[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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• This topic was modified 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
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• This topic was modified 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 1 month ago by David Goldberg.

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[naderaliamer]

Hi Everyone. More homework, now complete with editing! Tell me what you think! I’m looking for notes and feedback.

Thanks in advance!

Meditation

Make yourself comfortable, sitting upright, with a straight spine. With your eyes closed, look at the point midway between the eyebrows on your forehead. Inhale slowly, counting to eight. Hold the breath for the same eight counts while concentrating your attention at the point between the eyebrows. Now exhale slowly to the same count of eight. Repeat three to six times.

9 Planets redo

About 12 billion years ago, scientists think, from a singular explosion, the universe was born. In those first moments, intensely hot hydrogen and helium raced outward – thinning, cooling, and clumping into vast, organized structures.

Within a few billion years, countless galaxies had emerged, each one containing hundreds of billions of stars – constantly changing in cycles of birth, death and rebirth. In one of these galaxies, about 5 billion years ago, one average-sized star, our sun, captured in its gravitational field the gas and dust that would become 9 planets.

Dublin 2

Home over the centuries to great writers like Johnathan Swift, George Bernard Shaw and James Joyce, Dublin has always been a center of the arts. Now, with the still roaring Celtic Tiger economy to support it, Ireland’s Capital City is the bustling home of ever-burgeoning business, important cultural institutions, lively nightlife and a youthful energetic population of both natives and newcomers.

Shakespeare

Heart-stirring, crowd-rousing, life-changing theatre-in-education programs are a bedrock tradition at Shakespeare & Company. Our Education Program brings the classical poetry and plays of Shakespeare into the lives of as many students and teachers as possible in ways that are personally meaningful, educationally inspiring, and theatrically compelling.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by naderaliamer.

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[brucem]

Hi, I listened to the meditation read. You have a nice relaxed tone that works well for this script. I was a little jarred by the way you said “upright” in the first sentence. “Up” was a higher pitch than “right” and I think it would have sounded better if you maintained the same pitch through that whole phrase: “sitting upright with a straight spine”. The rest of the read was fine.

[airbear57]

Hi everyone,

I hope you are all doing well!

This is my first time in the Edge Forum, and I would love to get any feedback you all have for me on these 2 practice commercial scripts (maybe not too much on sound though, since I’m still working on getting a studio set up 🙂

Thanks so much,
Arin

American Express:
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way

Six Flags:
Kids hate the word no. As in no you can’t stay up late, no you can’t have more ice cream and no, you may not paint the cat. No, no, NO! Well isn’t it time for a yes? We think so. Six Flags Great Adventure. Yes!

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[Mdmcghee34]

Hi Arin!

Both reads have great energy and the type of energy you give matches the scripts well. For AMEX I would suggest the pace to flow just a little more. It already sounds good but I think to make it even more conversational, give it a little more flow. For six flags – try tightening up the lines. eliminate some of the pauses. Think about when you are speaking, you may not always pay attention to the punctuation marks. So try that and compare the reads.

[Bil-Bo]

Duracell Quantum Batteries

SFX: Children Giggling: Then Music Under
This Duracell truck has some very special power.
It’s filled with new Duracell Quantum batteries.
These red batteries are so powerful that this year
they’ll power all the Hasbro toys donated to “Toys for Tots”.
Wanna help power some smiles?
SFX: Children Giggling: Then Music Under

Duracell. Trusted everywhere.

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[airbear57]

Hi Bil-Bo,

Great work on this recording! Not only is your voice great, but the production quality is top-notch! I really liked the first line as well. It sounds like you’re actually seeing the special power of the truck, which is great! One suggestion I have is to maybe try and infuse some more excitement into your read (to kind of match the kid-like joy of the giggling child in the background), especially around the fact the batteries will power all the toys donated to “Toys for Tots.” Other than that, keep up the great work 🙂

[jessnh4]

Hi all!

I’m creating a profile on an audition website that asks for a sample recording using this script:

Introducing SerenityApp, the mobile game that helps you sleep better and makes it easier to meditate. This app uses patent-pending meditation technology that combines the habit-forming aspects of playing video games and scientific sleep research insights. Curious to know more? Just stay tuned for our latest updates.

I thought I’d get some feedback and suggestions before I upload it. Does it have the right energy and tone? Any issues with pronunciation, pacing, or anything else that you notice?

Thanks!

Edit: Accidentally uploaded twice and couldn’t remove one. But FYI they’re both the same!

