Feedback Forum
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Hi everyone! Here are some practice commercial scripts I recorded for homework. Thank you in advance for your feedback!
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Good voice, and the audio was perfect, didn’t hear any noise or background. At one point, on first listen, I though the first read was about a daughter whose elderly parent is in the hospital and is now incontinent. But after listening again, it sounds like an every day mother who just had a little girl. I think I thought it was about an elderly parent because when you started you were a bit “down”. And having an elderly parent in that situation is certainly a downer. So, I would consider ” upping” it a bit, remembering that having a baby is a very positive and happy event, even though it can be nerve-wracking for a first-time mother. And discovering that her skin is so delicate is a real discovery, like “”hey did you realize that a baby’s skin is REALLLLY delicate? Wow. And the solution that solves all our problems is – Pampers. Of course, it’s obvious, why didn’t I think of that. ” Something like that. It would give the read more kick, I think. Keep at it, you sound great !
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Hi all,
Just starting on my narration coaching and would love any and all feedback on my first practice recording.
Thanks!!-
Hi gabe. I’ve not had any narration training yet, just commercials, so take my feedback for what its worth. I think there are so many aspects that are great (volume recording levels, enunciation, etc.) One thing that did stand out for me was that, rather than the authoritative, “G*d’s stenographer”-type read I often hear, it felt like the read had a more “I’ve got a secret to tell you” kind of vibe. Not sure if that’s what you were going for? Also, the recording sounded a tad hollow/echo-y. Perhaps some more absorption treatment is required in your booth? Toque
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Hey all, this is a video I narrated for a company’s YouTube channel. I know the subject matter probably isn’t for everyone, but I’d appreciate any and all feedback you may have! Whenever I do narrations for them, I sort of talk like I’m announcing so I’m not sure if I’d say it’s my “true” voice, but they seem to like it so I haven’t changed much haha.. Personally, I feel like I sometimes beat people over the head with the emphasizing, but I also feel it’s important to point out the important terms in guide-styled videos like these. What do you think? https://youtu.be/NTdA4mBVBlY
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Pretty good. Perfect casting by the way. Audio is spot on. A couple of truly minor quibbles: I might consider varying the energy a bit here and there. It’s high throughout the whole vid. OK, it’s for gamers, and that’s the way they are, but after a couple of minutes I found myself kind of zoning out, and you don’t want that. Dunno, maybe it’s me (I’m not a gamer). Another thing, but this regards the directing: telling about an example of edge play, then pulling back and showing how it’s done *with your voice silent*. Your voice is there all the time, so if it goes silent for a few moments, I think it would actually draw attention. But this is all subjective, don’t forget. Again, great job in general.
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(note after upload: I mistakenly uploaded one version twice, so the two different reads are file 2 and file 3)
Hello everyone,
I am attaching two different read styles of the same text. It’s about a device called Woojer – it’s the size of a hockey puck, and you wear it on your chest with straps and attach it to a music playing device (phone, MP3, etc). It takes the deep base and vibrates in rhythm with the music. Here is the text:Ok, so how does it work?
Well, imagine you’re in a concert, standing right in front of the speakers.
That oomph you feel in your body? That’s what Woojer feels like.
In more technical terms – Our patented Oscillating Frame accurately reproduces and plays frequencies up to 200Hz including subsonic frequencies.
In less technical terms- everything that up until now you only heard, you can now feel.
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Hey Shmuel. I think you’re getting closer with the last read. The first two reads felt like you were trying to get the words out of your mouth as fast as you could 🙂
I think you can work on smoothing out the read The second line felt a little choppy. You can smooth that whole line out like you are casually talking to a friend. Your pace can be picked up here (not so fast as the first reads) and then you could maybe pose that question of “you know that oomph you feel” a little slower paced.
It’s all about feeling how you would say this in real life. Personally, I would say that the first line pretty straightforward, a little bit throw away but then I’d slow down and use my hands and say “you know that oomph you feel” and give those words their due because you are describing a full-body feeling that doesn’t really have much language to describe, its more of a feeling, but everyone knows that feeling.
That one line “Our patented Oscillating Frame accurately reproduces and plays frequencies up to 200Hz including subsonic frequencies.” is SUPER hard. You need to break it up into sections that the listener will actually be able to grasp potentially, so I think here it is appropriate to pause intentionally between phrases/ideas here:
Our patented Oscillating Frame (pause) accurately reproduces and plays frequencies up to 200Hz (pause) including subsonic frequencies.
Regarding the first line and the question there – I have been told by Larry Hudson and his group that when we ask a question in a script, it’s generally treated as a rhetorical question. Especially here where you are going to explain HOW it works. You’re not asking the listener, you are going to tell the listener, so it is a rhetorical question. So when you “upspeak” on the word “work” it sounds like you are indeed asking a question like you don’t know how it works.
