[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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• This topic was modified 5 days, 22 hours ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 days, 22 hours ago by David Goldberg.
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[jasjol71]

I would love some critique of these reads, which may be part of my narration demo. Thanks in advance, everyone!

1. Telephony/Resort Spanglish: Thanks for calling Iberostar Paraíso Lindo México, the highest-rated resort on the Riviera Maya. If you’re ready to play a few rounds of golf, relax on the white sands of Playa Paraíso, and order up a steak and cerveza at Restaurante El Fogón, please stay on the line. One of our booking agents will be right with you.

2. How to/The Perfect Margarita: Mixing a margarita at home is really simple. Prepare some glasses by wetting the rims with a lime wedge and dipping them in salt. Next, fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add lime juice, triple sec, and tequila in a 1:2:3 ratio. Add a squeeze of agave nectar, then shake vigorously until chilled. Strain and pour into the glasses, and garnish with a lime wedge. That’s it! The perfect margarita – easy as 1, 2, 3!

3. Audio Guide/Frank Lloyd Wright House: You’re now in the guest bedroom. Even though it’s small, it’s designed with comfort in mind. Notice the row of windows that lets in plenty of natural light and the warm wood of the built-in desk, cabinetry, and bed frame. Former owners of the house have described the experience of sleeping in bedrooms here like sleeping in a ship’s cabin.

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[John Trape]

Hi Jasol,

From my perspective, perfect pitch and pace. All three sounded so professional.

Regards,

John

[jasjol71]

Thanks, John. I really appreciate the assessment and the encouragement!

[Johnwatkis]

Well done! Your higher range is pleasant, friendly, and inviting. Your pacing felt right and the overall quality of your recording was clean. There were two plosives in the margarita read that stood out to me. Other than that, no suggestions.

[jasjol71]

Thanks, John. I appreciate the feedback! I definitely need to get a pop filter 🙂

[RYoung]

Hi Jasol, the Spanish language telephony was nice but the accent probably shouldn’t be used if your not familiar with it, but good try! I like the margarita delivery sounds like a travelouge very well done! The last one is tough to make sound interesting, it just didn’t flow? I like your voice for travelouge type documentaries or commercials on travel, good luck on your demo!

[jasjol71]

Thanks, RYoung! I appreciate that. I’m passionate about travel, so maybe that comes through as more authentic!

[Jeff Guerrette]

Hello Edge Studio community Hope everyone is having a great day. I have attached 3 files for homework. Look forward to your feedback.
Thanks

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[danielh04]

Hello Jeff,

I thought all the reads were well done, though I think when reading a list, it can tend to be a little bit tricky since it’s important to mention variation within the things in the list, one wouldn’t all the things in the list to sound the same, you want the listener to have options. I also do agree with thinking about who you’re talking to, in order to make it more conversational.

[Johnwatkis]

Hi Jeff,

The first two reads had a good pace and you brought out some nuances in the sentences. It did sound more like a radio announcement, so I would pick someone to speak to so you can sound more conversational.

The last read lacked the “umph” of the first two. “Life is good” fell a bit flat for me.

[TimDKietzman]

I really like your tempo and I think you hit the best words. However, I think your tone sounds more like an announcer and most VO scripts are meant to be conversational. Also, I think you may be trying too hard to finish the script and it’s hurting your pronunciation of certain words. Try relaxing for a moment and just perform the script at a steady pace. I hope this helps.

[John Trape]

Hello everyone,

I have recorded the following narration scripts and would very much welcome any and all feedback, particularly regarding pitch.

Best wishes,

John

1. Walgreens – New Team Members
After more than a century in business, we know what makes a great Walgreens team member. It’s the type of person who values change and excitement. The ones who thrive in a fast-paced environment, ready to learn something new every day. Forward-thinkers. Great communicators. Innovators. People with the drive to succeed – not only for themselves, but also for their co-workers, the company as a whole and the communities we serve. We all come from different backgrounds and bring valuable diverse ideas, but a common mission unites us. And we’re looking for students and recent graduates who are up to the challenge.

2. The Julia
You’re listening to the actual recording of “the Julia”. A subsonic moan that doesn’t match the sound of any marine creature ever recorded.
Many biologists will tell you it’s a deep-sea distress call.
And when you listen, it’s easy to see why.
The mysterious howling was captured by deep-sea hydrophones off the coast of Cape Adare.
The same place Nasa captured photographs of a huge, unexplained shadow moving through the water.
It may well be a coincidence, but if the Julia really is a distress call from the deep, perhaps it’s time we answered.
Ninety-five per cent of our oceans remain unexplored.
Are we killing what we’ve yet to discover?