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[brucem]

Hi Jess, I liked your tone and the pace was nice and relaxed. I have a couple of suggestions. In the first sentence, I hear an emphasis on the word “app” and I think it would be clearer to the listener to put more emphasis on “Serenity” the name of the app. Also at the five and fourteen second marks I hear the conjunction “and” getting emphasized more than items around it. “sleep better AND makes it easier to meditate”. I would put more emphasis on “easier” and less on “and”. I’ve been admonished for emphasizing “and” a few times so I’ve become more conscious when I hear others do it. Overall, a good job.

[jessnh4]

Thank you! This is really helpful.

[Shmuel]

Hi Jess,
Technically, the sound is good, I heard no background noise. Your space sounds good to me.
This is an app that helps people sleep, but your voice is so full of energy at the beginning, that I woke up. You need to calm this down a bit from your natural energy.
BTW, your voice would work great with other things that need energy, like cutesy commercials for sports, family, pets, holidays, things like that.
Wish you success!

[jessnh4]

Thanks, Shmuel! I’ll keep these things in mind!

[Alexandra Potocka]

Hello everyone!
Some of these scripts were really challenging for me so I’d love to get some peer feedback. Any advice on where to improve would be awesome. Thx in advance.

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[jphilippitheactor]

Hi Alexandra,
Love the Sugar one, you can hear your excitement and emotions in the words, fantastic! The drugs one was ok, one-note, and just a suggestion: try it using a lower part of your register, and see how it feels.

I liked the Billionaire one, it came off as funny! Not sure if it was supposed to be funny, kind of like a sassy, fun, smart newsreporter.

[jessnh4]

The Sugar recording actually did make me want dessert! I really love your voice and it was convincing in each script. The only note I have is about pacing. In the Sugar recording the pacing sounded good but when you list the different forms of sugar it seemed a bit too slow compared to the rest of the read. The other two recordings also sounded great overall but were a little fast in spots causing some words to run together.

[Alexandra Potocka]

thank you so much for your feedback! I will definitely revise my pacing and pay more attention to it. THX!!
A.

[dvnblnt]

Hi everyone! I really appreciated the helpful feedback everyone gave last time and thought, maybe y’all could help me refine this one!

Acorns: This is you – rounding up your change. This is you – investing in stocks. And this is you – saving for your kiddo. With Acorns, invest your spare change. Use the app or your card to round up your transactions. Or invest whatever you have whenever you want – even as little as 5 bucks! This is Acorns, helping you save and invest for your future. Download the Acorns app today.

Thanks a million,
Dee

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[jessnh4]

Hi Dee! I co-sign with Alexandra, you have a great voice! The first few lines could sound more conversational–a challenge since the actual script is structured in a weird way with the hyphens. One other note is the overall volume of your recording is very quiet. I have a quiet voice and I’ve found that using the normalizing effect in my recording software (I use Audacity) really helps with this!

[Alexandra Potocka]

Hi there! I really like your voice. You’re articulate and clear. Here are my thoughts.. the first few lines you could sound more conversational, and a little happier. Imagine your character doing different things for each version of you..
I think my overall message is to sound a little happier/excited about what you’re selling!

[TimDKietzman]

Hello everyone. It’s been awhile, but I’ve just joined some new pay-to-play sites. I need some new feedback on my performance skills and recording setup, especially regarding “auditioning.” What are your thoughts on these two Voiceovers? One is commercial, one is narration, would you say I nailed an audition? Any feedback is appreciated.

Montgomery Ward (commercial)
This weekend at Montgomery Ward, it’s our Red Tag Sale and Clearance with great savings throughout the store! In “Electric Avenue” all appliances are on sale, plus save up to three hundred dollars on selected electronics. In “Rooms and More”, furniture is on sale, plus take an extra ten per cent off, even on sale prices. And in “Auto Express”, you’ll find great values during our Any-Size, One-Price Tire Sale.

Pan Am Interactive (narration)
It’s always the right time to fly Pan Am. And to assure a perfect trip, Pan Am has prepared this program to offer you important facts and helpful information, along with tips for travelers. Just click “start” for practical information. 50 years have passed since Pan Am established itself as a national carrier, and Pan Am has come a long way since then. It has matured into an international airline, serving thousands of destinations. Since its inception, Pan Am has served as a steadfast air bridge between Asia and the world.

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[CHRISTOPHER WHITING]

Hey gang,
Here’s my latest practice for Commercial. I’d love to get your feedback.

Thanks,
Chris

Freshii
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!

Infiniti QX50
The 2019 Infiniti QX50…luxury should be lived in…lease the all new Infiniti QX50 for 379 a month…Infiniti…Empower the Drive

Excedrin
Headaches. We all get them. We all wish they would go away. There is a solution. Excedrin. I just take two and there’s no more tension, no more throbbing, no more pain. My headache is completely gone.

