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#78468
Amitofu
Participant

Great job overall! I can definitely list a much greater amount of things you did right than wrong.

However, For improvement’s sake, here’s what I noticed in a critical light:
I haven’t heard your previous work, but it does sound like you’re still grabbing the reins of enunciating with fluidity (which is difficult ofc, but pros make it look easy 😛 (I’m not one of them)). Sounds like you can nail it with a bit more practice; ideally we try make it sound like you are saying the words without thinking (while still being articulate). As the other person mentioned you do seem to run out of breath, so they become very noticably fading-out words. Also, subjectively, I feel like you’re reading too fast and that’s part of why you run out of breath toward the end of a couple of phrases (I have the same problem often). Don’t be afraid of slowing down and letting each word ‘sink in’ a bit (which will also help fluidity and articulation) as well as add a little emotional content (to be a little dramatic, haha).

I don’t know if you wanted technical feedback but briefly, I noticed some mouth sounds and smacks. You did a great job avoiding plosives for the most part. There is a very very light hiss in the background.

Again, overall good stuff.

[[Disclaimer: I’m a rookie with ADHD. Sometimes I hyper-focus on something negligible and other times I make out-right ‘bad’ calls based on something I (wrongly) idealize. Also conversely, I can miss an elephant in the room. I focus on constructive criticism on the basis of improvement, so it may not be apparent how good I think a recording is; it’s not because I don’t want to gush about all the awesomeness 🙂 ]]