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This topic was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
This topic was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by David Goldberg.
If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer…..
Here’s an easy game to play.
Here’s an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash!
You can’t say this? What a shame, sir!
We’ll find you another game, sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a s***e,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to ram your rom.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
Hey guys! Could you pls. give me feedback on my commercial reads attached? Thank YOU!
Disney Cruise Line:
Escape on a fantasy unlike ANYTHING you’ve ever imagined. A Disney Cruise Line Vacation. Start planning TODAY and set sail on a dream.
Starlight Starbright Children’s Foundation:
Make a seriously ill child’s smile, this bright. When you choose Colgate-Palmolive products, you help bring fun centers and other great programs to kids, through a $500,000 donation to the Starlight Starbright Children’s Foundation, a non-profit organization that works with seriously ill children and their families. For more ways to help, go to www.colgate.com/starlightstarbright.
Jaguar (S-Type):
Can YOU resist? The POWER to turn a quick glance into a lasting stare. Breathtaking good looks. Luscious, handcrafted appointments. Bluetooth wireless phone technology. The incredible performance of a 390-hp, supercharged V8 engine. Maybe those hairs on the back of your neck are trying to tell you something. The NEW S-Type Jaguar.
Above the Influence (PSA – Accented English for this piece):
I thought I respected myself. That is, until I saw myself get high. It’s just an u**y side of myself that I didn’t recognize. Saying and doing things that… just weren’t me. I do respect myself, that’s why I don’t do drugs.
Hi Ilene. You definitely nailed the Disney read. Nice Job. FOr the Starlight I would just work on the flow to smooth it out little. (which is something I am working on as well). 🙂
Second time posting and greatly appreciate the help! Looking for feedback on voice, pace, inflection, authenticity rather than recording quality, e.g. gain, hearing breathes, etc.
Thanks so much for taking the time to listen and provide comments!
Hi Joe! Your diction is great, my one thought that jumped out, is it felt like you were giving the same read for all 3 scripts, and they could have pretty different approaches. I’d love to hear these with some variation in your cadence and enthusiasm…feedback I’ve received as well! It’s hard for me, personally.
Hello Friends! Could you pls. give feedback on my commercial reads attached? Thank YOU!
Johnson’s Bedtime Bath:
Turn your baby’s bath into a lullaby. Nothing helps settle down a fussy baby, like a warm bath and Johnson’s Bedtime Bath. Let the soothing scent of lavender and chamomile help calm your baby down JUST before bedtime. Johnson’s Bedtime Bath. Not just gentle. Johnson’s gentle.
Yoo-hoo Chocolate Drink:
Everyone loves Yoo-Hoo. Incluso a las mamas LES ENCANTA. ‘cause it has LOTS of vitamins and minerals
and it’s 99% fat-free, SIN colesterol. And you’ll REALLY LOVE our NEW SET of COOL baseball cards with a lineup of Hall-of-Famers and All-Stars. To get YOUR FREE set of 10-limited edition Baseball Legends cards, check Yoo-Hoo packages in your favorite store for details. YOO-HOO. The COOL WAY to do chocolate.
Diana Krall:
Diana Krall live in concert. Friday night July 2nd at PNC Bank Arts Center. The greatest performing artist in the world of jazz today. Diana Krall. Get tickets NOW at the box office or visit online at Ticketmaster.com. Diana Krall live in concert.
Very cool having command of two languages. Just going to comment on the first Johnson’s spot. The product name sounds a little like bet-time vs bedtime. It also sounds like you might be talking to a child vs the Mom.
Hey Y’all!
First time poster here, and excited to get some feedback/guidance/tips on my first attempts at these Narration scripts! Thanks in advance, friends.
Welcome,
For me,the Seuss read was perfectly suited to your voice. I really enjoy the tone. The Ulta spot felt like listening to you read and not emote. Once again, welcome 🙂
Very nice! Somewhat of a unique signature voice. Natural, smooth and conversational delivery. I had to work really hard to find something to pick at.
If I were a producer here, I would want a few more takes of the last line. “Insurance for-the-modern world”. For me, for-the-modern, is a bit of a soft, fast grouping and runs together.
Echoing Ashley: “You’d have, like, a ton of dollars” sounds very natural and conversational.
The gap between “like…” and “a ton of dollars” really legit sounds like someone trying to figure out what to say.(which I believe it’s supposed to).