Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Please take a listen to 3 scripts that I have practiced on as part of my coaching in preparation for my session later this week. They are each in vain of an explainer in some sort, two are travel based and one is biographical. All feedback is welcome feedback
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Hello! You have nice vocal tone and clarity that is easy to listen to. I felt like all three reads had a similar feel, kind of like reciting an inspirational poem to a large audience, rather than talking to one person. You might want to strengthen your choice of who you’re talking to in each read, maybe even change who YOU are in each piece, to see if that changes your delivery. Keep on posting!
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Hi Ashbyman, great work! I liked all 3 of these scripts for you.
Script 1 – really took me away and gave me great visuals – great pacing and I liked your list of lists towards the end, really served to build the excitement about Martinique.
Script 2 – sounded good also!
Script 3 – This was my favorite for you – good enunciation and clarity. Good job!Mary
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Hi all I just finished my assignment from my first coaching session. The script is as follows:
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.
Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. For reference I was specifically working on getting the list of items at the end of the script to sound natural but differentiated. Many thanks!
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Hi Christophe, great job! Your voice is direct and authoritative, really good for this script and corporate onboarding. Great clarity and pacing. The lists at the end sounded very natural and differentiated, so you achieved that in my opinion! Very good!
Mary
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Hello! I’m looking to get some feedback – specifically on tone in these two commercial pieces.Thank you!
It’s the end of the day. And you missed it. Where did those hours go? Get in the driver’s seat and capture your life with the iPhone 4s – the fastest, most powerful smartphone. Voice activation, video, and much more. In stores now.
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Hi Mary, I enjoyed both reads, and I could tell the difference in their tone. I think you could even bring out more of each tone, especially in the iPhone read, where the last two sentences started to sound more like the tone of the Vanguard read. It may help to remember who you’ve chosen to talk to in the iPhone read, and imagine how excited they would be to know about the features and where to get them. Good job overall!
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Hello all, I am looking for editing feedback, thank in advance for taking the time.
Scripts
Liquiband Flow
Developed with the input of clinicians across the globe, Liquiband Flow Control’s innovative design ans insures precise adhesive placement. The winged applicator packaging facilitates safe and easy activation, along with accuracy and control.
Liquiband Flow Control can be applied in 2 simple steps:
Step 1: While holding the container upright squeeze the applicator wings until a cracking sound is heard.
Step 2: Ensure that the wound is throughly clean and dry prior to closure. Invert the tip and gently squeeze the wings to prime the device. When the tip turns violet, Liquiband Flow Control is ready to use.
Step 3: While holding the wound edges together, apply an even coat of liquiband over the length of the wound, and continue to hold wound edges together, apply an even coat of Liquiband over the length of the wound, and continue to hold the wound edges together for 30 seconds.Visibiity, performance, and predictability are paramount to success.
But how do industry professionals in sewn products manufacturing meet the challenges of reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs?
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Hey Official81, I agree with Mary. I couldn’t hear a big difference between the Liquiband-flow performances. I could hear the distinction in the Visibility performances. Try making your performances more conversational. Find that one person and speak to him/her. You have a unique sound, a little raspy with s*x appeal. Great work! Thanks for sharing!
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Hi Official81, good work! I listened to all 4 scripts twice. For the Liquiband flow, I did not notice a big difference in the editing or sound between one or the other; they sounded very similar to me. For the visibility scripts, I actually like the script called “Visibility” more than the one called “Visibility-edit. The sound was warmer / clearer in the unedited version to my ears, and sounded better. The edited version sounded raspier / rougher (?) You have a cool raspy voice so that’s not a bad thing, just sounded different to me. I hope that helps!
Mary
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Wow, you have such a warm voice. My only suggestion would be a tip my teacher gave to me. When you read a list of items (ie. apples, oranges, pears, and bananas…), try to use different tones and pitches so that the listener can differentiate between the items. Oftentimes you would use the same tone when reading off a list. Changing pitch will keep your reads from sounding too monotone.
