[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by David Goldberg.
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• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[TimDKietzman]

The time has come. I have completed three more recordings for my narration homework. As usual, I am aiming to make the reads sound conversational and give some variation throughout, especially when I get to lists. Also, I wanted to make each performance sound unique to the others. Do you think I pulled it off? Any feedback is appreciated.

Apollo 16
The year was 1967, and the astronauts of Apollo 16 were going to the moon. This is Charlie Duke, Lunar Module Pilot on Apollo 16. This amazing little capsule went by the call-sign CASPER, and it was the heart of an immense system of rocket engineering that got the astronauts safely to the moon and back.

Black Diamond Equipment
Here at Black Diamond it’s all about climbing and skiing. We share the same experiences that you do on rock, ice and snow and these experiences push us to make the best gear possible for our worldwide family of climbers and skiers.
What began with a backyard anvil and a hammer has now grown into a global company with offices on three continents. Black Diamond is a company that’s not just for rock climbers and skiers, but one that stands for the spirit of the sports we live, their values and goals, past, present and future. Since 1957, our innovative gear designs have set the standard in numerous areas. This is partly the result of dedication, desire and diligence on the part of an incredible team of people. It’s also a product of the fact that each of us are climbers and skiers ourselves.

Light Chain Deposition Disease
Light-chain deposition disease (LCDD) is the deposition of monoclonal light chains in multiple organs. It is a rare disease characterized by deposition of NONAmyloid immunoglobulin light chains, and they do not stain with Congo red and do not exhibit a fibrillar structure when examined ultrastructurally. It is categorized as a “monoclonal deposition disease” in the World Health Organization classification of tumors of hematopoietic and lymphoid tissues. LCDD was first described in 1976 in two patients with end-stage renal disease as granular deposits of free light chains in multiple organs, including the kidneys, that did not stain with Congo red.

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[rogue1]

Hello, Tim! Wow, masterful job in breaking up very long scripts (practically run-on sentences in some instances) into an inviting and digestible conveyance of information. Your choice of pauses and emphases show a lot of care in your craft and yet the reads don’t feel overworked. A special salute for your LCDD read—my tongue would never be able to mange such technical lingo!

[nettipo1]

Hello! I could pick up slight differences among the three reads, but there’s still room to make them even more distinct. The Black Diamond Equipment read has a conversational quality to it, but I think this could be brought out more. I almost think you might want to try to make the Black Diamond read more plain, in a way, and be more selective with the words you emphasize. For instance, “Since 1957” doesn’t need to have any emphasis at all, but once it is emphasized, it competes with the other words being emphasized. I’m impressed with how you can read the technical terms in the third read!

[Bil-Bo]

A.G. EDWARDS 30 SEC. RADIO
WITH NEW HIGHER TAX BRACKETS, YOUR INVESTMENT BROKER CAN BE A VALUABLE SOURCE FOR IDEAS THAT CAN HELP YOU REDUCE TAXES. IT’S ALL PART OF THE COMPLETE SERVICE AG EDWARDS IS COMMITTED TO OFFERING. NOT ONLY THIS YEAR, BUT EVERY YEAR. THE TIME TO START NEXT YEAR’S TAX PLANNING IS NOW AND YOUR AG EDWARDS INVESTMENT BROKER CAN HELP BY UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTICULAR NEEDS. WHY NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT EXPERTISE BY CALLING AG
EDWARDS?

Justin Boots (Pecos Red)
Hi, I’m Pecos Red for Justin Boots. Ever heard the term: “All Hat and no cattle”? That’s the problem with a lot of boots I know. Sounds weird, but the thing of it is that most boots don’t do the same things your feet do, like expand and contract when you take a step.
Most boots are rigid, which is why your “dawgs commence to barkin’” and get all swole up, from yer boot-heels a wanderin’.
At Justin Boots, our technology is a simple idee that comes
right out of the way your foot works. It’s how we build ever’ boot we make. So’s it expands and flexes the way your foot does when it’s out ridin’ the range, or just boot-scootin’ out at Billy Bob’s. Justin Boots Quality. It’s a DANG good thing! I’m Pecos Red, remindin’ ya: never kick a cow chip on a hot day! Justin Boots. Don’t wear ‘em. Use ‘em!

