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  • #69805
    artyom123
    Participant

    please comment on my read for Shopify:

    Grow your sales organically without compromising stellar customer service.
    Increase your average order value with Plus One, an easy-to-use plug-in that installs seamlessly into your Shopify account in under 2 minutes.
    Plus One recommends similar products that complement their cart or offer best-value items before checkout.
    Like how you go to your favorite café and order coffee but it’s better with a chocolate croissant.
    That’s an easy addition and you just boosted your ticket.

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    • #69876
      nettipo1
      Participant

      Hi artyom123 – Your delivery has a clear, friendly and helpful tone. I think it could sound maybe a little bit more natural. Consider varying the pacing, which is what would happen if you were telling this to a coworker in everyday life (just an example). I would also consider which words you are emphasizing over other words. “Increase” might be a good word to emphasize more, and “under” might be more important to emphasize than “2 minutes.” Nice job, look forward to hearing more from you.

    • #69835
      Erik B
      Participant

      Hi artyom123,

      The pacing and tone of the read are good. Also you hit key words nicely. Watch out for glottals in the read, i.e. between cart and or in the third sentence. Overall solid job.

  • #69803
    artyom123
    Participant

    would like feedback on following read based on sounding like a everyday person and emotional connection to script.

    Did you know that with a simple majority vote, our City Council could ban natural gas and even hydroelectric power in Spokane? Think about what that would mean to you, your family, your home, your energy rates and your finances. And if you’re still not convinced that it’s the worst idea in the history of…well, ideas, visit avistaemployeepac.com. Then protect Spokane’s clean, abundant energy resources by voting YES on Proposition 1. Sponsored by…

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    • #69859

      I think you do a fantastic job of sounding natural and approachable, you definitely sound like you’re connecting to your reader. My piece of feedback would be that especially in first half the pitch and cadence of you sentences all sound very similar, starting high and ending low, pretty much on the same pitch. When you ask all those questions with the same pitch it can be hard to really take in how those questions are different. So you? Your family? etc.? see if you can find specificity for each one.

  • #69785
    Bil-Bo
    Participant

    7UP PLUS 30 SEC RADIO

    7UP PLUS WITH CALCIUM.

    INTRODUCING A WHOLE NEW KIND OF SOFT DRINK.

    WITH REAL FRUIT JUICE, 10% OF YOUR DAILY CALCIUM AND ONLY 10 CALORIES

    IN EVERY 8 OZ. SERVING, IT TASTES SO GOOD YOU CAN FEEL IT IN YOUR BONES.

    FOR GREAT TASTE WITH CALCIUM, THE ONLY WAY TO GO IS UP. 7UP PLUS

    WITH CALCIUM.

    Jeep. No limits. (TV audio)

    The thing about freedom is…freedom has no limits.
    There’s no such thing as too many adventures.
    Or, too many unforgettable moments.
    There’ll never be too many stories to write…or too
    many memories to make. But when it comes to a
    vehicle that will be there for it all…there’s only one.
    Jeep.

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    • #69875
      nettipo1
      Participant

      Hi Bil-Bo – your voice has such down-home charm and pluckiness. I think at this point, you might want to experiment with different emotions, taking into account how the advertising folks might want the message to come across…For instance, with the Jeep read, maybe try something that has an aspirational tone or adventurous spirit. Maybe read it as if you were a wilderness guide. I would also be interested in hearing your recordings without music (I’m told that casting folks don’t necessarily like to hear auditions with music). I still end up smiling when I hear your recordings. Good job!

    • #69791
      JustJohn
      Participant

      The 7-Up ad is great. The Jeep ad is very good, very amiable, but I wonder if you might want to change up the cadences a bit. On first listen, the cadences sound a bit repetitive. Still: good work, as always.

  • #69779
    kristianwithakay
    Participant

    Hey guys! This is for my homework, Thanks for taking the time to give me feedback! I’ll try and do the same if you’ve uploaded to the forum too!

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    • #69792
      JustJohn
      Participant

      This isn’t a comment on your reads so much as a comment on sound quality: I know this is “just” homework, but the acoustics sound a bit like you’re recording in a tin can in the next room. If you’re going to be recording yourself for work, you will want a bit more “present” sound quality.

      As far as your reads: the Purina ad is very good. Nice contrast on “good news”/”great news”. In my opinion, “your canary will thank you for it” could use a little more pitch variation.

      The Carnation ad is also very good; very professional sounding, with natural-sounding expressiveness. At the tag line, “because today could change everything,” it sounds a bit like you hit the bottom of your vocal range, so the word “everything” is on a fry that sounds almost whispered. You might want that to come out a little more, so as to be the same volume level as the rest of your (quite good) read.

  • #69772
    Sheila Harris
    Participant

    Hi everyone. Just sharing a few uploads for my homework. Would appreciate the feedback!

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    • #69801
      Sheila Harris
      Participant

      Here’s the text as well:

      Relaxation:
      To begin, make yourself comfortable…it’s best to lie on your back. Put your arms by your sides, not touching your body. Put your feet slightly apart. With each exhalation…let all the tension out of your body. Let the tension just dissolve…and flow out.

      Psalm 29:11:
      The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace. Psalm 29:11. Dear G*d, I seek Your presence in my heart. Please help me to believe in You throughout every season. Allow me to trust in You during the storms. Allow me to lean on You when I am not satisfied with how my day went. Please help me to seek comfort in You so that I can keep my eyes focused on the good. Allow my thoughts to be full of grace for every blessing that You have placed into my life. Lift me with Your righteous hand and keep me faithful in Your Word from morning until night. Amen.

