Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi everyone!
I recently finished my second coaching session and would love to get some feedback from you all. Heard this was the best place for that! Below are the scripts I’ve chosen from the library with mp3 files attached. Let me know what you all think. I’d greatly appreciate it! Thank you!
Mercedes – 2014 E Class
A car that can actually see like a human using stereoscopic cameras and even stop itself if it has to.
The technology may be hard to imagine but why YOU would want it..is not.
The 2014 E-class.. it doesn’t just see the future..it IS the futureCitibank
I’m a T-shirt and jeans guy. Never spent a lot on clothes.
So I meet a girl. She doesn’t mind that I’m a T-shirt and jeans guy.
We decide to get married. Now I need a tuxedo. I go big time.
I decide not to rent. I buy. Its worth it. I look great!..Then I get this call. it’s not my best man. Not my mom. Its Citibank. They just wanted to make sure someone else wasn’t using my card. Imagine a T-shirt and jeans guy finding happiness with a girl, a tuxedo and a bank all at the same time. What a year!-
Hi Cbrown865! Nice fresh tone and personality in your reads. I agree, just slow it down and adjust pacing so each phrase and word can be heard in your message. Keep it up!
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Hey Cb!
Slow it down; enunciate (slowing down will help with that?). Acoustics where you record. Rock On!! -
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Hello All, I am beginner and would appreciate all feedback for my narration homework. It will be very much appreciated. Thank you!
Aetna/US Healthcare – Script #1
No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.
One Vanderbuilt Observation Deck Audio Simulation (Announcement) Script#2
Hello, and welcome to the audio simulation of the One Vanderbilt Observation Deck.
Please adjust your audio volume to a level that best represents my voice at a normal speaking volume to a person standing next to you.
This will calibrate your headphone level. Please do not adjust your audio volume again over the course of the simulation. -
Hi there! I recorded a couple scripts for my narration lessons. Any feedback is much appreciated!
Edison and Tesla Biography
“Obsessed with his work and known to be an exacting boss, Edison had an ego as incandescent as his light bulbs, a sense of his own greatness that was undoubtedly justified. He was also incredibly competitive, willing to do whatever was required to ensure that his idea won out.
Born in Serbia, Tesla was a different kind of genius. Whereas Edison was an eternal experimenter and tinkerer, Tesla was a human calculator, and his ability to work out complex math and physics equations in his mind helped him achieve early career success in Europe.”Inside Halo Infinite
“Welcome back to the latest edition of Inside Infinite. If you’re a longtime viewer, you know first-hand that this is the place where we sit down with the teams building Halo Infinite, to learn more about them and their processes than we ever have before.
If you’re just joining us, welcome! We’re glad to have you – but before diving into today, we’d highly recommend checking out previous editions. So far, we’ve had the chance to chat with quite a few teams around 343 Industries, including Graphics, Sandbox, Campaign, Audio, and PC- so be sure to get caught up and hear from them in their own words before we dive into today’s edition of Inside Infinite.”-
Hi TroyC,
You speak with ease, and your reads have a conversational feel to it. I noticed that you read many of the words differently than what was written, added words that were not there, and said some of the key words incorrectly, all of which can throw off the listener…so please be mindful of those things.
Thanks, and keep on posting! -
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Still working on my narration. These are 3 scripts that I recorded as homework for my coach.
BEAVERS:
The b****r builds its lodge out of intertangled twigs and sticks; as freezing weather nears, they plaster their lodge with mud, making a concrete layer that no predator can break through. During the early nineteenth century, the b****r pelt was the single most valuable commodity; the pelt being used for robes, coats, clothing trims, and top hats.DATATECH:
All of us here at DataPlex welcome you to our website in which we attempt to distill the essence of what we are all about …
helping our customers improve their use of disparate, complex and ever-changing technologies.In a nutshell, we increase their “tech worth” by evolving,
integrating or expanding their existing systems and by strategically deploying new, state-of-the-art platforms.SUPERMAN MUSEUM:
Welcome to the Metropolis Superman Museum. Throughout the museum you will find numerous examples of Superman merchandise and memorabilia, illustrating the long and grand history of the world’s most beloved superhero.
To begin your tour, please proceed to the right.