Those are my thoughts. I thought this was really well done though. Nice work! I’d like to hear another go at it from you! You’ve got a really inviting, warm and trustworthy tone. You sound like a guy I’d go buy a speaker with. There’s just a few things that stuck out to me:)
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I’m also a fan of the second read. Not only can I more clearly hear what you are saying (it is difficult to make out parts of the second line in the first read), but it also sounds like you are more emotionally invested in the quality of the product in the second one, which makes me invested in it too!
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Hello dear people,
My name is Kemal and I am just starting with my voice-over career.
I would like your feedback because I know I need to fix a lot of stuff.
Would you be so kind to point me out what is the first thing I should be working on.The following example is for a e-learning module.
Thank you very much and have a good day,
Kemal
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Hi Kemal, first of all, the sound is good, I do not hear noise in the background or distortion. But yes, you need to fix a lot of stuff. You are reading line by line, and people want to hear to talking to them as if you are first thinking of these lines. Yes, it’s an art to be able to do that with someone else’s words. I would suggest you get a one-on-one coach to help you with this. Makes a world of difference.
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Yeah I get it. Also, my native language isn’t English so I need to practice a lot. Thanks for your feedback sir <3
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Hi Kemal, I like your instructional tone for this piece. One piece of feedback I’d give is that, while I understand you want to take your time with e-learning modules to accommodate for different learners, I think there are a lot of pauses between phrases and words that could be shortened. I hope this helps, and that you keep at it!
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Hi all. Another practice script from the Edge Library, seeking your input and feedback on any and all aspects of this read. Thanks! Toque
Script for MY First Games:
It’s laughing with her at the funny characters. Helping her learn to win, lose and take turns. That’s what MY First Games are all about. They take just a minute, but you’ll give her the most important thing of all…a part of yourself. MY First Games, by Hasbro, Parker Brothers and Milton Bradley.
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I loved the warmth and specificity in your voice! This is totally subjective but I think maybe injecting a little more energy into your read would serve it well. The tone felt a little overly soothing and calming. In that same vein I think the tempo could be picked up just slightly, mostly cutting down on dead air in between sentences.
Lastly, it sounded like you were losing volume at the ends of sentences, and some final words ended on a whisper – keep the energy and volume going to the end of the sentence!
Great job and hope this helps! -
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Alamo Rent-a-Car
If you’re ever near Durango, Colorado, you’ll find a road to the
sky…where a hundred years ago, men searched for the silver and
gold they saw there. There are over one million miles of roads in
Alamo territory, all over America. And every day, with every car
nationwide, only ALAMO gives you all those miles for free, includin’
a seventy mile stretch along route 550 in Colorado, which takes you
to the sky. -
Working on my some motivational/healing reads. Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks
SOMETIMES THE END IS SUDDEN AND YOU ARE LEFT WITHOUT CLOSURE,
HEARTBROKEN AND UNPREPARED FOR SUCH A SHARP CHANGEFOR A WHILE, YOU LIVE WITH A MIND THAT IS HALF HERE
AND HALF FULL OF REGRET WONDERING “WHAT IF?”FOR A WHILE, YOUR HEART ONLY FEELS GRIEF AND YOUR MIND ONLY SEES GRAY
AND THEN LIFE STARTS TO CALL YOU BACK INTO ITS ARENA OF POSSIBILITY;
IT REMINDS YOU THAT ALL IS NOT LOST AND THAT EVEN THOUGH A CHAPTER ENDED, THERE IS STILL A LONGER STORY TO BE TOLDWITH TIME AND INTENTION, WOUNDS LOSE THEIR HEAVINESS,
HEALING FILLS THE TOUGH PARTS OF YOUR BEING,
AND YOU AWAKEN THE LIGHT OF LOVE WITHIN YOURSELFIN TIME, YOU WILL RETURN FULLY INTO THE PRECIOUS NOW WITH A HEART THAT FEELS REFRESHED AND READY TO MOVE FORWARD
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Such beautiful words, and I certainly hear your heart in the reading of them. Very nice. One thing to pay attention to is a repeated rhythm and melody you slip into on the end of many lines. Listen to “without closure”, “a sharp change”, “sees gray”, “to be told”, and “to move forward”. They all have almost the same notes and downward melody. I think if you spend more time considering who you are talking to, and what you want that person to understand, or feel, then you will break out of this repeated melody and make it sound more authentic. Thanks for sharing this. It is beautiful.
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Hello Everyone. Hope you are having a great day. I have attached some files for homework. Look forward to your feedback.
Thank you,
Jeff-
Nice job Jeff! I enjoyed all of these reads. I think my comment on all three of them would be to slow down just a bit. Overall I think your pacing is good, but there are one or two places where the words almost slur together and are difficult for me to understand. On the second read, the short lift between “among” and “America’s best” sounds a little at odds with the nice conversational tone you had have going up to that point.
The Coors spot was my favorite. You sounded very natural and genuinely enthused about the product. Good work!
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