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Mike, just got around to listening to this. I would say you have a lot of the ‘authoritative’ nuances in place. Namely the drop in pitch at the end of sentences. There is an awful lot of script for a 30-sec ad here, so the pace is justified. I think I would watch the exhales on certain words, especially the phrases near the end.
Not sure if you are expecting any comments on sound quality, but if so, I think you could use some processing to eliminate more noise and strengthen the voice some to match that wonderful, clean articulation. Maybe even get a bit closer to the mic to reduce some of the room that is present.
All in all, I was impressed with the read on a somewhat complicated script. A lot going on in there, and you worked it out…!
TimG