[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[Robert Broussard]

I ran across this script and thought it may be fun to do.

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[Bil-Bo]

Esurance
If a phone rings at your car insurance company, and no one’s around to hear it… does it make a sound?
Or… if a tree falls on your car, and no one’s around to answer the call, do YOU make a sound?
The answer is probably… yes, and, like a howler monkey.
Unless you’re calling esurance. They have live humans on the line to help you 24/7.
So you might make different sounds, like happy human sounds.
Esurance. Insurance for the modern world.

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[Shmuel]

Nailed it again, Bil-Bo. You kept it moving, impressive, I would have paused too much, me thinks. I’m wondering why you add the music and sound affects here in this forum. It makes it a full professional piece, but is that what we are doing here? I’m not sure.

[Erik B]

Hi Bil-Bo, this read is excellent and sounds professional. The tone, tempo, and recording quality are all top notch. Great job.

[juliees206@gmail.com]

I’ve included 2 scripts for practice and feedback, any feedback is appreciated! 🙂

Sandals-In The Mood
What’s your mood?…13 Luxury Included resorts…4 Exotic Islands…ONE unforgettable experience…Sandals—The Luxury Included vacation…Call 1-800-Sandals or visit Sandals.com

Ziploc
Only Ziploc brand bags have a unique interlocking zipper to lock in freshness in a way no other bag can. When it comes out this fresh, you know it went in a Ziploc bag. Ziploc. We’ve got a lock on freshness.

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[Shmuel]

Agree with Robert, No.2 is way better than No.1, which sounds sultry, to be honest. With No.2 keep it moving a bit more. It’s got some good pop and upbeat feel.

[juliees206@gmail.com]

Thank you so much for your feedback, was trying to have fun with sounding sultry for No. 1 and appreciate your suggestions for No. 2 in which I’ll practice 🙂

[Robert Broussard]

Julie, I liked #2 better it had more engery. #1 could be more upbeat. Hope this helps.

[juliees206@gmail.com]

Thanks Robert, really appreciate your comment on #2 and will work on the energy for #1 too!

[artyom123]

Looking for feedback on this script, it may sound because the read called for a 30 sec slot. looking for emotional connection, story telling.. what I can improve. I made 3 takes, Thank you all..

I heard the call
And I moved with a purpose.
When the objective is in front of me, my path is clear.
And out here, it’s no different. My mission has changed, but my purpose remains.
American Military University was founded by a veteran.
The faculty knows where I’m coming from, and where I want to go.
They made the mission and they’ve got my 6—
From enrollment to beyond graduation.
The classes and degrees are built around outcomes—giving graduates career relevant knowledge and skills.
After service, we start a new mission. With AMU, that mission is clear.
It’s time to start your next mission.

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[juliees206@gmail.com]

I really like the warmth in your voice! For the story telling, perhaps you could try adding more emphasis by hitting different words to capture more of the listener’s attention~

[SuperLuke]

My demo is coming up soon in April and I wanted to rehearse my characters to see if they are in good shape. Please feel free to leave feedback about my performance, the characters, and so on.

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[artyom123]

nice demo and good character selection and leaning into the character. my only advice is that I couldn’t make out some of what the characters were saying. it seems like they are either screaming, or ultra calm. I would take those same characters and see what they sound like in a conversational tone. good luck !

[SuperLuke]

Thank you for the comment and wishing me luck, I’m excited and nervous at the same time. Yeah, some of my characters are loud, calm, maybe yelling. I probably should have slowed down my characters so they were audible too. Also, my microphone was tilted the wrong way and it made my voice not go through properly. I’ll try again, with the adjustment made.
Thanks again

[Andrea]

Hi everyone,

Here’s another homework practice script. I’m on a narration track and would appreciate any feedback on performance (I don’t have all my studio stuff yet).

Thanks for your help!

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[SuperLuke]

Good narration voice for a History channel, or Discovery channel documentary. If that’s what you were going for, great job. I would encourage you to provide a script of what you are narrating, in case your coach or peers want to follow along.
Keep up the good work

[Andrea]

Thanks for the feedback! I’ll remember to provide the script next time.

[mkell755]

Hi everyone! Here is the same recording, with 2 background audio files for any and all feedback. Working on making it sound warm, inviting and conversational. Let me know what you think about the tone, pace, performance, all of it. Thank you!

Mary

Grey Goose V***a
This is where musicians go to hear each other play. The room is alive. The crowd is full of familiar, knowing faces whose expressions are as much a part of the performance as the music itself. From this room, you’re transported to places all over the world and feelings from all over your life. That’s why you come here, to be taken there. Grey Goose. World’s Best Tasting V***a.

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[Robert Broussard]

Mary, I think the first recording was better. The background music suited the dialog and tone of your voice much better than the 2nd recording. The 1st was very appealing to listening to compared to the 2nd. Good job.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Robert! Agree that the first one sounded more relaxed and suited for the commercial’s vibe. Thanks again!!

Mary

[juliees206@gmail.com]

Hi Mary, I liked both of your recordings, thought the first recording was more conversational and inviting. I liked the second recording too but was listening more to the music than your words.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Julie! Yes, now that I’m hearing this again, the music int he second one was a bit distracting, I too was focused in on it more so that listening to what was being said. Thank you!

Mary

[artyom123]

great emotional connection and tone. you have a nice passionate voice and what you could do to improve the read is to be a bit more conversational.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Artyom! I will work on the conversational part of it, that piece has been a bit of a challenge for me. Thanks again!

