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This topic was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by David Goldberg.
Hello!
Decided to re-upload these for some practice, feedback is always greatly appreciated so thank you!
Purina Dog Chow Light & Healthy TV Spot
You like to keep your family healthy and fit, and now there’s a new way to do the same for your dog. Introducing new Purina Dog Chow Light and Healthy. It’s a no sacrifices, calorie light way to keep him trim, with the deliciously tender and crunchy kibble blend he’ll love…and 22% fewer calories than Dog Chow. Discover the lighter side of strong. New Purina Dog Chow Light and Healthy.
Disney Cruise Line
Escape on a fantasy unlike anything you’ve ever imagined. A Disney Cruise Line Vacation. Start planning today and set sail on a dream.
Your tone is quite nice. Your recording quality sounds good too. I think you may want to take a little time to enunciate your words and watch for words stringing/slurring together. Also one big point I would suggest (for the dog chow commercial) is to be sure you are pronouncing the product name as accurately as possible. Maybe look up a YouTube video or a current commercial to hear the product name. Otherwise, I really enjoyed listening to you! 🙂
would welcome feedback on this e-learning script: Would you like to buy a house? Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one. Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run. But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house. Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.
Hi Steve, I liked this! It had personality and it felt like you were speaking to me rather than reading. There were some pauses that you could probably do without, and the only thing that I noticed is you sometimes emphasized words the same way (“maybe” “love” “most” “bad” “dumb”), so maybe try other ways to accentuate those words. I liked that you delivered “without realizing it” with a sort of humorous wink–just make sure you don’t pause on either side of fit too much. Excellent job!
Hello! I like the tone of your voice, the clarity of your delivery, and these scripts are suited for you. However, it seemed to me that they were all read with the same emotion. It also sounded like you were reading, at times. What might help is to visualize yourself talking to a person next to you, and saying each line with the intention of painting a picture to the other person. For the Cancun copy, be sure not to rush it, and know that there is one feeling you are conveying in the first half (grandeur, lore, legend), and then it changes at “Today…” to a more contemporary feeling. For the Bayer recording, the delivery could be less explainer-style and perhaps more historical account/storytelling style. It seemed almost pleasant, even though the first sentence was suggesting that something else was coming. I would start that sentence with an emphasis on “We” rather than “live”. It could take on a whole different meaning once you do that. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Hey, good job!
It was a little hard to hear your voice clearly at times, but if you just adjust the volume of the background music to be lower during the time you are speaking, I think that will help. 🙂
Hey Everybody!
I need your feedback on these reads. Just give it to me straight, I can take it — I think! I’m gearing up to record my commercial demo, so don’t hold back!
Thanks!
Peet’s Coffee
characters like Marie. She’s a character. She does ballet. Professionally. Because character. That’s what we’re about. Alfred Peet. Now, there was a character. He brought us craft roasted. Us, as in America. You. Me. Diane. Diane’s friend. At Peet’s, we source the best beans. We roast them. We brew them. We make great coffee. We’re Peet’s.
MILK
You know, every day is a new experience for me. There are so many things to do, and so much to learn about in school. The only way I know to get all of it done, and do it right, is to start the day off with a glass of milk. Milk puts me right where I need to be, and then I’m ready to make the most of the day. MILK … it’s the energizer I can’t do without.
Your voice makes me smile! It feels so warm and comforting (like a big hug!). I feel like for these two reads, they might need just a teeny little more pep and energy. You have a really great tone to your voice. Nice!
Thank you so much for listening and commenting! I will work on my energy level — most times I’m so focused on trying be conversational, I forget everything else. I’ve got to remember that this is a multifaceted career! I truly appreciate your suggestions.
