Here are a couple of homework practice scripts. I’m on a narration track and would greatly appreciate your feedback (e.g., tone, pace, connection to script, neutral English).
Thank you!
AMERICAN AIRLINES (in-flight video)
Welcome aboard American Airlines coast-to-coast service. We‘ll be happy to do everything possible to make your flight with us a most pleasurable experience. We‘ll provide you with all the information you need to know about your flight, your destination, and the equipment on which you are currently flying.
THE LAND OF EGYPT (travelogue)
Egypt has always been a land of mystery and magic. A land different from all others, difficult to understand, apart and alien, yet strangely fascinating. It was the most self-contained of all the countries of the ancient world; it lived its own life, practised its own religion, and made up its own government with hardly any outside interference either from or upon other civilizations.
Good enunciation.The two recordings sound different enough. I got a feeling that you were going for an airplane commercial when I heard it. The second recording sounded more like a discovery channel documentary. You did a good job recording and performing. My only critique is that you sound less enthusiastic in the first recording. In the second I can imagine you were more excited about where you were going/ what you were talking about.
The American Airlines one sounds spot on for the type of recording you hear if you call them. Nailed it. The second one, however, I think could use a little more variation and needs to be a little more natural, not as performed.
Wow, I do think you pulled off a satisfying pace, and pitch throughout both scripts. None of the pauses mid-sentence were long enough to sound choppy and you kept a consistant tone throughout. However, I think your overall performance sounds like a machine or as if your reading off of paper, not really interested in the subject you’re explaining. Remember, people may be listening to this so they can learn, but it helps to make your explanation interesting for them too, that’s how students learn to like teaching lectures.
Considering how you perform in the 1st recording: you have good enunciation. But you could probably work on adding more enthusiasm to your voice. Show the listener that you enjoy what you’re advertising.
The second and third commercial reads were great. You sounded energetIc, happy, and excited about the store and the product you were advertising.
Hey Mike, the sound quality is great and the tone works well, especially in the first one. The tone and tempo you used in the second are also excellent, I might tone it down just a little bit, especially at the beginning, and maybe lower the pitch as well, but just a tab. The third one on the other hand I think is perfect, strangely, the only thing I’d nitpick in that one is the quality of the recording, which for some reason seemed better in the previous two.
Well Mike, I’d say you had a good tone for each of them, each recording sounded very unique though you could sound a little more excited on the first two. Your pitch range was well placed too, I like the words you hit. However, I think your tempo may be too fast and some words like “Hut” get lost in the read. Try to relax a little and remember that this is an art, not a task.
I liked the tone in the first one and the energy in the third one.
In the second one, I think you should avoid the ending inflections on “entree” and “master”, take out the pause after “entree” and sound a bit more excited up to “master”. You could also use a slightly different pitch for each of the two questions.
Keep up the good work!
And here’s one last recording I need feedback on, a bit longer than the others. Once again, I used a Blue Yeti microphone, a wardrobe with the inner walls covered in blankets and cushions, and Logic Studio to record. Looking forward to your feedback!
Wow, you sound like a real authority. Your tone was well chosen and the words you hit are very fitting. I also think your recording setup is well established and the mic has NO static. How big is your wardrobe? I hope you’re not cramped in there. Only thing I would say is your tone should probably vary throughout the script, you sound too serious and I think it would help if you felt for Hemingway at certain places. Finally, your tempo is too fast for a documentary script. Your read needs a moderate tempo to ensure listeners have a chance to grasp the information you’re sharing.
Thanks a lot for the feedback. Very helpful. Sadly, I AM indeed cramped in that wardrobe so I’m looking for a better setup that won’t cost thousands of dollars. Thanks again for the tips.
I’m uploading 4 homemade recordings I did for feedback. I used a Blue Yeti microphone, a wardrobe with the inner walls covered in blankets and cushions, and Logic Studio to record. For each clip, I say the name of the script before reading it. Looking forward to giving and receiving some feedback for the first time on this platform!
Hey,
Thanks everyone for your comments. They really make a difference, so take a listen and PLEASE help me with your feedback!
Excedrin
Headaches. We all get them. We all wish they would go away. There is a solution. Excedrin. I just take two and there’s no more tension, no more throbbing, no more pain. My headache is completely gone.
Honey Bunches of Oats
It’s amazing! I never thought one cereal would make my whole family stay for breakfast. HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS. There’s never been a cereal like it. With big corn flakes and crunchy bunches of oats. Finally … a cereal my whole family loves.
Hello everyone! I am uploading some homework for the forums for my upcoming Narration Demo. This is not a script I am using for my Demo but just practice so any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!
Hey John, I really loved your reads. I am about to begin my own Commercial Demo classes shortly after completing my Narration Demo so listening to you work on your commercial reads was really a pleasure. From what I hear in your reads I feel as if you might be putting a tad too much emphasis on certain words rather than keeping it more conversational. However, I can tell that your thrilled to be reading these scripts and can sense that you are smiling while reading with the exception of your last read as that is more of softer tone to it. All three reads are really nice and as I said maybe try again to see what you think without the emphasis on words like “reeeaaaalllly” “ooonly” and in the 2nd read I feel you punch a bit on the word “best” these words seemed to overpower and draw my attention away from the rest of the scripts. Best of luck looking forward to hearing more!
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by jay.triggs.
I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused. You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now! Recycling is important because it helps keep the Earth clean, especially from trash made of plastic.
RUNNNG SHOES
There is no perfect running shoe, partly because no two feet are alike, even on the same person. Still, top brands can be comfortable, safe, and effective running mates — if you know what to look for. This video gives you some practical guidelines to help you find shoes that will serve you well in the long run. If in doubt, don’t buy. Shoes should feel just right in the store. Don’t count on improvements after they’re “broken in.” Take your time to buy. Try to shop when business is slow so you won’t feel embarrassed about trying on many pairs of shoes. Buying in haste is a good way to end up with poorly fitting shoes that can cause injuries.
I listened several times to your recordings, both of which I thought were excellent. I felt that you had spent some considerable time interpreting the scripts and that the consequent adjustment of your pitch, pace, and tone to suit each one, ensured not only that the readings sounded sincere but also that your voice remained natural, warm, and conversational throughout.
You seemed to me to have put your personal stamp on both readings, and the chuckle accompanying ‘..trying on many pairs of shoes.’ was especially effective. It brought a smile to my face.
I auditioned for the lead character in a TV show cartoon called “Bit War”. I followed all of their instructions on how to sound and what to say; slating, performing the dialogue for the character as a sympathetic yet cold tough guy, and making a sound for when I punch, have a special attack, and so on.
I even auditioned for a robot named Jitter as well.
Please feel free to listen to my audition, make a comment, and let me know how well I performed.
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by SuperLuke.