Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by
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April 20, 2021 at 5:56 pm #66737
mxavier927
ParticipantHi everyone, I’ve got a few practice commercial recordings here, and would appreciate any feedback you’d like to give!
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April 20, 2021 at 12:41 pm #66719
BONKmk
ParticipantHey all, this is a video I narrated for a company’s YouTube channel. I know the subject matter probably isn’t for everyone, but I’d appreciate any and all feedback you may have! Whenever I do narrations for them, I sort of talk like I’m announcing so I’m not sure if I’d say it’s my “true” voice, but they seem to like it so I haven’t changed much haha.. Personally, I feel like I sometimes beat people over the head with the emphasizing, but I also feel it’s important to point out the important terms in guide-styled videos like these. What do you think? https://youtu.be/NTdA4mBVBlY
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April 20, 2021 at 2:25 pm #66727
Shmuel
ParticipantPretty good. Perfect casting by the way. Audio is spot on. A couple of truly minor quibbles: I might consider varying the energy a bit here and there. It’s high throughout the whole vid. OK, it’s for gamers, and that’s the way they are, but after a couple of minutes I found myself kind of zoning out, and you don’t want that. Dunno, maybe it’s me (I’m not a gamer). Another thing, but this regards the directing: telling about an example of edge play, then pulling back and showing how it’s done *with your voice silent*. Your voice is there all the time, so if it goes silent for a few moments, I think it would actually draw attention. But this is all subjective, don’t forget. Again, great job in general.
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April 20, 2021 at 1:38 pm #66722
Toque
ParticipantHey Bonk. It sounds awesome. Wish I had some constructive criticism or suggestions, but I really liked the way you performed this. Very engaging, good variations in lists, great enunciation, etc. Well done! Toque
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April 19, 2021 at 6:25 pm #66704
gabecpotts@gmail.com
ParticipantHi all,
Just starting on my narration coaching and would love any and all feedback on my first practice recording.
Thanks!!Attachments:
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April 21, 2021 at 5:01 am #66742
Shmuel
ParticipantThe sound was a bit echo-y. Enunciation good. I agree with Toque, it’s got an “i’ve got a secret” feel, and it doesn’t sound like that fits with this narration.
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April 20, 2021 at 1:45 pm #66723
Toque
ParticipantHi gabe. I’ve not had any narration training yet, just commercials, so take my feedback for what its worth. I think there are so many aspects that are great (volume recording levels, enunciation, etc.) One thing that did stand out for me was that, rather than the authoritative, “G*d’s stenographer”-type read I often hear, it felt like the read had a more “I’ve got a secret to tell you” kind of vibe. Not sure if that’s what you were going for? Also, the recording sounded a tad hollow/echo-y. Perhaps some more absorption treatment is required in your booth? Toque
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April 19, 2021 at 6:01 pm #66700
mara_sherman
ParticipantHi everyone! Here are some practice commercial scripts I recorded for homework. Thank you in advance for your feedback!
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April 20, 2021 at 2:36 pm #66728
Shmuel
ParticipantGood voice, and the audio was perfect, didn’t hear any noise or background. At one point, on first listen, I though the first read was about a daughter whose elderly parent is in the hospital and is now incontinent. But after listening again, it sounds like an every day mother who just had a little girl. I think I thought it was about an elderly parent because when you started you were a bit “down”. And having an elderly parent in that situation is certainly a downer. So, I would consider ” upping” it a bit, remembering that having a baby is a very positive and happy event, even though it can be nerve-wracking for a first-time mother. And discovering that her skin is so delicate is a real discovery, like “”hey did you realize that a baby’s skin is REALLLLY delicate? Wow. And the solution that solves all our problems is – Pampers. Of course, it’s obvious, why didn’t I think of that. ” Something like that. It would give the read more kick, I think. Keep at it, you sound great !
