I am in the process of working toward my narration demo.
My assignment was to record three Edge studio scripts. I am looking for feedback on my ability to connect with the script and sound believable and have the proper tempo that fits the read. Thank you!
Educational Explainer Video Intro Only – Real Estate
Would you like to buy a house?
Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.
Advance Technologies
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.
Cancun
Rulers of the ancient Mayan civilizations came here to see the beauty of this land … a place where the turquoise Caribbean Sea caresses the beautiful sandy beaches. They came to partake a view reserved then only for royalty. Today, more than 1,500 years later, this same spot is one of the most popular vacation destinations in the world. This is Cancun. Located at the northeast tip of the Yucatan Peninsula, Cancun is easily accessible from major gateway cities in Canada, Mexico, and the United States. Just under a 2-hour flight from Houston or Miami. Visitors will find an abundance of sports in Cancun. Jet skiing and water skiing are popular for the novice and pro alike.
This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by bevy.
I’ve provided some feedback about each of your scripts below, hope this helps!
Sincerely,
Jimmy
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Real estate – Really loving the tone, very friendly and conversational. But way too fast for me, it seems like you’re speeding through and hardly pausing at all between sentences.
Advance Technology – Much smoother pacing! More nitpicky feedback that you may want to really emphasize the name of the company, and when listing out the various items you’ll be going over, try to vary the tone or inflection to help make it seem less like a list and more like individual items
Cancun – Very solid, I think this one sounds good overall. I’d say it could probably benefit from the friendly tone from your real estate read (just more energy) but what you have seems fine!
Acura RDX script
Great design challenges more than just the eyes. It challenges the future. We designed the RDX to challenge not just the future of SUVs, but also the future of Acura. The future starts now. The future is the Acura RDX.
I agree with Swkeys’ feedback. Around the 11 second mark it sounded like you stumbled a bit, but your delivery was stronger toward the end. I really appreciated the authority and confidence you exhibited throughout the recording.
This was really good. You have a confidence in your voice that really comes through in your delivery. In the beginning your cadence was a bit choppy however, it seemed in the second half you got your stride and the delivery was a lot smoother. I would suggest working on relaxing at the start to match the latter part of the recording.
Hi! I’m working on sounding natural in my delivery. Hope you all can help me out!
Atlanta Bread Company
When you think of Atlanta Bread Company,
don’t just think ‘bread’. Think of an entire breakfast menu
– fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees.
Think of our Cafe with savory sandwiches, daily soups and crisp salads.
And don’t forget…we can cater your next special event or meeting!
Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.
Special K Red Berries
Putting strawberries in cereal wasn’t our idea.
Putting them in the box was.
With slices of real strawberries and crunchy sweet flakes, looking good never tasted so good.
Special K Red Berries.
A1 Steak Sauce
With steak, you want to make every bite count.
That’s why we use A-1 Steak Sauce.
A-1 brings out every single bite of steak, or even hamburger.
Mmmmm, delicious.
For me, there’s only one steak sauce, A-1.
Because A-1 has all the taste that makes every bite count.
Thanks for the uploads. These were very good and you have a very stately/ professorial tone to your voice and your annunciation is great. For the sake of sounding natural I would suggest acting out (while recording) like you are talking to some friends. Which would help reduce some of the “formalness” that I suspect your voice naturally gives.
Overall, I think these were pretty good and look forward to hearing more.
Hi Everyone!
Here I am gonna discuss about Refrigerator services provider.
There are a variety of refrigerator repair businesses that can handle any problem you may have. Refrigerator repair provides professional service at a reasonable price and handles their customers with the utmost respect. Superfix Appliances offers a variety of service contracts to suit your customers’ requirements. The best part about this company is that you can quickly get all of your appliance repair needs met. Contact us to get best Refrigerator Technician Dubai.
Just uploading a couple more commercial reads… I appreciate all the feedback.
Thanks!
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!
Hey… if life were perfect, magazines would never smell like perfume, dogs would walk themselves, and algebra would really come in handy. Well,look on the bright side, at least there’s AMSTEL LIGHT. It has only 95 calories,but you still get real imported taste. You don’t give up a thing. Who says nothing’s perfect?…Amstel Light.
I really enjoyed the Amstel Light read, you presented as a light-hearted and neighborly which fits well with the tone of the script.
I also enjoyed the Freshii read but agree that slowing down just a little bit, specifically when listing ingredients would make it better. Overall great recordings!
Sounds good! You have a good calming, relaxing voice.
On the Freshii reading, you might want to slow down a bit and pronounce each word clearly, ESPECIALLY the word Freshii (the money word). Also, be sure to have good variation in your pitch in the middle of sentences. And when you pause, let your words naturally end, but don’t cut them off too soon. Do that, and your reading will be just that much better! Good work!
Your Amstel Light reading was really good! Sounds like it came from an official commercial. Creative variation in pitch, great accent, not too fast, but not slow either. Great job! Keep it up!
I have a couple of recordings here for homework- two commercial readings.
My main focus was making sure the reading was akin to a short story- I have to make sure my readings had a beginning, middle, and end. Any feedback is much appreciated, and thank you for your time!
This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by TimberTykes.
I tried to provide some feedback for you below on each of your reads, well done!
Sincerely,
Jimmy
Saying No – lots of personality and definitely sounds like a conversation! I like the chuckle and do feel like this has a distinct beginning/middle/end. really nice!
Get More – this definitely sounds like a real commercial so that’s great! There is a good amount of tonal shift throughout, especially at the end, but in the beginning/middle sections you may want to change one of the exclamatory sentences to not end on a high inflection (e.g. depending on how much smartphone data YOU USE! and get a new phone ON US!)
Hello everyone! I would greatly appreciate any feedback on any of my narration recordings below as I have tried to apply the feedback I received in my last post. Thank you so much in advance!
I’ve copied some feedback below for each of your scripts, hope this helps!
Jimmy
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Aetna/US Healthcare – Based on a quick Google search I think this may be pronounced as ‘et – na’ vs. ‘a – et – na’ but I could be wrong about that. I think your pace and annunciation are very consistent and convey a warm feeling but it does come off as if you’re reading a script. You may want to change your tone/inflection a few places to try and make it sound more like a conversation
Relaxation – I think your voiceprint fits really well with this one! Good pacing, good pauses, I thought this was very good.
Apollo 16 – To me this one definitely sounds like it’s got more of your personality but I would suggest even more. To try and relay your point of view (amazement, awe, etc.) about this incredible event in history I think would be helpful to grabbing listener attention
Hershey Tour – I think this also offers more of your personality but similar to the healthcare one seems to have very consistent tone that makes it sound like you’re reading a script. For example your first three sentences all end with an ‘up’ inflection (welcome to Hershey! the great american Chocolate Town! where american families come together for the Sweet Life!)