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  • #69939
    Oktober10
    Participant

    and, s’more….

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  • #69934
    Oktober10
    Participant

    More for coaching session……

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  • #69929
    Oktober10
    Participant

    Hi all, these are for my coaching session but I always apreciate your feedback too! Thanks.

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  • #69926
    Sherry Newell
    Participant

    Hi all! Looking for some feedback on some commercial homework 🙂
    Two very different commercials here. Thanks in advance!

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    • #69950
      greta_j
      Participant

      Hi Sherry! Nice reads.
      – I think you could experiment being even more smooth and silky on the Bare Minerals read.
      – On Ben and Jerry’s, I think you could go more casual, with less annunciation, and vary your pitch even more 🙂 Have fun!
      /Greta

  • #69915
    adamhurd
    Participant

    Hello! I’d appreciate any feedback you all can provide.

    JC Penny
    Your brain has 2 sides. The right side: creative, buys things, has fun. The left side: organized, practical, saves money. Now JC Penney makes both sides happy. It’s the buy more, save more sale. It’s simple, the more you buy, the more you save. 20 to 30%. So use your head. Buy more. Save more. Only at JC Penney.

    Fairies
    Do you believe in fairies? They are not as friendly as once thought. First they bite. It feels like a little pick; a sting on the skin. When it begins to glow, that is what you have to be careful of. Then you’re in for quite a rush, my dear boy. You see, their glittery skin, their sprinkling wings, and glowing smiles – it’s all just a trick; and they love to play tricks, especially on the ones that are fond of them. You think we are evil, we are devilish, these little girls (if you choose to call them that) are much much darker than we.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by adamhurd.
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    • #69922
      Sherry Newell
      Participant

      Hey there 🙂
      Overall I liked your tone and tempo. At the end of JC Penny, you really kind of loose the energy and let the name of the company fall off. Just make sure you don’t let those “money words” be forgotten since the business name is crucial to the commercial.
      Fairies was great :), I really enjoyed the sort of sarcasm in the character. I’m not exactly sure what it was, but at the beginning, its almost like the words are muddled or pronounced a little different than the rest of the read… something was pulling attention. Hope that helps! Sorry, I wasn’t more specific. Good job!

  • #69913
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hello all! I’m looking for any and all feedback for my upcoming narration demo. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

    Mary

    With one of the most instantly recognizable photographic styles, Ansel Adams is known for capturing majestic images of the American West. As a master of the darkroom, Adams created outstanding contrasts using extensive dodging and burning methods. His famous landscapes were primarily shot using large-format cameras.

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    • #69923
      Sherry Newell
      Participant

      Hi Mary 🙂
      Oh my gosh, you are doing so good! I remember listening to some of your homework awhile back, and its fun to hear the progress! Well done 🙂
      OK, the first time you say, Ansel Adams, it almost sounds like the name was “cut and pasted” into that spot. I’m not sure if maybe the name was a little flat, or that there seemed to be the tiniest pause before saying “is”. You’re doing great!

      • #69948
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thank you for the feedback Sherry! That is so nice to hear that progress is being made 🙂 I will listen for he flatness / unnaturalness of saying Ansel Adams in my mind I was trying to emphasize “Ansel Adams” as the subject of the piece, like in a commercial, but it probably does not need that much emphasis and separation, good point! Thank you again!

        Mary

  • #69911
    Evette75
    Participant

    My Life
    Your days may be up and down. Turn to MyLife for the right mindfulness boost, any time of day.
    It all starts with how you’re feeling, right now. You’ll enjoy a customized experience from over 400 relaxation activities, each one about 10 minutes or less. MyLife delivers exactly what you need – because it always starts with you.

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  • #69909
    Evette75
    Participant

    My Life
    Your days may be up and down. Turn to MyLife for the right mindfulness boost, any time of day.
    It all starts with how you’re feeling, right now. You’ll enjoy a customized experience from over 400 relaxation activities, each one about 10 minutes or less. MyLife delivers exactly what you need – because it always starts with you.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Evette75.
  • #69901
    Sylvanie
    Participant

    Hello Everyone, I would love to hear all feedback for my 3 Narration scripts attached below. Your feedback will be very helpful in any improvement I need going forward. Thank you very much for your time.

    Hudson Yard:

    They say you can tell you’ve become a real New Yorker the minute you stop looking up.
    Looking up’s for the tourists, for the recent transplants – the people who don’t have work to get to, a train to catch.
    Looking up’s for the dreamers, for children who haven’t yet outgrown their surroundings…For anyone wide eyed enough to believe New York still lives up to its namesake as someplace new.
    But we’ve heard a different story…

    Pre-Boarding Announcement:

    Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to Rome. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you.

    John F. Kennedy Library and Museum:

    Welcome. The John F Kennedy Library and Museum is dedicated to the memory of our nations thirty-fifth President, and to all those, who through the art of politics, seek a new and better world. Our purpose is to advance the study and understanding of President Kennedy’s life and career, and the times in which he lived.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Sylvanie.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Sylvanie.
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    • #69965
      Don Sack
      Participant

      Hey Sylvanie!
      Nice work! Hmmmm…I think you could reduce the pauses and make the spots flow. It’s a lot for one breath but you can also edit to make several of the sentences/thoughts flow as one.

      • #70007
        Sylvanie
        Participant

        Hi Don! Thank you so much for this feedback! I will definitely work on that for sure.

    • #69908
      Evette75
      Participant

      These are good reads Sylvanie. I like the different takes of tone, all coming across welcoming and informative. I really like the pre-boarding, directions were clear and to the point; as you would hear in any airport.

      • #70008
        Sylvanie
        Participant

        Hello Evette!, Thank you so much for this feedback…very much appreciated.

  • #69897
    Alaya_R
    Participant

    Hello Everyone,

    Any constructive criticism on the delivery of these three audio files much appreciated. Thank you!

    A Haunting Title
    In this world, there is real evil.
    In the darkest shadows and in the most ordinary places.
    These are the true stories of the innocent and the unimaginable, Between the world we see, and the things we fear.

    This Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video is filled with plenty of breathtaking scenes. But more important,
    it’s loaded with all the information you need for planning a trip to Alaska. Like when to go, what to wear, and what to see.
    So if you’ve got Alaska on your mind, you’re going to love this video. Let’s begin with snow sports. This is definitely the place.
    For cross-country and down-hill skiing. For snow boarding, tobogganing, and even ice fishing.

    This is the Lab Corp Fit sample collection procedure.
    Begin by filling in all the required information on the sampling bottle with a ballpoint pen.
    Place the supplied collection paper inside of the toilet bowl on top of the water.

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    • #69907
      Evette75
      Participant

      Nice work Alaya. I especially like your delivery on A Haunting Title -you gave a mysterious vibe which helped ehance the read. On the Official Alaska – maybe I missed something but the read and the description were off a bit, a line or two was missed.

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