[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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• This topic was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
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[mkell755]

Hi everyone! Here is the same recording, with 2 background audio files for any and all feedback. Working on making it sound warm, inviting and conversational. Let me know what you think about the tone, pace, performance, all of it. Thank you!

Mary

Grey Goose V***a
This is where musicians go to hear each other play. The room is alive. The crowd is full of familiar, knowing faces whose expressions are as much a part of the performance as the music itself. From this room, you’re transported to places all over the world and feelings from all over your life. That’s why you come here, to be taken there. Grey Goose. World’s Best Tasting V***a.

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[Robert Broussard]

Mary, I think the first recording was better. The background music suited the dialog and tone of your voice much better than the 2nd recording. The 1st was very appealing to listening to compared to the 2nd. Good job.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Robert! Agree that the first one sounded more relaxed and suited for the commercial’s vibe. Thanks again!!

Mary

[juliees206@gmail.com]

Hi Mary, I liked both of your recordings, thought the first recording was more conversational and inviting. I liked the second recording too but was listening more to the music than your words.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Julie! Yes, now that I’m hearing this again, the music int he second one was a bit distracting, I too was focused in on it more so that listening to what was being said. Thank you!

Mary

[artyom123]

great emotional connection and tone. you have a nice passionate voice and what you could do to improve the read is to be a bit more conversational.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Artyom! I will work on the conversational part of it, that piece has been a bit of a challenge for me. Thanks again!

Mary

[Erik B]

Hi Mary, I like both performances. Your tone, tempo, and pacing are very good. Also the recording quality sounds good. The only critique I have, is I hear pauses in two places, that perhaps shouldn’t be there, betweeen room and is and also between faces and whose. But overall good job.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Erik! I think I edited out breaths in those places that you mentioned; they sounded too breathy to me when listening to them closely. I will work on that. Thank you!

Mary

[Andrea]

Hi Mary,

I like your warm voice. I think the first recording sounds more inviting than the second one, probably because of the background audio. If you go with the second background audio, I think there should be a bit more energy in the delivery. But I’m new to this, so I might be wrong 🙂
In both recordings, I would contrast “here” and “there” more.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Andrea! Good points. I was going for a relaxed vibe, so I agree that the first one’s music fit the intended mood better. I’ll also work on emphasizing the contrasted words – thanks!

Mary

[SuperLuke]

Hi Mary,
Both recordings were good, having music, your warm voice, and well-paced performance. The first recording sounds more inviting, well-paced, tone, conveying the right emotion(s). The second recording was good too. But the music was taking away from your audio performance.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback SuperLuke! Now that I am listening to it again, I agree – the second one gets overshadowed by the music. Thanks!

Mary

[artyom123]

Hello, Would love to head if I emotionally connected to the script to deliver it’s message, and what I could do to further deepen my emotional connection to the read and bering it more to life. Thanks!

Script 1:
With people gravitating to the newest craft bourbons, Marker’s Mark needed to connect to new audiences beyond conventional whiskey drinkers. Maker’s Mark needed to rethink authenticity to include other people’s origin stories, not just its own.

Script 2:
If you’re managing contractors to service, support, repair, upgrade, and maintain the equipment, vehicles and other assets you have, you’re used to complexity.
On any given day, any given piece of work requires different people, skills, and hours – and it’s all changing all the time.

SAP Fieldglass Assignment Management provides an elegant solution to a complex problem. Learn more about it on Fieldglass.com.

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[artyom123]

thank you so much for the feedback, really taking it to heart!

[Andrea]

Hi Artyom,
Nice work! I agree with Mary. The second version of Script 2 is much better than the first one. Finding the list items at different pitches makes a huge difference. I wouldn’t pause after SAP.
For Script 1, maybe try to make it sound more inspirational? Think of who you are in the story and who you’re talking to.

[mkell755]

Hi Artyom, good job on these! You have a nice warm and friendly voice and both of these genres are good for your voice.
Script 1: I heard “to a new audience” instead of “to new audiences” as it is written. Otherwise, very good pacing and good choice of emphasized words.
Script 2: I liked the second version better than the first – good pacing and variation throughout. Keep it up!

Mary

[CYeschenko]

Having some fun with more copy! All comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!

Atlantis

You say you want to take a big vacation this year as it is within reason.
What is within reason to you?
Is riding a waterfall down the face of a Mayan Temple through shark filled waters within reason.
Is dancing beneath a dome of golden seashells within reason?
Is uncovering the royal towers of a lost city that has risen from the sea within reason?
This year will you expand your definition of what is within reason to include Atlantis.
Atlantis once upon our time.

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[Erik B]

Hi CYeschenko, good job with this performance. The tone and pace are very good. Also you differentiate nicely between questions. The only critique I have is with the fourth question. At the end it sounds like you are slightly winded. I would recommend stepping away from the mic, taking two deep breathes, and then going back to the mic to deliver the line. But overall good job.

