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This topic was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by David Goldberg.
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Hope everyone’s week is going well! I’m posting some narration spots for my next HW. The two are pretty varied in pitch and tone so any feedback on the performance/quality of either or both would be much much appreciated.
Thanks for listening!
Max
9 Planets:
About 12 billion years ago, scientists think, from a singular explosion, the universe was born. In those first moments, intensely hot hydrogen and helium raced outward – thinning, cooling, and clumping into vast, organized structures.
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Every day is an adventure with Activity TV. It’s the place to be for hundreds of Awesome activities in dozens of categories! Cartooning to magic to cooking and more – ready for you day or night. This month learn some gross-out magic. Watch closely as Ryan teaches you to perform the severed finger trick!
Hey Max,
I really liked both reads. Especially the narration, your voice really lends itself to that style, in this case at least. You demonstrated good versatility with the two very different styles and both sounded great. My main observation is that both reads could flow a bit better. Both felt slightly stilted with pauses between phrases. Other than that, I’d say great job.
Hi everyone,
This is my first post to the Feedback Forum.
I used these two reads in my first coaching session and would really appreciate your feedback.
I wanna start off by saying I think you have an excellent vocal quality and sound, both really fit the spots you selected very well!
I’d say you could do a bit of work on pacing for both, but especially for the Home Depot. Mostly tightening the gaps a bit in between phrases and editing out breaths. I think you could also up the energy level and tone on the Ford one JUST A BIT to make it a bit more impactful. Other than that, I think you did an awesome job and they both really do sound great!
Just hoping to get some general feedback on some scripts I read. Feedback regarding (but not limited to) natural delivery would help. Thanks!
HelloFresh
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Less stress, less mess.
Umm. No promises on the less mess thing, but definitely less what’s for dinner blues.
And who doesn’t love that?
So gather round.
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More casual on “choose dinner”; no break between “more” and “pre-portioned”; When saying “delivered to your door”, be thinking “Cool!”; I would have a higher pitch on “less mess” than on “less stress” – will provide more contrast to “no promises”…
“And who doesn’t love that” all runs together; Change your emphasis from “PLUS” to “free shipping” at end. Hope something here is helpful!
First attempt at figuring out my home studio, first attempt at audacity, first time figuring out how to upload before a coaching… Did not go well. Sorry, Art!
Hi Laura! Very pleasing voice and good enunciation. Just listen to yourself and try to smooth out your read; right now, it sounds like you’re reading. Good job!
Hello All!
I would love your feedback on my commercial training homework. I’m trying to work on different characterizations and tones depending on the commercial. Any feedback would be amazingly helpful and appreciated.
All great reads.
The Old Navy and Sesame Place reads were lively. I was anticipating a melody behind your words. I actually envisioned watching a commercial while listening.
The Snapple read was good also but I was expecting a little more liveliness in your tone.
Hi Sarania! I love your voice, very energetic. For old navy, I noticed a pattern of each sentence ending in a sort of down tone. I would recommend varying the end of each sentence , so some sentences end go up and down. I think this would help keep listeners attention.
For Sesame Place, I noticed that the word “Sesame” repeats a few times. I would recommend vary your tone for each “Sesame.”
Lastly, for Snapple. I hear that you are doing a sort of grocery store loud-speaker character. It’s a very cute piece of copy and well suited for your voice. My tip, I would try really visualizing who this character is and who this character is speaking to. Maybe picture yourself speaking into the phone from behind the counter at a store. This should help bring this to life a bit more.
Overall very nice reads, I think your voice is great for this copy!
Hello Sarania – what a bright voice you have! On Old Navy, when you say “percent off”, it sounds like “percen toff”. Listen to yourself saying it with a soft “d” sound or dropping the “t” altogether and see what you think.
On Sesame Places, I agree with Chloe’s suggestion for varying “Sesame”, but otherwise think its great – your voice is PERFECT for that spot!
I understand what you are shooting for in Snapple, but it sounds very mechanical – sometimes almost forced. I think Chloe’s suggestion is excellent that you visualize speaking into the phone at the back.
Had some issues cleaning up the audio. Any and all feedback is welcomed. Scripts are listed below:
Cosmos
Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.
Pokémon: The First Movie – Mewtwo
A human sacrificed himself to save the Pokémon. I pitted them against each other, but not until they set aside their differences did I see the true power they all share deep inside. I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
California
It’s easy to understand why the United States went to war to get California. A land full of wonders, where one man’s chance discovery triggered a mad rush for gold. And where a new generation of marijuana growers is testing the limits of the law. Full of ancient forests and volcanic forms and a valley that’s also the hottest place on earth.
Enjoy spectacular views along the Pacific Coast Highway or soar over beaches and wine country. Explore Big Sur redwoods and cross the Golden Gate Bridge into the heart and soul of this magnificent state. It’s a region full of character, from movie stars to silicon valley giants to amazing natural wonders. Join us as we visit the Golden State of California.
Great reads. Technical thing, for some reason the audio is only coming through one side (ear). You might be having some audio issues so just something to look out for in the future.
I do really like your delivery on Cosmos. If I had to say anything, maybe slight variation in your tone as you read would help it sound a little less stilted? Otherwise, you sound very much like a narrator of a science education film.
Interesting take on Mewtwo! The performance you gave is definitely that lofty, high thinker attitude of Mewtwo but I did hear at some points it sounded like you were reading rather than performing. But it was only a few small points.
California was my favorite read of yours! You sounded engaged in the information which made me really pay attention to what you had to say. I think you said some words a bit too fast. But otherwise, I thought the read was very, very good.
Both reads were great. In the first read it seems you sped up a little bit toward the end and in the second read the first time you said “hazards” needed a little more pronunciation. Besides that it was awesome. Keep up the great work.
You have a great calming voice. I would say that for this type of script, you could slow your pacing down just a bit and speak a little softer. It could help to slow the pace down if you were maybe to inhale and exhale with the listener even if it was not audible.