[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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• This topic was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
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[Chad4674]

Hello Everyone,

Please review my recent commercial script for my latest homework assignment. Thank you.

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[ericazetti]

Very natural, warm delivery. Pace was great too!

[Chad4674]

Thanks Erica!

[mara_sherman]

Hi everyone! Here are some Commercial scripts I recorded for homework. Thanks so much for all of your feedback!

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[Christy Spadafore]

Hi Mara, nice job! Overall I think your pacing is very good and I really like your voice. I think a little more variety within the scripts would be good. For example in the first one, maybe set it up as problem and solution. The first line is the problem – ‘Are you tired…” and then the next several lines offer the solution. Very good work, keep it up!

[jmtarleton]

Hello good people! Here are a few more commercial homework files. I very much appreciate comments and feedback you may have.

I will say this space (and neighborhood) are noisy, but I am working on some better treatment for the small room I use.

Many many thanks,

John

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[ericazetti]

Very friendly & natural voice! Great diction and pacing as well!

[acbattag]

Hello All! Would lover your feedback, especially on tone and pace. I know I have a couple of hard “p” sounds in there so working on that piece. Thanks so much!
Amber

It’s not that you’d ever find yourself removing puddles from a remote mountain trail…
But with a full size, cordless, wet-dry vac…you could.
Powerful,… durable…and the ability to run on two batteries for double the run time.
The nine gallon, wet-dry vac from Rigid…
More power, more freedom…more reasons to use it.
Available at the Home Depot

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[JustJohn]

Overall, I think this is quite good. I think the pace is fine, and the tone is good. You mentioned having a couple of extra-hard plosives in this read. I hear that, and I wonder if it might partly be the result of over-stressing words that don’t need to be stressed that much. “Power” and “double” sound less like you’re naturally stressing them, and more like you decided to stress them, if that makes any sense. The emphasis in “you could” seems a little bumpy as well. Again, though, there’s a lot of good stuff in this read. I think you have a good sense of the pace, and your tone overall is a natural, “relatable” one. I think you’re generally hitting the pause lengths just fine.

[acbattag]

Makes complete sense. Thank you for the feedback!

[danielh04]

Hello!

Few more practice reads, any feedback is welcomed!

Pedigree:
As one of the world’s leading publishers of books and articles on dog nutrition, the makers of Pedigree can offer a lifetime of reading on the topic. But for your dog we recommend the condensed version. Healthy nuggets – with anti-oxidants and vitamins to help strengthen your dog’s immune system. Crunchy outside, soft inside – Just the way dogs like it. Healthy nuggets, found only in Pedigree.

Uber:
It’s date night in America, and roughly 21 million people are going out. That’s great for Dave, because he’s also going for a night out. Only he’s making some extra cash by driving with Uber.

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[mara_sherman]

Your voice sounds great and the tone is well suited on both reads, but they’re both a little fast- try slowing them down just a bit. Also maybe just add a touch more excitement into Dave’s night out. Great job!

[acbattag]

Hi Daniel –
For the Pedigree one – I really like how you said “just how dogs like it”. I got the feel that it was actually a dog trying to sell the product to their owner. I wonder if you take that approach to the tone if you’ll be able to gain more energy into the read. The read was very smooth though. I recall some of your earlier posts and can tell that you’ve been working on it. One other element is to work a bit on the diction to bring a little more clarity to your words. I am now doing a vocal warm-up before recording and this has helped me a ton. Here’s a link to what I use if you are interested.https://youtu.be/tW08injjI1M

For the Uber read – I want to be a bit more excited about Dave going out, but I do like the slight change in pitch compared to your first read.
Good luck!
-Amber

[JTLeyba]

I like the Pedigree, as it was smooth, well paced, and accurately read. That said, I felt that the reading was a little flat, are you smiling as your reading? In the Uber one (also good) it sounded like you had more of a smile, especially when you talked about date night. But overall, good job!

[Pmag]

And maybe just a 3 in one for commercial copy. Thanks again.

-M

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[acbattag]

I love that we have one of the same reads and I’ll be interested in the contrasting feedback we will get!
Read 1: You started out great – I felt like you were pulling me into a full-on story as opposed to a commercial. I felt like you lost that about mid-way through and got a bit into a rhythm in your read. I would recommend changing up the pace a bit so it felt like you were telling a story to your best friend instead of reading a story to an audience. Very clear and easy to listen to though – great voice.
Read 2: Again you started out great! I think you got a bit into the iambic pentameter about halfway through and were a bit too rhythmic even as this was poetry. I really think this could be a great one for you though and would try to focus on maintaining your purpose throughout the read.
Read3: This is our same read! Love how your first part starts off and specifically as you read the wet-dry vac line, through “you could”. I could see your audience and know your purpose. My biggest recommendation is to work on not throwing away the end. Home Depot and Rigid are both your clients here and you’ll want to carry them through to the end of the read. I have this same problem and often have to re-record the last lines a few times until I don’t through them away.

Great work! Best of luck!
Amber

[danielh04]

Overall, I thought all three reads were great, it was also nice to learn that you can have a different range and tone since it’s noticeable in the second recording. Although, for the third one, it felt like at the end of the read, you dropped the enthusiasm a little bit when mentioning “Available at the Home Depot.” I don’t know if that was intended, but just something I picked up and saw as odd. Your diction and pacing was good, but keep attention on words like restaurant, of course, we don’t want to overly-enunciate, but we also don’t want to leave off some letters.
Hope this helps! Great read.

[Pmag]

Trying out the history channel on this one.

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[Pmag]

Playing catchup on uploads for class. Apologies up front for the bombardment.

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[Chad4674]

awesome work! the pitch and tone was consistent. the “um delicious” line was perfect. great job!

[SuperLuke]

After training with my coach, I will be recording my first demo tomorrow morning. Attached are my 8 characters. I would like feedback about my enunciation, my performances, are all my words clear enough, with and without an accent?
Hear from you guys soon and wish me luck

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[acbattag]

Love your energy and hope the demo recording goes well! I had some challenges understanding a few things, but wonder if this was just because you were a bit too close to the mic or if your gain was set too high? At the end when you go into the western cowboy accent, I felt like you were straying between a western cowboy and an old gothic character, so would just recommend clarifying a bit. Really enjoy how you play with the variety of pace!
-Amber

[JTLeyba]

So, I don’t do character stuff, as such feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.
I had some trouble understanding some of the accents, such as the first two and the dragon slaying and horse characters. In addition it felt like you lost some of the accents mid way through your performances, but maybe you did that on purpose as to show your range. For Example the “put the gun down and keep playing” guy. It sounded like he had something in his mouth (which was a nice touch) but lost it and got it back. Personally my favorites were the magician and the “weapons contracts” guys. They were clear, easy to understand. I think those two were your best out of the reel. But like I said I don’t do character stuff so take this feedback with a gain of salt.
Good Luck recording your demo! You got this!

[cbehrens]

These are scripts intended for children audiences. I would appreciate any performance-related feedback! Also, if you have a preference between the two “Lemur” options, let me know. Thanks!

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