[mkell755]

Hi Cyeschenko, very good! I liked the attitude and pacing throughout, and I could tell you were performing with a smile in your voice. Good emphasized word choices and variation in tone, which really helped to visualize the items discussed. Good job!

Mary

[Jayburglar]

Working on some more homework reads as I practice for my commercial demo. These three are all shorter spots.

PURINA ONE
Purina One Special Formula For Cats is made with real chicken. Good news for your cat. Great news for your canary. For a complete adult diet for your cat and the real chicken he wants, give him Purina One Special Formula. Your canary will thank you for it. Purina One. Second to none.

DOMINO’S
Only from Domino’s, new pesto crust pizza. Sweet basil, parsley and garlic, baked right into the dough. Then sprinkled with romano cheese all around the crust. Call and get a large, one topping, just 9.99. Get the door…it’s Dominos.

SIX FLAGS
Kids hate the word no. As in no you can’t stay up late, no you can’t have more ice cream and no, you may not paint the cat. No, no, NO! Well isn’t it time for a yes? We think so. Six Flags Great Adventure. Yes!

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[artyom123]

really great work, hard to comment on improvements. the only thing I can think of is maybe adding a story telling element to the end of the reads- like your building up to a solution… and there it is.

[Andrea]

Hi Jay,
All three sound great. I also think the tone and pacing were spot-on. In the Six Flags ad, I would emphasize the “no, no, NO!” bit more so that the last “no” really stands out.
Awesome job!

[mkell755]

Hi Jay, good job! I liked how clear and precise the scripts were, and all of them sounded great for your voice. Good pacing and choice of emphasized words for all three – very good!

Mary

[Jorjecat09]

Wow! Great job! Super professional and I loved the natural pauses in the Six Flags read. My favorite was the Purina spot…you totally nailed it.
You made me want to go out and buy a batch for my cat. Awesome job!

[CYeschenko]

Very nicely done! The first two were especially strong including the brand slogans at the end of each piece- the tone and pacing were exactly what the copy called for. The third was strong as well but the “no, no, NO!” bit could have been emphasized more and had more dynamic buildup to the last one- which then allows your flip in tone to presenting the “solution” to all the no’s to be even more effective. Keep up the great work!

[Hellokitty76]

All three were great, clear not chopping and you sound differnt but the same. If that makes any sense. Keep up the good work.

[timmurphy306]

Hello everyone, I’m practicing for a commercial demo. All comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance and audio quality. Thanks!

American Express: Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.

Esurance
If a phone rings at your car insurance company, and no one’s around to hear it… does it make a sound?
Or… if a tree falls on your car, and no one’s around to answer the call, do YOU make a sound?
The answer is probably… yes, and, like a howler monkey.
Unless you’re calling esurance. They have live humans on the line to help you 24/7.
So you might make different sounds, like happy human sounds.
Esurance. Insurance for the modern world.
Click or call.

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[AyalC93]

Hi all! Thanks for your feedback last time I posted here. It certainly helped with this weeks homework. I moved my mic over to the side of my mouth to reduce plosives a significant amount (though I’m still learning how to full edit them down properly) and I’ve tried slowing my speech down. My latest issue has been mouth noises, but hydrating and learning about the “Apple trick” helped me reduce that by a huge margin. Here are my scripts for the recordings. Thank you!

Animal Heroes: Not all heroes are human. Sometimes heroes bark, meow, or even grunt. They may be covered with fur, have curly tails, or live in an alley. We’re about to meet some real-life animal heroes. Each one of these heroes has performed an amazing rescue. Sometimes they even put themselves in danger to help others. We’ll meet a dog who rescues stray cats. A brave cat who saved her five kittens from a fire. A pig who got help for her owner who was having a heart attack. And a guide dog who led his owner down 71 flights of stairs when the World Trade Center was attacked.

Guided Tour: Welcome to Gordon College!
This tour begins just outside the tunnel that goes under College Drive near the flagpole.
We will tour East campus first, followed by West Campus, and end the tour back here at the tunnel.
Periodically, I will ask you to pause the recording so that you can walk to the next point or take a few minutes to independently tour the area.
I will always use the word “pause” when you need to pause the recording.
And I will always use the word “stop” when you need to stop walking while I continue speaking.

Explainer Intro: Would you like to buy a house?
Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.

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[JohnFinn]

hey there, great work overall! The pace was very good and the mouth noises were small. How close to the mic are you and do you have a wind sleeve or pop screen?

In the 2nd read- I really liked the pause and tone change for the “pause” and “stop” sections, it draws just the right amount of attention on there. I thought that maybe the phrases after that may have been rushed a bit as the pauses themselves kinda make you try to find your back to your original groove.

