Feedback Forum
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The Edge Studio Feedback Forum is the best place for you to post a recording and get feedback from the community! Record in your home studio, upload the file, and see what people think. This is a great place to get some advice on your technique, on your home studio, or to ask for people’s opinion on your reads. Remember, that this is a community forum, so please remain positive and encourage your peers in helpful ways. If Edge Studio feels that a user is too negative, or antagonizing other members of the community, they will have their posts deleted, and risk being banned from further communication.
Stay positive, listen to each other, and have fun!
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Hi everyone! Here is a script for your feedback. Let me know what you think. Thanks!
Mary
The forerunner of the camera can be traced back to an optical device used by the Chinese and ancient Greeks over 2,000 years ago known today as the camera obscura. A camera obscura was a dark chamber or room with a tiny hole in the wall to admit light, where images of objects outside the room were projected on the opposite wall from the passing rays. Later in the future, a lens was utilized in place of the hole to produce brighter, clearer images.
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I uploaded my first take of these three scripts a short while ago, and I worked on them again to see if I could do them better. I specifically worked on my natural vocal delivery, and tried to sound conversational. I’d appreciate some feedback! Thank you!
Atlanta Bread Company
When you think of Atlanta Bread Company, don’t just think ‘bread’.
Think of an entire breakfast menu – fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees.
Think of our Cafe with savory sandwiches, daily soups and crisp salads.
And don’t forget…we can cater your next special event or meeting!
Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.Special K Red Berries
Putting strawberries in cereal wasn’t our idea.
Putting them in the box was.
With slices of real strawberries and crunchy sweet flakes, looking good never tasted so good.
Special K Red Berries.A1 Steak Sauce
With steak, you want to make every bite count.
That’s why we use A-1 Steak Sauce. A-1 brings out every single bite of steak, or even hamburger.
Mmmmm, delicious.
For me, there’s only one steak sauce, A-1.
Because A-1 has all the taste that makes every bite count.-
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Great improvement from the last ones I heard! You sound so much happier, great job! I guess my advice is to look at adding some variety within your sentences.
For Atlanta Bread, focus on the tag line. It’s the most important part! Think about what the message is.. It’s MORE than just bread.. add a little emotion into it, like you’re trying to not just tell me something, but make me feel what you’re saying. (if that makes any sense at all)
For Special-K, I really like your first couple of lines. Emphasis in the right places ( wasn’t our idea etc..) There seems to be a slight awkward pause when you say.. never tasted so good.
A-1. I like how you sounded a little more natural in this one. play with going up at the end of a sentence instead of down, maybe? Just to add a little more variety.
Overall, great job! -
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Hello Friends,
Just another upload for feedback, I appreciate all of the comments
Thanks!
SPECIAL K RED BERRIES
Putting strawberries in cereal wasn’t our idea. Putting them in the box was. With slices of real strawberries and crunchy sweet flakes, looking good never tasted so good. Special K Red Berries.
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What a soothing voice! I think the one thing I can say is to imagine you’re talking to someone you know. Like your mom, partner, sibling, friend, or grandmother, it doesn’t matter. When you’re reading it, imagine you’re saying those words to that person.. it will help you sound more authentic. The goal is to not sound like you’re reading it, but that you’re just telling me (the listener, something as if in conversation).
Hope that helps some,
A
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I’m working on natural delivery and I’d appreciate some good feedback! Thanks!
Chili’s Big Mouth Burger
Not long ago in a Chili’s restaurant, the server, carrying a big mouth burger to a customer turned a corner
and collided with another server carrying a tray of nachos.
Both customers got more than they expected, because what could have been disastrous turned out delicious.
Tangy tortilla strips, jalepenos, and pesto on a burger grilled to perfection.
Introducing Chili’s new NACHO BIG MOUTH BURGER.
Nachos and burger…on a collision course with destiny.Balducci’s
Can your food market pass a simple taste test?
At Balducci’s, we put taste first.
This spring, we’re loading up our stores with fresh and chef-crafted foods that are simply bursting with flavor.
Like majestic orange wild king salmon, flown in daily.
And specialties like champagne ham, slow-smoked over hickory chips and glazed with pineapple juice and brown sugar.
Now there’s a store that puts taste first.
Balducci’s.
The food lover’s market. -
Hey Y’all!
Hope everyone is having a great Monday! Below are 3 reads for my coaching HW, any feedback, comments, constructive criticism, etc. is greatly appreciated. Thanks!!