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[Alexandra Potocka]

Hey! You sound great! I agree with Tim. I think that in the excedrin one (for example)… a little authenticity is lacking. I guess it’s kind of repeating the same thing. Try sounding genuinely relieved your headache is gone. Maybe even a little surprised and amazed in that last sentence!
But overall you sound great! It’s just to set you apart from the crowd..

[TimDKietzman]

Well man, you have a great voice and I think you hit all the right words for each of these recordings. What’s more you nailed the tone and spoke every word properly. However, your overall performance came out as “announcer” rather than conversational. Also, you were talking much too fast and sounded too eager to get through the script. I suggest you pretend you’re talking to one person instead of a crowd and just relax. I hope this helps.

[CHRISTOPHER WHITING]

Thanks very much for taking the time to listen. I greatly appreciate the feedback and the tip about envisioning talking to one person. I’m trying to work on turning down the announcer-y-ness of my delivery and will continue to work on it.

[touzet]

Sometimes…you just feel like doing a truck spot.

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[TimDKietzman]

Your deep and powerful voice is a perfect fit for truck spots. You sound so confident and friendly, which I’m sure is what everyone would want to hear when considering a good truck. However, I’m not a big fan of how many times you paused. It almost sounded like you were doing it mid-sentence and that’s something we all ought to avoid in performing commercials. All in all though, stellar performance.

[touzet]

Hi Tim, Thanks for giving this a listen. Much appreciated. Thought I would post the script as there were a lot of enforced pauses built in. (see the elipses). Perhaps I gave them a little too much time ?

The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
When you have a two inch lift…
When you have Goodyear Duratrack tires…
When you have Rancho shocks…and an integrated dual exhaust…
When you have all that…
The last thing you’ll need…is a road…
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss…
Ready to off-road…right from the factory.
Chevy….find new roads…

[lucydeller]

Hello! this is my first time posting on the feedback forum!

I’m in sessions for Commercial/Narration and was instructed to post a couple recordings for feedback. I’ve been focusing on: pitch lift and flow, emphasis and de-emphasis, volume consistency and eliminating my slight accent in some words.

Always Multipax and Horror are from the script library, Google and Tampax are ones I’ve been working on in my sessions. Let me know what you think and thank you in advance 🙂

—

NARRATION – HORROR
Take a trip back to a time when late night creature features were all the rage and the personalities that presented them were just as popular as the movies.
Beginning in the 1950s, the horror fest was a staple of regional television. From ghouls to vampires – to werewolves and crypt keepers – every host had a persona to suit their unique personalities.

NARRATION – GOOGLE
Every day, billions of people come here with questions. About all kinds of things.
Sometimes we even get questions about Google Search itself. Like, how this whole
thing actually works. And, while this is a subject entire books have been written about,
there’s a good chance you’re in the market for something a little more concise.

COMMERCIAL – TAMPAX
Looking for incredible protection on the go? Tampax Pocket Pearl tampons have got
your back! Its built-in backup braid helps stop leaks by channeling them back into the
core, protecting you in a way no other t****n does.

COMMERCIAL – ALWAYS MULTIPAX
Listen. Your period comes every month. But it changes every day. That’s why ALWAYS designed new MULTIPAX. Three levels of protection in one smart box. So no matter what, you’ve got the right protection. ALWAYS MULTIPAX.

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[TimDKietzman]

Your voice is delightful and I think you are definitely on the right track regarding pitch lift and flow, volume consistency, and I didn’t hear any accent. You also have a great recording setup. However, I do think each one fell short in some way so I will list them.
HorrorFest – You’re talking much too fast. One thing to keep in mind regarding narration: People intently listen to these kinds of voiceovers so you need to speak in a tempo that allows them to take in the information.
Google – You’re not talking quite as fast, but I would still slow down and relax.
Tampax – Now this sounds like a commercial, your speed is very suitable and you hit all the right words. Even so, I would work on being more relaxed and casual, rushing through a script is often tempting, but it can be avoided.
AlwaysMultipax – I got nothing… This was FANTASTIC!

[Renita]

First, I’d like to commend you for the courage to put yourself out there. This is how we grow. 🙂

I like your friendly tone. I’m not sure of the order in which you recorded the VO’s, but as I listened to each recording, your voice sounded more natural and had more inflection that captured my attention more.

One recommendation I would offer is to emphasize the name of the product so it stands out a little from the rest of the text.

Keep up the good work!
— Renita —

[Author]

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