      American Express:
      Thank you for holding. Did you know that you can now receive your American Express statement completely online. No more paper bills! We’ll even send you an e-mail reminder when your statement is ready for viewing. To see if you can take advantage of this free service; log on to americanexpress.com/paperless. Or ask your representative.

      711:
      So it’s 2:00 in the morning…and you’re starving. Nothin’ in the fridge, and nothin’ in the cupboards. You don’t even have dog biscuits hangin’ around. You think about cooking…but then you remember the 3-alarm fire you started, last time you tried using the stove. Well, check out 7-11! There’s gotta be one right near ya’. They have everything from burgers to tacos…24 hours a day…7 days a week. 7-11. Think of it as your own personal walk-in kitchen.

  • #69766
    smith_voice
    Participant

    Greetings…looking for some feedback on my homework from my first coaching session – corporate explainer and documentary narration.

    Thanks in advance for your input.
    Chris

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  • #69750
    CHRISTOPHER WHITING
    Participant

    Hi all. Uploading my homework assignment from coaching session number 2 for critique. Primarily focusing on emphasizing the right words and avoiding glottal stops. But I’m certainly open to any and all feedback. Thank you all in advance.

      Fish Boil

    Even people who don’t like fish, have been known to like this fish. That’s why a fish boil is a must-do experience when you visit Door County. It all starts with a blazing bonfire under a kettle of salted water. People circle around to warm themselves and take in the crisp smell. When the temperature is just right and the crackle of the fire is just loud enough, the boil master adds a basket of potatoes and onions to the kettle. A few crackles later, the mild whitefish steaks, fresh from Lake Michigan, are delicately lowered in. At just the right moment, kerosene is tossed into the fire, exciting the blaze and causing the water to boil over, dramatically carrying off the fish oil that has collected on top. The fish are pulled out and greeted with a generous drizzling of butter. Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served.

      Liquiband Flow

    Developed with the input of clinicians across the globe, Liquiband Flow Control’s innovative design insures precise adhesive placement. The winged applicator packaging facilitates safe and easy activation, along with accuracy and control.
    Liquiband Flow Control can be applied in 3 simple steps:
    Step 1: While holding the container upright, squeeze the applicator wings until a cracking sound is heard.
    Step 2: Ensure that the wound is thoroughly clean and dry prior to closure. Invert the tip and gently squeeze the wings to prime the device. When the tip turns violet, Liquiband Flow Control is ready to use.
    Step 3: While holding the wound edges together, apply an even coat of Liquiband over the length of the wound, and continue to hold the wound edges together for 30 seconds.

      Meditation

    Make yourself comfortable, sitting upright, with a straight spine. With your eyes closed, look at the point midway between the eyebrows on your forehead. Inhale slowly, counting to eight. Hold the breath for the same eight counts while concentrating your attention at the point between the eyebrows. Now exhale slowly to the same count of eight. Repeat three to six times.

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    • #69880
      RYoung
      Participant

      Great job on these Chris, note your emphasis tells me important words or phrases to pay attention to, and you have nice voice!

    • #69769
      Sheila Harris
      Participant

      Hi Chris. I enjoyed your submissions–especially the “fish boil.” Your presentation really painted the picture of the sounds and smells of the experience!

    • #69759
      suecat
      Participant

      I really enjoyed your performances! Your voice is butter smooth and easy to listen to. Your intonations were natural conversations. And the meditation, was so very good. I can’t believe you’ve just has 2 coaching sessions, you’re one quick study! There’s a future in VO for you! Nice job!

  • #69748
    Don Sack
    Participant

    Greetings!
    Did this one just before going to work; did not mess with it too much as the advice I’ve gotten is to do it and move on! LOL!

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    • #69778
      danielh04
      Participant

      Great voice, loved the vibe, perhaps when mentioning the name of the product – or the company – try to make it stand out a bit more since it’s the very reason you’re recording in the first place! Something to “wow” the listeners with into paying attention to the company name, but don’t overdo it!

    • #69755
      Shmuel
      Participant

      I like it, great voice, good sound.
      Would suggest to be a bit more excited about the product.

  • #69742
    Zhenee
    Participant

    Hi All,
    I would also appreciate some feedback on these initial reads I did for Narration Demo. These were the reads I was most concerned about so I would appreciate feedback.

    Thanks for the help!

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    • #69777
      danielh04
      Participant

      Hello Zhenee, I think your voice is very friendly enough to keep the listeners going, however, in your audio recordings, I’ve noticed you cut up some of the audio to allow some space between words in the sentences, perhaps for next time- try to see how it would go if you don’t cut up the audio and let yourself talk, or maybe trim it in a way that isn’t so rough!

      • #69808
        Zhenee
        Participant

        Thank you so much for your feedback.

  • #69738
    Zhenee
    Participant

    Hello All,
    I currently preparing for my Narration Demo and would appreciate some feedback on these practice reads I did for my homework.

    About Horror
    Take a trip back to a time when late night creature features were all the rage and the personalities that presented them were just as popular as the movies.
    Beginning in the 1950s, the horror fest was a staple of regional television. From ghouls to vampires – to werewolves and crypt keepers – every host had a persona to suit their unique personalities.

    Advance Technologies
    Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.

    9 Planets
    About 12 billion years ago, scientists think, from a singular explosion, the universe was born. In those first moments, intensely hot hydrogen and helium raced outward – thinning, cooling, and clumping into vast, organized structures.
    Within a few billion years, countless galaxies had emerged. Each one containing hundreds of billions of stars – constantly changing in cycles of birth, death and rebirth. In one of these galaxies, about 5 billions years ago, one average-sized star, our sun, captured in its gravitational field the gas and dust that would become 9 planets.

    I appreciate the feedback!

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