Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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CreatorTopic
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AuthorReplies
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June 10, 2021 at 1:37 pm #68519
Mdmcghee34
ParticipantHello, working on narration scripts for my coaching session. Any feedback would be great!
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June 13, 2021 at 3:15 pm #68580
TimDKietzman
ParticipantI have… nothing to say. Your voice is spot-on for narration and the performance was delightfully soothing. Anyone listening would feel very comfortable with you leading them. Keep going and you will go far.
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June 10, 2021 at 10:25 pm #68535
suecat
ParticipantHey!
The first read was so soothing, I was glad to be an employee! The second read was also soothing, but with a little more energy, I would have been ready to invest! Fabulous voice!-
June 13, 2021 at 1:15 pm #68572
Mdmcghee34
ParticipantThanks suecat for the feedback!
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June 9, 2021 at 9:51 pm #68507
nettipo1
ParticipantHello! Thank you in advance for your feedback!
Life’s full of compromises. You give up high performance for high capacity. You pass on your favorite foods to fit into your favorite jeans. And with credit cards, find one with a low interest rate and you could give up important services. But now there’s a credit card with no compromises. The low rate OPTIMA card from American Express. Call now. 1-800-4-OPTIMA. Get the savings and the service with no compromises. And no annual fee.
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June 13, 2021 at 3:20 pm #68581
TimDKietzman
ParticipantYou read great! I think each sentence had enough variation and the words you hit were well-picked. Only problem I can see is the end of the sentences. The words with one syllable didn’t roll off like the multiples. (eg: services, compromises) A roll off at the end is key to making the read sound conversational. Avoid hitting the end of a sentence unless it’s a question or an exclaimation. I hope this helps, you are doing well.
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June 10, 2021 at 1:40 pm #68522
Mdmcghee34
ParticipantYes I agree with Erik B. This is a great read. Keep up the great work.
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June 10, 2021 at 1:04 pm #68518
Erik B
ParticipantHi Nettipo. This read is fantastic. The tone, tempo, pitch, and volume are all on point. The recording quality is great. Sounds very professional. Great job.
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June 9, 2021 at 8:46 pm #68505
SarahCoblewrites@gmail.com
ParticipantDoing my best to sound like a normal person who is happy about Mitchum making a natural deodorant that actually works. How did I do?
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June 10, 2021 at 10:36 am #68514
nettipo1
ParticipantHi! I like your read…it has a kind of light and thoughtful quality to it, sort of like my conscious is speaking to me. This style of read would work well in a commercial where a person is thinking to herself about the product. It’s a very even tempo, and because of that it may not sound as conversational with another person as it could be, so maybe experiment with that in your next take.
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June 9, 2021 at 12:36 am #68494
Tim-A-Doherty-VO
ParticipantHello! Just posting some practice script recordings for homework.
Freshi
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.Ancient Mysteries
Be it endless fascination with the Bible, or chilling tales of Gothic horror, man has been compelled by the wonders of the unknown since the beginning of time. From the possible existence of Big Foot to the grips of a mummy’s curse. Uncover the truth behind “Ancient Mysteries” tonight on Channel 4…NBC.Attachments:
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June 9, 2021 at 4:45 pm #68502
Erik B
ParticipantHi Tim. I really liked the Freshi read the most out of the three. I feel like the copy naturally fits your voice and style. The tempo of the Freshi read is great, and you hit the key words nicely, great job. For the American Express read you hit the key words nicely, but I feel like the tone of the read didn’t fit the copy. Lastly the Ancient Mysteries read, I dig it, but I don’t think the tone fits with an NBC promo.
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June 9, 2021 at 11:16 am #68499
nettipo1
ParticipantHello! Your reads have good energy and sound conversational enough to me. I can tell that you are conveying different emotions with each read. for the American Express, which had a slight sound of superiority or haughtiness, maybe explore a different emotion. Also, in the same read, your emphasis on “my” throughout the script was noticeable…perhaps make that emphasis not so much, or see how it sounds if you emphasize phrases and not just certain words.