Mary

[Erik B]

Hi Mary, I like both performances. Your tone, tempo, and pacing are very good. Also the recording quality sounds good. The only critique I have, is I hear pauses in two places, that perhaps shouldn’t be there, betweeen room and is and also between faces and whose. But overall good job.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Erik! I think I edited out breaths in those places that you mentioned; they sounded too breathy to me when listening to them closely. I will work on that. Thank you!

Mary

[Andrea]

Hi Mary,

I like your warm voice. I think the first recording sounds more inviting than the second one, probably because of the background audio. If you go with the second background audio, I think there should be a bit more energy in the delivery. But I’m new to this, so I might be wrong 🙂
In both recordings, I would contrast “here” and “there” more.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Andrea! Good points. I was going for a relaxed vibe, so I agree that the first one’s music fit the intended mood better. I’ll also work on emphasizing the contrasted words – thanks!

Mary

[SuperLuke]

Hi Mary,
Both recordings were good, having music, your warm voice, and well-paced performance. The first recording sounds more inviting, well-paced, tone, conveying the right emotion(s). The second recording was good too. But the music was taking away from your audio performance.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback SuperLuke! Now that I am listening to it again, I agree – the second one gets overshadowed by the music. Thanks!

Mary

[artyom123]

Hello, Would love to head if I emotionally connected to the script to deliver it’s message, and what I could do to further deepen my emotional connection to the read and bering it more to life. Thanks!

Script 1:
With people gravitating to the newest craft bourbons, Marker’s Mark needed to connect to new audiences beyond conventional whiskey drinkers. Maker’s Mark needed to rethink authenticity to include other people’s origin stories, not just its own.

Script 2:
If you’re managing contractors to service, support, repair, upgrade, and maintain the equipment, vehicles and other assets you have, you’re used to complexity.
On any given day, any given piece of work requires different people, skills, and hours – and it’s all changing all the time.

SAP Fieldglass Assignment Management provides an elegant solution to a complex problem. Learn more about it on Fieldglass.com.

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[artyom123]

thank you so much for the feedback, really taking it to heart!

[Andrea]

Hi Artyom,
Nice work! I agree with Mary. The second version of Script 2 is much better than the first one. Finding the list items at different pitches makes a huge difference. I wouldn’t pause after SAP.
For Script 1, maybe try to make it sound more inspirational? Think of who you are in the story and who you’re talking to.

[mkell755]

Hi Artyom, good job on these! You have a nice warm and friendly voice and both of these genres are good for your voice.
Script 1: I heard “to a new audience” instead of “to new audiences” as it is written. Otherwise, very good pacing and good choice of emphasized words.
Script 2: I liked the second version better than the first – good pacing and variation throughout. Keep it up!

Mary

[CYeschenko]

Having some fun with more copy! All comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!

Atlantis

You say you want to take a big vacation this year as it is within reason.
What is within reason to you?
Is riding a waterfall down the face of a Mayan Temple through shark filled waters within reason.
Is dancing beneath a dome of golden seashells within reason?
Is uncovering the royal towers of a lost city that has risen from the sea within reason?
This year will you expand your definition of what is within reason to include Atlantis.
Atlantis once upon our time.

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[Erik B]

Hi CYeschenko, good job with this performance. The tone and pace are very good. Also you differentiate nicely between questions. The only critique I have is with the fourth question. At the end it sounds like you are slightly winded. I would recommend stepping away from the mic, taking two deep breathes, and then going back to the mic to deliver the line. But overall good job.

[mkell755]

Hi Cyeschenko, very good! I liked the attitude and pacing throughout, and I could tell you were performing with a smile in your voice. Good emphasized word choices and variation in tone, which really helped to visualize the items discussed. Good job!

Mary

[Jayburglar]

Working on some more homework reads as I practice for my commercial demo. These three are all shorter spots.

PURINA ONE
Purina One Special Formula For Cats is made with real chicken. Good news for your cat. Great news for your canary. For a complete adult diet for your cat and the real chicken he wants, give him Purina One Special Formula. Your canary will thank you for it. Purina One. Second to none.

DOMINO’S
Only from Domino’s, new pesto crust pizza. Sweet basil, parsley and garlic, baked right into the dough. Then sprinkled with romano cheese all around the crust. Call and get a large, one topping, just 9.99. Get the door…it’s Dominos.

SIX FLAGS
Kids hate the word no. As in no you can’t stay up late, no you can’t have more ice cream and no, you may not paint the cat. No, no, NO! Well isn’t it time for a yes? We think so. Six Flags Great Adventure. Yes!

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[artyom123]

really great work, hard to comment on improvements. the only thing I can think of is maybe adding a story telling element to the end of the reads- like your building up to a solution… and there it is.

[Andrea]

Hi Jay,
All three sound great. I also think the tone and pacing were spot-on. In the Six Flags ad, I would emphasize the “no, no, NO!” bit more so that the last “no” really stands out.
Awesome job!

[mkell755]

Hi Jay, good job! I liked how clear and precise the scripts were, and all of them sounded great for your voice. Good pacing and choice of emphasized words for all three – very good!

Mary

[Jorjecat09]

Wow! Great job! Super professional and I loved the natural pauses in the Six Flags read. My favorite was the Purina spot…you totally nailed it.
You made me want to go out and buy a batch for my cat. Awesome job!

[CYeschenko]

Very nicely done! The first two were especially strong including the brand slogans at the end of each piece- the tone and pacing were exactly what the copy called for. The third was strong as well but the “no, no, NO!” bit could have been emphasized more and had more dynamic buildup to the last one- which then allows your flip in tone to presenting the “solution” to all the no’s to be even more effective. Keep up the great work!

[Hellokitty76]

All three were great, clear not chopping and you sound differnt but the same. If that makes any sense. Keep up the good work.

[Author]

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