[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[taylorn.quinn]

Hi all! I am back with another narration reading, this time with an Amelia Earhart Biography opening. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Thank You!
Taylor

Script:
Nicknamed “Lady Lindy”, Amelia Earhart was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic.

SOT- Its a nice day for it.

Her speed and distance records earned her the Distinguished Flying Cross, an honor previously only bestowed on men.

SOT: for your service….first women… applause.

While serving as a nurse during World War I,

SOT- battle sounds….men suffering.

Earhart developed an early concern for her fellow man,
that helped her champion
human rights around the world.

CU of her flying…

Tonight, On Biography Amelia Earhart. Pilot Soldier activist author.
Lower third show title.

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[nadiaverde]

Your voice is so easy to listen to! Very lovely read. It sounded very natural. My only critique would be to try to vary your delivery a bit to keep the listener engaged, but overall very nice. Great job!

[Jorjecat09]

Trying this again with the conversion to MP3! Hi Everyone – This is my first time posting and actually hearing my recorded voice. Sending this in for homework. Totally looking forward to your honest feedback. The first is Peet’s Coffee, second is History Channel and the third is Honey Bunches of Oats. Thanks!

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[blue967fm]

Hi Jorjiecat! Welcome to the forums! For being completely new to VO (which I am as well), you have a great start! I love the story you tell with your voice. There is a relaxing quality to it that makes me think that you would do well with audiobook narration, perhaps with some coaching.

I wanted to ask what you use to record the audio? There is a lot of background noise (perhaps cars passing by?).

In Peet’s Coffee, the biggest thing that I noticed was that I detected an East Coast accent on the first syllable of “character.” I only bring this up in case you didn’t notice, and because that word comes up quite a bit in the script. The accent was a lot less present on the second syllable of “America,” though.

Your History Channel spot was my favorite! Your tone was great for this type of ad, and I enjoyed your choices of where (and for how long) to pause. I think it sounds like you’re going below your natural low range at times in this ad (especially on “before our time” and “a thousand lives”), which you may want to work on.

I loved the energy in the Honey Bunches of Oats spot! When you described the ingredients of the cereal, I had a vivid picture in my head. In the end, however, I thought maybe you could try to work on your inflection on “a cereal my whole family loves” – perhaps not breaking it up in the middle and ending in a more downward inflection, but without losing the energy that you already have.

I hope my notes helped! Again, great start!

Stuart

[Jorjecat09]

Hi Stuart!! Thank you so much. I can’t thank you enough for such fantastic feedback. This has helped a great deal. I totally hear and agree with all of your critiques. I’ll pay more attention to my tone, annunciations and inflection. You’re the best! On to the next one

[mvacc]

Hi All,
Attached is a practice read from the script library:

Jim Henson Museum
Welcome to The Jim Henson museum, located on the very creek where Jim first thought up his alter ego and good friend, Kermit the Frog. Many of Jim’s creations are on display here, and there’s a play area for the youngsters.

Thanks in advance for your feedback!

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[aylinsings]

Hi!

You have such a great tone and quality to your voice that definitely suits these kinds are scripts. I thought it was a fabulous read! The only thing I heard was an east coast type accent specially in the words ‘very’ and ‘thought.’ As a Chicagoan, it slips into my reads as well. I am only mentioning it so you are conscious of it!

Great work and keep it up!

Aylin

[ericazetti]

Hi everyone! Just started training and here’s my first HW assignment. Looking forward to your feedback!

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[mvacc]

Secret: Good energy.

Universal Studio: Great read. I like the little chuckle, makes it seem authentic. My only note would be that the energy goes down a bit at the end. The tag lost some of the emotion and comes off more monotone.

[TimDKietzman]

Hey everyone, I just recorded three new reads. Some comments on a few of my uploads declared I sounded more like I was reading than speaking. In addition to adding my pop-filter, I’ve tried a new tactic and I’d appreciate anyone’s thoughts on my performance. Do I sound conversational? Any other feedback on my tone, pitch, volume and tempo would be great. Thank you.

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[sarahlukens1]

Hey all,

Just a newbie working on her homework.
I’m working on my conversational read.
Performance Feedback only.

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[Brad]

Hey All, newbie here, Looking to get some feedback on my homework. 🙂 Will take any comments!

Overall looking to hear:
1. When it seems like I’m pushing too much
2. Is my tone (specifically for Stanley and Ryobi) appearing conversational
3. I’ve been working on trying to lift my ends of sentences rather than my natural default of going down.

