, at Sears.

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[Eliz_10]

Hello Mkell755,
I put this in the wrong place the other day so you may not have seen it.
Enjoyed listening to your Sears carpet commercial. Your tone of voice and delivery are very smooth and soothing to the ear. I think you emphasized all the right words and gave a convincing reason to shop at Sears.

Keep up the good work.
Elizabeth

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Elizabeth! I saw your feedback, and thank you! Working to sound more conversational and convincing, so thank you for that! Thanks again for takign the time to write your comments twice – they don’t always post to the right place 🙂

Mary

[SuperLuke]

It’s a good performance. And I think you can improve on the performance so that you sound at your best

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback SuperLuke! I will work on this one a bit more – there is always room for improvement! 🙂

Mary

[Robert Broussard]

Mary,

I think your loudness of recording is about right. Your read was easy to listen to and conversational. Good Job. I miss having sears here in WF.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Robert! Glad the recording level is sounding ok, and that it’s a little more conversational. Sears was an institution for sure!

Mary

[JohnFinn]

Hello- practice reads here, any feedback and suggestion are welcome. All reads are from the Edge Studio script library. Thank you!

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[mkell755]

Hi John, good reads! I really like the tone of your voice and it seems very well suited for these genres.
Script 1: Good tone and pace. There were parts that sounded like you were reading vs. performing such as “…across the Golden Gate bridge” , otherwise really nice and informative.
Script 2: Great tone and delivery for this type of medical script.
Script 3: Good variation in your tone for the subject
Good job! Keep it up.

Mary

[artyom123]

Hello all, still working on my emotion connection – story telling. Would love feedback on my read of this script:

One of the biggest threats to my company’s operations was the way we managed risk. Our risk management system was spread over multiple platforms, which caused a lot of information gaps and siloed data and communications among our teams. Then Risk and Compliance came in. By relying on their expertise, our risk management system became an asset instead of a source of complexity.

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[mkell755]

Hi Artyom, good read! I like the tone and clarity of your voice. It did seem a bit fast overall, you might try tiny micropauses at the end of sentences to let the listener catch up to what you are telling them. Good job!

Mary

[JohnFinn]

Hello- besides the missing phrase, a nice job getting emotion added in there with higher and lower pitched words/phrases. Keep an eye on pace, some phrases were faster than others. Nice job overall!

[artyom123]

just realized I might have missed a phrase, still looking for feedback =)

[sarahtranchina]

Working on longer form copy. Would love any and all feedback. Thanks!

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[waninick]

Hi Sarah,

Vocalizing groupings of items is an art form in itself.
And this script has lots of lists, even some that are nested.

Teach you the cure for writer’s block
the recipe for lobster ravioli
beef wellington
How to lead a company
train your dog
pick a paint color
a perfect song
a new career

Using pitch, inflection, and pacing can make the group members more obvious.

I say all that to say that in at least one place, an element is separated from the
rest of its list. ‘Pick a paint color’ seems to be haning on its own, leaving
‘a perfect song’ with no linkage or context. Were you to transition into ‘a perfect
song’ the way you transition into ‘a new career’, the entire group comes together
under the group ‘pick’.

Full disclosure: I am not a director. But a good one would help you understand
how to use pitch and pacing and tempo to make these kinds of lists of lists
coherent and engaging at the same time. (OMT, be mindful of your P’s…!)
You have an absolutely wonderful, clear, articulate voice. And I look forward
very much to hearing more from you.

TimG

[mkell755]

Hi Sarah, very nice! You have a nice light voice that is friendly and easy to listen to. I would suggest trying it with a bit more excitement and enthusiasm, like you are telling a friend about this really cool great new thing that she really needs to know about!! It sounds nice but not persuasive enough. Good job on this!

Mary

[SuperLuke]

I think it was a good performance, Sarah. You have a great voice. It sounded more like a cold read. But I think you are trying to advertise Masterclass, right? If so, maybe try to sound more upbeat, the “wow” factor, “all the amazing things you can achieve once you click here to sign up now”.

[artyom123]

I love your clarity and humble sounding voice that is kind welcoming. I think this read need more of an amazement factor tailored with a solution. Pretend telling someone that you just came across an amazing new discovery and proceed with the read.

[eglover177]

Ok I have taken three shots at this and this is what i settled for any critism is appreciated

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[artyom123]

I think it sounds great in the low register, very authoritative. What can be added is to make it more conversational. try a lead in… like your trying to help a friend get over a hurdle and you have the perfect solution which is Advil. I hope this helps

[sarahtranchina]

Hey eglover! Wow wow wow what a voice! I agree with Shmuel that it just felt a little trippy over some words. You may deal with this from time to time because you have that beautiful lower register where it’s sometimes more work to pump those words out clearly so I’d definitely slow down the pace a touch to get them all. You’re awesome!

[Shmuel]

Hi eg, right at the beginning, I thought I was listening to a national radio ad. Very good. One tweak i would consider, from sec. 18 to about 22 you sound slightly like you are rushing it, and kind of tripping over the words. The effect is very slight, and I think I only hear it because I was listening very closely. YMMV.

[SuperLuke]

You have a great voice in the performance. Maybe sound more relaxed, like you just took an advil that cured your headache, and you might try to sound hurt at first and cured on cue after taking the pill. You sounded super fast towards the end too, which made my attention drift. But all in all, I liked the radio guy type commercial I was hearing

[jmtarleton]

Hello everyone, here’s a little more commercial homework. Please share any feedback you may have!

Many many thanks,

John

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[artyom123]

great work – diction and clarity. for practice, try reading in a very conversational tone

[sarahtranchina]

Hey John! So I had an issue with this as well which is why I’m now hyper focused on it… you have a bit of an echo on all three clips. I played around a bit and found that laying a towel over top of my desk (where my set up is) while I record eats up some of that extra space. Hope this helps!

[eglover177]

jmtarleton your last copy sounds gret its the 1st 2 that sound rather flat

[burdahgirl]

Thanks for any feedback!

Habitat For Humanity
Script:
Every 7 minutes around the world, Habitat for Humanity serves a family in need of decent housing. Affordable housing solutions might differ from place to place, but to the families who dream of them, help build them and eventually inhabit them, they all add up to just one thing. Home.

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[artyom123]

I agree, very clear articulation and pleasant smooth voice. What this could use more of is a deep emotional connection like your empathizing with someone.

[sarahtranchina]

Hey burdahgirl! You have a nice crisp and clear voice. Your mic sounds great as well. I thought this was really lovely, you emphasized important words that kept us following along, and made smart choices. Awesome!

[eglover177]

Burdahgirl I see your takin this very seriously great sound and clarity

[Robert Broussard]

That was really good. Your voice is very easy to listen to. Tone and pacing were very good. I do agree with MDmcghee about the last part but overall very good read!!

[Mdmcghee34]

very warm and inviting; great tone for this script; I would suggest a little more pausing before saying “they all add up to just one thing. Home.”

[Author]

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