DELTA: WHEN WE’RE BORN. WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT. BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, WE START TO BELIEVE THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE FROM EACH OTHER….THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE. ITS NOT UNTIL WE VENTURE INTO THE WORLD THAT WE SEE ALL WE SHARE.MAYBE THATS THE POWER OF FLIGHT. DELTA ISN’T JUST FLYING TO BRING US TOGETHER….BUT TO SHOW, WE WERE NEVER THAT FAR PART TO BEGIN WITH.
DULUTH: If your underwear feels like you’re in a vice…get buck n***d. Duluth Trading Buck N***d Underwear…
The most comfortable underwear there is… No pinch… No stink… No sweat… Get a pair…
Only at Duluth Stores…and Duluth Trading dot comLEGEND: We’re not a four-star restaurant, but we do serve peppercorn-crusted beef tenderloin in a rich port sauce.
We’re not a furniture store, but we do offer an impressive collection of leather recliners. We’re not a luxury hotel, but we do provide valet parking. We’re not an Internet Service Provider, but we do guarantee immediate Internet access. We’re not a movie theater complex, but we do have 56 screens with surround sound. …We’re not what you think….We’re Legend AirlineS-
Sounds GREAT!
A couple thoughts. The first time you say buck n****d (are we not allowed to write that word? lol) I would say it somehow differently. Maybe add a big smile and stretch out the words a little. Something to make it sound a little cheeky (no pun intended). Something that will set it apart from the next line which states the company..
For legend airlines, I would play with pacing. Some words or even full sentences could be said a little faster or slower to add variety. And, I would add a slightly longer pause between the sentences.
maybe emphasize “rich” and “port” in rich port sauce.
But most importantly I think you need to notice how all of your sentences end on the exact same note. (I have such a hard time with this too). This particular script is very challenging in this respect. It’s hard to add variety when all of the sentences are almost the same! Try starting them on different notes, it might help you change it up. I think changing the speed would help with this too. Also, (Im sure you’ve heard this before) you don’t have to follow the punctuation! For example, “We’re not a furniture store. But we do provide….
OR We’re not a luxury hotel? But we do…
Hope my random thoughts help some!
A
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Good Morning!
Bit of a late upload of this weeks homework for Mr Bruder!
Three scripts this time, trying to add a bit more of a smile!NASDAQ
We all have an important role to play. Ours is to power the worlds markets. Reliably, securely, and from anywhere. Because when global economies operate smoothly, a market of humanity emerges. Not stocks or bonds or IPOs — but exchanges of concern, care and hope with the determination to re-emerge stronger and reimagine tomorrow together. Visit NASDAQ.com to see how we can rewrite tomorrow, together.SPECIAL K RED BERRIES
Putting strawberries in cereal wasn’t our idea. Putting them in the box was. With slices of real strawberries and crunchy sweet flakes, looking good never tasted so good. Special K Red Berries.Campbell’s Chunky Chili
Introducing Campbell’s Chunky Chili with Beans – four delicious, hearty varieties loaded with succulent, seasoned meat. It’s the perfect pre-game warm-up. -
Hi all! I’m looking for any and all feedback to this script. Let me know what you think! Thanks,
Mary
The AWS Welding Fundamentals Course provides a comprehensive overview of the basic principles of welding. Participants will learn the basic science and practical application of the most commonly utilized welding processes along with other essential topics, including welding terminology, weld design, welding safety, electrical theory, the weldability of metals, and welding quality control. Presented in short, easy-to-understand modules, this multimedia, online course is ideal for both students and professionals who want to expand their core competencies.
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Love your tone! Great for E-Learning, the pace and delivery everything sounded great to me. I bought some dry mouth gum it really helps with the mouth clicks. Keep up the great work!
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Hi Mary,
I can hear some mouth noises and have seen two recommendations: move back from the mic a bit and eat something like an apple that is a little t**t. My other recommendation is to bring a little warmth/inflection to it. Nothing dramatic, but a little less formal. Everyone tells me to really smile when I am doing reads.
Other than that, I think your timing is great and I love your rich tone.
Oh and you say “the weldability of materials” instead of metals. 🙂
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Hi Haley, thanks for the feedback! I will work on the mouth noises – I had water nearby but still felt that I had something in my throat. I love apples too, so I will try that! Yes, I need to work on smiling when reading as well. I hate it when I miss word, thanks for pointing that out. Thanks!
Mary
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Good Day All!!
I’m uploading more practice commercial for my homework…any feedback would be appreciated!!
American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.
Atlanta Bread Company
When you think of Atlanta Bread Company, don’t just think ‘bread’. Think of an entire breakfast menu – fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees. Think of our our Cafe with savory sandwiches, daily soups, and crisp salads. And don’t forget…we can carter your next special event or meeting! Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.
Sesame Place
Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides, and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Street theme park!
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