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  • #68099
    TimDKietzman
    Participant

    Hi everyone, coaching for my Narration demo continues and I have three more recordings that I would appreciate feedback on. How was my performance? Did I do well pronouncing words? Was I talking at a good tempo and differentiate lists and sentences well? How about my tone? Was I suitable throughout each script and match the mood of the words/sentences? Lastly, is my recording setup working well? Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

    Neuroendocrine Tumors
    Although pathologic concepts regarding squamous cell carcinoma and adenocarcinoma have remained relatively stable during the past 10 years, those regarding the class of neuroendocrine tumors have continued to undergo revision and refinement. Neuroendocrine tumors are defined as those that produce biogenic amines. Pathologically, this can be demonstrated by a positive argyrophil or argentaffin stain, the presence of neurosecretory granules by electron microscopy.

    LAB 203 Anniversary Script
    There are thousands of personal stories that LapCop has been a part of from DNA testing which helps exonerate the innocent to developing drugs that can turn a disease from fatal to treatable. LapCorp has a continuing dedication to excellence felt from that first day in 1969 and still now 50 years on.

    Pablo Picasso
    A woman is a woman, according to history. But to Pablo Picasso, a woman was something else again. A combination of lines, forms, and colors. Picasso changed the combination to suit his moods, and his result was seldom Eve-like. The woman may have elephant ears, crossed eyes, two noses. In the name of art, Picasso transformed natural appearances for well over half a century. People who don’t like unconventional art say he spoofed the public, and the public itself often scoffed at his works. When his chief masterpiece, Guernica, was first shown, many thought it looked like a jigsaw puzzle. But a multitude of artists now following in his footsteps believe Picasso was liberating art from age-old academic tradition.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by TimDKietzman.
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    • #68138
      nettipo1
      Participant

      Your diction in all three reads is very clear, and you did a great job pronouncing all of those difficult words in the first read! I felt like the emotion and the tempo of the reads were somewhat similar and perhaps could have used a little more differentiation. I also noticed that in the first sentence of the second recording, the words “There,” “thousands,” “personal,” and “LabCorp” were emphasized. Perhaps see how it might sound by emphasizing only the key words. I did appreciate the clarity and pleasant tone of your voice in all three reads.

    • #68132
      Isaac M.
      Participant

      For the recording on tumors, I don’t really have much to say. I can totally imagine that on a recording about that topic. I think the quality of the recording could possibly be improved a little bit; there’s a subtle squeakiness that arises at times. The performance in the second one could be toned down a bit, made a little more conversational. I would say the same thing about the recording on Picasso; I’d tone it down much more in that one, make it sound more natural and conversational. I think the recording has a few minute clips here in there but otherwise sounds very professional.

  • #68093
    ctwvoguy
    Participant

    Greetings VO friends! Was hoping for some honest feedback on my new commercial demo. All self produced so hoping it’s up to s***f or at least on the right track. Thanks all!

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    • #68137
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      Wow, this is great for a self-produced demo. The delivery of the commercials was excellent. Are you a pro?

    • #68131
      Isaac M.
      Participant

      You must already be a pro. The sound quality and acting sound perfect. Nice going. i’d love to learn how you were able to record that from home and make it sound so professional.

    • #68105
      TimDKietzman
      Participant

      You sir have a magnificent demo under your sleave. Did you produce this demo yourself? I think any potential client would be very pleased by your authoritative sounding voice. You even made sure the music wasn’t too loud and articulated every word just right. Your strike zone would likely be gentlemanly and wise so you should emphasize that when marketing.

  • #68089
    Andrea
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    Here are a couple of homework practice scripts. I’m on a narration track and would greatly appreciate your feedback (e.g., tone, pace, connection to script, neutral English).

    Thank you!

    AMERICAN AIRLINES (in-flight video)

    Welcome aboard American Airlines coast-to-coast service. We‘ll be happy to do everything possible to make your flight with us a most pleasurable experience. We‘ll provide you with all the information you need to know about your flight, your destination, and the equipment on which you are currently flying.

    THE LAND OF EGYPT (travelogue)

    Egypt has always been a land of mystery and magic. A land different from all others, difficult to understand, apart and alien, yet strangely fascinating. It was the most self-contained of all the countries of the ancient world; it lived its own life, practised its own religion, and made up its own government with hardly any outside interference either from or upon other civilizations.

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    • #68139
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      Good enunciation.The two recordings sound different enough. I got a feeling that you were going for an airplane commercial when I heard it. The second recording sounded more like a discovery channel documentary. You did a good job recording and performing. My only critique is that you sound less enthusiastic in the first recording. In the second I can imagine you were more excited about where you were going/ what you were talking about.

    • #68130
      Isaac M.
      Participant

      The American Airlines one sounds spot on for the type of recording you hear if you call them. Nailed it. The second one, however, I think could use a little more variation and needs to be a little more natural, not as performed.

    • #68104
      TimDKietzman
      Participant

      Wow, I do think you pulled off a satisfying pace, and pitch throughout both scripts. None of the pauses mid-sentence were long enough to sound choppy and you kept a consistant tone throughout. However, I think your overall performance sounds like a machine or as if your reading off of paper, not really interested in the subject you’re explaining. Remember, people may be listening to this so they can learn, but it helps to make your explanation interesting for them too, that’s how students learn to like teaching lectures.

