Feedback Forum
- This topic has 10,034 replies, 719 voices, and was last updated 1 day, 2 hours ago by
.
-
Topic
-
Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
-
Replies
-
Good Evening,
Below are my recordings for my 5th Narration VO coaching session. Your feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you for your time. Please find the scripts below:
Advance Technologies
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.Cancun
Rulers of the ancient Mayan civilizations came here to see the beauty of this land … a place where the turquoise Caribbean Sea caresses the beautiful sandy beaches. They came to partake a view reserved then only for royalty. Today, more than 1,500 years later, this same spot is one of the most popular vacation destinations in the world. This is Cancun. Located at the northeast tip of the Yucatan Peninsula, Cancun is easily accessible from major gateway cities in Canada, Mexico, and the United States. Just under a 2-hour flight from Houston or Miami. Visitors will find an abundance of sports in Cancun. Jet skiing and water skiing are popular for the novice and pro alike.Stellaluna
The dark leafy tangle of branches caught Stellaluna as she fell. One twig was small enough for Stellaluna’s tiny feet. Wrapping her wings about her, she clutched the thin branch, trembling with cold and fear.
“Mother,” Stellaluna squeaked. “Where are you?”
By daybreak, the baby bat could hold on no longer. Down, down again she dropped.
*pageturn*
*Flump!* Stellaluna landed headfirst in a soft downy nest, startling the three baby birds who lived there.
Stellaluna quickly clambered from the nest and hung out of sight below it. She listened to the babble of the three birds.
“What was *that?”* cried Flap.
“I don’t know, but it’s hanging by its feet,” chirped Flitter.
“Shhh! Here comes Mama,” hissed Pip.
*pageturn*
Many, many times that day Mama Bird flew away, always returning with food for her babies.
Stellaluna was terribly hungry – but *not* for the crawly things Mama Bird brought.
Finally, though, the little bat could bear it no longer. She climbed into the nest, closed her eyes, and opened her mouth.
*Plop!* In dropped a big green grasshopper!-
Hi Bevy,
I love your tone on Advance Technologies; your speed and fluctuations are great. If I had to get technical I would say that I can hear some feedback and your p’s are a bit poppy. On Stellaluna, your recording level seems to be a bit high, I heard the sound crack a bit when you cried Mother. But it was a great read and I would love to hear you read the whole book!
-
-
Alright everyone it’s been a while, but I am finally submitting my homework for session 5. This is it! The session before my demo. Let me know what you all think!
-
Hi Jospeh, I really enjoyed your reads as well! Engaging and connected with a nice, rich tone. Very nice! The only other feedback I have is that the part of the Earhart script where it says “the p***c adored the pioneering pilot” (tough line!) sounds a tad bit forced. Probably because you were consciously trying to avoid plosives, which you did.
In Cosmic, perhaps add a brief pause before “But how did this all come about” to improve the timing.
Best of luck with the demo!
-
Hi Jospeh, I really enjoyed your reads and thought that they were engaging. The only constructive feedback I have is with the Cosmic narration, to me it sounded like you were stating “scorched deserts” as a question rather than a statement so it impacted the flow a bit, but you picked up in the end for a strong finish. Best wishes with your final class and demo recording!
-
-
Hi Everyone!
Please find attached my recent commercial recordings for homework. Any feedback you provide is greatly appreciated.
Advil
Muscle aches? Nothing is proven more effective or longer lasting than Advil. For long-lasting relief of muscle aches, count on Advil. In a recent clinical study, Advil was found to work better than Tylenol in relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise. No wonder doctors recommend Advil for muscle aches more than any other non-prescription brand. ADVIL — Advanced medicine for pain.Waterpik
If you floss you know what a two-handed tug of war feels like. Which is why we at Waterpik are introducing the Flosser. At a speed of 10,000 gentle strokes per minute, its nylon tip effectively removes plaque above and below the gumline. Making it a fast, easy and more convenient way to keep gums their healthiest, and teeth their cleanest. With no strings attached.SWK
-
SwKeys, I liked both recordings. Your opening inflection on the question, “Muscle aches” was great! I felt like that set the tone for the commercial. Furthermore, I think your diction and pacing are quite good. The only constructive critique I have would be at the beginning of Waterpik. It sounded like you rushed trough “two handed tug-o-war” and it didn’t come out clearly. Otherwise, good job!
-
Thanks for the feedback @joseph ewing! I really appreciate it!
swk
-
-
I thought both reads were great! One constructive feedback for the Advil, the Advanced was read like Add-vanced, I would soften that a little bit, but other than that your tone, pace and delivery were solid.
-
Thanks @Bevy! for the feedback, I really appreciate it!
SWK
-
-
-
-
-
Hello! I’m uploading another pair of recordings I wanted feedback on before my next coaching session.