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June 8, 2021 at 10:23 pm #68484
MarkosKandilis
ParticipantHowdy! I’m currently developing my commercial chops with the aim of recording my demo in June. Feel free to have a listen to these samples and let me know what you think. Thanks!
Commercial 1: Crest
Introducing the Crest Extender. Gentle Extender fibers clean deep between teeth. Now you
can floss daily…extend between. Crest Extender. Fits between to get teeth clean.Commercial 2: Allegra
Seasonal allergies can make you feel miserable. Only once-daily Allegra has fexofenadeen,
for long lasting, non-drowsy allergy relief. So you can feel more like yourself again.
For people 12 and older. Side effects include headache, upper respiratory tract infection and
back pain. Call you doctor now for more information.Attachments:
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June 10, 2021 at 12:36 pm #68517
Erik B
ParticipantHey Markos. Great job on both reads. Both have great tone, tempo, and you hit all the key words nicely. Also the recording quality is solid. Good luck with the demo.
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June 10, 2021 at 10:24 am #68513
nettipo1
ParticipantHey there! Great job on these two spots. You hit all the right notes and nuances in both recordings. I guess I’d suggest that if, for example, these two spots were next to each other on a demo, see if you can vary the emotion–or bring out the emotion more in each spot–so that they contrast more and to also show more of your acting ability, which I can tell you totally have. Also, be aware of not saying the words as written. You added “the” before teeth in the second sentence of Crest, and you said “once-a-day” rather than “once daily” in the Allegra spot. I think you’re pretty much ready for that upcoming demo recording.
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June 8, 2021 at 9:56 pm #68479
ryanp.bogie
ParticipantHi everyone! Here is my commercial homework before my next session with Art. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you, and stay safe out there!
Gamestop Trade-In Promo
Beat all your games? Keep it fresh and get up to 40% extra trade credit when you trade toward Dragonball Fighters, Monster Hunter: World or Shadow of the Colossus. Gamestop. Buy. Sell. Trade. Repeat. Rated T through M.I Am Anxiety
I’ve been expecting you. Why? Don’t tell me you don’t recognize me? Oh! You still don’t know who I am. Let me try and help you with that. I am the ill ease that you feel when you walk into a crowded room. You know. The hot and cold flushes that confuse you when you are already confused enough. I am the one that raises the whip to your already raising heart. I am the tightening of your chest. The s*********g worries that feel like they might become an avalanche and they can just bury you in an instant. My friend I am the obsessive and the compulsive. I’m the voice. You know the one. Always questioning, questioning, questioning, everything you do, everything you think. And I am every, single staring eye that watches you. So, now that we have become acquainted, what are you going to do about it?
Tag: 1 in 4 people experience anxiety. And most don’t know about it. You need to know anxiety to be free from it.
Visit beyondblue.org.au or call 1300 22 4636.Woodies
I hate Woodies! I’m the only dog on the block that doesn’t get any love, and I tell you, I’m fed up! It’s just Woodies, Woodies, Woodies … every doggone day. She never has time for me anymore. When I want to romp in the park — “Sorry, darling. Mommy has to go to Woodies to buy a new dress.” When I want to play fetch the stick — “Not now, Canine Cutey, WOODIES is running a sale on shoes.” I thought it was supposed to be a dog’s world out there. If only I were a cat!Attachments:
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June 8, 2021 at 10:28 pm #68488
MarkosKandilis
ParticipantHey Ryan, great read! For the Gamestop one, I recommend smoothing out the pacing. There are some parts that are delivered fast while some parts drag a bit. Getting the pacing to a more natural and even place will enhance the read immediately. Break a lip!
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June 8, 2021 at 11:40 pm #68493
mvacc
ParticipantGreat job!
I agree with Markos about the pacing for Gamestop.
