Hey!
I think this is very good! My suggestion; make it flow by cutting the pauses? The pauses make it sound as if you’re reading a list, makes the listener squirm a bit, LOL!
Rock On!
I took a break from the VoiceOver world and am now back and hoping to record my demo at the end of the year or early next year. I have attached 3 files and am hoping to get a lot of feedback on what I can improve.
Sandals – I heard some reverb, you might want to check your space.
The read was at the same emotional level throughout. Vary it. “Somewhere in the Caribbean” should be wondering, and then “5 star luxury resorts” should sound like you are enjoying a wonderful item of food. And then “all included” should be like a mother saying “I’m going to take care of you”.
Wish you success, Ondrea, and welcome back !
Shmuel
Hi all! I’m back with a couple other narration reads. Trying to pay attention to pacing myself and letting the script breathe, while also trying to sound more conversational, but appropriate to the script. Trying to keep a lot of things in mind, haha.
Edison Documentary
Obsessed with his work and known to be an exacting boss, Edison had an ego as incandescent as his light bulbs, a sense of his own greatness that was undoubtedly justified. He was also incredibly competitive, willing to do whatever was required to ensure that his idea won out.
Clovis Bray AI Technobabble
Can we trust an artificial intelligence to make the moral decision? The engineers of Clovis Bray conceived a solution during the development of our Warmind project. By relegating ethical decision-making to a Black Box Morality system, the Warmind instruments its own proprietary virtue quantifiers incomprehensible to even its own creators. The Warmind determines morality on its own terms, and by design we are blind to that process in order to preserve its objectivity
Your second piece was much more interesting because you made better use of higher and lower notes in your voice. Your emphasis of particular words sounds good, I would maybe try using more of the full scale of your voice instead of staying just in the middle tones. Great clarity, though!
The Honey Baked Ham Bees
Bee 1: Hi we’re bees.
Bee 2: And we’re mad!
Bee 1: Here’s the deal. You buy Honey Baked Ham.
Bee 2: You love Honey Baked Ham!
Bee 1: But here’s our beef with this whole Honey Baked Ham thing.
Bee 2: Go ahead, tell ’em!
Bee 1: You talk about the spiral cut
Bee 2: Fine.
Bee 1: You talk about the three generations of traditions.
Bee 2: Also fine.
Bee 1: And you go way nuts over the great honey taste
Bee 2: And that, our human friends, is where the trouble begins.
Bee 1: Yeah, ’cause where did the Honey Baked Ham people get the idea for the great honey taste? HUH?
Bee 2: Yeah, where? FROM BEES! You MORONS!
Bee 1: But have you ever thanked a bee?
Bee 2: Have you ever gone up to a bee and said, “Hey, you bee, thanks for inspiring the great taste of Honey Baked Ham.”
Bee 1: No, you haven’t!
Bee 2: You never thanked us, yet you enjoy Honey Baked Ham on Holidays, at Super Bowl Parties, your kids graduation, birthdays…
Bee 1: Whatever!!! You love it. You enjoy it. But you never thank us.
Bee 2: And YOU wonder why… we STING!
ANNCR: Honey Baked Ham…. The Number One Ham in America!
As usual, Bil, your reads are a lot of fun.
Wondering how you recorded it – did you do it switching back and forth between characters, or one Bee and then the next, and stitched the two reads together.
Often, your music overwhelms the read, but this time, it was perfect. I heard the music, felt the music, but your reads were dominant. Great.
Bee 2 is mad, but I didn’t quite hear the anger, I would up the anger just a little bit. This is a comedy duo, and you need a straight man and a comedy man, or a light and heavy character. Bee 2 is the heavy. Of course, not too much, as this is a cartoon.
“And that, our human friends, is where the trouble begins” – sorry, but this sounds like an AI read. There were kind of glottal stops between the words, or something. It wasn’t smooth
“No, you haven’t” was an ah-shucks read. I would experiment with doing different versions, like pedandic, laconic, a tad angry (but not like Bee 2), etc.
Wish you success,
Shmuel
Hey Shmuel
Thanks for listening, comments and suggestions. Bees were done separately.
Music BG always a problem for me because of poor hearing. That comes from many years of loud listening through headphones.
BillH
Attached is a sample I recorded in my new space. Your feedback is requested on all aspects, but especially on the technical sound aspect. As they say, two ears are better than one.
The don’t say that ?
Well, they should.
Thanks!
First of all, you have a fantastic voice, it’s really unique! You did a great job on every read.
I’ll tell you what I keep getting told, and that’s to slow down the pacing a bit and let your scripts (and yourself) breathe. Especially the Discovery channel one- give a few beats for the listener to process the questions you’re asking. And for like the end of the Spa read, just slow down a bit with the end. You’re telling the listener to relax, so relax your voice a tad more. As for the Trendi read, I genuinely got nothing, that one was really good.