Hi suecat, I like that you’ve become more relaxed in your delivery, which certainly provides a good flow and natural sound. However, you don’t want to get too relaxed because you need to match the pacing of the images that the listener might be seeing on the screen. For the Peet’s Coffee, there could be different images of Marie, portraying different characters as a ballet dancer. Then when you switch to Alfred Peet, consider a different way to emphasize his name. It sounds nit-picky, but he’s a coffee brewer and not a ballet dancer, so I’m just suggesting that there might be a different feel to his character in the way you say his name. Continue to keep your read in pace with the imagery, building up to that tag line at the end, which needs to be delivered with a hint more pride. Overall, your reads are always so pleasant and relatable to listen to. Good job!
Nettipo1, Thank you! YES! So much to do at once–I’m learning, working and practicing! I will most certainly keep your suggestions in mind as I practice more and more reads! Thank you for listening and suggesting — Always a great help!
Hey there,
You have a warm inviting voice. I think just a little more excitement in the performance would entice me to try the lemon pepper chicken, because it’s food! And food is often the center of our gatherings. Overall, good job!
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by suecat.
looking for my emotional connection and pacing for this script:
“This message is a reminder, not an explanation. This is the statement of an artisan among other artisans, one who knows the quality of their own work, and the work of those around them. It comes from a place of confidence and established relationship, but never arrogance.”
Art, I like your accent, Eastern European ? The resonant quality of your voice is authoritative, clear and to the point. It does however sound as though your not feeling the emotion of the script? I struggle with this mightily as well, maybe try to relax and not worry about pronunciation so much but more of a dialogue between two people ie; add questions to the script you can read between sentences so as to give a more realistic delivery, hope that helps!
Hey everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve uploaded. I am set to record my narration demo this month. To help me practice for the date and beyond, I plan to upload a couple of recordings twice a week, one commercial and one narration. Do you think the scripts sound different enough? I was aiming for improvising the tempo and pitch without marking them, did I do great? Any feedback on how I brought them life and/or on my recording setup is appreciated.
MyFirstFamilySafari.com (Commercial)
Imagine speeding across the stunning Savannah as you race some of the fastest animals on earth. Are your kids with you? Prob’ly not. Let’s face it, taking your kids on a safari may not be the most practical thing in the world. MyFirstFamilySafari.com brings the adventure and excitement of an African safari right to your computer. Enjoy graceful gazelles, enormous elephants, giant giraffes and roaring rhinos as you safely make your way across beautiful landscapes. Adventure awaits you, at MyFirstFamilySafari.com.
Creativity (Narration)
Creativity is not the same as hard work or effort, it requires genuine inspiration. It’s the product of a mind thoroughly intrigued by a question, a situation or a possibility, therefore creativity does not come in exchange for money or rewards, but when we focus our attention on something because we want to.
Hello Everyone,
This is my first post on the Feedback Forum! This is my first assignment. Please provide any feedback on my pacing, flow and recording quality.
I sincerely appreciate your time and input.
Bev;
Yea! Great voice! Tim has good points and speaks to my work as well; 1) Don’t over do it but sound more excited about this new technology you are selling. 2) Differentiate lists of items with your tone. 3) Be smooth, watch the pauses even with full stops and semi colons.
I find that it really helps to slow the read down and then listen to it several times, eyes closed not looking at the waves, over several listening’s you start to catch a pattern that you know will work; don’t rush practice!
I commend you on your formal voice and tone. I think your recording quality is well established and you spoke at a very fitting tempo. However, you sound as if your pausing a lot, (some sound like they’re midsentence) and I’m told that that should be left for full stops or commas. You hit fitting words two and the tone you adopted really suits this script. Your performance still came off as monotone and could use more variety. I hope this helps.
Hello all!
I just got my first job narrating a book! Here is an upload of a small clip. Any/all suggestions about technique, studio editing is welcome!
Well you have a great tempo and pitch for this type of book. I think everyone will be expecting a serious tone when hearing a script like this and you really nailed it. Although, I think the tone you adopted needs work. You don’t sound quite as interested in the subject matter as you should and I don’t think it works to keep us engaged. On another note, you’re recording setup is fantastic! I hope your recording of this book goes well.
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by TimDKietzman.