  • #68084
    mike_levelton
    Participant

    Hey everyone,

    I’d love to get some feedback for my practice commercial scripts. Just starting out so any positive or negative feedback would be huge.

    Thanks so much!

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    • #68140
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      Considering how you perform in the 1st recording: you have good enunciation. But you could probably work on adding more enthusiasm to your voice. Show the listener that you enjoy what you’re advertising.
      The second and third commercial reads were great. You sounded energetIc, happy, and excited about the store and the product you were advertising.

    • #68129
      Isaac M.
      Participant

      Hey Mike, the sound quality is great and the tone works well, especially in the first one. The tone and tempo you used in the second are also excellent, I might tone it down just a little bit, especially at the beginning, and maybe lower the pitch as well, but just a tab. The third one on the other hand I think is perfect, strangely, the only thing I’d nitpick in that one is the quality of the recording, which for some reason seemed better in the previous two.

    • #68106
      TimDKietzman
      Participant

      Well Mike, I’d say you had a good tone for each of them, each recording sounded very unique though you could sound a little more excited on the first two. Your pitch range was well placed too, I like the words you hit. However, I think your tempo may be too fast and some words like “Hut” get lost in the read. Try to relax a little and remember that this is an art, not a task.

    • #68092
      Andrea
      Participant

      Hi Mike,

      I liked the tone in the first one and the energy in the third one.
      In the second one, I think you should avoid the ending inflections on “entree” and “master”, take out the pause after “entree” and sound a bit more excited up to “master”. You could also use a slightly different pitch for each of the two questions.
      Keep up the good work!

  • #68077
    Isaac M.
    Participant

    Hey Community,

    And here’s one last recording I need feedback on, a bit longer than the others. Once again, I used a Blue Yeti microphone, a wardrobe with the inner walls covered in blankets and cushions, and Logic Studio to record. Looking forward to your feedback!

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    • #68107
      TimDKietzman
      Participant

      Wow, you sound like a real authority. Your tone was well chosen and the words you hit are very fitting. I also think your recording setup is well established and the mic has NO static. How big is your wardrobe? I hope you’re not cramped in there. Only thing I would say is your tone should probably vary throughout the script, you sound too serious and I think it would help if you felt for Hemingway at certain places. Finally, your tempo is too fast for a documentary script. Your read needs a moderate tempo to ensure listeners have a chance to grasp the information you’re sharing.

      • #68124
        Isaac M.
        Participant

        Hey Tim,

        Thanks a lot for the feedback. Very helpful. Sadly, I AM indeed cramped in that wardrobe so I’m looking for a better setup that won’t cost thousands of dollars. Thanks again for the tips.

  • #68072
    Isaac M.
    Participant

    Hey Community,

    I’m uploading 4 homemade recordings I did for feedback. I used a Blue Yeti microphone, a wardrobe with the inner walls covered in blankets and cushions, and Logic Studio to record. For each clip, I say the name of the script before reading it. Looking forward to giving and receiving some feedback for the first time on this platform!

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  • #68062
    suecat
    Participant

    Hey,
    Thanks everyone for your comments. They really make a difference, so take a listen and PLEASE help me with your feedback!

    Excedrin
    Headaches. We all get them. We all wish they would go away. There is a solution. Excedrin. I just take two and there’s no more tension, no more throbbing, no more pain. My headache is completely gone.

    Honey Bunches of Oats
    It’s amazing! I never thought one cereal would make my whole family stay for breakfast. HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS. There’s never been a cereal like it. With big corn flakes and crunchy bunches of oats. Finally … a cereal my whole family loves.

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  • #68058

    Hi All,

    I’m just working on some narrative reads. Would love any feedback! Thanks!

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  • #68036
    jay.triggs
    Participant

    Hello everyone! I am uploading some homework for the forums for my upcoming Narration Demo. This is not a script I am using for my Demo but just practice so any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!

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    • #68045
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      sounds good for a documentary. Your voice is very calm.

  • #68016
    jmtarleton
    Participant

    Hello everyone! I am uploading a few takes here for commercial practice, and am grateful for any comments or suggestions.

    Thank you kindly!

    John

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    • #68040
      jay.triggs
      Participant

      Hey John, I really loved your reads. I am about to begin my own Commercial Demo classes shortly after completing my Narration Demo so listening to you work on your commercial reads was really a pleasure. From what I hear in your reads I feel as if you might be putting a tad too much emphasis on certain words rather than keeping it more conversational. However, I can tell that your thrilled to be reading these scripts and can sense that you are smiling while reading with the exception of your last read as that is more of softer tone to it. All three reads are really nice and as I said maybe try again to see what you think without the emphasis on words like “reeeaaaalllly” “ooonly” and in the 2nd read I feel you punch a bit on the word “best” these words seemed to overpower and draw my attention away from the rest of the scripts. Best of luck looking forward to hearing more!

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by jay.triggs.
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