3. Voice for the City of Toronto
You know that term “We’re all in this together?” Well, it’s true.
While some of us might be working in government and others not, we’re actually all in the same boat. You see, we’re citizens as well.
We all want the same thing. A city that works for everyone. As fast and efficient and as relevant as can be. Thriving, accessible, and inclusive.

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[jasjol71]

John, great voice and accent for narration. I really liked your read of The Julia. I do not think it was too slow at all. Just right. I also like your inflections.

[John Trape]

Hi jasjol,

Thank you very much for your feedback. I really appreciate the encouragement.

Kind regards,

John

[acbattag]

John – I really felt like your pitch and tone were good on all of the reads. Like Kateyln, my feedback would be centered around the pace. The first and last scripts that you have definitely call for a bit faster of a pace to bring more energy into the read. I would work on changing the pace throughout each of these so that there is some differentiation in each of the scripts. Best of luck! Great scripts for your voice!

[John Trape]

Hi acbattag,

Thank you very much for your encouraging feedback. Yes, I wondered about pace as I listened to them following the recording. I am going to go back and experiment a little more with the pace.

Kind regards,

John

[katelyndawnvo]

Hi John – I just had time to listen to the first upload.
I think you have a lovely upbeat and energetic tone. Very friendly and welcoming. So if that is what you are going for with your tone, then you did very well. The pace was too slow and made it sound like you were reading. If you vary the pace while you are reading that is something we do naturally in conversation. Also, there were times you added a pause between words within sentences. Note how you speak to friends and family. Normally we don’t pause within sentences. We say “ready to learn something new every day.” not “ready (pause) to learn something new every day.” These are little things that make a big difference in smoothing out a read and sounding more conversational. I hope that feedback is useful! 🙂

Nice work! I love your David Attenborough voice!

[John Trape]

Hi Katelyn,

Thank you very much for taking the time to provide such constructive feedback. I know I have this challenge with pace and have to keep working at it. Similarly, pausing within a sentence and trying to sound conversational. So, absolutely, your feedback is just what I needed.

Kind regards,

John

[Lilbelle1487]

First Homework Assignment is a go! Excited to get feedback and see what I need to work on. This first reel is a Radio Promo, the second is Johnson’s Baby Shampoo. I’d like any feedback that I can. Thanks!

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[TimDKietzman]

First of all, you need to invest in a better recording setup. I could barely hear you, but I could make out enough. You had a great tone and tempo in the Radio Promo and I think you hit good words. However, when you were performing the radio station, the time, and the event, you sounded as if you lost your place and picked it up mid-sentence. This in turn lead you to sound lost in what you were trying to express and even sounded like you were trying to remember the event. If you slip up during recording, you must go back to the last comma or period and start over. That makes the script flow better.
The Baby Shampoo on the other hand sounded like you were going all over the place with your overall tone and there were too many pauses. The words you hit were good, but the tone sounded more like a whiny kid begging someone to try their product. I think you ought to find some baby shampoo commercials on YouTube to better understand how they sound and get inspiration. I hope this helps.

[Lilbelle1487]

Yes! Thank you. I actually, had some cord interference that I was unaware of until I posted on here. I’ll be posting again soon an update in hopes that the issue is fixed.
As far as my commercials, great feedback. I can definitely hear in myself what you are saying especially in the Johnson’s Baby Shampoo Commercial.

[Sherry Newell]

Here’s a couple more narration practices. I’m a sponge 🙂 absorbing as much info as I can. Any feedback welcome!

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[danielh04]

The first read was great, took me by surprise that I had to re-listen, though I think your voice is definitely suited for those types of scripts. For the second one, however, it felt a little bit too fast which made the information a little bit overwhelming. Even so, both good tones on both of the scripts.

[Robert Broussard]

Sherry, very good effort. I really liked the first one. Your voice, pace and tone was well suited for that script. The second was not bad but maybe the pace could have slowed a tad bit and your voice could be a little more relaxed. Hope this may help.

[jasjol71]

I thought your volume and tone were spot on for the first one in particular. The second read sounded a bit choppy in parts. I had the impression that your were almost over-articulating the syllables in the longer words. I guess if you are shooting for a bit more of a conversational tone you could knock down the formality a degree or two. But great voice!

[katelyndawnvo]

Hey Sherry –

Fragrance: Lovely read! I love how you painted a picture in the first half of the perfume thing. I think at 0:14 there could be a transition. When you read the whole thing in the hushed whisper voice, I started to lose focus. If you can come into a full voice for the last part once you hit “Roseau articulates…” (however you spell that) I think that is a good spot for a transition.

