Edge Studio has been making spoken word fabulous, for over 30 years! It’s done via voice coaching and voice over recording, in 50+ languages. We also donate to numerous nonprofits and politicians who we support.
You’ve got a great voice! I think you can work a bit on the delivery. It sounded to me like you were reading instead of performing. The Home Depot spot was the best. It won’t take much to get that one to have a more natural delivery.
The Lego Land spot sounded to me like a radio live read, where the host is reading off a sheet of paper live. That’s not a total negative (I love radio and worked in the industry), but probably not the sound you want on your demo.
Also, watch your breathing. I didn’t notice this in the Home Depot spot, but you had some sharp in-breaths on the Lego Land spot. Some breaths are good, but I think those added to the sensation of it sounding like a radio live read vs a produced commercial.
Keep at it!