Superman began as a series of daily comic strips created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster. The first adaptation of the comic was a radio drama starring Bud Collyer as Superman.-
Hi Jay,
Your voice is very robust, upbeat, and clear! I did notice a slight difference in tone or emotion that you applied to each read, but I still noticed a hint of announcer or sales quality. For instance, when you read the “robes, coats, clothing trims, and top hats,” it felt like a description of an array of products, and “state of the art platforms” also ended with a similar inflection. I’m not a coach so hopefully I’m not conflicting with what your coach says, but it seems like for narration, it’s important to see which words are important to emphasize, and focus less on making it sound appealing, so perhaps consider slightly decreasing the “oomph” of the read and settle down into a more factual, person-standing-next-to-you read. If you were actually near the actual beavers in the first read, consider what volume you would need to have without disturbing the animals! I enjoyed all three reads overall, though! Thanks for posting. -
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Hello all! Here is a do-over recording for any and all feedback. I was trying to keep it flowing and not to pause unnecessarily. Let me know if you think I succeeded and or you hear other things to work on. Thank you!
Mary
Gertrude Käsebier was an American photographer who was known for her images of motherhood and her portraits of Native Americans; her portraits of the Sioux focused more on the expression and individuality of the person than their costumes and customs. She helped establish the Women’s Professional Photographers Association of America and promoted photography as a career for women.
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Hi Mary! This piece flowed nicely without a lot of those pauses that you’re trying to avoid. The only pause I caught was at the very beginning after “Gertrude Kasebier”. It’s very slight, though, so great job overall.
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Hello Fellow Edgers 🙂
In preparation for my upcoming commercial demo, I need to get in as much practice as possible, with AS MUCH FEEDBACK:-) (See corresponding scripts below)
I HUMBLY THANK YOU ALL for your support 🙂Va-Va-Va-Voom
Has your hair lost it’s luster? Missing it’s bounce? Need some Va-va-va-voom? Let me tell you about this new shampoo I’ve been using. It’s not like your ordinary, run of the mill, “I share this with my husband” shampoo – no, this one goes beyond the call of duty to tame frizzies, banish split ends and most importantly, it gives you the confidence you need ( and a little bit of va-va-va-voooom! ). Why use your old shampoo when you can experience the power and endurance of Va-Va-Va-Voom shampoo? Call or click for your free sample today.MOTIVATION MEDITATION
I know that you’re scared, and it’s a good thing to be scared.
Because with that fear, you realise that there is a strange adrenaline rush that takes over you,
akin to most of the top athletes and singers right before they play and start their performance.
As you feel scared, you can begin to you know…use this emotion for the better.
Use the rush, use the adrenaline, use all of this nervous energy.
You get scared because your mind pictures things not going in your favour, however the mind is creative.
One of the scenarios it can create, can come from the space of courage.
It’s all a picture in your head at the end of the day.
So why don’t you take this opportunity to think of the outcome that you want, the one in which you’ll feel happy, satisfied and excited about this journey that you’re about to take.
Yes, use all the nervous energy to imagine a level of euphoria unfathomable so far in your life. It’s bright and vivid.
You put aside the negative images you were seeing with these new, beautiful and breathtaking ones.
Yes, you can……NOW….BEGIN TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. (like a hypnotic order)I am anxiety
I’ve been expecting you. Why? Don’t tell me you don’t recognize me? Oh! You still don’t know who I am. Let me try and help you with that. I am the ill ease that you feel when you walk into a crowded room. You know. The hot and cold flushes that confuse you when you are already confused enough. I am the one that raises the whip to your already raising heart. I am the tightening of your chest. The s*********g worries that feel like they might become an avalanche and they can just bury you in an instant. My friend I am the obsessive and the compulsive. I’m the voice. You know the one. Always questioning, questioning, questioning, everything you do, everything you think. And I am every, single staring eye that watches you. So, now that we have become acquainted, what are you going to do about it?
Tag: 1 in 4 people experience anxiety. And most don’t know about it. You need to know anxiety to be free from it.
Visit beyondblue.org.au or call 1300 22 4636.-
Hi L.Renee,
Nice reads overall.
For the Va-va-va-voom read, I think you’ll be able to add more energy to it, and really talk to whoever you chose as the listener (your friend, or your salon client) with a bit more sassiness!
For the meditation read, be mindful of the pausing in the middle of sentences, or pausing too long at commas. Even though it’s supposed to be a calming read, the pausing prevents it from flowing as well as it could.
For the anxiety read, be aware of the glottal stops at the start of the sentences (“Oh” and “I am…” and “EVerything…” and “ALways…” ). The announcer tag at the end was free of glottal stops. You can still have that imposing personality in the first part of the read, but without hitting those vowels too much. -
Hi LRenee, great job! Good variation between the 3 scripts.
Script 1 – I think this script needs a little more variation in pitch, like more over the top and with more enthusiasm and energy. Your voice is deep and serious and sounded a little flat for this one.
