Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Nice job! You have a really nice, clear vocal quality that sounds great for narration and the tempo of this read is great! The one thing I want to give feedback on is that it sounds like you’re thinking really hard about using the proper inflection patterns while you read this and it’s hurting the authenticity of your read. The first sentence there is the best example of this. Stressing the important bits is good but it’s important to do so in moderation
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So, is this a test preparation? I notice so far that your recordings reflect on academics and E learning-related materials. I don’t know the homework your coach asked for you to do. But I’d say if you are going for the E-learning genre in Voiceover, you are in the right direction. Are you trying to sound happy about what you are reading?
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While listening to this performance, I hear this as something I might find associated with the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet. I don’t know what kind of homework your coach gave you to do. But maybe put more emphasis as you narrate “life from death” at the end because you’re saying there is something serious going on with the animals in the herd. Maybe put more emphasis as you describe the lion, the pride, the cubs, and the elephants, life-giving water etc.
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Thank you in advance for any comments, criticism or suggestions. This is homework for narration, two scripts with different tones.
Script 1: AllState Insurance
<section class=”clearfix”></section>
Congratulations, you just bought Allstate Home Owners Insurance. And now, if your home or property suffers a covered loss or is damaged, you’ll be covered, and that’s a good feeling. However there are some things that can’t be replaced, so that’s why it’s so important to prevent the damages from occurring in the first place. Here, you’ll learn what steps you can take to make your home safe and secure.
<h5 style=”margin: 0in; line-height: 27.0pt;”>Script 2: Insert Motion Digital: GGG: Hagios Press Book TrailersFrom a young boy catching pop flies in a Saskatchewan pasture…
Comes a book of poetry that celebrates the love of a game.
Stealing Home by Dwayne Brenna.
Published by Hagios (Hog-e-oh-se) Press.
Buy it today at Amazon or S-K-Books-Dot-Com.
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Hi kungfu23,
I thought your read was quite clear. I think it sounds a bit monotone in my ear but I do see that this is a more serious read so perhaps that is the tone you were going for. Otherwise, I think you read well.
Sarania
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I agree that this performance read does sound monotone. I also hear that this is a commercial for the New York Times. It was good to listen to. If you’re aiming for seriousness in your performance, good job. A script would’ve helped me understand the seriousness of it all when I first listened to your performance.
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Hi there!
I love that you did a script reading for a makeup tutorial! I like the enthusiasm!
There are a couple of things I would be mindful of:
First, in the section, “How do you get it?”, sounds like “How do-ya get it?”
Secondly, I noticed some places where you sound “breathy” in between words. Be careful of micro-pauses, too.
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Comment: I like how you are aiming for the commercial read. You have good enthusiasm in your voice as you perform. You keep the listener interested in the product you are talking about.
Critique: In the beginning, there seems to be a “roomy” sound in the background. It was hard to know what you were saying at first. Please consider inserting a script for the listeners. In the end where you say, “Simple basic steps in this video”, I heard an unnecessary pause that I think you can easily fix to make your commercial performance better.
Hope this helps
-SL -
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<h5>Please tell me what you think! I really appreciate it! Let’s all continue to get better!</h5>
<h5>Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff</h5>
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<div>One of my favorite posters says, “Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been a real life, you would have been instructed where to go and what to do.” Whenever I think of this humorous bit of wisdom, it reminds me to not take my life so seriously. And in the next hour, I’ll help you learn how to not take your life so seriously as well.
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isabrandon30 – Nice work here. I like your warm relaxing tone. Seems like a good tone of voice for eLearning. Very welcoming and non-threatening. Great recording quality as well. There was only one part that I thought you could come at with a slightly bit of different energy. You picked up the energy at the end a bit and I heard a sparkle in your eye and a smile in your voice, but I thought the line “humorous bit of wisdom” could use a bit more sparkle here as well just to break it up so it doesn’t sound too much the same throughout. Nice job!
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Nice work. It came across as conversational and easy to listen to for a self help tape, and you interpreted the copy well. One thing that might enhance the read is making the quotation slightly different from the rest, or more clearly emphasized- it will help draw the listener in, you can accent the humor in it even more, and it will let the listener know what words are your own versus the quotation.
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<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Would love some feedback on this practice script. Feedback on vocal performance and recording space if you could. Thanks!
Script:</span><span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Skechers Arch Fit</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>We put a lot of stress on our feet, it’s no wonder they ache. Introducing arch fit from Skechers. Arch fit distributes pressure across the arch providing balance and support to make walking more comfortable. Plus they’re even machine washable. Try a pair from skechers.com</span>
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Nice job! I think you hit a nice tone for this read and the tempo feels perfect. I think one area you could work on with this read would be a smoother delivery. There are parts of this read that sound a bit staccato (“We put a lot. of stress. on our feet.”, “Arch fit distributes pressure. across the arch…”) In normal conversation (which seems to be the kind of vibe this script is going for) we don’t really do this – we think in complete phrases and move through them smoothly while speaking, so you could try doing some reads where instead of performing in front of the mic you try to talk to it the same way you’d talk to a friend about your sore feet and these sick shoes that feel amazing!!!
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Looks like this forum has a little bit of a bug, no matter! Here is what I said originally:
Would love some feedback on this practice script. Feedback on vocal performance and recording space if you could. Thanks!
We put a lot of stress on our feet, it’s no wonder they ache. Introducing arch fit from Skechers. Arch fit distributes pressure across the arch providing balance and support to make walking more comfortable. Plus they’re even machine washable. Try a pair from skechers.com
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Hello All,
Just one more. I would love some feedback on this one as I am really trying to pick the correct tone for the script. I sometimes struggle with more serious scripts.
Thanks so much,
Sarania
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Script:
Social Security
Whether you’re young or old, male or female, single or with a family – this video is for and about you. That’s because Social Security has programs that affect everybody. This presentation was prepared by the Social Security Administration and tells you what you need to know about Social Security while still working and what you need to know when it’s your turn to collect benefits. It also provides an overview of Medicare and Supplemental Security Income benefits.
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Hi All,
This was another that I think I did well with but would love any feedback.
Thanks so much,
Sarania
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Hi Sarania, I thought your tone was great. I liked the use of inflection. One thing that caught my ear was in the first line, you sort of combined “is an” together and then it occurred again in the second line with “in a 1945 survey”. I might be nitpicking here but in the 3rd line, “Company executives decided to use the signature of “Betty Crocker” on the prize letters–Betty because…” a short pause after the second Betty to emphasize her name. Just a thought. Great read otherwise!
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Script:
Betty Crocker
Betty Crocker is an imaginary person. Nonetheless, in a 1945 survey she was named the second-best-known woman in America, after Eleanor Roosevelt. She was “born” in 1921 during a Gold Medal flour promotion in which users completed a puzzle to win a pin cushion. Company executives decided to use the signature of “Betty Crocker” on the prize letters–Betty because the name had a warm approachable feel, and Crocker after an early company director, William G, Crocker. The fictional Ms. Crocker became so popular that she soon had her own products and recipe books, many of which still exist today. -
Hi Sarania,
Very good performance. Again, like the previous recording, it sounds like a good narration of an essay. I like how there’s no background noises and that I can hear you perfectly with your delivery. My only critique is that you include a script for the audience to follow along with.
hope this helps,
-SL
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