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  • #73526

    Hello,

    Just a few practice scripts.

    Black Forest
    Hello and welcome to travel beans. I’m Emma and behind the camera is Alex, and today we want to show you why you need to visit The Black Forest. The Black Forest is a mountain range located in southwest Germany covering an area of around 6,000 square kilometers. It is known for its dense dark forests and charming villages and is extremely popular amongst outdoor enthusiasts year round.

    Cancer
    Im Dr Judy Bowie, a breast surgeon at Mayo clinic. In this video we will cover the basics of breast cancer. What is it? Who gets it? What are the symptoms? And What are the diagnosis & treatment options? Weather you are looking for answers for yourself or someone you love, we’re here to give you the best information available. Breast cancer is a relatively common type of cancer. In fact, it is the most common cancer world wide and the most common cancer diagnosed in the US. Currently, nearly 4 million women in the US alone are diagnosed with breast cancer.

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  • #73513
    SteveVO
    Participant

    Practicing a commercial read.

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    • #73529

      Hi Steve,

      Sounds great. I actually have a question – are you using any effects on your voice? The audio quality sounds great and something I am working on myself.

      • #73544
        SteveVO
        Participant

        Thanks. Yes, I used an effects rack built for me.

  • #73509
    Logan DFD
    Participant

    I’d appreciate some helpful feedback on these two commercial scripts I’ve been practicing with! Thanks!

    HelloFresh

    Choose dinner that comes with less and gives you more.
    Less kitchen chaos and more five star recipes that are easy to make and love.
    Less shopping and more pre-portioned ingredients delivered to your door.
    Less stress, less mess.
    Umm. No promises on the less mess thing, but definitely less what’s for dinner blues.
    And who doesn’t love that?
    So gather round.
    Because this dinner that comes with so much less really gives you so much more.
    Join America’s #1 mealkit at Hellofresh.com.
    Get $80 off plus free shipping with code TV80 during our labor day flash sale.

    Earthbound Farm

    
Here at Earthbound Farm, we don’t use any harmful chemical pesticides.
    All of our organic salads, fruits and vegetables are grown in harmony with nature.
    And while farming organically may cost more, we think you’ll find Earthbound Farm organic produce is an infinitely better value.
    Because with each crisp, delicious bite, you can take comfort in knowing you’re protecting your family’s health.
    Now and for years to come.
    Earthbound Farm.
    Food to live by.

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    • #73533
      Courtney Feiman
      Participant

      Hi Logan! On the HelloFresh read place more intention and purpose behind what you are saying. Particularly on the “Umm. No promises on the less mess thing, but definitely less what’s for dinner blues.” You want it to sound intentional, almost like an after thought rather than a mistake. Let that intention flow into the sentence. Pacing is good. Make sure you find the key words to place the emphasis on. You don’t have to hit them hard. A lot of the time the word will do the work for you. Just knowing that the word is important will add all the emphasis you need.

      Very enjoyable read on the Earthbound Farm copy. You let the words do the work. You can really hear it on words like “crisp” and “delicious.” I’d see if you can find a little more flow and continuity to each sentence. Know where the sentence is going. More legato, less staccato.

      I hope this helps! Happy practicing!

      • #73538
        Logan DFD
        Participant

        Thanks! I appreciate the time you took to help!

  • #73479
    SteveVO
    Participant

    A bit of storytelling on this one. Thanks for any feedback.
    Steve

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    • #73534

      Really great again, I could listen to the whole book. The nasally voice was a bit difficult to understand clearly, but not impossible.

  • #73475
    bevy
    Participant

    Good Evening,

    Below are my recordings for my 5th Narration VO coaching session. Your feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you for your time. Please find the scripts below:

    Advance Technologies
    Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.