Script 2 – Really good work! Your voice sounds very well suited for this genre. Good pacing and emphasis on key words throughout
Script 3 – Also really good! It sounded very authentic and believable. Keep it up!Mary
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Please take a listen to 3 scripts that I have practiced on as part of my coaching in preparation for my session later this week. They are each in vain of an explainer in some sort, two are travel based and one is biographical. All feedback is welcome feedback
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Hello! You have nice vocal tone and clarity that is easy to listen to. I felt like all three reads had a similar feel, kind of like reciting an inspirational poem to a large audience, rather than talking to one person. You might want to strengthen your choice of who you’re talking to in each read, maybe even change who YOU are in each piece, to see if that changes your delivery. Keep on posting!
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Hi Ashbyman, great work! I liked all 3 of these scripts for you.
Script 1 – really took me away and gave me great visuals – great pacing and I liked your list of lists towards the end, really served to build the excitement about Martinique.
Script 2 – sounded good also!
Script 3 – This was my favorite for you – good enunciation and clarity. Good job!Mary
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Hi all I just finished my assignment from my first coaching session. The script is as follows:
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.
Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. For reference I was specifically working on getting the list of items at the end of the script to sound natural but differentiated. Many thanks!
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Hi Christophe, great job! Your voice is direct and authoritative, really good for this script and corporate onboarding. Great clarity and pacing. The lists at the end sounded very natural and differentiated, so you achieved that in my opinion! Very good!
Mary
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Hello! I’m looking to get some feedback – specifically on tone in these two commercial pieces.Thank you!
It’s the end of the day. And you missed it. Where did those hours go? Get in the driver’s seat and capture your life with the iPhone 4s – the fastest, most powerful smartphone. Voice activation, video, and much more. In stores now.
Finally. Financial advice powered by relationships, not commissions. We don’t chase the market and our advisors don’t work on commissions. Decisions about your money are based on our strong and steady investment philosophy and with your best interests at heart. From buying your first home, saving for retirement, or taking a trip around the world, you’ve got this. Find out if Vanguard Personal Advisor Services is right for you.
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Hi Mary, I enjoyed both reads, and I could tell the difference in their tone. I think you could even bring out more of each tone, especially in the iPhone read, where the last two sentences started to sound more like the tone of the Vanguard read. It may help to remember who you’ve chosen to talk to in the iPhone read, and imagine how excited they would be to know about the features and where to get them. Good job overall!
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Hello all, I am looking for editing feedback, thank in advance for taking the time.
Scripts
Liquiband Flow
Developed with the input of clinicians across the globe, Liquiband Flow Control’s innovative design ans insures precise adhesive placement. The winged applicator packaging facilitates safe and easy activation, along with accuracy and control.
Liquiband Flow Control can be applied in 2 simple steps:
Step 1: While holding the container upright squeeze the applicator wings until a cracking sound is heard.
Step 2: Ensure that the wound is throughly clean and dry prior to closure. Invert the tip and gently squeeze the wings to prime the device. When the tip turns violet, Liquiband Flow Control is ready to use.
Step 3: While holding the wound edges together, apply an even coat of liquiband over the length of the wound, and continue to hold wound edges together, apply an even coat of Liquiband over the length of the wound, and continue to hold the wound edges together for 30 seconds.Visibiity, performance, and predictability are paramount to success.
But how do industry professionals in sewn products manufacturing meet the challenges of reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs?
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Hey Official81, I agree with Mary. I couldn’t hear a big difference between the Liquiband-flow performances. I could hear the distinction in the Visibility performances. Try making your performances more conversational. Find that one person and speak to him/her. You have a unique sound, a little raspy with s*x appeal. Great work! Thanks for sharing!
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Hi Official81, good work! I listened to all 4 scripts twice. For the Liquiband flow, I did not notice a big difference in the editing or sound between one or the other; they sounded very similar to me. For the visibility scripts, I actually like the script called “Visibility” more than the one called “Visibility-edit. The sound was warmer / clearer in the unedited version to my ears, and sounded better. The edited version sounded raspier / rougher (?) You have a cool raspy voice so that’s not a bad thing, just sounded different to me. I hope that helps!
Mary
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Wow, you have such a warm voice. My only suggestion would be a tip my teacher gave to me. When you read a list of items (ie. apples, oranges, pears, and bananas…), try to use different tones and pitches so that the listener can differentiate between the items. Oftentimes you would use the same tone when reading off a list. Changing pitch will keep your reads from sounding too monotone.
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