-
-
Hello everyone! Homework again before my next training session. Thanks in advance for your feedback!
Texicon Family
“Hey there new employee, or should we say, new family member. As a member of the Texicon family, we want to formally introduce you to your new home, but not too formal because that’s just not our style. Now you’ve already got your new uniforms and met with our incredible CEO, or head of the family as we like to call him. Now it’s time for me to bring you up to speed on what your days are going to be filled in with. Make sure you grab some of the complimentary cake you have in front of you, we love cake here so you’re going to have to get used to that and see what the rest of your time at the Texicon household has in store for you!”
3 COM Corporation
Nearly twenty years ago, 3Com Corporation launched a new industry by developing the first technology for networking personal computers. Today, 3Com is a company that maintains its leadership role with innovative solutions spanning the scope of communications. From the global enterprise to the neighborhood business, from the Internet point of presence to the home office, 3Com systems and products put computing resources within easy reach of millions of users worldwide. 3Com combines cutting edge research and development with world-class manufacturing facilities, and international service and support.
Educational Explainer Video Intro Only – Real Estate
Would you like to buy a house?
Maybe it’s your first house or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.-
Hi there! For starters, let me just say I love your voice. I do have a few bits of constructive criticism for you, however. I’ll admit that I am no professional in this regard (yet) but this is my honest impression of your recordings.
Your biggest problem overall, I’d say, is that while your voice would be absolutely perfect for an audiobook or similar type of narration, it doesn’t work as well with the scripts you’ve chosen, which seem to be meant to be more friendly or personal. In addition, the ‘Would you like to buy a house’ one seems fairly too slow-paced, when it feels like a faster pace would work better with the tone of the script. That being said, I was pleased when immediately afterwards I went on to listen to the 3Com one and discovered you were capable of a faster pace – it still had a few awkwardly long pauses here and there, but overall it was much better.
All in all, I think you have a lot of potential – I’m unaware of whether you’re aiming for a particular field or not, but this seems like a good area to work on. You’re doing great work – keep it up!
-
Your voice is very pleasant to listen to. Excellent recording quality (deep & rich).
The suggestion that I would have is to try and make the reads more conversational.
My coach has me envisioning a specific friend sitting in front of me that I am talking
to when I record. This has helped me make my reads smoother & more personal. Hope this
will be useful for you also as you develop your voice talent! -
-
-
-
Hi, everyone!
I decided to practice a few script adaptations I wrote in my spare time and I wanted some feedback on each. One is for the Landmark Recovery of Lexington and the other is a short revision I made for Lindor Truffles. I don’t know if I can pull off the seductive tone naturally, but I felt it was better to try it out!
Landmark Recovery:
It feels like an escape…until it starts hurting you. It takes control of your life and destroys everything you have until there’s nothing left! It’s a poison as deadly as the flu…but you can still reach out. You don’t have to face drug addiction alone. Call Landmark Recovery of Lexington at 859-212-6734 and start working towards your cure for drug addiction.Lindor Truffles:
Your girlfriend doesn’t want some typical name-brand chocolate. She wants irresistibly smooth, luscious chocolate that melts in her mouth! She wants Lindor Truffles! The good news? You can get an assorted bag of 15 truffles for just $10 at your local Kentucky store. What are you waiting for?-
The first thing I like is that you’re finding the moods that go with the scripts. On the Landmark script, I liked the 2nd half more than the first. You did well in conveying that you care. The 1st part where you describe what’s going on seems a little too harsh. I think (and who am I, right?) that using the same emotion from the 2nd half for the 1st half as well could be effective. On the truffles script, the “…irresistibly smooth, luscious…” part was well done. The rest was kind of flat. I know for me, in my mind I think I’m giving a lot of variation in my voice, but when I hear it back, I have to remind myself to go over the top because my over the top is what everyone else hears as normal. Other than that I would look up some enunciation exercises and be aware of rushing. Keep ’em coming!
-
-
Hi Everyone,
Here is my first homework assignment. I’d really appreciate any feedback.
Thanks very much!Ike
-
-
Good afternoon all,
I am back with another HW commercial script. Any feedback y’all have to offer will be greatly appreciated!
FabFitFun
8 amazing full-size products for one incredible price. The FabFitFun box is here. Sign up for yours today at fabfitfun.com. Use code WOW for $10 off your first box.Thanks so much,
Arin-
Disclaimer: I’m no one. Take what I say with that in mind. 🙂
The first thing I noticed was the echo in your room. You’ll want to assess what you can put up to dampen the sound. Secondly, I loved your pacing, but there might be too much space between your sentences. I also hear the potential you have in making this a fun read. Are you smiling in this read? If not, that would be the first thing. Secondly, imagine that you just bought this fun box and you are so excited as you tell your best friend about this amazing deal! I love your voice! Punch it up a bit!
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