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April 20, 2021 at 2:02 pm #66724
Toque
ParticipantHi Mara. Individually i felt these were each great reads! When I listened to all 3, I kind of felt like the overall tone might be a bit too similar among the 3 different recordings? Toque
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April 19, 2021 at 3:37 pm #66697
JasonCawley
ParticipantHello,
Any feedback is appreciated.
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Just as Einstein changed the way we understand time and space, and Freud changed the way we understand the workings of the human psyche, Charles Darwin changed forever the way we look at natural forms. The shapes of bodies, of finches’ beaks and fishes’ fins, were not fixed at some moment of creation; rather, forms evolved and were altered by circumstance. “Life On Earth” is a great collection of individual stories, natural histories that, while sounding Kiplingesque–how the snail got its shell, how the bacterium got its DNA–give us a deeper appreciation of the world and our place in it. This episode of Natural History shows how scientists continue to interpret the narratives embodied in natural forms.Attachments:
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April 20, 2021 at 2:41 pm #66730
Shmuel
ParticipantSound is great, no background noise or distortion. Your voice is good, too. Diction good, enunciation good. This read needs a bit of a kick. Be excited by watching this show, it’s really cool, even if you don’t think it’s cool. I want to find out the narrative in why that praying mantis on the window sill appears the way he appears.
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April 19, 2021 at 2:03 pm #66692
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April 19, 2021 at 1:58 pm #66688
Jayburglar
ParticipantHere are 3 practice commercial scripts I recorded as homework for my coach. I’d appreciate any feedback/tips. Thanks!
AMERICAN TIRE SUPPLY
Free. Now when’s the last time ya’ heard that? A while…right? Well at American Tire Supply, when you buy one all-weather radial tire, you get another one free! Plus, get a free alignment! Hey, with a deal like this, how can you NOT afford to visit. So hurry on down to your local American Tire Supply, where you can still hear the word free. Subject to dealer participation.MOVIE GALLERY
Have you ever noticed what happens when you put in a movie?
It’s amazing.
You just stick it in,
Sit back,
Hit play, and…
P**f.
The rest of the world just disappears.
Gone.
Suddenly, it’s just you and your family.
You remember them. Your family. Some of them look like you.
At Movie Gallery, we have thousands of great movies. Including your favorite holiday movies plus the latest releases. And every one of them is guaranteed to have the same magical powers.Movie Gallery.
Play on.A 1 STEAK SAUCE
With steak, you want to make every bite count. That’s why we use A-1 Steak Sauce. A-1 brings out every single bite of steak, or even hamburger. Mmmmm, delicious. For me, there’s only one steak sauce, A-1. Because A-1 has all the taste that makes every bite countAttachments:
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April 20, 2021 at 2:46 pm #66731
Shmuel
ParticipantHiya JB, Sound great, no noise or distortion. Voice good as well. Listened to the first one only. Recommendations: The theme here is Free. Free here is a special word. Treat it with the respect and reverence it deserves. There is also a hint to “Land of the Free and Home of the Brave”. After all, Free is also an American slogan. Be more excited.
Also, I would ask your coach what to do about the last sentence, “”subject to dealer participation”. It seems to me that you should read that quickly with a different tone. It’s less important than the other stuff, but needs to be said. It would be interesting to hear what your coach says about that, maybe I’m way off on this. Wish you success! -
April 19, 2021 at 3:09 pm #66696
RYoung
ParticipantJay, really like your delivery very relaxed and also you’re inflections seem to be pretty spot on. I would only say that especially on the a1 sauce commercial you may want to add a little smile at the end to emphasize the product otherwise great work and thanks for sharing that.
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April 19, 2021 at 12:46 pm #66682
RYoung
ParticipantThis is a unique script from the library, a while back. It was written by Richurd. Thanks for listening any comments most welcome!
Where is the home of your heart?
The machinations of man covets
and squanders our time as though it
were of some significant value.
Our hearts become preoccupied
with issues and perplexities
that never seem to go away.