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[rogue1]

Hey Bil-bo! Amazing. Your A.G.Edwards read has me visualizing melted butter spreading across silk—-it’s just that smooth of a performance. The Justin Boots read really shows your range. What a fun character to spend :60 with. Well done, sir!

[suecat]

Hey BilBo!
I am captivated by your reads! Your enunciation, flow, tone, pitch — just flawless! You did skip in the second read — “for Justin Boots” otherwise, fabulous!

[nettipo1]

Hi Bil-Bo! I loved both reads! Your voice is so delightfully unique and is so fun to listen to! Not only that, but you deliver the right nuances that give the right meaning to the right words/phrases. I was tickled by the different sound effects in your Justin Boots read. Thank you for posting your work.

[Erik B]

Hi everybody. I’m posting my homework assignment for my next Narration class. Please feel free to provide feedback on performance and recording quality.

Thank you,
Erik

Recycling

I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused. You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now! Recycling is important because it helps keep the Earth clean, especially from trash made of plastic.

Yellowstone
In the northern part of the park, large stretches of grass and sagebrush spread across the mountains and valleys. Similar to the prairies, this habitat provides an excellent home to the badger and her new family. They see light, for perhaps the first time. A strange new world for them. And they stay close to their mother at first. But growing bolder, they begin to explore on their own.

Sean Connery
He was born Thomas Sean Connery in Fountainbridge, Scotland, on August 25, 1930, the son of Joe, a truck driver, and Euphamia, a 20-year-old housewife. The neighborhood was known as “the street of a thousand smells” for the stench of the local rubber mill and several breweries that always filled the air. Connery’s home was a two-room flat in “tenement land”, where the infant slept in a bureau drawer because his parents couldn’t afford a crib.

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[rogue1]

Hi Erik, love the rich, resonant quality of your voice–very crisp, clear delivery on all counts. I agree with nettipo1 and SuperLuke that you might now try a bit more conversational approach in your reads. You’ve got the authoritative tone down pat, now maybe smooth it out a bit for a more natural delivery. Keep up the great work!

[nettipo1]

HI Erik, I like the energy and pace of the three reads, but in a way it sounds like you are trying to make every word distinct, and you may be pushing on the words a bit too much. You may want to see how you would sound if you were saying these words to someone next to you. Still, I like the energy and clarity of your voice, which is an advantage you have with narration for sure.

[SuperLuke]

Hi Erik,
Comment: The first performance sounds like a commercial. It also sounds like you are aiming for sounding like an announcer. The second recording sounds like something we would use for the Discovery Channel, very well done! The third recording was good for narrating the biography.
Critique: Although, maybe make your narration voice stretch out and sound different for each recording because the scripts have set different tones, moods, and feels to them. Your voice sounds the same throughout all 3 reads and sets similar tones.

[Chance Arthur]

One more that I was working on this morning! I have a bad habit of saying “yer/fer/tuh” instead of “your/for/to” so that was what I was working on with this script. It felt like I was over-enunciating, but that’s why I’m bringing it to the community for feedback! 🙂

YOUR SMILE

Your smile says a lot about you. If you let it. When you’re uncomfortable about your teeth, it’s easy to hold back your smile. Invisalign’s advanced technology now lets you straighten your teeth invisibly – so you can express yourself fully. And because they’re invisible, no one has to know about it. Hundreds of thousands of people already have discovered Invisalign. Maybe it’s time you were one of them.

Thanks

Chance

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[SuperLuke]

Good performance. Don’t feel bad about the enunciation problems you mentioned, we all have them at times.

