Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello all:
I’m sharing a couple of reads for feedback before my next coaching session. Just looking for feedback on the reads themselves, as I haven’t started to solve the home studio challenges yet.
Thanks in advance.
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HI RGK3! I like both of these reads. The pacing was good, but I think in both cases lacked a “real” feel. It sounded like you were reading.
I almost missed the joke about the canary in Purina. I think you could have played with that a bit more.
In the Advil read, there were several points of an unnatural stop, some with a lip smack. For example, you can hear it after the first 2 times you say Advil, and after study. The last sentence ended with I think wasn’t quite the right intonation. Your pitch rising a little bit, not quite to the point of it sounding like a question, but enough where it sounded like you might doubt what you’re saying.
Hope this helps!
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Here are two commercial demo’s, both in the same audio file. One for Hyundai and the other for the NFL Network. Your comments have always been so helpful, especially when I have my next session with my coach.
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Good work on your reads! You have a great voice!
Something I noticed was that you had plenty of mouth sounds through the two commercials. Drinking lots of water can sometimes help with that. Also, you might want more variation in your pitch. I noticed this because I have problems with that too.
Best of luck!
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Hi Cheechman, I think you have a nice voice, and all of your reads were very clear. They sound a bit robotic, though. Maybe imagine you are talking to a real person when reading to sound more natural. Your enunciation was very clear, but there were some glottal stops that made the speech sound broken up and unnatural. You can hear it especially in the Advil read in the first line: “Muscle. Aches” (the 2nd Advil read was better, but still there) And in Carnations with the E in Essentials.
Full disclosure- this is what I struggle with, too, and have been tasked by my coach to listen for it in others, so I am hyper-focused on it right now! -
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Hi, everyone! I have gotten away from checking out the forum for a while, but I’m starting on my VO training finally, and so my homework is to have a couple of commercials evaluated by you guys. I am using a home studio which is still under construction, so be gentle as far as audio quality, but I would love honest evaluations of my performance, as I need all the help I can get! Thanks!
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Hi Dexterius,
I liked the motel 6 read it did fell kind of jumbled together like you were trying to say it all at once. So, it did make listening to it a bit tough at times. If you were to do it again try slowing down and taking your time. I would say the opposite for the wall street journal read I would say slow it down just a bit really let it build.
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Hello, thanks in advance for any feedback or notes.
American Express – Private Payments
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business.-
Just reposting the script – the last sentence was missing!
American Express – Private Payments
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business. And American Express keeps it that way.
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I’m hoping to get some feedback on my natural delivery. Do I have enough variation in my tone? I’m trying to fight against my monotone voice.
Atlanta Bread Company
When you think of Atlanta Bread Company, don’t just think ‘bread’.
Think of an entire breakfast menu – fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees.
Think of our Cafe with savory sandwiches, daily soups and crisp salads.
And don’t forget…we can cater your next special event or meeting!
Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.-
Hi Logan, I think you could vary your pitch range more. There is some variation, but I started to sense a pattern. For instance, it seemed like the words at the end of the sentences were spoken at the same level. “Bread,” “menu,” “coffees,” “Cafe,” “salads”–they all ended on the same note. As Grace17 said, try not to hold back your personality, and think of an emotion or point of view for each line, which will change the way you say things.
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Hi Grace17 – I like the energy and approachability of your read! There’s a lot of technical jargon in this script, but I think you should be able to give it an even more conversational feel. Another thing I notice is that while you are delivering the script very smoothly and continuously (you’re really good at not falling into the “pause” trap like me), you may need to find ways to vary things so that it’s not one continuous thought or feeling the whole way through. Maybe see if you are emphasizing too many words in the same sentence, and see if it makes a difference to emphasize only the most important words in that sentence. For example, in the first sentence, see if you can hear a difference if you only emphasize “Lasers” and not emphasize “fearful” and “feel.” It might bring out the point of the sentence more. Sorry if I’m too explain-y…I think this is what happens right after I attend my own coaching session. Hope this helps. Good job! Keep going!
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