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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi All,
Thanks for any feedback you are willing to provide! Hopefully this won’t be cut off at the end, like all my other postings.
Betty Crocker
Time flies when you’re a kid. Take a minute to savor the days of swing sets and sandboxes with fudgy, homemade Betty Crocker chocolate chunk brownies. Her childhood won’t last but her memories of the way you made it special will. Betty Crocker… what a great idea. -
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Greetings!
Here are two spots for you to listen to and critique please. On a roll here after a bit of a layoff.-
Hi, Don!
First of all, your voice is great! It has a certain gravitas that gets the audience’s attention and it works wonderfully for both of these reads! I could understand what you were saying clearly during the Aetna read! The pacing of the Pilot Shop read was great, too!
One thing that will help you with the reads is to ask who you would have these conversations with. Say, for Aetna, you’re talking to someone who’s uncertain about their healthcare options or maybe they’re lost trying to find what works for them. Perhaps you’re talking to a younger person who wants to be a pilot and needs the right teacher or simply wants to know what it’s like to fly one! Identifying who you’re speaking with and why you would bring either of these topics up will make your delivery sound more conversational. As it is now, it IS a bit robotic. However, you laid down a solid foundation to build on with these pieces of copy!
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Hi Don,
I like the certainty of the Aetna read, but I would eliminate the pauses so that it doesn’t get too choppy. The first part of the first sentence had a downward inflection at the comma plus a pause.
I liked the Sports Pilot Shop a lot. It really flowed, with no obvious pauses. I think you may have said “aromatics” instead of “aeronautics”? I could totally hear this announcement over the PA system in a store… while I shop for pilot stuff (just kidding!) Good stuff. Keep it coming.
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Hello! Thanks for your feedback!
McDonald’s Salads
Me. Myself. My salad. Okay. This is it. This is the salad for me. The Grilled Chicken Caesar at McDonald’s. I am so into all the different kinds of lettuce and the cute little tomatoes. But what really shouts my name is all that warm grilled chicken. I drizzle on the low fat Newman’s Own all natural Balsamic Vinaigrette and I am one happy woman. Want to hear me go on and on about the crispy cobb or bacon ranch salad too? I’m lovin’ it.-
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Nettipo!
With your voice…you’re hired! Listen, a pause and different inflection before “drizzle”; as well, the recording cut off the finish. -
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Hi Don,
Your manly voice is wonderful for these kinds of spots – but I think you probably knew that! 🙂 Both spots had great energy, and I would suggest slowing down the pace in certain parts, so that words you emphasize aren’t rushed or blended together. For Royal Purple Max, make sure to clarify the product name a teensy bit more so that “Max” doesn’t blend in with the word right after it “atomizer.” Try not to rush through the next few words, “high-performance,” “high-concentrated.” Since this copy has so many descriptive words, you may want to be more selective of which words you actually emphasize so that they stand out more. Make sure the tag line doesn’t get mixed into the list of benefits mentioned before it, by changing how you say the start of that sentence as well as removing the pause in the middle of it. -
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Hi All- I’m just starting my VO Training with Johnny H. who’s fantastic. I would love to hear your feedback on these reads. We’re working on me not being too loud and connecting with the listener. Thanks so much! Tamani
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Hi Tamanitw1, I have some feedback for your reads. You have a welcoming voice overall between both. In Hallmark it starts off pretty inviting with high pitch combined with a feminine straight tone. It has LifeTime channel charm with the personality you’ve added! Some improvement is after “countdown to Christmas”, your vibe seems to shifts to newscaster, a faster pace than the first half, the words rush together.
Pandora-Charm-Bracelet has newcaster formal tone throughout—-almost educational. You have an excellent tone voice for front-line news! Ask your coach about these recordings. What’s missing in the Pandora one is the “magic” of buying one of these bracelets—like it gives you superpowers. Check out the “magic” upbeat vibe from this Macy’s parody commercial:
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Hi, you have a nice voice. I would add some more color to the read and emphasize some important things: “its never too early” “holiday spirit” (make us feel it), you are putting more stress in the word “countdown” but then you drop with “to Christmas”.
Same with “you can watch YOUR favorite Christmas movies”… make us remember about our “favorite Christmas movies” with some more inflections and colors. Think of a promo that talks about a crispy delicious chicken, you should make it sound crispy and delicious to make us imagine that chicken.
Also, its a promo, and you are giving us the great news that we can watch our favorite x-mas movies 24/7… so make it sound like its an amazing news. you don’t need to be loud to make emphasis.
Hope this helps! -
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Hi All,
I’ve attached a couple of recordings for my homework. I’m trying to work on my speed by not flying through the entire read. If you all have any feedback, please let me know!
Thanks!
Cam
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@CBrown865, I have some feedback for your Premiere-League. Your voice tone and pace are consistent throughout. But try to vary the pitch like you’d hear in a toy commercial so I can feel the excitement. The “it’s wow, it’s whoa, and what-the?!…three points, exclusive live matches” should come off like a mega-fan of the game is saying it. Those lines can be full of wonder and excitement, then down a casual wind-down pitch when saying ‘three points, exclusive live matches’. Maybe add a pause between the exciting lines and more conclusive half of the sentence.