I agree with Erik B., about when you take a breath before saying something. It slows down the performance and throws off the performance. Just keep practicing and you will do great.

[Erik B]

Hi Chance. The tone and tempo of your read are good. Also you enunciate clearly throughout. Watch out for breathes present on the recording, I noticed one at the beginning of the third sentence. Also the last sentence sounds like a question instead of a statement. Overall good job.

[Chance Arthur]

Hi everyone,

I’m throwing in a commercial script for some feedback.

LEGOS

My child has quite an imagination. His teachers say that some day he’ll be doing great things. Right now, he’s already an architect, a designer, an engineer … I think he’s a creative genius … and thanks to Legos, the creative building toy, there’s just no limit to what he can do. LEGOS … the creative diversion that helps develop a child’s potential.

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[taylorn.quinn]

Hi!
I really liked some of the choices you made. The one note I have is watch the endings of sentences as sometimes you would trail off the word and I wouldn’t hear it fully. Other than that keep up the great work!

[nettipo1]

Hello! Your voice is really nice and clear, and energy and overall pacing is good–but, you might want to vary the pacing and inflection more to make your read more natural. It also sounds like you end your sentences at the same or similar pitch level (listen to the first and second sentences), which gives it a pattern that makes it sound less natural. So perhaps hold a stronger image in your mind of one person you are talking to, maybe create a lead-in phrase or phrases as if you were just chatting with them, and then roll right into delivering the script, and see if it sounds different. Keep having fun with it!

[SuperLuke]

It’s a good performance. Aside from a few pauses, maybe talking away from the microphone, you did a great job and I could tell that you believed in the product you were advertising. BUt remember, the more high notes you have the more low notes you will need.

[Chance Arthur]

Good call! Thanks for the input! Listening back I can definitely hear what you are referencing. That’s something I will definitely work on is keeping that image in my head of who I am having a conversation with!

Thanks again!

[suecat]

Hey,
Feedback PLEASE! I appreciate suggestions, advice, and all words of wisdom you’d like to share!
Thanks!

The script: Purina One Special Formula For Cats is made with real chicken. Good news for your cat. Great news for your canary. For a complete adult diet for your cat and the real chicken he wants, give him Purina One Special Formula. Your canary will thank you for it. Purina One. Second to none.

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[Erik B]

HI Sue. The tone and tempo of your read were good. You also hit key words nicely, i.e. real in the first sentence. Watch out for pauses, I noticed one between “cat and” in the fourth sentence. Overall good job.

[suecat]

Thank you Erik! I will work on the pauses — It’s just soooo hard! Thanks again!

[mike_levelton]

Hey everyone,

Here’s some practice scripts I tried to tackle. Let me know what you think. I love any and all feedback.

Thanks!

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[suecat]

O*G! Great reads! I loved the kids — you nailed the ‘no’! Loved the inflections there. The Sandals, well that sounded a little dark. Try a lighter tone for a more inviting sound. Keep it up!

[SuperLuke]

Great job with the Six Flags commercial read. The second recording sounds like you are advertising the hotel resort with your deeper/ lower register. The second performance seemed like it needed more energy and cheer in your voice. I’m hearing your lower register, not bad for the commercial, but you need to sound inviting to the audience to go to the hotel you are advertising.

[Bev]

Please take a listen and give me some feedback.

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[suecat]

Nice voice!

[JustJohn]

Both reads feel a little rushed, especially the second one. I think you might want to subtract some of the pauses you make (“friends and family” in the first reading, for example, doesn’t really require a pause). Varying inflection a bit more could be useful — “A pay raise?” and “your dream house?” for instance, are using the exact same inflection twice in a row, which makes it sound less like you’re talking conversationally and more like you’re reading a to-do list. The second read sounds particularly choppy. Again, smoothing out some of those pauses could help. You’re treating some commas almost like periods. (For example, “About 12 billion years ago, scientists think, from a singular explosion, the universe was born” sounds almost like four unrelated statements right now.) “Thinning, cooling, and clumping” could use more variety of pitch and inflection, in order to sound like you’re genuinely interested in the text and really trying to convey an idea to the listener. “…the gas and dust that would become nine planets” could also be smoother. In general, the second read would benefit from a bit more relaxed approached. The fundamentals are there. Now, it’s just a question of sounding a little more natural about it, as though you’re speaking your own thoughts.