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Hello All,
I would appreciate feedback concerning my narration homework. All criticism is welcome!Motivation Meditation Script #1
I know that you’re scared, and it’s a good thing to be scared. Because with that fear, you realise that there is a strange adrenaline rush that takes over you, akin to most of the top athletes and singers right before they play and start their performance. As you feel scared, you can begin to you know…use this emotion for the better. Use the rush, use the adrenaline, use all of this nervous energy. You get scared because your mind pictures things not going in your favour, however the mind is creative. One of the scenarios it can create, can come from the space of courage. It’s all a picture in your head at the end of the day.
So why don’t you take this opportunity to think of the outcome that you want, the one in which you’ll feel happy, satisfied and excited about this journey that you’re about to take. Yes, use all the nervous energy to imagine a level of euphoria unfathomable so far in your life. It’s bright and vivid. You put aside the negative images you were seeing with these new, beautiful and breathtaking ones. Yes, you can……NOW….BEGIN TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. (like a hypnotic order)Fish Boil Script #2
Even people who don’t like fish, have been known to like this fish. That’s why a fish boil is a must-do experience when you visit Door County. It all starts with a blazing bonfire under a kettle of salted water. People circle around to warm themselves and take in the crisp smell. When the temperature is just right and the crackle of the fire is just loud enough, the boil master adds a basket of potatoes and onions to the kettle. A few crackles later, the mild whitefish steaks, fresh from Lake Michigan, are delicately lowered in. At just the right moment, kerosene is tossed into the fire, exciting the blaze and causing the water to boil over, dramatically carrying off the fish oil that has collected on top. The fish are pulled out and greeted with a generous drizzling of butter. Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served.Recycling Script #3
I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused. You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now! Recycling is important because it helps keep the Earth clean, especially from trash made of plastic. -
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Hi all! Here is a recording for narration practice for my upcoming demo. Let me know what you think! Thank you, Mary
Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, who were married for more than 70 years, can boast of the longest-enduring marriage in British royal history. Their love story, which first began when a 13-year-old Elizabeth developed a crush on her older third cousin, has lasted through Elizabeth’s duties as queen, as well as Philip’s need to adjust to life as her consort. Whether dealing with pushy royal courtiers, dynastic name squabbles or press scrutiny and scandal, they’ve managed to remain a united front.
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Excellent Job Mary WOW! Very nice and clear even tone. Sounds like a beautifully narrated spot. Keep up the great work!
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Just trying this out. Not sure if the background music is the best. Please leave any feedback. Thanks
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Hi Robert, good job! That is a really long list of beef items! 🙂 Because there are so many items, you might try to vary up pitch here and there to keep the listener’s interest, more so than you would typically need to do for a shorter list. I did not mind the background music, was not distracting. Good job!
Mary
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Hello Forum!
I’ve got a couple more practice reads I’d love some feedback on! Thanks!
Travelocity:
Congratulations! You’ve successfully planned another vacation. You’ve called the airlines, the hotels, the rental car places and you’ve just hung up the phone. So brace yourself – the nagging doubt, the one that says, did I get a good deal on this vacation? There’s a better way to book travel. Travelocity.com. You’ll have over 700 airlines, over 45,000 hotels, and over 50 rental car companies all at your fingertips. You’re in control. Even look at pictures of your hotel room, or choose your airline seat. Enjoy vacation, and save your nagging doubt for your auto-mechanic. Travelocity.com…go virtually anywhere.State Farm:
YOU RENT the apartment, YOU OWN the Big Screen TV. Do you know your landlord’s insurance covers the building, not your stuff inside? But, for around the cost of a DVD a month, you can get Renters Insurance from State Farm® and protect the things that make your place your home. And if we insure your car too, you may qualify for a discount. Call your local State Farm Agent regarding the availability of Renters Insurance in your area. We Live Where You Live®.-
Hi JN! Good job on these! Your voice is well-suited for these genres – it was approachable, clear and authentic sounding. I liked the energy and enthusiasm and variation in lists on Travelocity, really nice. I think instead of “45 hundred hotels” it should be “45 thousand hotels”, not a big deal for practice. Good word choices to emphasize for State Farm too like RENT vs. OWN. Keep it up!
Mary
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