All comments welcome

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[aylinsings]

Hi Brad! Great work on these!

Stanley Steamer: I do think that it is on the conversational side. That being said, I think you need to make sure the client name pops. It all seemed to morph together. I tend to pitch down too so what helps me is literally writing on the page where I want to go up or down. Also, the ‘call today and save” sounded like a question. But awesome first take!!

Home Depot: This is pretty conversational! I think just make sure to connect with the material and also really focus on the one person you are speaking to.

Junk: Great! No notes

Hope that helps!!

Aylin

[Sean]

It’s been awhile since my first submission. And thanks to some recent coaching and continued learning through this wonderful platform, I get more and more encouraged. I’d appreciate some feedback on my latest efforts. Here are 6 quick short commercial ads from scripts that I’ve been practicing with recently. Thanks in advance.

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[aylinsings]

Hi Sean!

You have such a lovely tone! And you are on it with the timing of your reads. I think, especially with the Arby’s script, I was missing you actually seeing that delicious roast beef sandwich in your minds eye. But that’s the only note I have.

Great work!

Aylin

[Sean]

Thanks for the feedback Aylin.

[Brad]

Hey Sean. Great work! Loving the energy and choices.
some minor feedback, it seems like you have a splashy tongue specifically with your s and z sound. I notice it mostly with the Arby’s and almond breeze ads. I have trouble with this myself as my tongue gets a little lazy sometimes with s combinations especially when being ‘conversational’

This definitely disappears or lessens when you have more energy (i know an oxymoron) when being conversational.

Great work!

[Sean]

Thanks Brad. A little less coffee and more plain ol water to help ease that problem.
Problem is… I love coffee!

[Chad4674]

Hello Everyone!

Wanted to add two more commercial scripts. Please take a moment to review each. I welcome all feedback. Thx!

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[Brad]

Great work Chad and I agree with Shmuel. As you keep working try to bring a little more of your personality into the reads. That ‘you’ energy will go along way.

[Chad4674]

thanks Brad!

[Shmuel]

Hi Chad,
You’ve got a rich voice with great potential.
For both reads, you need more emotion in it. Don’t go overboard, though.
Thermacare: No echo, but heard some plosives (P sound). I felt there was a bit too much base. The speech started too early, and cut off a bit early. Give it another moment or second. It felt like I missed something. You need to sound like blocking the pain with ordinary patches is for cavemen, but with Thermacare, you are SAVED !!! something like that.
Jif: What happened to the sound here? Mucho echo here. Add some more acting as well. Shucks, my kids (are kind of crazy, they play around mess up the house, but I love ’em, and what to make sure they’re getting the best. And the best thing to give them is peanut butter.) all they care about is peanut butter …… ( well, if they do, I’ll give them the best).
Keep at it, and wish you success !

[Chad4674]

thank you very much Shmuel! Yes, the jif commercial I was doing some experimenting with my sound space. Thanks for the feedback!

[Lilbelle1487]

Homework after session 2: I’m working on being more conversational, not choppy. Connecting with the material and not bringing certain words downward. Here is a Disney World Resorts Read

“Stay in the Magic at a Disney Resort Hotel. So close to the parks you can make all your Disney wishes come true. And now you can save up to 30% on Select Disney Resort hotels. Imagine the magic of Staying here.”

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[aylinsings]

Hello!

I love this Disney script. it suits your voice! That being said, idk if you’ve been to Disney but it so soooo magical and and full of wonder and creativity. I think it is missing that bit of amazement! They really put so much attention to detail at the parks and it’s incredible. Really just imagine yourself there!

Great first take though! Keep it up.

Aylin

[Lilbelle1487]

Thanks so much for the notes. I actually have been several times so I just need to bring that to the read. I appreciate your feedback so much!

[Brad]

Way to try to tackle a tough challenge Lilbelle. Great work.
I might suggest in attempting to be less choppy, to try to say the whole thing through a couple of times ignoring the punctuation and making the whole thing one word. breathe when you need to but just as an exercise to read it through a few times plowing through the whole thing. then add in that you are telling one of your friends about it. I might even suggest trying the copy on a real life relative or friend not selling them anything but actually just telling them the info to get the conversational feel in your bones. Think about if you really wanted to go to disney and (if you don’t know) it’s really expensive to go there so getting 30% off is a HUGE deal.

moving forward look at the words that repeat. Stay Magic, Disney and remember the disney co is all about imagining and wonder

[Lilbelle1487]

Great notes for me!! Thank you so much. I’ll work on this and update soon.

[Author]

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