A couple words it sounds like you’re working to annunciate carefully, like “enthusiasts”, can be bit choppy around the read- keep working the annunciation and to make it fit smoothly with the rest of the read. I totally get the challenge and still working on many of those myself!

Nice job!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by JohnFinn.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by JohnFinn.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by JohnFinn.

[JohnFinn]

wow- couldn’t get the edit to work quite right, sorry. update to the last paragraph- shouldn’t be there, the word isn’t in the script or read, I’m sure I was carrying that thought over from another post. Sorry for any confusion. ~John

[AyalC93]

Thank you very much for your feedback!

You hit the nail on the head when mentioning me trying to “catch up” after setting those pauses for the second read. Thanks for pointing it out. Will certainly take that into account for whatever guided things I might do next.

I do have a pop filter and am admittedly probably only a couple inches away from it. Mostly because my set up can only be by my window, and I don’t want to use too much gain as my audio shield isn’t entirely covering anywhere sound might bounce off of. Glad to know the mouth noises overall were minimal at least. Will continue fenagling my set up and editing. Thanks again!

[Robert Broussard]

I think your reads are good. Space was good and tone. I liked the 3rd one best. You seemed to be more relaxed conversational.

[AyalC93]

Funny you say that because the third read felt the most off brand for me. Interesting to hear it sounded the most natural. Makes me feel better so thanks!

[Tina]

Two scripts I’ve been playing with!

Thanks for any feedback!

I don’t consider weight watchers a diet, because I still have the freedom to eat what I want!
With my lifestyle, juice and shakes just won’t cut it. I have to feel energized and focused to keep achieving my goals.
weight watchers allows me the freedom to build healthy habits and to not feel like I am on a diet!

So it’s 1:00 in the morning…and you’re starving. Nothing’ in the fridge, and nothing in the cupboards. You think about cooking, but then you remember the fire you started last time you tried using the stove. Well, check out 7-11. They have everything from burgers to tacos…24 hours a day…7 days a week. 7-11. Think of it as your own personal walk-in kitchen.

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[artyom123]

really nice tone, really captivating and friendly. this might sound little weird but I heard some jaw tension. try some vocal warmups.. edge has a great vocal health class. I recommend lowering the jaw little more through your reads. I’d love to hear your submissions !

[Robert Broussard]

Tina, good READS. I thought the first read was a little rushed. The second read was good and more conversational.

[AyalC93]

I’m still in the learning process myself but personally I really like the tone you’ve chosen for these two scripts. They feel candid enough to not feel fake but presented in a way that feels proper for the promotion you’re bringing.

My two points of feedback if I may.

1) There’s a good amount of “Mouth noises”, particularly in the first one. I have literally just gone through so much annoyance with fixing that myself so my ears kind of just focused on finding that now lol. Hydrating and eating a green apple before I recorded solved it for me so maybe give that a shot.

2) There were a lot of breaths in the audio. Completely understandable since these were one take recordings. Just a silencing between the lines and at the end of the track would (I think) improve the overall quality of them

Again, I am just still being coached and learning myself so don’t take my feedback too far but these would be the things I’d be finding in my homework recordings. So giving feedback is also helping me learn.

Otherwise, like I said earlier, your tone and volume to me are great an the read themselves were also. Hope I helped!

[Tina]

thanks so much for the helpful feedback! I haven’t done any sound correcting on these so I appreciate those notes as well.

[AyalC93]

Glad I could help ^_^

[Dante M.]

Hi everyone, I have three scripts I’d like to share for criticism, and I’d also like to hear thoughts on my audio quality. Cheers!

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[Dante M.]

thank you everyone!

[timmurphy306]

Hi Dante, you have a great voice, and your pacing and enunciation are very good. I also think the Atkins read was the best of the three, in terms of having a conversational, friendly quality. Audio quality sounds clear, too. Great work!

[Robert Broussard]

I agree with Tina. Very good!

[Tina]

You have a great quality to your voice and great diction and enunciation. That being said, I think all the elements are there but it’s coming off a little forced. I think Atkins is the closest to being conversational and less presentational. Make it more of a one-on-one conversation with someone. You have a really amazing voice so a little tweak and you’ll be in the zone for sure!

[Mark Jones]

Quick read. I’m eager for feedback.

[JohnFinn]

Hey there VO peeps- a few practice rounds to try some vocal variation and working on editing in room noise at pauses. Please share your thoughts, thank you!

1. 2012 Extinction (Edge Script)
2. Diamonds (Edge Script)
3. Company Website Greeting (Edge Script)

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[Dante M.]

I love your voice. 1 and 2 are good and in my opinion marketable, but the third one seems to have a script that demands a little more enthusiasm.

[JohnFinn]

Thanks, Dante! Thank you for the comments on #3, I definitely intended to make that a bit more enthusiastic and will practice more to try and bring that out in the read.

Cheers!

John

[Author]

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