hello all,
Would you be so kind to give me some feedback on this reading…how is my tone?
how is my energy?
What should I be working on?
here is the script-
Coyote In New York
This is a true story. See, that’s a photograph of me, coyote, in the newspaper, after I had been shot down in Central Park. Hey, don’t worry, I wasn’t dead though. Just in for a long, soft sleep at the Bronx Zoo! Never had I seen so many animals in one place! And just exactly how did I get into this mess? Well . . . I had a dream – to go where no coyote had gone before…New York City!
So, in the beginning I hear a pre-life of “Mmm’ or “Hmm” Might want to take that part out. As far as the commercial, try to sound more conversational with your performance, “See, that’s me in the newspaper”. As far as tone, your mood sounds the same throughout. Add some energy and more excitement, “where nobody has gone before”.
What I would do is review the acting beats and see what you are aiming for. Anyway, that’s just my opinion.
hope this was helpful
Building reads for a demo. What I already know about this read: I recorded it in a live-sounding room; there are a few mouth-clicks; the need for a pop filter is evident. Feedback about any other aspect of this read is welcome. Thanks!
The Script:
CAMPSITE SAFETY
Campsite safety is a critical outdoor survival skill. Setting up a camp safely is something every backpacker must learn, even if you typically stay at established campgrounds most of the time. You never know where the trail will take you, and some of the best camping spots are located away from designated areas with shelters, fire pits, and bathroom facilities. Identifying and preparing a safe campsite is not complicated if you follow the ten tips in this video.
Hello!
I’m working on Commercial homework and here is a Diapers and Food and Bev spot. I welcome all feedback, but wanted to state that my home studio is a work-in-progress so these are recorded on my phone. Many thanks!
I really like the tyson read. Your voice sounds silky and believable. I also think the sound is much better on the tyson one? did you change anything about the setting between the two different scripts?
Thank you both for your valuable feedback. I think I was going for “intimate” on the Pampers–imagining images of hospitals, infants, new parents, etc., but I hear how much flatter/low energy it sounds vs. the Tyson! Good point about vocal fry too! Thanks again!
The Tyson read is more polished than the Pampers read, which sounds comparatively choppy (at “…is put right into a quilted Pampers diaper,” for instance, each word is so individually articulated that the flow gets disrupted). Also, there’s a little bit of whisper-talking/vocal fry in the Pampers read. Those spots might sound better if read with real vocal-fold phonation. I know these are just practice recordings, but if you can record in a less noisy environment, it would give the listener a better chance to hear exactly how you sound. Right now, I’m hearing a number of of mouth-clicks, which I am also struggling to eliminate from my own reads. As I said: the Tyson read sounds more polished, more personalized, and more relatable and natural. I could imagine that read being played in a big-chain grocery store.
I have been working on these three commercial scripts and would very much welcome any and all feedback.
Regards,
John
American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.
Nissan Pro Pilot Assist
We’re about to show you an amazing demonstration…
Every one of these Nissans has Pro Pilot Assist.
Game changing tech that helps keep you centered in your lane, and adjusts your speed to help keep your distance.
It can even help you stop, and start…without ever touching a pedal.
Your highway commute is about to get easier.
Club Med
Imagine for a moment … nothing. No clocks. No ringing phone. No traffic jams. No radios. No newspapers. And no crowds. Now imagine a Club Med vacation. An island village where aqua seas brush dazzling white shores. Where lush green palms line wandering paths. A place where evenings are filled with entertainment and dancing. A Club Med vacation is like none other. Ask your travel agent.
You have a very nice sophisticated quality to your voice so I think it works well with luxury product ads. I think your voice may be too “expensive” sounding for a Nissan ad, perhaps a luxury car brand like Mercedes Benz perhaps. Also because of the quality of your voice I don’t think you have to overdo it on line like “Where lush green palms line wandering paths.”
Thank you very much for your encouraging feedback. I know exactly what you mean about overdoing lines. That particular line now seems really out of place.
It sounds very crisp, and I love your accent; it immediately grabbed my attention! In the first sentence, your inflection is higher on the first clause, which makes it sound the most important. Maybe you could try that on the second portion (“so neither have we”) instead to highlight The American Cancer Society. I really like the informative quality of the second sentence–very PSA! Hope you enjoyed your wine. 🙂
I liked the tone and it grabbed my attention. The room seemed to be quite bright with an echo that detracted from your performance. The pause between ‘loudest monkey’ and ‘the howler monkey’ seemed a bit too long. It made the two sections feel separated by a period rather than by a comma.
Wow, you have a great voice and sound! I noticed upward inflection at the end of the phrases “Unique number” and “transaction I make” that I normally associate with asking a question.