    Cancun
    Rulers of the ancient Mayan civilizations came here to see the beauty of this land … a place where the turquoise Caribbean Sea caresses the beautiful sandy beaches. They came to partake a view reserved then only for royalty. Today, more than 1,500 years later, this same spot is one of the most popular vacation destinations in the world. This is Cancun. Located at the northeast tip of the Yucatan Peninsula, Cancun is easily accessible from major gateway cities in Canada, Mexico, and the United States. Just under a 2-hour flight from Houston or Miami. Visitors will find an abundance of sports in Cancun. Jet skiing and water skiing are popular for the novice and pro alike.

    Stellaluna
    The dark leafy tangle of branches caught Stellaluna as she fell. One twig was small enough for Stellaluna’s tiny feet. Wrapping her wings about her, she clutched the thin branch, trembling with cold and fear.
    “Mother,” Stellaluna squeaked. “Where are you?”
    By daybreak, the baby bat could hold on no longer. Down, down again she dropped.
    *pageturn*
    *Flump!* Stellaluna landed headfirst in a soft downy nest, startling the three baby birds who lived there.
    Stellaluna quickly clambered from the nest and hung out of sight below it. She listened to the babble of the three birds.
    “What was *that?”* cried Flap.
    “I don’t know, but it’s hanging by its feet,” chirped Flitter.
    “Shhh! Here comes Mama,” hissed Pip.
    *pageturn*
    Many, many times that day Mama Bird flew away, always returning with food for her babies.
    Stellaluna was terribly hungry – but *not* for the crawly things Mama Bird brought.
    Finally, though, the little bat could bear it no longer. She climbed into the nest, closed her eyes, and opened her mouth.
    *Plop!* In dropped a big green grasshopper!

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    • #73535

      Hi Bevy,

      I love your tone on Advance Technologies; your speed and fluctuations are great. If I had to get technical I would say that I can hear some feedback and your p’s are a bit poppy. On Stellaluna, your recording level seems to be a bit high, I heard the sound crack a bit when you cried Mother. But it was a great read and I would love to hear you read the whole book!

  • #73471
    JAE Factor
    Participant

    Alright everyone it’s been a while, but I am finally submitting my homework for session 5. This is it! The session before my demo. Let me know what you all think!

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    • #73560
      Miles B
      Participant

      Hi Jospeh, I really enjoyed your reads as well! Engaging and connected with a nice, rich tone. Very nice! The only other feedback I have is that the part of the Earhart script where it says “the p***c adored the pioneering pilot” (tough line!) sounds a tad bit forced. Probably because you were consciously trying to avoid plosives, which you did.

      In Cosmic, perhaps add a brief pause before “But how did this all come about” to improve the timing.

      Best of luck with the demo!

    • #73481
      bevy
      Participant

      Hi Jospeh, I really enjoyed your reads and thought that they were engaging. The only constructive feedback I have is with the Cosmic narration, to me it sounded like you were stating “scorched deserts” as a question rather than a statement so it impacted the flow a bit, but you picked up in the end for a strong finish. Best wishes with your final class and demo recording!

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by bevy.
  • #73467
    Swkeys
    Participant

    Hi Everyone!

    Please find attached my recent commercial recordings for homework. Any feedback you provide is greatly appreciated.

    Advil
    Muscle aches? Nothing is proven more effective or longer lasting than Advil. For long-lasting relief of muscle aches, count on Advil. In a recent clinical study, Advil was found to work better than Tylenol in relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise. No wonder doctors recommend Advil for muscle aches more than any other non-prescription brand. ADVIL — Advanced medicine for pain.

    Waterpik
    If you floss you know what a two-handed tug of war feels like. Which is why we at Waterpik are introducing the Flosser. At a speed of 10,000 gentle strokes per minute, its nylon tip effectively removes plaque above and below the gumline. Making it a fast, easy and more convenient way to keep gums their healthiest, and teeth their cleanest. With no strings attached.