I Am Anxiety – Great change in tone and inflection. I can hear the frustration/anxiety you’re trying to express in the read. Is the title part of the script? It’s a little hard to distinguish it from the rest of the script because the tone is the same.
Woodies – Another great demonstration of frustration, but this time as a dog. I would consider possibly staying in the “Mommy” (mocking) character a little longer in the “Not now, Canine Cutey, WOODIES is running a sale on shoes.”
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June 8, 2021 at 10:23 am #68456
taylorn.quinn
ParticipantHi All,
Hope everyone is safe and well!
Looking for some feedback on this narration spot-anything from technique to the studio aspect is welcome!
Thank you!
Script:
Lights. Camera. Action!Great movies can kindle curiosity, teach kids important life lessons and make it easier for parents and kids to discuss sensitive issues.
Be sure to take time to ask questions, role play and extend the program with related books and activities.
Take turns selecting the evening’s films, so everyone plays a role in movie night.
Take advantage of DVDs with added footage and commentary from actors and directors.
They can give interesting insights into how movies are made, how special effects are created and more. Give your own movie reviews afterwards or create your own “rating” system.
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June 9, 2021 at 4:34 pm #68501
Erik B
ParticipantHi Taylorn. I really like your voice, and the recoring quality sounds solid to me. My advice for you is to slow down the tempo of the read. Take your time with it. Also as nettipo1 mentioned, make sure you hit key words in the script.
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June 8, 2021 at 11:13 am #68464
nettipo1
ParticipantHello! Your voice sounds smart and energetic! My main suggestion is to slow down your pacing, so that phrases like “important life lessons” and “kids to discuss” are clearer to the listener. Also, you might want to consider emphasizing more of the important words or phrases that will help bring out the overall message of the script…phrases like “kindle curiosity” and “interesting insights.” Or perhaps consider similar phrases such as “teach kids,” “take time,” “take turns,” and “take advantage,” –maybe those could be gently brought out more because you are basically encouraging the listener (parents) to see the possibilities. These are just suggestions – you will have a better idea of which words are important for this piece. I look forward to hearing more.
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June 7, 2021 at 2:35 pm #68323
Kev
ParticipantHello all. This is my first posting to this forum – looking forward to all/any feedback!
The direction was “conversational”, engaging and sincere.
Script:
It’s never been easier to recycle your extra fridge. Georgia Power’s Refrigerator Recycling Program will pick up your working secondary refrigerator or freezer for free and responsibly recycle it. You’ll clear some space, lower your monthly bills, and earn a $35 rebate. Our crew will come to your home, briefly inspect the appliance to ensure that it is in working and cooling condition, then safely remove the appliance and load it onto our truck for transport. You won’t have to lift a finger!Interested in any feedback on the read itself, or comments on the studio sound or post-processing on the file.
Many thanks!
Kev
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June 9, 2021 at 10:32 am #68498
Kev
ParticipantThank you for your replies and feedback – it’s extremely helpful. I need to work on my ‘conversational’ tone – it’s always been my weakness.
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June 8, 2021 at 10:28 am #68458
taylorn.quinn
ParticipantHi,
I really like your voice, but I am agreeing with JustJohn that it sounds more aggressive than necessary. I definitely was engaged, but I did not get conversational. I also could not tell if it was commercial or narration that you would hear on a website. I did really like your articulation, and if your pitch maybe was different it would be a great read.
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June 7, 2021 at 3:02 pm #68328
SuperLuke
ParticipantIt definitely sounds like a commercial. Hearing your vocal performance, I could hear how you wanted to sound engaging, like a conversation between you and your listeners. And, the best part is you sounded believable.
Great job, Kev -
June 7, 2021 at 2:58 pm #68327
JustJohn
ParticipantGreat voice! I can’t put my finger on it, but something in this read sounds more aggressive than necessary. Maybe it’s the post-production compression? A bit more gain than necessary? I’m not sure. The articulation is good, but I wonder if it isn’t a little too exact (for example, “…and responsibly recycle it” the glottal on “and” is a bit strong, as is the explosive “t” on the end of “it”). The forceful pronunciation, with its abundance of glottal stops, gives the read a bit of a mechanical quality (like some of those robo-calls we all receive). I think, if “conversational” is your goal, the whole read could flow together a little more fluidly and informally. The read is already good. I think, with a few adjustments, it could be great.