Hi group, adding a few new reads – appreciate your feedback.
People Everyday Podcast
A new podcast covering the most talked – about entertainment news of the day, plus exclusive interviews, features and inspiring stories about real people.
The Podcast for People in the Know. Listen on the Iheart radio app.
Tazo Classic Chai Latte
Our delicious, make-at-home chai latte mix features the boldest black teas blended with cinnamon, cardamom, g****r, and black pepper. Just add whatever milk you’re into right now, stir, and indulge on your stoop. Or bed. Whichever one’s closer. Channel Your Inner Barista…
Thoroughly enjoyed listening to your three reads. Agree with DLeeVO’s feedback and found your voice engaging and sincere. No suggestion for me of a script being read. Rather, I felt that you were talking from the heart to the listener or viewer. And I, too, liked Tazo (take 2) in particular.
Hi Yvette. Yours is such a sweet, delicate voice. I have to turn up my headphones to hear you; is that just my set up?? I’ll say maybe check the length of pause between day, plus in People. And, maybe give Tazo (i like take 2) a bit more umph/yum. nice work!
Thanks for the feedback DLeeVO, appreciate it. Thinking I may need to increase my volume a bit more. I was going for a little mellow, snuggle on couch vibe with Tazo; but I receive your feedback.
I would very much appreciate any and all feedback on the recordings of these three commercial scripts:
Regards,
John
Grilling
The charcoal crowd swears their method imparts a magical flavor…and they’re right, but they’re wrong about where it comes from: It’s not actually from the briquettes themselves. Shocking, right? So instead of paying top dollar on the inferior, stick to what you know is a classic. Royal Oak Ridge, hotly contested…simply, the best.
Intuition
Now there’s a solution to the soap-opera of shaving. Introducing Intuition. The only all-in-one razor that lathers and shaves in one easy step. You’ll never need shave gel, soap or body wash again, because Intuition’s triple blades are surrounded by a unique Skin Conditioning Solid. With just water, it smooths and soothes to give you soft, touchable skin with every shave. Shaving’s never been so simple.
Sales Presentation
You don’t realize it yet, but in the next 8 minutes you’ll be getting the secret of how to stop money-worries for the rest of your life.
If you would like to know how someone can start with a simple idea & a tiny, tiny trading account… and then… explode it MULTIPLE times over… this is going to be the most interesting letter you will ever read.
Here’s why:
I’m going to reveal how you can QUICKLY download and set up a Forex trading system that makes you tons of money (I’m talking 5…6… and even 7-figure money)… 24/7… even while you’re playing golf, vacationing, or sleeping… If that excites you- I know you’ll find this letter to be EXTREMELY valuable… “Because I’m going to show you what took me 6 years to perfect — a PROVEN “Battlefield-Tested” system for profiting from the BEST financial market in the World!”
First of all, fantastic voice!I could listen to you narrate just about anything.
What I wanted to add in addition to the other’s feedback, is to really pace yourself with the third reading. The way the script is written, it has a lot of ellipses and pauses built into it. Use those areas to slow down or take a breath! Scripts like these are honestly nice because it lets you know when you can take a pause rather than leaving it up to your discretion. And the employer likely wants a pause or lingering moment if they wrote it that way. Same thing goes for the words written in all caps- really emphasize those words! The employer must see importance in those if they elected to fully capitalize them.
Hi John,
The reads sound like you are reading the words, not saying the message. There is a sing-song about your read which is the same sing-song with everything you say. “Magical” should be quite different from the other words, for example.
Intuition – “soap or body wash” sounded like “soapoh buddy wash”
Yes, you are quite right. I really have to concentrate on making these reads conversational, more natural, and less rigid. Thank you very much for your feedback.
Hi John. Agreed, smooth, easy to listen to reads! I found myself halted a few times, maybe at “simply, the best” in Royal Oak, and in Intuition at “smooths and soothes”. Quite pleasant though,nice work!
Yes, the pauses, I know. I went over these scripts that evening with my coach and worked to try and eliminate these. Thank you very much for your comments.
Hi John, its the accent for me – makes anything sound wonderful. Seriously, I like your delivery and tone. Each read presented a different angle and affect for what you were selling. Of the three, I liked the Royal Oak the best – seemed genuine and matter of fact-ish. Nice job on all three.
Thank you very much for your feedback. It is much appreciated. I find commercials challenging, to put it mildly, so I am trying to get the right tone, pitch, and cadence. I did feel more relaxed with the Royal Oak one, so I am grateful for your observations there.