So debilitating are it’s affects we
long for solace.
The heart longs for a place of respite.
Invariably we are drawn back to the land.
The earths constancy and tranquil
endurance washes over us, cleansing us.
A vast array of landscapes
that all have the same effect.
They take back the space that is stolen by man
and fills your heart with a calm and pleasant reward.
You can travel the world of man with your heart
but it is the land that you will come home to.
This grand earth in all it’s splendor,
is the place we call home.
Our fondest memories are
bound up in the land on which we stand.
Memories of times that are now lost to
the machinations of man.
A new generation can never know
nor recover all that has been lost
and that is now preserved only in our memory.
A day will come that is not so far away
when even that treasure trove will fade and disappear.
Yet from this land we can draw strength that all will not be lost.
For within it’s soil are the seeds of renewal.
Therein lies the hope that mellows our souls,
the hope that all that man has wrought
the earth will erase.
The earth will once again be a place
we can call home.Written and contributed by Richurd
Music Bed : Susan Boyle – Mull of Kintyre – Windsor 2012Attachments:
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April 18, 2021 at 8:44 pm #66661
adrothfield
ParticipantHi all! Looking for feedback on performance as well as overall sound quality (my first attempt at using my DAW to make a better recording). Thanks!
Fitbit Sense “Transform Your Health”
Smart tech is everywhere: smart fridge, smart car, smart doorbell. But FitBit makes you smart about your health. It’s more than a smartwatch; it’s a smarter way to transform your health.Attachments:
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April 19, 2021 at 12:56 pm #66684
RYoung
ParticipantHi, you may want to convert to mp3 so everyone can listen instead of downloading the wav file. your style seems fine for this genre, a little disjointed though and try a more relaxed approach? Good luck and hope to hear more from you!
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April 19, 2021 at 8:22 am #66665
JustJohn
ParticipantI think the use of the interrogative inflection on “smart doorbell” is a good touch. I wonder if you’re attempting to talk a little lower than your natural voice range once or twice (e.g., the word “everywhere” near the beginning). In “it’s a smarter way to transform your health,” I hear you emphasizing both “smarter” and “transform.” I wonder how it would sound if you only emphasized one of those two words. Good read overall, I think.
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April 18, 2021 at 7:19 pm #66657
Wes@1972
ParticipantBermuda
RELAX, RECHARGE, UNWIND…You might be thinking to yourself, “What is there to do in a 21-square mile paradise? Well, you’re in for a surprise. And a pleasant one at that. Whether you seek adventure by land or by sea, you’ll find it in Bermuda. If you dream it, you can do it in Bermuda.Attachments:
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April 24, 2021 at 6:42 pm #66839
mara_sherman
ParticipantI think you have a great voice and the right idea with this script, it just needs a little finesse. You start off nice and slow and relaxing, and then kind of speed up and take us out of the relaxation. Try keeping it at the same chill pace throughout and use pitch modification to highlight what’s relaxing about Bermuda. Look up some pictures of Bermuda beaches to get you in that mindset and try reading it at a moderately slow pace throughout and I think it will naturally come out really nicely from your voice and natural inflection.
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April 21, 2021 at 8:15 am #66753
Shmuel
ParticipantHi Wes, great voice, sound is perfect. Agree with Adroth here that you need to map out what you are saying. Usually the third item should be a bit more special, not just a list. Like say “UNWIND” with more of a stress. You need to act it out. What is there to do in a 21 sq mile paradise Should sound like a slightly frustrated person asking a question. And the surprise should sound fun. Make sure Bermuda is stressed somehow. Bermuda is the star here. Wish you success !
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April 18, 2021 at 8:47 pm #66663
adrothfield
ParticipantHi Wes@1972,
You’ve got a great sound, and love what you did with those three words at the beginning. From there, I didn’t get a good sense of who you were talking to. Try to map out this copy’s beginning, middle, and end. You’ve already got the beginning!-Alex
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