[suecat]

Hey Bev,
I agree with JustJohn that the reads seem a bit fast paced with kinda the same tone, and volume. You have a fantastic voice so just keep on truckin’.

[Bev]

Hello everyone,
I’m working on a narration demo, I would like comments on my read and also my recording quality.
Thanks in advance for listening.

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[rogue1]

Hi Bev, Wow. Very impressed with your Dickinson read. A very complex script that you’re able to delivery clearly, crisply, and naturally. Authoritative while still intriguing listeners with the emotion you infuse in what—in another performer’s hands—might’ve been a rather dull script.

Your Aetna read is equally pleasant to the ears, though it sounds a bit rushed (says the fellow voice talent who always seems to be in a race to finish a sentence 🙂) Maybe try a bit more relaxed pace with future takes. Keep up the great work!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by rogue1.

[whataboutsmee]

Hey Bev,

I thought your pacing was good and I liked the tone. Up and down in the right places and it sounded good for the piece, too. One possible suggestion would be to try to keep an eye on your soft “s” sounds. Like when you say “sketch” in the first piece is distinctly different from how you pronounced the “s” in “selection” earlier in the piece, with the former being a bit raspier. I have the same problem (if you can really even call it that), and have found that minding where my tongue rests in relation to the back of my top teeth can reduce this a bit.

As far as the recording quality is concerned, there is quite a bit of mouth-popping going on. Not sure if you’re using a pop filter or not, but if not that could help. Also make sure you have a steady supply of water nearby if you don’t already. If you already do/have both of those, you might consider looking into some plugins for you DAW that could manage that, as well.

Overall, I thought you sounded great from an acting POV. Great work!

Thanks,
Devon

[hharris]

Hi everyone,

I have two commercial readings and would be very grateful for any feedback. It’s my first homework assignment using some new equipment. My set-up is in a walk-in closet w/ a USB mic and pop filter.

Thanks so much,
Herlena

New York Life
Peace of mind is waiting to meet you all across the country. In towns big and small, there’s a New York Life agent who can help you to secure your future and protect your family. New York Life–The Company You Keep.

Atlanta Bread Company
When you think of Atlanta Bread Company, don’t just think ‘bread’. Think of an entire breakfast menu – fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees. Think of our Cafe with savory sandwiches, daily soups and crisp salads. And don’t forget…we can cater your next special event or meeting! Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.

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[Bev]

Hi H Harris,
The New York Life, I though your pacing was good. The last phrase “The company you keep” you seemed to drop the p on keep I heard kee. Good choice with the walk in closet, but I would add more sound absorption, there’s a little echo.

Your read for the Atlanta Bread Company, the pacing was good for me, however your volume was too low, maybe play with your gain, I turned up my volume on the playback as high as it could go and you still were very soft.

Good luck learning how to use your new equipment.

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[suecat]

Hey HHarris,
Super silky voice! I’d just say that the name of the company – the one that writes the check – should be solid! The names of both companies flew by pretty fast. Yes, Atl Bread Co –was low. But I have issues with the volume as well, so I can only suggest that you turn up the volume on the computer. New equipment is tricky — can’t wait to hear more!

[Don Sack]

Hey Hh!
Hmmm, what do I know….check your work before you submit it, NY Life cut out; the volume on Atlanta was too low. Whatever soft ware you use, play with it and learn it; Edge offers courses in several soft wares.
Slow way down and relax. As my instructor hammers into me, find the lists in the piece and differentiate them via tone. Talk naturally and try to imagine another person speaking the words to you.
Rock On!

[Author]

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