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This topic was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by David Goldberg.
Nice pausing in between sentences, and the pacing was well kept throughout the read. The ending sounded slightly less conversational than the beginning, but overall it was a very good read.
Nice read. Realistic and conversational until the last two sentences. A bit too much enthusiasm for the tone set at the beginning of the read. I would try to up the pace a bit.
The Pizza Hut commercial had a clear audience geared towards kids, had great energy there that would really appeal to kids.
In the Swiss Air commercial, your tone made it sound like you were really relaxed; living in that luxury suite life. Which is very good.
A good set of commercials overall that showed different variety. Fantastic!
The Pizza Hut energy was definitely geared to the kids in the script, but the adults pay and purchase the pizza so maybe speak to the parent then use the kid and that energy to try to drive the sale. Just a different approach. Hope that helps.
Have you flown first class – it is so radically different from coach. For giggles image you were cramped in coach for three hours and then the stewardess said you were upgraded to first class on your connecting flight it may help the listener feel the difference you are conveying. Just a thought.
7-11 made me laugh, you punch the punch lines. Nice job. Question in the script… Was it one “three-alarm fire” … or three separate alarm fires. That made me stop when listening.
The Boys and Girls club – the first line that “piece of paper” in the hands of a child is more powerful than a gun or knife. That is incredibly visual. It is a golden ticket that can change someone’s life. I would try to bring that relevance and importance. It may help to bring a bit more seriousness to the piece.
I think you’ve got a fun, energetic, and agreeable voice there. It feels like continuity, or ‘not so choppy’ is what I’d work on if i were you. Just having a smoother deliver, working out which punctuation to hit or to ignore in order have that smooth delivery flow.
THe ending “there’s got to be one right near ya”… I’d love to hear a few different ending treatments – this one didn’t seem strong, rather kind of a mental shrug was what it brought to mind. Be certain, be strong! (…is what my mental cheerleader is saying I should pass on to you)
Hi All,
I’m looking for critique on lifting up Client’s name, varying repeated words, and pace. No audio feedback for now. I have a little congestion please don’t be distracted by this. Thanks!
Risewell had great energy and conversational like you were talking to your health-conscious friend. The pace was good for the piece.
Maybelline pace was too fast for me. I missed the luxurious and seductive feeling of the script. I would try a flirtier approach and intentionally try to draw in the listener like a good kiss. Just a different approach.
Uploading for the first time. I am looking for critiques on my diction and pacing in particular. Does it seem kind of choppy, such as having too many pauses?
Gikegami, you have nice conversational delivery for both reads. I especially liked the read for Sears, felt authentic. The Knotts Berry Farm read, you added some dynamics to the read, which is a good idea. I think some more punctuation and energy at points will really sell it. This may be advice you were not looking for, in which case I apologize in advanced. Drinking water between reads can help with mouth noise. Chewing gum between takes is another solve. Hope this helped.
Sears had a natural conversational delivery. Believed you found a good DuPont carpet and wanted to share the experience.
Knott-Berry has good energy but was choppy and a bit unnatural. Really like the energy about the roller-coaster but not sure about the delivery of the word “down”. When I ride the roller coaster, for me the climb is the scary anticipation, then can’t get off, got to go “down” which is both scary and thrilling. Suggestion: for fun I would try an extreme read version like you are actually on the roller coaster and see how you can bring the audience along on the ride. I would tie the fireworks display and fourth of July celebration into one sentence. The holiday almost sounded like an afterthought with the pause.
Hello friends! Here are some (long) narration scripts for feedback. Please don’t critique the audio- I am continuing to work on getting that right, but focus more on the read itself, please and thank you!
Really enjoyed the B****r Creek Audio Tour. Nice friendly delivery, you sounded natural and knowledgeable. Your delivery was clear and pacing was very good.
Depreciation was again natural and knowledgeable. You conveyed some very complex concepts in a understandable tone. There were some very complex concepts and words but you flowed very smoothly. You made it easy to understand. Nice Job.
The Nat Geo – glad you got on the level of the kids in your delivery of the yucks and stuff. Suggestion… Maybe then you can then put on the teacher hat on the deeper parts of the explanation like how the plastic and chemicals stay around forever are not like an a apple. I know that may be clear as mud.
Hi
I thought the depreciation read was good and I wanted to listen to more. The Valley park could use alittle more excitement like you want to get kids happy and excited to visit and Plastic narrative could use some emphasis on why it’s important to go plastic free.
Lindsay, I liked your pacing on the Nat. Geo upload. Your study.com reading was not easy to do and I can tell you worked h*****n it. It can be challenging to say the same words over and over again, such as “depreciation” and “method.” There were a few times in which you raised your tone with some nasal tones that sometimes stood out when compared to the rest of the recording. Maybe that was your intention. Nice contrast to your uploads and how you presented them.
These reads were phenomenal 😀
It really felt like I was being sold on the products! It’s like you really believed in the products and your voice shows it.
Amtrak was great because you really conveyed your own belief that seeing the sights from the train is an amazing way to see the country, and affordable!
Legos read wasn’t bad, but the list read was listless (ha!) as noted by Rusty. There was a part where you say “…Legos, the creative building toy…” where it feels like you’re saying, “legos, you know that QUOTE creative ” building toy?” in a kind of dismissive tone. Like you HAD to say it, but didn’t really believe it.
On the Legos read, your had a list of three traits for your son. You read each of them exactly the same. Maybe try varying the pitch a little to break up the monotony of reading a list. I hope that helps a little.
Your Amtrak reading was terrific. I felt like I should go book a ticket on Amtrak right now. I thought the Lego reading felt a little rushed, though there was a lot of text to run through.
Del Monte
My granddad built this farm way back in the late 1800s. He had a policy of producing only the finest quality fruits and vegetables. That’s why people began to know and enjoy the name Del Monte. … Well, today, the farm is mine — and ya’ know, I still carry on the proud tradition of only the finest fruits and vegetables. DEL MONTE — only the finest.