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June 7, 2021 at 2:18 pm #68320
EdSoliz
ParticipantHello! I’m new here and this is my first homework assignment; two commercials.
Your brain has 2 sides. The right side: creative, buys things, has fun. The left side: organized, practical, saves money. Now JC Penney makes both sides happy. It’s the buy more, save more sale. It’s simple, the more you buy, the more you save. 20 to 30%. So use your head. Buy more. Save more. Only at JC Penney.
So much beauty in one place! America is a great country, and we’ve got the best way to see it. Amtrak “Explore America” fares. Round trips from one hundred and seventy nine dollars all across America. It’s a great country at a great price. Call 1-800-USA-RAIL now about Amtrak “Explore America” fares.
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June 8, 2021 at 10:51 am #68463
nettipo1
ParticipantCongrats on doing your first homework posting! Your voice sounds nice and energetic! The two readings do need to be much more conversational. Perhaps you can imagine talking to just one person, which will make it more intimate and that will help you to reduce your volume and projection. Remember that there are ways to change the quality of your voice to express excitement without increasing the volume.
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June 8, 2021 at 10:33 am #68459
taylorn.quinn
ParticipantHi!
For the JC Penney ad, it sounded a little bit too “old timey” commercial (I hope that makes sense) then it needs to be. Try standing or sitting in a different position when recording, or even acting it out as more of a conversation it would be even better.I really liked how you started the see America one-I was engaged instantly. Try and keep that excitement up throughout This is also something I am working on and you will get better every time!
Keep up the great work!
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June 7, 2021 at 7:19 pm #68335
suecat
ParticipantNice voice. JC Penney read could be a little more conversational. I like your inflections there. The Amtrak read was good too! Try putting a little more excitement on “Explore America.” Looking forward to hearing more!
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June 7, 2021 at 1:32 pm #68317
JustJohn
ParticipantI’m considering this script for my narration demo. I’d be grateful for constructive feedback!
WHAT CAUSES PSORIASIS?
Psoriasis is a chronic condition that shows up as thick red patches on your skin. …but that’s only half the story. Psoriasis actually begins inside your body, when your immune system goes into overdrive, and affects the skin-production process. Normally, new skin cells take about a month to cycle to the surface. But with psoriasis, the cycle gets sped up to just a few days, leading to a rapid over-production of cells that build up on your skin’s surface. With no time to shed, the cells create itchy, sore patches that usually appear on your elbows, back, scalp, and hands. While the exact cause is unknown, a person’s immune system, combined with their genes, seems to play a critical role.Attachments:
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June 9, 2021 at 11:43 am #68500
nettipo1
ParticipantHello! I like the pleasant, helpful tone of your read, but because this is kind of serious piece about a skin condition, you might want to consider lessening some of the pleasantness in phrases such as “that usually appear on your elbows.” Also, I noticed a tendency to fall into an up-and-down (my coach calls it “sing-songy” when I do it) pattern with the emphasis that you are placing on every other/every third word. Try different ways to emphasize the words, or be more selective with the words you emphasize, or try different pacing to help avoid that pattern. It will be great to hear another read from you in the future.
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June 7, 2021 at 3:24 pm #68329
SuperLuke
ParticipantIn my own opinion, I would ask myself, “What kind of narration demo do I want?” before I pick something to narrate in my demo. Since you picked this one about psoriasis, I’m guessing you want to make a demo that reflects you as a nonfiction narrator for an article that you may find in a medical journal or a documentary.
As far as your performance and recording quality, good job narrating without having to take a breath in between sentences. You were audible and clear. If you are trying to sound like a documentary, you’re on the right path.
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