Healthcare: Really nice tone and feel for this. When you got to “something as important as healthcare”, you did “upspeak” on the word “healthcare”. When we use upspeak (which is a super millennial thing to do) it sounds less confident, like we are asking a question or are unsure about what we are saying. So you can just remember to always bring it down at the end. “create a partnership” – pronounce “a” as “ah” in scripts. I’d say always unless asked specifically to pronounce it “a”.
I think you lost it a little bit at the tag – you had me up until this point. When you say “Edna and US healthcare… raising a standard for… and the rest of the tag” The tag is super important so give it its gravity. At this point, you can be feeling very proud of this healthcare company because it’s yours. Either you own it or you work there or else you wouldn’t be talking about it. But center yourself in some pride for it and really sell me on why this is important, good, or why I should care.

Really nice work!!

[ritadebur]

Hi everyone – here are some more practice recordings for my narration homework. Trying different genres to get a feel for what my voice would be suited to. Any and all feedback welcome. Thank you so much!

Autism Awareness:As a parent, you can’t help but look at your child and dream about what the future holds. But while you’re dreaming, consider this – the odds that your child will be diagnosed with autism are 1 in 88. Knowing the signs of autism and catching it early can make a world of difference. To learn the signs visit autismspeaks.org. Brought to you by Autism Speaks and the Ad Council.

Macarons:
Macarons are one of the most popular but also most challenging desserts to get right. We spent many months and made dozens of batches in the pursuit of trying to find a recipe and some foolproof techniques to help you get it right the first time. A perfect macaron should be chewy on the inside and crispy on the outside. First things first, you want to let the egg whites come to room temperature for at least 30 minutes before you get started. Having the egg whites rest is gonna result in a much fluffier, airier meringue. So, protip, a really easy way to separate your white from your yolks is to use your hands or you can alternate between eggshells. Now we can move on to our dry ingredients.

Anaconda
Giant snakes have a reputation of being aggressive. The anaconda measures over 16 feet and weighs 180 pounds. Its mouth is like a clamp and an animal struggling to get free only sets the grip tighter. At the same time it sets its bite, the anaconda loops its powerful coils around its victim and begins to squeeze. The process takes little more than a second, hardly enough time to react.

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[TimDKietzman]

Your voice is well-suited for narration. The tone you used for each of these scripts matched very well and the words you hit were magnificent. Tempo was a tad slow though and your pauses were a little overdone. I heard a great deal of mouth noises too and I would look for a way to fix that. All in all, you are on the right track. Well done.

[ritadebur]

Thank you for your feedback! Still working on those mouth noises 🙁

[Lilbelle1487]

I could honestly listen to you read a book for bedtime stories. Your voice is rather pleasant.
There were times in each segment that it sounded as if you needed air or water. I could hear the movement of your tongue. Then in the macarons read, there were a few words that I felt as if you over emphasized such as chewy and crispy, overall though rather lovely. I rather enjoyed listening to you.

[ritadebur]

appreciate your feedback! thank you

[mara_sherman]

I love your tone and energy on all of the reads, they really match the text. Just a technical thing- the Macaron recording was a little quieter than the other two, so you may want to play with the volume settings on the Macaron recording.

[ritadebur]

Thanks Mara – yes I wasn’t sure why the macarons one was quieter than the others.. still trying to figure out the equipment.

[Sherry Newell]

I loved it 🙂
There were a couple moments that the pause was just a tad long making that spot seem a little choppy, but overall, I really enjoyed it!

[ritadebur]

Thanks Sherry – i think the choppiness might also have been from my rudimentary editing!

[Sherry Newell]

Hi everyone! I’m working on narration homework. I’m still learning the editing part, but any and all comments about the performance are very welcome and appreciated!

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[jasjol71]

I thought your voice is perfectly suited to a script like Advanced Technology, so corporate narration, training. Very pleasant to listen to. I thought the first sentence was perfect. Then it seemed to get a little choppy in the middle and at the very end. Still, a really good read, in my opinion!

[ritadebur]

Hi Sherry – love the first one – is that for an audio book? I like the emotion and pitch variety in it. I could listen to your voice in an audiobook.

For the Advance Technology – I think you dropped off a little bit when you say …”policy and procedures” like there is a period there instead of a comma?

[Sherry Newell]

Awesome, thank you! I’m not sure exactly what that excerpt is taken from – I just found it in the script library under the Narration tab, haha.
Thanks for the feedback! I will look/listen to that and see how I can make it better 🙂

[Pmag]

Hey Good morning. Jumping back in with this one. Let me know what you think if you have a moment. I look forward to catching up and listening in.

-M

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[jasjol71]

You voice seems well suited for this kind of commercial. I kept waiting for you do dig in and go even more “tough guy.” I think that would work.

[Pmag]

Thank you sir!

[Lilbelle1487]

I have to agree with Ritadebur above, it was slow at start, but the energy picked up and it was a great finish. I heard hard finishes with words that end in s, maybe something to work on. Great work though!

[ritadebur]

Great read – though in my opinion I felt the energy and range of pitch was a little low to start and then picked up half way through. Finished well.