    SWK

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    • #73486
      JAE Factor
      Participant

      SwKeys, I liked both recordings. Your opening inflection on the question, “Muscle aches” was great! I felt like that set the tone for the commercial. Furthermore, I think your diction and pacing are quite good. The only constructive critique I have would be at the beginning of Waterpik. It sounded like you rushed trough “two handed tug-o-war” and it didn’t come out clearly. Otherwise, good job!

      • #73498
        Swkeys
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback @joseph ewing! I really appreciate it!

        swk

    • #73483
      bevy
      Participant

      I thought both reads were great! One constructive feedback for the Advil, the Advanced was read like Add-vanced, I would soften that a little bit, but other than that your tone, pace and delivery were solid.

      • #73499
        Swkeys
        Participant

        Thanks @Bevy! for the feedback, I really appreciate it!

        SWK

  • #73463
    Tom_Connelly
    Participant

    My latest homework assignment.

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    • #73484
      bevy
      Participant

      I enjoyed your reads collectively but the Popeyes sold me, it was my favorite of the three. It might be me, but it seems the Allstate read was cut off a bit at the beginning.

  • #73458
    iSynge
    Participant

    Hello! I’m uploading another pair of recordings I wanted feedback on before my next coaching session.

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    • #73461
      pharlin
      Participant

      Good pacing and voice inflection on your Six Flags recording. Sounded very
      convincing & conversational. Put a smile on my face!

  • #73442
    naderaliamer
    Participant

    Hello everyone! Homework again before my next training session. Thanks in advance for your feedback!

    Texicon Family

    “Hey there new employee, or should we say, new family member. As a member of the Texicon family, we want to formally introduce you to your new home, but not too formal because that’s just not our style. Now you’ve already got your new uniforms and met with our incredible CEO, or head of the family as we like to call him. Now it’s time for me to bring you up to speed on what your days are going to be filled in with. Make sure you grab some of the complimentary cake you have in front of you, we love cake here so you’re going to have to get used to that and see what the rest of your time at the Texicon household has in store for you!”

    3 COM Corporation

    Nearly twenty years ago, 3Com Corporation launched a new industry by developing the first technology for networking personal computers. Today, 3Com is a company that maintains its leadership role with innovative solutions spanning the scope of communications. From the global enterprise to the neighborhood business, from the Internet point of presence to the home office, 3Com systems and products put computing resources within easy reach of millions of users worldwide. 3Com combines cutting edge research and development with world-class manufacturing facilities, and international service and support.

    Educational Explainer Video Intro Only – Real Estate

    Would you like to buy a house?
    Maybe it’s your first house or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
    Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
    But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
    Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.

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    • #73457
      iSynge
      Participant

      Hi there! For starters, let me just say I love your voice. I do have a few bits of constructive criticism for you, however. I’ll admit that I am no professional in this regard (yet) but this is my honest impression of your recordings.

      Your biggest problem overall, I’d say, is that while your voice would be absolutely perfect for an audiobook or similar type of narration, it doesn’t work as well with the scripts you’ve chosen, which seem to be meant to be more friendly or personal. In addition, the ‘Would you like to buy a house’ one seems fairly too slow-paced, when it feels like a faster pace would work better with the tone of the script. That being said, I was pleased when immediately afterwards I went on to listen to the 3Com one and discovered you were capable of a faster pace – it still had a few awkwardly long pauses here and there, but overall it was much better.

      All in all, I think you have a lot of potential – I’m unaware of whether you’re aiming for a particular field or not, but this seems like a good area to work on. You’re doing great work – keep it up!

      • #73462
        pharlin
        Participant

        Your voice is very pleasant to listen to. Excellent recording quality (deep & rich).
        The suggestion that I would have is to try and make the reads more conversational.
        My coach has me envisioning a specific friend sitting in front of me that I am talking
        to when I record. This has helped me make my reads smoother & more personal. Hope this
        will be useful for you also as you develop your voice talent!

        • #73470
          naderaliamer
          Participant

          Awesome feedback. Thanks guys!

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