Look at these Bop-it commercials. YouTube Bop-it commercial playlist
The same way a kid narrates these with surprise, excitement and build-up, would be the same way a grown man might express those wows and whoa’s from the Premiere League. -
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Cb!
Nice stuff! The Premier League spot: ya, slow it down; delineate the items you’re listing by inflections, they are all the same tone now….boring. Premier League is just that and THE hottest football (soccer) league on the planet with literally Billions of rabid fans, so look into that and pump up the passion!
Rock On! -
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Hi Cam,
My feedback, for the HIMS spot, overall I liked the pace and delivery. I would have put more of an emphasis on the product name HIMS in the second sentence by waiting a beat before finishing the sentence. “HIMS… makes it simple”. Also the phrase “get your relationship back on track”; I’m hearing an emphasis on the word “back”, I would probably want to emphasize “relationship”. Also for the Peacock spot, I had to go back and listen a second time to hear the product name “Peacock” at the beginning. I would start by saying Peacock clearly and waiting a beat to let it sink in before finishing the sentence. If nothing else, I would want the listener to walk away clearly hearing and remembering the product name. The spot has good energy and flow, about half way through I started to feel that I was listening to a list of indistinguishable items; I think there should be more variety in the delivery of each item on the list. -
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Hi, everyone! Here are my latest homework recordings for my sessions with Danielle. These are recorded on my iPad since I’m still working on getting my home studio space set up, so the sound quality isn’t studio perfect on these recordings. I just need feedback on my readings. I have uploaded three recordings. I am attaching three recordings from the student script library.
Thank you for your feedback!
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Hi CatGirlMSU, I have some feedback on your “A-Haunting Tale” read. In your About Horror read, your tone is very educational and informative, like a historical eBook. It works there! I think you’ve carried that tone over to your Haunting Tale read which makes it seem like you’re a school teacher educating us about evil—instead of a haunting show or sinister narration, like a Halloween X-files opening.
You could add a lingering whisper with each of your pauses. Add heavier breaths on core words like “REAL evil” “DARKEST shadows” “things we FEAR” “NIGHTMARES…” Slow down the pace in the second half, “there are doors. When they are opened…nightmares”, leave room for suspense after each line. You zip through them quickly like a single sentence. Maybe try them as separate. As you read “there are doors…”, imagine the sound & image of a glowing red door creaking open along with a whispery pause—to help feel suspense before then next line. As an example.
Check out this piece from haunting actor Vincent Prince:
A Haunting Title
In this world, there is real evil.
In the darkest shadows and in the most ordinary places.
These are the true stories of the innocent and the unimaginable, Between the world we see, and the things we fear.
There are doors.
When they are opened.
Nightmares become reality. -
Hey CatgirlMSU!
I loved the reads! For the Horror scripts, the only thing I would say is to try to make them sound more menacing! I think if you slow down a tad you’ll be able to find a good pocket to play around in and add a more horror/scary feel.
I like the Jazz one as well. Would just say slow down just slightly!
Good luck on your VO journey!
Cam
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Thanks, Cam! I will definitely work on that more. I’m still working on slowing down some of my script reads.
Susan, aka CatgirlMSU
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Hi CatGirlMSU, I have some feedback on your “A-Haunting Tale” read. In your About Horror read, your tone is very educational and informative, like a historical eBook. It works there! I think you’ve carried that tone over to your Haunting Tale read which makes it seem like you’re a school teacher educating us about evil—instead of a haunting show or sinister narration, like a Halloween X-files opening.
You could add a lingering whisper with each of your pauses. Add heavier breaths on core words like “REAL evil” “DARKEST shadows” “things we FEAR” “NIGHTMARES…” Slow down the pace in the second half, “there are doors. When they are opened…nightmares”, leave room for suspense after each line. You zip through them quickly like a single sentence. Maybe try them as separate. As you read “there are doors…”, imagine the sound & image of a glowing red door creaking open along with a whispery pause—to help feel suspense before then next line. As an example.
Check out this haunting narration by Vincent Prince (used in MJ’s Thriller opening)
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Hi Bill, I also liked your tone and delivery. It’s very good already, but my main observation is that it could be even more conversational, starting with the first sentence. Since it’s a significant question, one that will require the listener to self-reflect, you may want to deliver this script with more “directness,” certainty, and intimacy, to an individual listener. Right now it kind of feels like it’s being spoken to a general audience. Perhaps think of yourself as the person’s inner conscience, and see if that changes the emotional quality of your read. You’re already at a good level, so this is just a minor adjustment.
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Hi Bill,
I liked your tone of voice and delivery. There was a nice pause after the first sentence, letting the initial question sink in before proceeding. I think you should have a similar pause before the the sentence “Now is time”. That sentence shifts the tone of the piece to a call-to-action which would stand out better if there was a longer pause between it and the previous sentence.
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