[Pmag]

Much appreciated thank you!

[Official81]

Good Morning ALL! I am recording my DEMO TODAY!!! So nervous and excited. I JUST want to know if I sound conversational on this read. I didn’t perform any edits so I know there are some plosives and things that you might hear but my goal here is to sound conversational. Please let me know if I am acheiving that goal with this read?

Start you child reading in four weeks with Hooked on Phonics. Use Hooked on Phonics about 20 minutes a day, a few times a week, and your child could be reading a bedtime story to you! This unique 3-step system puts phonics instruction together with 50 great books and fun interactive games to give your child a head start in reading. Try Hooked on Phonics today and see why parents rated it the #1 trusted name in teaching kids to read.

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[jasjol71]

Best of luck to you with the demo recording!

[Sherry Newell]

Good luck on your demo!! I think you did sound pretty conversational, and I think you could even lean into that a little more by really focusing on the specific individual that you are talking to; like a friend or sibling with kids.

[ritadebur]

Hi- I think it sounds conversational for the most part except towards the end (the last sentence) when it sounded rushed and therefore not conversational anymore.
Congratulations on recording ur demo btw!

[Official81]

THank you Rita! Yes I did hear that to when I was running out of breath. I forgot to mention that I am also practicing doing short reels in 1 breath. So I did kinda hammer out that last line. Thank you so much for your feedback and your congrats!!! I am so excited!

[mkell755]

Hi everyone! Here are 2 recordings for any and all feedback. Working on sounding conversational, getting the tone right, pacing, mood, all of it. Let me know what you think. Thank you!!

Mary

Mercury Topaz
It takes more than a single commercial to completely discuss all the advantages of any car. One car recognizes that reality. That car is the Mercury Topaz. Topaz’s approach is quite interesting. It combines front wheel drive, smart traction, and rear suspension. The result is a ride that helps you isolate shock from the driver, while maintaining a superb feel of the road. MERCURY TOPAZ…reaching new heights in automotive technology.

Audio Associates
Listen… What do you hear? Nothing. No noise … digital audio purity. The new digital enhanced audio systems from Panasonic will change the way you listen to music. Now listen… What do you hear? Every nuance … crystal clear … like it was meant to sound. So sit down, relax, close your eyes, and get ready for the digital enhanced audio systems from Panasonic. Only at AUDIO ASSOCIATES… there’s no mistaking our sound.

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[jasjol71]

Agree with what others have said here, mkell. You have a nice voice to listen to. I thought your second read was better than the Topza commercial. On that one, I personally think you could ramp up the cool/s**y factor and vary your pitch inflection more, as was mentioned above.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Jasjol! I will work on varying the inflection a little more to help with the dramatic feel for that one, thanks for listening!

Mary

[Johnwatkis]

Hi Mary,

You have a pleasant tone and your voice is easy to listen to. There were some opportunities to add variety to the pace and pitch in a few sentences that would have changed the feel of both reads. In the Mercury read “One car recognizes that reality.” feels like it should be stated definitively. In Audio Associates, Listen sounds natural the second time you say it, but has no emotion the first time. You’re on the right track!

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback John! I will work on adding variety to pace and pitch to be more excited about the product and draw the listener in. Also need to work on emoting more – thanks!

Mary

[Sherry Newell]

Hi Mary!
I thought it was very clear and its obvious that you have been practicing :), good job! I did feel like it was maybe a little obvious that you were reading. Try to imagine speaking to a friend or family member about this new product that you’re excited about and maybe even practice it a few times with a lead in to keep you in the mindset of your normal speech pattern.
-Sherry

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback Sherry! Yes, I have been using lead-ins and they really help me get the tone right, so I will try that again. Also working to sound conversational – who knew it was this tough to do? 🙂 Thanks again for the tips,

Mary

[Official81]

Hello Mary! you sound very clear but I can tell that both scripts are being read. I heard alot of punctuation pauses as well. I am also working on sounding more conversational. So don’t take my word for it. But you sound very nice and clear. I included an attachment of my attempt to sound conversational with your script. Let me know if I sound conversational at all to you.

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[mkell755]

Thanks for your feedback Official81! I am definitely working on sounding more conversational without sounding like I’m trying, which is challenging for me. Thanks for including your example, it was nice and flowed well, definitely conversational. Thanks!

Mary

[Official81]

I didn’t complete any edits it is totally raw.

[Lilbelle1487]

I really like your energy, but it seems rushed and as if you are running out of air. And I got lost a couple times, had to re listen, however your end is really well done.

[mkell755]

Thanks for your feedback Lilbelle! Yes I do sometimes run out of air, which is so weird to me (I work out, I promise!), but in an effort to not make excessive noise I can almost hold me breath when I really need to breathe. Definitely needs practice. Thanks again!

Mary

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