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#82978
ShellyMadison
Participant

These are great choices for your voice profile. Your diction is very good and doesn’t sound overly stilted. I’d suggest for Gillette finding some variety in your phrasing and ways to connect phrases. Paraphrased example: “3 mounted blades to adjust for every curve, PLUS….AND a s***p of aloe.” This is a list and should be phrased as commas rather than periods. Currently they are three separate statements with all the same weight and tone. These are the selling points of the ad so find what’s indivually interesting about each feature but string them together since they’re all talking about one product. Your tag “Gillette the best a man can get” is very strong.

Your opening list in Vanguard has a lot of nice variation and suits the tone of the product very well (sincere, reliable, authoritative). Just to play with the read, maybe see how it feels for that opening list to read like commas rather than periods. I don’t mean to use up talk necessarily, but let your tone indicate there is more to come with the first two and give that period in your voice for the third.

great work